Well, I know quite well what you are going through. I have been married for the past 26 years (to the same woman), and I did tell her that when she turned 40, I was going to trade her in for two 20's! I'm 57, she's 59 (I like older women, they are more experienced) and the hot sex just ain't there anymore, but neither are our young ages.
I have a hot sex drive, and always have, I am Italian, but her sex drive up and left a few years back, but it don't matter that much to me anymore, I have been with her so long, that I can easily overlook things like this and find a great deal of enjoyment and comfort in just being around her, doing things together and having fun together. I love to scuba-dive, and she doesn't, but she still sits in the boat and takes care of the fish I toss in, helps me clean them and BBQ them on the hibachi we keep on board.
I guess the best way to answer your question is sex isn't everything, you've got to look at her and realize that she must still have some of qualities that attracted you to her, and find enjoyment with her and being with her 'til death do you part.
Love her and continue to always take care of her in your golden years. The grass might be greener somewhere else, but you'll never find another person who has all the qualities that attracted you to your wife, when you both were young and foolish - she is unique and so are you. After all, you have been with her all these years, haven't you?
Stay with her, make her happy and always tell her that you love her and are still glad you married her. If you think she is no longer attractive to you, then you might go take a long look in the mirror at yourself. You ain't no spring chicken, any more. Be glad for what you've got and "don't worry, be happy".....
This is what you call growing old together. I mean, I'm sure you don't look the same way as you did when she first met you. So why knock her for something that is beyond her control?
People change and they get older, they don't get younger. Your job as a husband is to look beyond her outer beauty and look at her inner beauty which counts. If she knew what you thought of her, I'm sure she would be hurt.
If you are not turned on by her any more because of how she looks, then that sounds like a personal problem. She's your wife and maybe you need to talk to her one on one and try to get to some type of understanding. If you want her to lose weight and start having a lean, trimmed, sexy body again, then tell her that's what you want, but not in a way that it will hurt her and lower her self esteem.
I know that it's true when couples get married, their whole style begins to change. They don't feel that they should be sexy any more, they feel that they should dress however they want and it's fine. Maybe that's how she feels. But just let her know that you would enjoy her looking good for you and as far as the weight issue....ask her if she would like to go on a suitable diet and exercise to try to lose weight...But let her know that she shouldn't just do it for you but also for her!
Keep in mind that there really is what we like to call a "mid-life crisis". You should take stock of your life. Women like to feel good from within and take better care of themselves when they feel loved and appreciated by the men they are with. When a woman feels emotionally connected to her partner, there is free communication between the two of them. There really IS a connection.
Both people feel valued and accepted and safe in the relationship. They know what is attractive to their spouse and they want to please the person whom they love. You are not in that situation. You are treating your wife in a way that in not OK with her, and both of you are not on the same emotional level. If you were, you would be working this out with her.
You may need some therapy individually and as a couple you need to work out how to communicate and reclaim that attraction that drew you together in the first place. You want to solve this and not just let it fester in silence. Nothing will improve without your effort. You should learn how to motivate yourself and communicate with your wife without destroying your bond. There are lots of books and programs to refer to, and counselors are available everywhere.
What confuses me about your question is that you haven't mentioned at any stage discussing this problem with your wife. If you are married and presumably have been for a while, you need to communicate honestly about matters that concern you both. For a start, how do you know that she doesn't feel the same way about you? Are you the same young man she married? Of course not.
If you do discuss this with your wife... she will be offended. If you tell a woman she looks like she's getting older and you miss the younger girl you married, expect a stay in in the doghouse. I would go with the advice that you've gotten older, too. It's not fair to look at her in a different light than you look at yourself.
Don't worry - this is very normal at your age. This is mainly because you still think like a young man, both physically and mentally. However time can seem like a demand on us all, it is still something that we all have to adapt to no matter what.
