Anonymous

I Think My Son Is Gay And Not Sure If I Can Handle This? What Should I Do?

31 Answers

Brand-X Brandon Profile
Brand-X Brandon answered
I can't sit here and read these comments any longer without saying something

1) A lot of people in this forum have said TRY to love them!?!?!


WHAT!?

They are your son or daughter..YOU made them..YOU are the PARENT ACT
LIKE ONE..love them if they wana date or sleep with a fig tree! YOU
DON'T TRY... YOU DO IT...its your son or daughter...look that up in
the bible.

What, if the day they where born you found out that they had AUTISM or
DOWN SYNDROME...would you leave them at the hospital and never talk to
them again....THINK ABOUT IT.... !

I am a man who is attracted to woman...my 2 daughters are, woman who are
attracted to men.... I still love them the SAME if they where attracted
to a Fern Plant... (sometimes I wish the where) sometimes I think there
"PARTNERS" (boys if you can't keep up) are Fern Plants.

But that's my rant...

LOVE YOUR KIDS NO MATTER IF THEY ARE,.... OR ARE ATTRACTED TO,... A FERN
PLANT...A BOY...GIRL...THE FURNITURE... IT DOESN'T MATTER THERE YOUR
KIDS...ACT LIKE A PARENT.... AND...AN ADULT !

(I know its hard people but you can do it!)

You can call me, RIGHT WING....LEFT WING...a CHICKEN WING...the ONLY wing I am, is, MY KIDS WING !!!

And I do EVERYTHING in my power to help them SOAR !!!!!   EVERY SECOND that I am alive to do it!

