I'm Dating A Married Man And Before You Say I Shouldn't Let Me Just Say, I Already Know. I Have Tried Umpteen Times To Break It Off And, Of Course, I Rightfully Get No Sympathy From Friends. There Are A Number Of Reasons Why It's A Hopeless Situation. Firstly It's Not Very Satisfying For Me. I Am Always Second Best, Waiting Around For Crumbs. Then There's All The Guilt. I Have No Illusion That The Guy Will Leave His Wife As I Know He Loves Her And I'm Just His 'Bit On The Side' So I Feel I'm Wasting My Time When I Could Be Meeting Someone For Myself. For All This I Find I Can't Actually Bring Myself To Make The Break. What's Wrong With Me?
How do you see the relationship playing out?
For, example, this relationship advice by expert Dr. Sue Johnson pretty much explains how a woman in your situation must be feeling - and what she must do, Look up her book for info.
What to do when dating a married man
Walk away, have some respect for yourself. You are and will be a better person for doing so. God has forgiven you but you have to ask and ask in faith. You were never lonely, because Jesus is with you always. He would not want you to suffer like this, neither one of you. We always want to please others but put ourselves on the side lines.
You deserve better and there is better, stop selling yourself short, take care of yourself and ask God to send you someone and show you a better way, because it is out there and all you have to do is faithfully ask. We have not because we ask not.
We should do EVERYTHING to stay in line with God's plan and ask for his guidance. Ask yourself does my life style line up with the bible's blueprints and is what I am thinking, doing, or saying pleasing to God and glorifying His kingdom? I promise pray and meditate on His word and earnestly seek His voice and answers and He will give it to you.
Where this is going: This makes us happy and that is enough. Should the time come when it is not enough for one or both of us, then we trust each other to be honest and open about our feelings, and we will deal with it. Neither of us have illusions of leaving our families and spouses, neither offers the other that false hope.
I guess I am saying that (as contradictory as it sounds) it is all about being honest with each other. Stop apologizing for loving your married man. Be honest about what it is and what you want, and don't worry about what other people think. Life is short, be happy.
I think that people may get married to wrong person just because at that point in time they thought that was a good choice and also people change as the year go by. Later they may find their true love and soul mate. So...the question is how long does the man need to make his mind up?
It is absolutely wrong to carry on with a relationship like this. It makes me feel like I am not good enough. He claims to be crazy in love with me, just like your man, but the fact that he doesn't think about getting a divorce says just the opposite.
If I give him an ultimatum, even if he chooses me I won't be happy. It would feel like I made do it. I deserve to be number one, the one that he owes explanations too. He makes me feel like a princess when he is with me but when I start to think I feel like an IDIOT!
I don,t know what to tell you, but I am just about to end my affair!
There are other opportunities to be loved, and you are worth loving. I think you already know the answer, but it is very difficult for you. It's OK. I have faith that you ultimately will do the right thing. Take care.
If he does not love her wife or her wife also has some sort of disputes with him then the situation is different, but not now. Now he is the man of his wife not of yours (as you also know that). You might be having some very good man waiting for your pure love. Put aside your entire consecrated feelings for him. If you try to avoid that man just for the sake of his wife and kids then you will see that with the passage of time you will be settled happily.
The fact that you have noticed this already, says some wonderful things about you, and shows that you are far smarter than he has been giving you credit for. The fact that you actually posted a question here, shows that you already know the answer, and just want some assurance that it's the right thing to do.
Well, between the people who have cared enough to answer already, and myself, you've got the support: It's time to break it off (no ultimatums "Leave her now or else it's over", no chance for 'making it better'), and move on with your life. Enjoy your youth, and find someone that has been looking for a wonderful woman to share his life with and build your own life with.
After all, even if he DOES leave his wife, remember that they will always cast a shadow across your life. He will have to pay child support, unless he's a total jerk, he'll be visiting with the kids when he can... And in the end YOU will have contributed to the kids having to deal with their father leaving their home, and will always be a kind of villain. If nothing else, they'll almost undoubtedly hear that from their mom. So go and find someone that is ready to be dedicated to your shared life... Or just party for a while, then start looking, but take the experience you're having now as something to keep you wiser in the future, and move on a smarter woman.
You'll be fine, and hopefully will find a man that appreciates a woman that can recognize her mistakes and correct them.
Best of luck.
