How Can I Get My Mother To Understand Me And See How Most Of The World Treats Their Daughters?

3 Answers

Brittany Bigelow Profile
I wish I could tell you something that would change the way your mother feels about you but the truth is that my own biological mother treats me like the dirt on the ground that she walks on sometimes when a mother does this you need to just grit your teeth and prove her dead wrong about you even if she never understands that you are a human being and deserve to be treated like one at least you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you have proven to yourself that you ultimately deserve that kind of love... That's what I did and my mother still doesn't see it but I now have a family full of in-laws that would love to disagree with her and how she has treated me... I got an early birthday present today from my mother in law and I burst into tears because it has been so long since I have felt that kind of motherly love. 
What I am ultimately trying to say is that when you show yourself the kind of love that you deserve, others will see it too even if its not the person you had set out to change, I hope someday you will feel as happy as I do now having a second chance with someone who can show you the love your mother never could....

Have you tried searching for your biological mother maybe that would open up your adoptive mother's eyes....

Good Luck and I'm here with my shoutbox open if you need to vent...:)

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Paula Curran
Paula Curran commented
Ok... Here is the problem though... My kids, my fiance, along with myself still live at her house. Right now we do not have much of a choice, being that my fiance and I are both in Paramedic School, and we work the 4-12 shift at our ambulance company. My father tries to stay neutral on all of this, but my mother over powers her, and ultimately he ends up coming to me telling me how "over stressed" she is. I have a couple of other friends in this same situation, and all of their mothers welcome them and their family with open arms, understanding that family helps family... No matter what, and they don't give them any kind of problems about it what-so-ever. We even make sure to give them money/rent each month and try to pay what we can on any bills and food expenses. We feel like if we leave one little thing that is ours anywhere in the house other then our room, it will be destroyed by her, and then she will make a big issue about it. I, along with my fiance know that we need to get our own place, but with school and work, along with child care and other expences, we cant get the money to move out. Any suggestions on how to at least maybe calm her down so that things can be barable until we can get the resources to get away from the situation???
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
This may have nothing to do with you being adopted and your brother being the natural child.  Some women are very partial to their male children and the competitive with their daughters.  It is  a lose/lose situation.  At twenty-five you  need to probably get some counseling to help you get a better understanding of your options.  There are nurturing people in the world who would like to be your friend.  Your mother may be incapable of ever being a loving mother to you.  You can make up your own "family" or support system by choosing some really good friends.   I doubt that your mother is ever going to treat you like you want.  But you can fill that void with the love of a good man and making a home and family for yourself.  You can give the love your missed to your own children and in doing so you will be healed from the hurt and frustration you feel at your lack of mothering.  It is like a miracle.  For some reason there is a cosmic law that to get what you need you should give it and them it comes back to you double!  Really.
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sharon ponsell
sharon ponsell commented
Sound like mom is set in her ways but if she got any heart i know she loves you she had you sence brith i have my dau and son-in-law living with me I fuss all the time because of stuff get left out I've always been harder on my dau because I wanted her to do better than me , i fuss at my boys but not like my dau. I don't think she would of adopted you if she didn't have a heart , and it hard for two family live in one house
Dear lanadee Profile
Dear lanadee answered
It hurts when we do not have the love and nurturing we need and desire.  Especially from our parents.  But you cannot allow her to hurt you any longer.  You will need to decide how you are going to protect yourself from future hurt.   Understand that she may not be able to give you love in the way that you need.  Don't compare yourself to your brother.  It won't help either of you.  I would encourage you to step back emotionally, so that her "slights" can no longer hurt.   I have had to care for my parents who suffered from mental illness and drug addiction all my life and they did not know how to give love either.  It has been my faith in God that has given me strength and the ability to forgive MY parents for all they have done to me.  Check out www.dearlanadee.com  I think you might find something there that will help you to cope.  Take care :-)

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