GROW UP!!
E Jacobson Profile
E Jacobson answered
First of all do not panic. Finding out your son or daughter is into same sex relationships is not the end of the world and surely it's far better for them to be open about this, rather than entering into a 'marriage' having children and then going off to have same sex relationships in secret.
If you do have feelings of homophobia, then you are entitled to these, but do not let them cloud your feelings towards your son.
He is your son and at the end of the day it doesn't matter a great deal with whom he shares his bed or life. What matters is that he is happy, contented and able to feel comfortable.
You do not mention how old your son is. If he is younger than 16, it may be best to wait until he is 15 or 16 before you talk to him. If he is older than 16, it may help if you just casually mention something about a friends son who is gay and how you respect they are 'cool' about it. Then try to have an open and supportive discussion. But do not 'fly off the handle' or you may lose your son forever !
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
If YOU can handle this?
What's there for YOU to handle?
It's HIS life and HIS feelings, and for you to EVER feel ashamed and love him ANY less makes no sense, and you ought to be ashamed of yourself for even posting such a question.
I don't care what you were raised to believe, what your pastor might say, or what you've read, but you being homosexual is NOT NOT NOT a choice, and you don't need to take any "action" like so many parents feel the need to.
carol washington Profile
I am not going to beat you down with the what is wrong with you. I am sure you love your son, if you didn't you would not be so emotional. I think the reactions you are getting is how its worded. You will have to "handle" this as you would any other event in your childrens lives. Like a new son or daughter in law. Your worries are probably centered around fear for him getting aids and religious views. If your faith is strong pray, if its not, still pray. What others think of you or him will not matter. Its how well you treat each other. I wish you well.
Sue Robbins Profile
Sue Robbins answered
Well here is some advice for those parent's who think or who has recently found out their son / daughter might be gay. *And by no means am I an expert or even educated enough to probably even give advice, so as you read if anyone chooses to read - this is only coming from a mom's heart.
Even though I have been pondering/expecting /preparing myself simply b/c of some of the signs and signals over the years and not that I wanted this to be true but mostly b/c of the consequences - I just learned that my 20 year old son is gay. Yes - I will say as a mother that it is heartbreaking, painful, many tears shed and I've been told that there will be more emotions to come BUT I can honestly say that the pain, the tears and my broken heart is what I am feeling for my SON. We have an open door policy in our home, which means that our children are encouraged and shouldn't be afraid to come and talk to us about anything.  Last year I tried to open that door / conversation when he seemed preoccupied / distant but never pushed it, so he went back to college with his secret.  Well this time around I approached it differently b/c again I could tell he had something on his mind and I couldn't let him return to college knowing he wanted to talk.  But you have to realize that my son and I are close and he has shared a lot with me over the years (maybe that is why, I don't know) But I told my son:  I love you, I am your mother, I will always love you no matter what, I will always be your mother no matter what, I will always be here for you no matter what.  And the words just came out.  He said mom:  I am gay and have been trying to fight this for a long time.  I didn't ask to be this way, I have prayed and don't understand why?  I have tried to like girls but I am just not attracted to girls.  All I could do is grab my baby up, hold him tight and let him know that I love him no matter what, will always love him and be here always.
Now we didn't go into any details b/c this was the first and biggest step for him and  I could see the weight and relief lifted from my son.  But the consequences I spoke of earlier that I believe has and will continue the hurt, tears and heartbreak I shed for him. I did have to elaborate on mainly b/c its the truth and I am his mother. Consequences being:
  1. possible STD's, AID's but can also occur while in a heterosexual relationship.
  2. Dealing with mean / evil people, who or stupid and ignorant to your lifestyle, which is really no ones business.
  3. Discrimination which I guess could follow under the previous statement.
So for those parent's suspecting or just finding out that your child is gay. FYI: That child son or daughter is still your same son or daughter, who you loved before you ever found out their sexuality.  It's not about you!  It's about loving your child regardless and being there to support & protect them.  I will do whatever it takes as his mother to make sure he is happy and protect him from mean/evil/ignorant people in this uneducated world.  My son already knows how hard it is going to be b/c of how people act in this world, so thank God we were taught and blessed to love unconditionally.  There are so many people rejected and disowned because of their sexuality or other problems/addictions they might have and its a crying shame.  Jesus Christ died for ALL, if we could all be more like Christ what a wonderful world this would be. My SON is GAY and I love him no matter! I will be is mother and here for him no matter what!  And even more important God loves my son too!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I guess I'm bi sexual but I know how tough it is to be gay and how scared at times I am about others knowing so imagine how scared your son might be of rejection from the the one person he thought would always love him he is the same kid he has always been he just likes guys kinda like a preference on a position for you I guess ask yourself this could you handle your son not being there if not then accept him for who he is we do what we can for our kids and aim for them to grow and be happy thats all thats really important isn't it ? Hope you don't think I was out of order with my answer just trying to help
vicky blanco Profile
vicky blanco answered
You just love your son just as much as you did before you found out. He will get enough hate bashing from people on the streets. You don't have to like it but you can still support him.
It is ok to say I am having a hard time dealing with this but I also want you to be happy and have someone to love. I might never accept you and your partner sleeping over or for that matter coming over and if you can accept that from me we will work from there.
1 Person thanked the writer.
View all 4 Comments
ste greenall
ste greenall commented
This is true he will have enough of bullies in the street and school if he goes school soo accept him
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Find you and him support. Not everyone who happens to be gay is treated badly. I would continue to send and share your love. There are organizations that you can receive information and support from. I would check out PFLAG, GLSEN, the book, Now that you know for parents who have gay children, and my site: Www.sewingdiveristytogether.com . The more you know to remain safe, the better off you are.
Cheryl Fox
Cheryl Fox commented
Maybe you should both move to a more accepting community if it is that bad.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Put yourself in his shoes and imagine what he must feel as a homosexual. Feel what he feels. Ask him what he wants and what he wants from you and be sure to deliver. Even if you don't approve of his sexuality make ever attempt to understand. Remember, if he tells you that he didn't choose his sexual orientation then believe him and not what you want to; that homosexuality is chosen. Always keep in mind that he's your son and you should love him no matter what. If it is easier and better for both you and your son to just show unconditional love for him then do that. I'm sure he'd want you to love him more than show any negative opposition. For a better and proper understanding of homosexuality, read about Andrew Marin of The Marin Foundation and the author of "Love is an Orientation." I promise, you won't be disappointed.
pasky Profile
pasky answered
I'm also a gay and I'm already 20 y/o. My parents already know that I'm like this so they just let me go for it and be happy on who I am now but I know they don't want me to be like this. So they just accept, respect and understand me. So I can only advice you to talk to your son in a right time and in a right way. Don't just discriminate on who he is. Just love him and accept him. Ask him also if he is happy on who he is so that atleast you heard his side...
ste greenall Profile
ste greenall answered
Well has a parent I would handle this hes your son and you should accept who and what he wants to be and if he is gay you should support him through it because its tough coming out to people and he might of not come out to you because he might be scared what you will think all I'm saying is b there for him no matter what he is because hes your son and if he wants be gay let him its hes choice  hope I helped and also I would wait till he comes out to you if hes gay because he might Dinnie it if you just ask him is he gay and he might feel inbarrest and shy about it hope I helped
April Prince Profile
April Prince answered
I have a son like that as well.You just have to stand by your chid let them know you are there no matter what,remember that is your flesh and blood.But whatever you do don't treat him no diffrent than you did you don't want to push him away.Its his life he has to live it..they will do what they want to,you just don't want to be shut out of thier life forever because you don't agree!!
Gillian Smith Profile
Gillian Smith answered
You need to ask yourself why you think your son's gay. Is it because he doesn't comform to a particular male stereotype or do you have real evidence to tell you he's gay.
Better to accept that he's gay if it's true, than to loose your son altoghther because of a prejudice.
A lot of young people experiment with people of the same sex and then revert back to the so called norm, that's part of growing up.
If your son is gay and you can't accept any future partners for example staying at your house perhaps you could explain that they're welcome to stay in your home but in separate bedrooms - many parents of non-gay children feel this way too.
He's your child, try and accept whatever sexual orientation he prefares if he's gay he can't help it so try to support and love him regardless.
ly fen chen Profile
ly fen chen answered

He's your child and you should accept him and love him as you can, even he is a gay or not, don't prejudice on him, as if you do then he would suffer and feel sad for not knowing the reason.

