I Want To Move On From My Ex, But I Still Have Feelings. How Can I Let These Go?


25 Answers

jeremy cole Profile
jeremy cole answered
Getting over your feelings for an ex can be really tough. Letting go of all those emotions and sentiments that you've built up over time can be really difficult.

I would suggest taking a double-pronged approach involving:

  • Giving yourself time and space
  • Keeping busy and moving on 

How to get over an ex

Getting over an ex is always easier than it sounds. The number of times people will tell you to 'be strong and move in' suggests that it's as simple as returning an item of clothing to a store and exchanging it for another. It's not.

Getting over an ex will require time and space.

Giving yourself the time and space to get over a relationship

In my opinion, the biggest mistake people make is to rush things. Hurting is a natural part of healing, and anyone who tells you differently has never played competitive sports or been in a relationship.

Just like a sports injury, getting over an ex requires time, treatment and rehabilitation.

Give yourself the time and space you deserve. Don't try and go back to being 'just friends' too quickly if you don't feel you're ready.

Leaving an ex behind

At some point, you are going to have to stand up and admit that it's time to move on. This will be the most difficult part, because doubt will always exist in your mind about whether you are making the right move or not.

My suggestion for getting over an ex is to keep busy. Book a holiday, join a gym, learn Taekwondo, train to be a tattooist, join a Bon Jovi tribute band, get a pug, or do whatever it takes to get you feeling motivated and enthusiastic about the future.

The more you are looking forward, the less time you'll have to look back! 

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
It's understandable that you have feelings for an ex - when you have invested
your love, your time, your money, etc. Etc. And expected that it would be
returned to you.

Our problem is that we don't notice when the relationship becomes "ONE SIDED".....  Takers gravitate to givers - kind people with compassion.  They will take advantage of you if you let them. Never trust a person who hasn't earned it.

You can continue to love the qualities about that ex that attracted you - but you don't
have to BE WITH THAT person. Cut them loose - learn from your experience of what you
will NOT accept.

You must love yourself more than you love someone else. That is not selfish. That is how it should be. If you don't respect/value yourself - NOBODY else will either.

DO NOT BE A DOORMAT.  Have a good cry - remember the good times - mourn the loss - brush yourself off and get back up.  YOU will go on to be successful and happy - the person you are no longer with will repeat the same stupid mistakes. Release them to the Universe - say goodbye - and focus on YOU - YOUR happiness.

Are they sitting at home worrying about what YOU are doing? Are they at home stressing over what YOU might be thinking?? NO NO NO. They have moved on.

SO SHOULD YOU!!  And.... Food for thought.....?  Success is the best revenge.

God Bless.
Carolyn Jones Profile
Carolyn Jones answered
Breaking up with someone you care about can be really painful. There is no easy way to deal with it. The funny thing is you immediately reach out for the person you feel closest to - the one you have just split up with. And then you realise that its not appropriate and that is what makes it even harder.

It is brave of you to want to move on, for the benefit of you and your ex. If it was an amicable split and you are sure that it's the end, then there is no reason you shouldn't stay friends.

You can't just let go of feelings. I know we'd all love to if we could, but we just don't work like that. Only time will let these things go.

What you absolutely shouldn't do is jump into bed or into a new relationship with the first person you find. It's not right and it will not fulfil you in the long run.

Instead start gong out more with your friends. Join a new club or group and get yourself into a routine. The pain will pass.
Louise Uys Profile
Louise Uys answered
I went through exactly the same thing. Its very painful I know but I made one very big mistake that I am going to tell you only to prevent you from doing the same thing.

He broke up with me in October 2006. It wasn't very long after that when we slept together again, again and again. We did that until the end of March this year.

I thought he loved me again and wanted me back but it was all a mistake. I kept on thinking that things will change but to my loss.

Things just became too much for me in March and I confronted him and asked him for how long are we still going to be just sex partners. He still had the same story and replied with "who knows, maybe in the future we can start something again." The only difference this time is that I can't wait much longer for him.

I ended up moving far away from him and at the moment I have nothing to do with him and that's how you move on after a break-up.

Throw away photos of you and him together, any gifts, letters, anything that reminds you of him and hold your head up high!