He's going to tell you he loves you or whatever he needs to, to get what he wants. And you fall for it. Pull up your big girl panties, use your brain, make a move that favors you and leave him. Find a SINGLE man who can commit to you and your needs without having to tell his wife he's just running out for something from the store. But above all of this, put yourself FIRST. That doesn't mean first as in whatever you want, but first as in moving on with your life and leaving married men alone. You can do better and you know it.
Please do not take it the wrong way but I think you get your kicks from chasing after the unattainable. A lot of young women make this mistake of dating a committed man. The novelty of the experience comes from it being a taboo. Soon, even if he leaves his wife the novelty of the whole experience will wear off and you would not like him as much as you do now. Our first and last love is self-love. Besides, I doubt even you'd enjoy breaking another woman's home. The questions you ought be asking yourself are whether it would be fair to the other woman? Or her kids? Will you ever be able to trust a guy who would leave his wife for your sake? He might as well leave you for another some day.
Believe me it won't be easy to say good bay to him and it will hurt for a very long time I know but if you do it know you will save yourself a lot of pain. The longer you wait the harder it will be and the longer it will take you to get over him.
The children will make your life hell even if he divorce his wife and the two of you stay together. You are going to wish that you never got involved with him in the first place. My sister is married to a man that was divorced before they met and his kids and big but they still make her life miserable and she only came into his life a couple of years after his divorce.
You wouldn't have asked this question if you didn't know something was wrong. I'm sorry to be harsh, but I was once one of those abandoned children and you bear these scars for your entire life. Do you really want A) to do that to those children and B) to be with someone capable of doing that to his own children? Do you really not think you deserve someone better for yourself?
I think you should break it off, find yourself a decent man!! Do not stand for second best! Break it off, start again, find someone who will make you their number 1 because every woman deserves that!! Hope this helps x
We all need to feel wanted... And like it or not, we all need sex.. , so try to accept it for what it is. He is not your boyfriend !!!! Not your Husband and you can't have a meaning full relation with him. He is also your "bit on the side" Make sure you use him as much as he is using you and don't think for a moment that you owe him anything !!!
Look around... Find someone else and dump him... If as I expect your not looking for someone else, you are probably kidding yourself that you have something with him.. Wake up... You don't !!
Use the situation at your advantage - why can't you do both??? You can be looking, going out enjoying yourself and keep him in tow until your ready !!!!
Dating a married man comes with a cocktail package that you ought to know such as restrictions from appearing together in public scenes, reduced communication for fear of hurting his family. The man may only phone you when convenient including restrictions to visitations to his house may never be possible at any one time.
Other issues you would need to know includes a possibility of being stigmatised for what you are doing to the other family, sacrife where you will never receive any praises for the job well done and consequently it may turn out not to make sense especially where the man may not be willing to part with his family. You will need to consider a few other ques as you enjoy your love together otherwise best of luck and have fun.
But I rang his wife after being with him for a year!!! And found out he was 'happily married' he was selling the house to move somewhere bigger to start a family with her. He had told me how much he loved me for a year. I fell pregnant and he got wierd he did not want it at all he was really wierd. So obviously I got suspicious, and I was right too.
He told me that he has never loved me he was using me for sex because he was not getting it at home.
His wife is actually really nice and we went for a drink on the day we found out. Lol
but I got paraletic and tried to take an overdose to kill the baby and maybe myself. It didnt work and the MM came and took me away at 1.00am to stop me from doing anything to hurt myself.
His wife kicked him out and he is still trying to get me to have an abortion. I can't do it. And he says he will resent me and probably the baby, but yet he will not leave me alone!!!
Listen, I need 2 talk with you. It's either me or your wife. Choose now!!!!Do you want to be with me or your wife and kids.
It will be fine if you don't cry or anything. Be brave that's what guys go for. Trust me!!!
:-) Smile the world luvs you
Here I am though, in my 40's with a wonderful man who treats me well, and we have a beautiful child together, and I am cheating on him with a married man. What makes this worse is I actually know and adore his wife. I feel HORRIBLE, but I honestly am in love with this man. We have not gone as far as having sex YET, but we are physical. There is a chemistry between us that can not be denied. My BFF knows about him only because she figured it out by seeing how we both light up when the other is around. I think about him all the time, and I hate that I can't stop. I can't stop my thoughts, I can't stop my yearning for him. We honestly do NOT want to hurt anyone, but we can't deny our feelings either. It's impossible to put into words when your heart and soul fall for someone. Neither one of us have ever been in a situation like this, but we can't stop it. I have never experienced this all consuming passion and need for someone. We are both impossible to take it to the next level, because we know there will be no turning back, so for now we sneak away at parties or when we are visiting with friends for our quick but very passionate makeout session and a bit of feeling each other and the breath taking way we make each other feel.
