Oh man... This is the exact problem I'm having with the guy I'm dating and his grandma/dad. (His mom is great and I even call her mom) His dad tells him to do everything around the house... The lawn, the housework, anything you can imagine, and they both work the same number of hours. (we're both 20ish)
One night, my boyfriend took a walk to blow off some steam (his dad had given him a curfew because he worked at 7am and didn't feel he was responsible enough to wake up if he wasn't in the house by 10) because we had a slight fight, and I was at a party.... His dad had the nerve to call my cell phone (I was wasted) and tell me off for dan (my boyfriend) talking a walk at 10:30. He said something about him going to get drugs or something, (which in my town... And all the police... You don't take a "walk" and get drugs) and blamed it on me! So, of course, being plastered, I went off on him.
I told him that if he raised his son better he wouldn't be taking walks to get drugs (which I know he didnt do, just being wise) and he wouldn't need a curfew because he would have been taught more responsibility by you. So his dad goes off about how he didn't finish the back yard lawn leaves (his backyard is HUGE) I was like yea... About those... Why don't you ever pitch in? Instead of sitting on your computer...
Yea so you can pretty much imagine where this went. He understood that I was the one who put my foot down in the relationship. So christmas came along, his dad accused him of siphoning gas out of his car christmas eve night because a quarter tank was missing... I don't know... So dan was upset he said that in front of his family and refused to show up.
His grandma calls (his grandma has called the cops trying to find my address and still won't admit it, so I called her a pathological liar, and she's still mad about it) and asks if I will LET him come to christmas dinner... I said he doesn't want to. We eventually showed up(I talked him into it), I said dan wants an apology from his dad(this coming from dan's mouth, not mine)... He never got it of course.
So the impression I was giving, because I put my foot down that one night is that I was holding their grandson/son hostage. When really, he was bawling his eyes out so much he couldn't even talk on the phone christmas day because his dad disgraced him in front of his whole family. I've never seen him cry like that. And his dad has said some nasty things about him in front of his family and I just sit there and give nasty looks to his dad. Luckily he has a nice uncle that I sit by who changes the subject when D_ick (his dad's name haha) starts getting nasty.
So now, I'm banned by his dad to see Dan(we took a 1 month break to make sure we wanted to be engaged), but his Grandma says to "be careful" now that we're back together. I can't imagine what they'll say when they find out we're engaged.
Hopefully... This woman isn't like his dad, and more like Dan's Grandma... But eventually his dad will find out and he'll have to deal with it, and I'll tell him he'll have to deal with it, and he won't be invited to the wedding, no matter what Dan says. Maybe I'll send him an invitation so it gets to him a day after the wedding.
I really can't give you advice.. I can just give you hope. (you're not the only one)
******Keep putting your foot down******
You're not going to make her like you, aside from kissing her rear, and I know thats not what you want to do. So, sit back and be you.