1 Person thanked the writer.
Anonymous commented
Throwing things away are only running away from them. I mean if you throw them away, what are you moving on from? Endure the pain, but keep yourself busy with something else. Time does heal =)
Anonymous commented
I don't see how you're running away by discarding items that remind you of your ex. This doesn't make sense! I think it is a smart way to move toward a path of healing. Worked for me.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Reading people's experiences made me feel that I'm not alone. I was in a TWO YEAR relationship (and there is a reason why its in all caps) with a man that I thought would change for me.

I realized throughout the course of our relationship that he will never ever change. I was with an immature, manipulative, womanizing, and abusive man.. Once again, for TWO YEARS.

People asked me, "why did you stay?". Up to now I still don't know the answer. All I could say is "because I love him". What I had for him was unconditional love.

You know what they say that if you truly love someone, you'll accept them for who they are? Well, he made it seem like whenever he cheated on me it was my fault. He made it seem like it was my fault why he placed his hands on me.

I don't know how a man was able to take everything away from me. I realized that people like him prey on good people. These people take advantage of other people's kindness.

I was sympathetic, patient, giving, loving.. The type of person that would hate to see someone sad. It was the worst relationship that I had.

The irony is that he was my first love, at least on my end. I always told people this that good things happen to good people and it's true. Good things are happening to me right now and he is still in his deepest grave.

I regret a lot of things with him. But at the same time, I was happy that I experienced it. I finally broke up with him.. And I'm telling you it's the worst feeling ever. Hardest thing to do. But I'm keeping strong. My friends helped me cope through this rough time.

I hope you're able to move on because it is hard. I started feeling a bit better now that I'm not stressed. I still think about him, but at the same time I laugh because I realized how stupid this guy is. He lost something good in his life, no - the only good thing in his life.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
All the stories I have read are what I needed. It seems we all run into people that are selfish and simply want to blame their partner for their own faults.

Partners must be accountable for there actions good and bad. People who blame and are defensive are hiding their guilt.

My Ex used a 'gas lighting' approach. Making me feel my point of view was always wrong.

5 years together, took on her first child and became the father figure, had a second child with me, fantastic and 2 years later, I find a man in my home.

Things were going great, new job, money and she turned my dreams, my hopes of our life together on its head. I loved unconditionally so I know it was true, she wanted to change me which means the love was conditional.

These people are not worthy of any love. There are two kinds of people in the world, givers - all of us who have written the stories - and takers, those who have hurt us all.

These people are weak, spineless and should live on a separate planet to the rest of us.

The strong people who try to help these people by giving themselves unconditionally must remember to keep the faith in true love, because 'when' and not 'if' it happens you will be able to look back and laugh at why you gave this ex so much of your time - because the new person will give back what you give them in love.

Thank you for all your stories, they really helped.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I made the same mistake like most of these people. I loved him. When he lied,cheated I forgive him I took him back.. I loved him and he used my love against me.

I broke up with him so many times in the past but he managed to talk me out of it by crying and making me feel sorry for him.

The last  time was it. I left him and I changed my phone number my work. I went on a vacation for 4 weeks..

When I came back I saw him with another girl.. She looked pretty and was driving a nice car.. I felt  so sad and still am because I taught he would never get a decent girl again. 

I was always thinking I was the only  stupid girl to be with a mentally and emotionally retarded man who has no respect for women.. But I guess I am not the only one, she is soon to go through hell with him.

I am glad I am not with him but it still hurts seeing him with someone else..like they say it will get better with time.. I have to pass this time and I know I will feel much better then..
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Get out with a new person, and just have fun!  Life is too short to not be enjoying yourself..
Elisha Hildebrand Profile
Just give it time - everything takes time. In the meantime you can still try to move on.

I still had feelings for my ex but I moved on anyway because I knew it was for the best and soon the feelings for him went away and now I'm madly in love with my new man.
Johnny D Profile
Johnny D answered
I've been through this so many times. Once after a five year relationship..

Friends are so important. Hang out with them a lot at first. Then you'll start to appreciate you're alone and have time to do whatever you want...

Just remember that after a couple years you'll smack yourself for not doing it sooner..
Arthur Wright Profile
Arthur Wright answered
It's not easy but in time, you will. And I mean a lot of time, like in a divorce, it takes an average of 2 years for a spouse to move on without guilt or regrets so be prepared here - but with each passing day, the pain subsides a little more each day.