I know of a good exercise that you could use for love making! Try and close your eyes; be in a dimmed light room. Play music from your golden days. Make sure that no one is around. Charm her like you used to do, when you knew her. Then experience how both of your bodies have changed, either for the better or the worse! Try to come to terms with the ever-flowing demands of time.
I hope this helps you;)
I wonder how your wife looks at you now? Have you thought that she might long for the young man she married all those years ago?
Your life sounds devoid of any real excitement at the moment and all relationships can go through periods when one or both partners feel in a 'rut'. Have a good look at yourself, your role as well as your wife's in the marriage and think about what you can both do to make each other feel a lot better.
Perhaps your wife doesn't feel attractive anymore. Tell her she's special, take her out shopping, be romantic. You'll feel better, she'll feel better and with luck and effort the marriage will get better.
Life can be lonely out there if you go your separate ways in your forties and the grass isn't always greener on the other side of marriage.
Why not talk about a special break, a new look for both of you and see what happens.
I think you should discuss this issue with your wife , tell her how you feel, hear what she has to say about it. I assume you have been together for a long time, if you got through all the troubles of marriage until now, then you can deal with this issue on your own.
If you have any sexual fantasies, tell her, and then get her to tell you her own sexual fantasies. You see sex is what destroys most marriages, and lack of communication about sex jeopardizes marriage.
You cannot love your wife if all you see is the physical. I thought marriage went beyond that superficial realm. Have you changed also? Yes. And I suppose that your wife still loves you and craves you unconditionally?
If you want to encourage her to work out for health purposes I can understand that. If you want to take her to the salon and pamper her with a new hair-do, manicure, and pedicure I am all for that too. I just hate to see how you will feel when she is 60.
Love should conquer all but a superficial man is just that. If you tell her how you feel she will be so hurt especially as there are so many body image issues being presented by society and the media these days. Imagine how much worse it would be coming from the man she loves.
Here is some advice: Divorce your wife and let her be with a man who will love her unconditionally and then you can be with all of the skinny pretty women you want. Don't be a selfish ass. Be a loving husband. That is what is wrong with society too much emphasis on the physical and you asses are willing to break up a happy home and lose a good woman. You are too old to be thinking like that. That is not love.
I think I need to remind you "for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in SICKNESS and in health". It's not fair to her if you have a need to discard her for a younger model. I don't know what to tell you. All I know is that I am a woman in my late '40s, greying hair, a little overweight and I thank God my husband loves me, but if he decided to leave me I would not stop him. I can't force someone to love me.
How would you feel if you had cancer and she decided, "you know what - you're no longer the younger, healthier model I married years ago" - and just walked out the door?
You will have to speak with your wife. That's all I can say. Under the law of God he tells me, what he has joined together let no man put asunder. Pray that she will take care of herself, color her hair and start working out. God Bless you both.
I am a 53 year old wife, and my husband of 34 years is 56. We were high school sweethearts but - talk about a change - we have both been up and down the scale with health issues, money issues and just about anything else marriage can suffer, but we have been blessed with 4 children, 3 grandchildren and 2 dogs.
If we never made love again in this lifetime, I would not blink an eye. Love is not sex. Sex is a part of marriage, and a big part in the beginning. As the years go by, your lives together become so much more.
If the love is still there for your wife, start doing things together that have nothing to do with sex. Both of you need to be close before sex enters the mind. If you are feeling this way about her, rest assured she knows and might be thinking the same way about you.
Maybe she's longing for the hunky virile guy that she met and married. Ever thought of that? Believe me the grass is NOT always better on the other side. Be grateful for what you've got.
Dear X, at this stage of your life, you lose your wife only for the reason that is she overweight? This is very unfair. Suppose your wife is thinking like you, then what would be your feelings? So, of course she is older but if you can't overcome your thoughts, you should talk to your wife and clarify the situation, I hope she will understand your problem.
Keep the original wife and add a new younger wife to the mix....it is called polygamy....or plural family......www.biblicalfamilies.org
It is Christian....exciting....but it can be complicated....so get ready for the extra responsibility....Good luck.