I am in love with a married man too! Actually have been in love since 4 years ago, still have feeling for him.
I sometimes think that what if I was his wife and I did dream so much, but you know there is a fact we can't fight, the Time ! You can't bit the time, can you?
Life is short, be happy.
I was with him last week and it was such a fantastic weekend :( , I asked him to marry me too ( I was drunk but you know I love him so much) he just said, how can I marry you? You deserve to be the first !!
I can't do it , he has a very adorable daughter, I don;t want to destroy this child's life and the lady I mean the wife too,
what I did is just limiting my contacts with him, ... However I love him n I love him in my life too, but I won't steal him from his wife.
I think she might have had something better than me, or better luck that she met my lover first. So lucky her,
I cry sometimes, wish I could have met him earlier or wish I was there first.
But Love is not conditional I think, it just happens.
I don't know if that does make sense to you or others but I feel that love is very much free. My heart loves him. I should admit that he is not lier like others , ok he cheats over his wife but he is different , he is decent , I asked him why did you get marry?
Nodding head said crazy world,
I would say that keep your thoughts all together,
think , take your time and be honest just with your heart, soul and wisdom
do what every your distinct says to you.
For me, I love him I can't resist his eyes, I took my eyes off and my heart just tear part when he left me to go back home to his family.
I felt lost, cried all my way down home in the airport and he said take care of your self ok/? Did you cry?? don't
I said no don't worry I wont.
I don't know, you know I have my life as well, I am a dedicated woman, have got very good degree from a very good uni too, I'm a pro athlete and would do anything to fly higher
I mean I am not a useless person, but this man is all I have been dreaming ....
For me its very tough to move over him :((( even thinking of it make me cry so much
during this time ( 4 years ) I met 2 guys I couldn't even think to be with them , as I love another man ( married man)
wish you all the best where where you are
this is a very hard time for you, I feel for you darling
It took my daughter's best friend having a baby to make her realize that she had a problem with sex. In realizing this she gave it all up to God and has been celebit for over a year. Simply put by her... "I asked God to forgive me, fill the void I had tried to fill with sex, and to be the love of my life until he sends me the man he wants me to be with for life."
Don't waste your time and don't risk a pregnancy just for the sake of being "loved". This is not love. True Love happens within the realms of the marital bed only. This is the only sex God Blesses. It is a Holy act between a man and a woman in the hopes of working with God to create new life. It is also symbolic of the love Christ has for his Church, the Body of Believers who will become his Bride at his 2nd coming.
I will be praying for you.
Anyone who enters into a relationship with someone who is married knows that a lot of people can get hurt. Few men leave their wives for their lovers although of course some do.
This man isn't going to solve your problem by ending his marriage because he's having his cake and eating it in other words he's enjoying the best of both worlds and being unfair to both you and his wife.
This situation could go on for years and you're wasting all your chances of happiness on the wrong man.
You need to have some self respect and start a new life - no matter how much it hurts you now otherwise you risk a much worse hurt in the future.
All things considered, a great big mistake.
I think if you re read your question you answered it !!!
Miss (I assume you are a miss), don't drag yourself through this one more day. Life is too short and time is too precious to entertain romantic delusions. Break it off and go into survival mode for a while. Get in touch with who you are and what you need to make it day to day. Focus on that and be strong.
If you truly love him, let him go and form a positive relationship with his wife and young children.
Get out and find yourself a single guy there's plenty of them out there.
and new friends and try to spend more time with and have outings with your friends & family to often
I may also may help in that way....
(((HUGSSS) Its time to start thinking with your head, your heart will get you in trouble.
I hope that you don't take this the wrong way. But I seriously know that you need to leave and stop letting him make you feel guilty and stop letting him make you feel like you need him.....
I hope that you will one day find true love... :)
He will never leave his wife for you. You're only a spare tire to him. You're only there when
things not going well between him and his wife. Sex between you and him is only Lessons Learned for a loving and better relationship between him and the woman at home. Let him go. He don't love you, only the "SEX", Especially, When his Wife's Menstrustration is on.