We are parents, and our responsibility is to love our children like love ourselves, care about them even if they make mistakes, that's their nature and never mind of being gay, just show that you don't feel disappointment about him.

Pamal De Seram Profile
Pamal De Seram answered

This can be a mental disease..saw get help from good doctor or the counselor.but still he is your son.so,don`t reject him on that position.

jonny Profile
jonny answered
The question that should be asked is what he should do with a mother as prejudiced as yourself? The poor thing. He may be gay. How can that matter?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
You should accept him for him even if he I gay, maybe ask him why get some answers from him
keyanna tate Profile
keyanna tate answered
I think you should sit down and talk to him and let him explain why do he want to be gay and expect his judgement.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
That's a hard situation to deal with. Although finding out your son maybe gay, may hurt you, just be prepared to expect the unexpected. Try not to love him any less even if he is gay, he is still your son whether he is gay or straight. Just prepare yourself and don't panic.
dale mulkey Profile
dale mulkey answered
First, it shouldn't matter if they are gay or not but if it disturbers you that much and you do find out he is maybe you should check out if there is a flag group around you, it is a group for parents of gays lesbians and bisexuals they will be able to help you with your feelings.
Diane Ryan Profile
Diane Ryan answered
Be there for them like you would for any other children. Support them, and be kind. This is a hard time for them. Society may attack him and he will need a place/a sanctuary. Don't put your feelings about homosexuality onto him. If you are having a problem with it, please talk to a therapist, don't make his transition to coming out any harder than it has to be.
Gay Sicko Profile
Gay Sicko answered
I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but why would it matter? Whether you love somebody or not shouldn't depend on sexual orientation any more than it should depend on skin colour or religion. Try to talk to him about it. If he confirms that he's gay, you'll just have to deal with it. He's still the guy he's always been, he's still your child. I know it's easy to say for me, who has no prejudice against gay/bi people, but you'll just have to try your best unless you want to lose him. Good luck!
Emily romolo Profile
Emily romolo answered
Well if you really do love your son and since you are his father you should accept his opinion about boys. If I had a boy and he was gay then I would probebly just accept the fact of his opinion. What if you were gay and someone important to you couldnt handle it. Hope I could help
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Okay first you love your son no matter what and you should just accept him for who he is. You should be glad that he's living well and healthy!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I don't really know what to do but pray for the right answer. It is what it is one of life curve ball. The most important thing to remember is he's your child ,and you should love him regardless of his sexuality.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
If he is and comes out then be understanding its not like hes not your son its just that he likes boys more than girls.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Talk to him and be honest with him and if he thinks or says he is gay, be there for him...he is young and he needs all  the love from you and help him understand this is not his fault being this way..
Ian Baracgher Profile
Ian Baracgher answered
Love them for who they are. One day, they may be persecuted for doing what they like. They also may be killed. It all relates back to loving them for being themselves.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I found out my son has same sex feelings last summer, I've had sleepless nights, mornings I wake up sobbing.  Every post I've ever been on doesn't even state the facts.  Men naturally are not supposed to sleep with men and the same with women - leaving God out of the picture completely.  Condoms are not made for that type of sexual activity - but let's face it - the world doesn't want to look at the "dirty" stuff of all of this - just everybody "do what makes you feel good".  Well most people who have same sex attractions were abused, abandoned, or somehow neglected as children.  You are not born that way. Somewhere a wire got crossed and it's up to the person to find out how to reconnect it.  Do I wish I could change my son's viewpoint of himself, yes, but at this point he is 18 and all I can do is educate him and love him.  Read Ellen Degeneris' book or any other number of people - and see for yourself.  They just choose to not deal with that and choose a life that does not adhere to nature.  I'd live a life alone before giving in to those feelings.
thanked the writer.
barbara reynolds
barbara reynolds commented
my parent have the same views you do, and honestly I resent them for turning their back on me just like society did. And now that I am married with children of my own, they have limited access to me and my children and I wont let my children stay alone with them. You are making a big mistake by not showing your son that you love him and support him even though you don't agree with HIS life choices. You will learn in time that you could have been building a good relationship with your son rather than throwing it in the trash over a difference in lifestyle, and you will be sorry but it will be too late. My parents have tried to make things right, but Im still mad at them for not being here for me when I needed them most and needed their love and support. My opinion is that yall work it out and make it right before it's too late.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Beat the gay out of him
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
How does she? Thats stupid
Ian Baracgher
Ian Baracgher commented
You are cruel and illogical...
Brianna Ward
Brianna Ward commented
Look here I'm tired of people getting treated unfair because they're different. Somebody needa beat the ignorant outta you!
BaNe SKELIK Profile
BaNe SKELIK answered
You need to panic because thats not godly and you should either take him to church or take him to a topless bar.

Answer Question

Anonymous