Try keeping your mind occupied. It's easier said than done and definitely isn't always the easiest thing to do but is advised to try here.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
For me the question ' I want to move on from my ex' is the most important and strong feeling I have at the moment. Yes, I love him with all my heart but its just not working out. We were with each other 4.5 yrs and for me the majority of the time it hurt and I always waited for him to leave.

He left me a number of times over the 4.5 yrs. Yes, this was down do his depression and I agreed to wait on all occasion as he recovered.

He is Italian and I am Irish so imagine how hard it was when I couldn't see him for 6 months, then 3 months then 6 wks as he returned home. Okay, I got flights over to see him but it was always me running after him.

Taking away the depression, he is self-centred as I am always wrong and according to him he is 99% of the time right.

I am ashamed of myself about how I run after him and try to protect him and most of all how I love every part of him. I told him when I close my eyes before I sleep I can smell him, visualize his face and the colour of his skin, eyes and the warmth of his hand but for him this was wrong and he laughed at this... Is true love wrong?

I need to move on but I can't! I am so scared because I don't know how! I was meant to go out tonight but he texted me and asked me did I want a drink at his and I agreed...

I got there but he was cold and distant and I now I am back to where I was two weeks ago ' Alone' and afraid of being alone..

I walked home in the cold and rain tonight and cried every step home and as I left I looked at him and realised I am only important to him if I am weak but when I am strong he can't digest this and fights me back.....

The Isle of Innisfree is a poem by an Irish poet 'JB Yeats, and this poem warms my heart so now I am going to read this as I need to feel this now.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I still can't get over my ex. It's been a long 4 years since we've been broken up. We were together for two years before that. Then last summer we hooked up again.

I dated a couple guys here and there but no one compared to him. Hell, I know he's out doing his thing.. And I'm trying to do mine but I can't move on..

I am unbelievably picky when it comes to men too.  It's so frustrating .
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Just broke up recently with fiance, she called off wedding in December after a fight that she started.

I am to blame for certain things but to be lied to for 6 years and then have her call off the wedding over a load of rubbish really made me wonder what went on and the real reasons for her doing that.

We had moved into the pub I run for financial reasons as her father would not give us cent for the wedding, I was always there emotionally for her and when the time came she left me high and dry, laughing at me whilst she looked through Facebook when she went out.

I asked if I could look.....6 yr relationship and I was told to piss off as it was none of my business...so I asked her to leave...

Then her last words to me face to face were "you spineless so and so" as I was mentally unable to be there when she moved...

I was warned about her selfishness and her total lack of compassion (3 yrs ago organised party for her cost a bomb, present included, turned around and she left me for an hour no phone call or no answers when I rung, ruined my only xmas at home in 9 yrs etc etc ...and lets no go near the ex who would text at 4am...blah blah.....).

I am better off without her.....but I still love her.....but in the end I resented her so much I turned into a prick...wish I never met her, I really do...time is working though slowly.....some days are rocks, some days are diamonds...but we are better off without people who were taught that lying to their partner is the normal course in a relationship and that cheating is OK if you're off your head...

I hope she gets back what she gave me.....she will...and I am free of her ways. TB
Activist Profile
Activist answered
Don't call, text, email or even look at him when/if he passes by. You can only get over someone if YOU really want to. If you're still randomly thinking about him then it's not safe to say you're over him.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am going through the same thing I got back with an ex we had a "talk" and he said he couldn't be there for me in the way that I needed, but wanted to kiss me? Messy, and hard to move on from.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous commented
Just went through this....life is so difficult rite now...he wants me to say i luv him but than starts backtracking talking bout i took it the wrong way...i wanted to be friends wish in my book means don't lie to your fam, gf, and the rest of the world bout who i am...guess i wasn't so important cause now i'm alone and he's free to be who he wants.....sad thing is i miss our "friendship"
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I was in a relationship with a girl for a year and two months and she turned out to be someone I never knew she was.

We had a fight and I stop talk to her a couple of days and she started talking to my friend, then my cousin and then when back to her ex before me.

I know I don't want her back but how do I move on? It's hard because I really love her. Four months later I'm still think of her.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I can't get over my ex, we were together for 4 years but known each other a total of 7 - we had a place together, but he would go out at the weekends, never come home for days, get on the coke, bring mates back until all hours.

He never took me out, when he did, he didn't want to be there...we broke up, but now I find out he is seeing someone else!

