My Ex Got A New Girlfriend, He Wants Us To Be Friends But I Hate Them Both, What Should I Do?


6 Answers

Asuka Jr. Profile
Asuka Jr. answered
The best way to deal with a situation like this is to be a grown-up... Now many people would tell you that THAT means that you are the better person, and out of consideration, you be friendly to them... I think that's a load of dingo's kidneys.
What being an adult means, is that when you have strong emotions about something or someone, you express yourself in a calm and rational manner, and simply deal with the situation responsibly.
In this case that means, arranging to speak with them both (or if you feel the whole outrageous 'friends' thing comes just from him, then arrange to speak to him alone), and calmly and clearly say 'Look, I know that for some reason, you want us to all be friends... And I guess I can understand the idea, after all you no doubt want to make sure there are no hard feelings between us... However, you need to understand that you have no control over that. There may not be hard feelings on your side, but there ARE on my side. I'd rather that neither of you speak to me again, unless it is important, or a result of something at school. In which case, get straight to the point, speak your piece, I'll reply clearly and calmly, and you will then leave me alone again. I'm sorry if that's not the way you hoped things would turn out, but I REALLY don't want anything to do with either of you. I hope you can respect my wishes in this, and we can simply part ways, and that's that.'
To do this properly, you MUST force yourself to swallow your emotions, and blank yourself out (this means that under NO circumstances will you allow yourself to feel or express any emotions while talking to them. No matter what they might reply. If they try to appeal to you to change your mind, wait till they pause in their plea, and just say 'I've already said what I intended to say, and have no intention of changing my mind. I'm asking you to respect my wishes in this. Please be mature enough to simply accept that this is how things HAVE to be for my sake, and let it go.' Then get up (or if you're already standing) and walk away. Don't stop if they call out to you, just keep walking calmly away. Very little makes a point clearer than someone refusing to acknowledge a call as they simply walk away.
This prevents there from being any misunderstanding, and you will find that it is quite liberating, and you will feel quite empowered by having had the courage to stand up for yourself, and clearly tell them how you feel. You don't need (or want) to be petty or cruel about it, just be matter-of-fact and calm. The sense of control over your life in that moment will be very strong, much like the first time you realize that if someone calls and wants to yell at you about something, that you have the hang up. And keep hanging up every time they call... But that's a different lesson. ;)

I hope this helps in some small way, and that you are able to calmly and maturely handle this situation in such a way that there are no further issues of this kind. Good luck!
Rei Konogure Profile
Rei Konogure answered
First you should ask yourself why you hate the ex-girlfriend so much. Is it something she did or is it of jealousy or is it because she's dating a guy you hate or what? If you just don't want to be friends with them for no apparent reason then that's fine too cause it's your choice, but then again it's always nice to make new friends.
thanked the writer.
Asuka Jr.
Asuka Jr. commented
Um... SHE hates her ex-BOYFRIEND... It's a slight, but somewhat important difference...
Allie Hallowell Profile
Allie Hallowell answered
Don't be their friends. Talk to them when they talk to you. Don't try starting a convo. Just say yes or no. Never maybe because then they have the right to ask why maybe and stuff like that. If they ask a non yes or no question answer with as many little words as possible. Thats what I did to my ex bff.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Then don't interact with either of them. If you have children then you need to be a good parent and get along with him when it comes to the kids.
gaye capstick Profile
gaye capstick answered
I don't think anyone can be friends with some one they hate,you have to wonder why he still wants to be friends.I bet his new girlfriend doesn't want to be friends either,I know I wouldn't.!
Karen Croskrey Profile
Karen Croskrey answered
If you haven't given her a shot, you should. But if your personalities don't mesh then go your separate ways. You don't need to be rude about it because if you have those hostile feelings toward them it's going to do you more harm then good.

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