So there was this girl in 5th grade. We used to be the best of friends. Me, her, and her family friend were like the closest friends ever. The problem with that was I often got third wheeled, because she was of course closer with her family friend (why do I always get third wheeled in all of my friendships I've had?). 

One day, I got detention during school because I apparently "talked too much". It was the first time I had gotten detention, and I was usually the teacher's favorite student, so I was angry and embarrassed. The girl (I'm tired of calling her "the girl" now, let's just call her Beth, even though that's not her real name), or Beth, was waiting for me outside. I just brushed past her straight into the bathroom, because I didn't want anybody to see me crying, since I never cry in public. Apparently, that was my first strike. 

Later, during this event at school in which we had to dress up as if we lived in the time period of the American Revolution, Beth's family friend had to wear this really old fashioned dress. Now, I have nothing against those dresses—they're actually one of my favorite types of dresses. I like them much more than what girls wear today. So, I said, 'nice dress', when I passed Beth's family friend. That was apparently my last straw. 

I had an account on this game which let users private message each other. Later, Beth told me that she didn't want to be my friend anymore, because of the compliment I paid to her friend. I tried to tell her that my remark wasn't an insult, it was a compliment. She said some other nasty stuff in her message, which really hurt me, so I said nasty stuff back also. Then she sent more nasty stuff and swore at me. I reported her to the moderators of the site, and sent a complaint to the administrators. They did nothing. 

A few months later, she created another account (which is illegal) saying that she was sorry. Of course, since I was such an idiot, I believed her. This was during summer vacation so I couldn't meet up with her and talk in person. I thought everything was well, that I was forgiven and I forgave her too for what she did to me. But no, she backstabbed me. 

Later, she created multiple accounts claiming she was Beth's cousin (again, which is illegal) on the site to message my online friends (whom I didn't know in real life) to turn them against me and hate me. I remember there was this one friend who I was really close to, but she hated me after Beth poisoned her with lies. Then she tried to turn my closest friend online against me, but I spotted the signs (such as congratulating her on her page), and quickly private messaged my friend not to believe Beth. 

How could she do that? I forgave her after what she had done. She literally ruined my whole 5th grade, but I still forgave her. She apologized, and then she betrayed me and started turning my friends against me. 

Nearly 3 years later, I still feel the pain. We go to different middle schools and I deleted my account on the game (which really hurt me because that game was my life. I put so much effort and time into it, and I had so many close friends in that game who really made my day). We have absolutely no contact. I doubt she remembers me anymore. I'm probably just an annoying fly, a figment of her past that she'll forget soon. However, she's this huge black shadow in my life, making me shut down my walls and drift away from my friends because I'm afraid of them doing the same thing that Beth did. I start looking at my friends' actions, and wildly interpreting them as them third, fifth, and even seventh wheeling, leaving me out, and losing interest in me. I don't know what I could've done differently then. Should I have not sent the mean messages back? But she hated me so much, so everything would have fallen apart eventually. Now all I can do is to pick up the fragments of me and try to piece myself together. I will never forgive her.

But in the Bible, Jesus says for us to love our neighbors and our enemies. So how can I forgive and forget what she had done? How can I move on when everything reminds me of her?


5 Answers

Walt O'Reagun Profile
Walt O'Reagun answered

You don't.  It's a stupid saying.

It's okay to "forgive" someone.

But if you "forget", you will keep being mistreated again and again.

"Forgive, but remember" is much better advice. 

Pepper pot Profile
Pepper pot answered

Fan Girl you can edit your question once you've posted it if you need to add anything, otherwise include more by posting under your question in the answer section.

I've just read you full question.  These things can happen in school I'm afraid, especially when you are in a three. I don't know why girls do this, but things will get better because people get older, and wiser.  If they don't then they usually continue to cause the same chaos they've always have and it is best to give them a wide berth.  Make a decision to come to terms with what happened, you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time.  You cannot control all outcomes you can only control your own behaviour, and learn from that, however that girl deals with things, is whatever she is doing.  You really need to let it go because at the moment you are punishing yourself by re-living it over and over again, and the fact is it happened you cannot change it, there was more than you involved. Stop beating yourself over the head with a stick.  Jesus says love your neighbours as yourself, don't forget the self bit.  As for your neighbour you could say a prayer, and then let it go, leave it to God.  Everyone in this life has to learn his or her own lesson no one can do it for them, and you could spend the rest of your life questioning the why's and wherefores but it won't help, all it will do is stop you from grabbing your life with your hands and living it for today. The bible always talking about burying your old life and self, and starting a new by putting on a new mind, and you can always choose that.  We are not perfect, we struggle, we make mistakes,  but we do our best in any given circumstance with the tools and knowledge we have.  Have a good cry, or beat your pillow whatever you need to do, then move on, start afresh.

Fan Girl Profile
Fan Girl answered

So, I edited the question, following Pepper pot's suggestion (thanks). Sorry if the font is a bit small—I saved the question in Notes to edit out the apparent "bad words" (even though I had none), and directly copy and pasted here, but as you probably know, the font in Apple Notes is incredibly small. So guys, please answer my question! My question has been nagging me for a very long time, so I had to let it out.

LinNawt DaBrainz Profile

1 Corinthians 13:13

And now abideth in faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

Forgive but do not forget. Instead, remember and learn. Try to speak to everyone with charity. By this, I do not mean be a pushover. Defend yourself in a calm, logical way. This will make you seem more mature and will increase their respect for you (even if they are not willing to admit it). Then maybe they will learn something from the experience and both sides of the conflict will win.

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