I just can't bear it! Why treat me the way he did and then have a new relationship?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My case is a bit diffferent.

Here I am the culprit.

We were together since childhood, since 8 years. But then gradually due to everyday problems and fights I fell out of love with him.

And then I met this guy and found him to be almost perfect for me. The way he understood and supported me in everything.

He loved me,but said if I was happy with my boyfriend then he would leave me,he was ready to do anything to make me happy. But he loved me and more than that I was IN LOVE with him.

Then my boyfriend got to know about this and now he says its better to be with the one you love.
He wants me to be happy.

Both of them want me to be happy, but the problem is that after all this my boyfriend is totally ruined.

He may act tough and happy,but I know him. I was the sole reason for his life.

Now I can't be with this another guy coz I feel guilty of hurting my boyfriend. Because I always promised to stay by his side....FOREVER.

What should I do now?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered

First step: Get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex.
Possibly, burn it to the ground or shred it to pieces, but it's
understandable to not like fire or shreds of paper.;)

step: Embrace the break- up. You will have to understand that this break
up was for the best. Someone will eventually come into your life and
make you realize why it never worked out with everyone else. It may even
take days for you to get over it.

Third Step: There's two
options. You may either want to look for someone else or you may also
just relax and party with your friend. If you don't like to party you
could just relax at home.

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have the same problem.. My girlfriend just broke up with her ex at the time she lost her father.. I gave her support and teach everything because exams were around the corner ..

Then, we graduated with 4.0 CGPA. Now, I`m her boyfriend and she really want to kick me aside.. I hopes she knows what is she doing..
Kay Pat Profile
Kay Pat answered
2 year of unconditional love, a dream of our life together everything going perfectly well besides small fights here and there because difference in opinions and out look on life, but I thought since the love was the "forever kind and unconditional" we could together get through all the small differences with a little bit of compromise and sacrifice on my part and the same on his...how wrong was I.

One day out of nowhere I hear the words "I don't love you, haven't in a while. I love you as a friend now"....what does that even mean??

All I know that the person I could trust my life with shattered my heart and trust into million pieces. We were inseparable and then he was no longer part of my life, yet he still texts randomly and when I ask why...has no answer.

I have cried, hated, torn up the cards, returned the gifts but this pain still seems to not go away. My unconditional love brought nothing but lifelong pain. Will I ever get 100% over him? I doubt it.

Do I believe, trust, someone else? Nope. I have lost faith in love, romance...and I sit and wonder if I ever will gain that faith again. How do I let go and find that happiness that I deserve??
Violeta Alvarado Profile
I met this wonderful guy on Facebook we live in the same city. We had things in common, we were alike in so many ways..

On May 31st he asked me out and I said yes so we kept talking, texting , talking on the phone, and on July 1rst I finally met him after a whole month of waiting to meet him. We had the best times together.

Yeah we had arguments , yeah we would hang up on each other but hey that's what a relationship is all about. You're not always going to agree on things but if you love each other you could make it through anything.

In mid September my ex boyfriend sent me a text and my boyfriend got mad he thought I was cheating on him so I was so close to breaking up with him because he had trust issues.

He said if I would've broken up with him he would've killed himself.

His mom didn't like me at all , she thought I was really weird, and extremely shy.. But at least I'm polite you know.

On October 5 he got his phone taken away he couldn't text me , call me, he couldn't call me from his home phone. Then on October 19 he messaged me on Facebook and told me that it was over.. Not because he wanted , but because his mom didn't want me to be with him.

Oh yeah , his Family from Puerto Rico didn't like me either..

So we decided to be friends , yeah he broke my heart , I cried my eyes out , I hugged the stuffed animals he gave me , I read the letter he wrote me.

I felt hopeless. Less than a week that we broke up he texted me saying that he had a crush on some girl . ALREADY ? Seriously. He didn't love me it was all a LIE . She didn't like him because she had a boyfriend. But if she didn't she would've probably gotten with him..

4 months later he got with some other girl .. And he's pretty damn happy with her. I knew I shouldn't have fallen in love with him.

So now I'm just going to stay alone for a while because if he loved me he would have stayed with me even if his mom didn't like me...

So yeah never believe what a guy says unless he proves it to you.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Just involve your new girlfriend and spend your most time with her.....it is a matter of time and you will get out of this.

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