PRAY,STAND STILL, AND WAIT ON THE LORD. HE WILL SEND YOU SOMEBODY WHO WILL LOVE YOU FOR ONLY YOU.
I think you deserve better than waiting around for crumbs and I'm sure there is someone out there who would give you their undivided time and attention.
You know the relationship is not going anywhere, so what's the point in it. Change your number, get news friends and go find Mr Right, stay well away from Mr Wrong. It will be hard and expect a lot of heart ache, but just remember YOU DESERVE BETTER !
We have been together on and off for 8 yrs. The last time he broke upd with me was to work on his family... Decision I did totaly respect. Until he came back to me 6 month later and telling about how much he need and love me.
The true was that he broke up with me because he was seing my ex best friend.but unfortunatly for things didnt work put between them ,and he came back to me.
This has made me realise that he is a player and only care about himself.
We are still very much together and he is working realy hard to get me back to the fool he meet 8 yrs ago.
The true is that I m not that person anymore , I now realise that I was wasting my time and life... I m enjoying it while it last ...which is very soon. I m getting married this year with a lovely man almost the perfect man for me.
Sometime men have to learn the hard way that woman are not fool.
Good luck but remember that you have to think about yourself first and only yourself .
You are ruining people's lives! Please stop at once.
There are hundreds of guys out there who would love and care for you just as much as you would, I'm not saying break up completely until you find that special someone who will treat you the way you deserve. No one is perfect and I can see where you are coming from; everyone makes mistakes, I can tell you that one day (soon with hope) you will find your prince who will sweep you off your feet.
What's "wrong" with you is that your self-esteem is on the floor. Hardly a terrible fault!
Karma is a bitch. Once this married ass hole is done with you or you finally meet that guy that knocks you off your feet, there will be a woman like yourself who doesn't care and you will know how it feels to love a man so much and to be betrayed in that way. There's really something wrong with you. Close your legs and open your eyes, if he hasn't left his wife, he never will and if he was to, you won't be the girl he would settle for. You're a whore and nothing more to him.
Because you don't have to try hard to keep him, he makes no demands of you, you don't have to take care of him but he takes care of you, when he can, you can come and go as you please, he's not going to cheat on you, you can have what you need without fear or effort and have your freedom as well. Those are the benefits.
The not so beneficial is that you prevent yourself from doing any better in life because you think you do not deserve it, You would rather have what someone else has than find it for yourself, You are uncaring of another person and how she would feel, because she's unknown to you, (out of sight out of mind.)
You think hearing one side of a story about how someones wife doesn't understand them because she mean and hates sex, is more of the truth than actually understanding that truth only lies in the middle of two versions. You like weak men who use you and treat their wife terribly.
You like men who cheat and dishonor women, You like men (if he has children) who put them selves above his own children and family. You have low self value and settle for less than you deserve. You don't know what you want and are afraid to change like a smoker afraid to quit even though they might live instead of die.
Not being mean, I don't know you, I use the word "you" as a synonym for women who do what you are doing. It is all my thinking from experience in being both the other woman and the woman who was cheated on. I suspect you need to get a grip and get out now. Its only hard, until the second after you say its over.
I conquered this little mistake in judgement and my own character flaw and I have done nothing but prosper since. You can too if you want to you just don't want to YET!
Look, maybe you just don't want to see other possibilities. Try dating sites, check this out. First, just socializing, chatting, and only then dating. And you can get out of this. Don't waste your time on this person, you deserve more. Perhaps your leaving will provoke him and he will understand what he has lost.
USE your BRAIN SISTER
he is gonner use you you better "watch look who's talking"
Hes always fighting with his wife and she always says that shes leaving back home to her family in another state an she is having my boyfriend wonder all the time is she going to stay or is she going to leave she actually left one time an he took her back but that was long before we met and now he is always stressed out! But I'm always there for him an you could tell he at his happiest when he is in my arms or talking to me!!!
We talk an talk for hours at a time it sucks when we have to leave each other an yeah it hurts because I can't have him all to myself but I know one day I will an when that day comes I'm never ever letting him go he will be mine for good!!! Lol
I love this man with all my heart and I know that I would work once she is out of the picture they don't have any kids together but he has one on the way and hes already talking about divorce papers an what not, I just know it will work!!
If you feel like you have found your soul mate like ive found mine I say go for it an stay strong he will see that he means the world to you!!
As you are to him!!