I'm Gay And I Like My Friend, But He's Not Gay. How Do I Tell Him That I Like Him?


19 Answers

Pippa Corbett Profile
Pippa Corbett answered
It sounds to me as if you're in a really difficult position!

If you share your true feelings with your friend, he might react in a negative way - and this could destroy the friendship you already have.

On the other hand, he might be very understanding - and this could strengthen your relationship (and who knows, maybe even lead to something else).

Should I tell my friend that I'm gay and I like him?
To be honest, I have a feeling that the answer might already lie within you! You probably know your friend better than most people, and you should be able to predict how he will react.

I also wonder how necessary it is for you to tell him that you're attracted to him right away. Even if you've made your mind up to tell him that you're gay, surely telling him that you like him will only add to the tension and awkwardness.

I've fallen in love with my straight friend
Although your question sounds rather complicated, I'd recommend you approach it as two separate issues:

  • Firstly, you need to decide how to come out to your friend.
  • Secondly, you need to figure out how to tell your friend that you like him.
Coming out is never easy, especially to people who might have a different opinion of you once they find out about your sexuality.

I'd recommend tackling this issue before you even start telling your friend how you feel about him specifically.
Aimee Rogers Profile
Aimee Rogers answered
In this instance it may not help you at all to tell him. If he is not gay, then it will only lead to heartache, as your friendship could end up ruined.

'What would you gain from telling him?' that is the question.

If he is not gay, then he will not return your feelings and therefore your friendship is likely to become awkward (if it survives at all).

He may become paranoid, thinking that you are always going to try and hit on him, and he may stop wanting to be alone with you.

Overall, things will change quite a lot, so it is generally better not to say anything.

However, it does all depend upon how he deals with things: He could be ok with it all, or he could go mad.

You know your friend better than anybody else, so it is up to you to decide if you want to tell him or not.
John Carroll Profile
John Carroll answered

My best friend isn't gay, but guess who is... (me).
I had the same feelings for him as you have for your friend, what I did was I came out gradually.

Stop pretending to look at girls, stop commenting when people ask you about girls you like, all of that... Suspicions will arise and eventually (well for me at least) someone will ask you (rhetorically of course) if you're gay.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
This happened to me. I liked him for many months.

He finally found out and now we resent each other. I can't even tell you the last time we talked. And we were great friends.

Your best bet is to not do it. Even if they do seem really gay. Trust me, that is what happened to me.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have the same kind of feelings for my friend. He used to say he was bisexual but that was when I thought he was just disgusting.

But now I'm pretty much in love with him, and now he's saying that he's straight.
It's really difficult.

He asked me who I like and I said "you" jokingly just to see his reaction, then I said "oh just kidding".
Now, he knows I like him (he just doesn't know how much), but he's fine with it as long as I don't try to grope him or something.

Maybe drop hints to him and see how he reacts. Joke around with him about it, and then decide whether or not to tell him.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I think you should let him know. Maybe be a little subtle about it though.

I did more of a guessing game when I came out to my friends. I was tired of trying to hide and lie about how I felt, and I allowed them to guess who my crush was, and then it came out just like that.

It will be awkward since you are telling your crush this, trust me, I've been there. But once everything is out in the 'know' with you two, things will be better.

However, you need to understand that if he is not interested the same way as you, then you'll need to move on.

It does not mean your friendship has to end, but just keep it as a good friendship and nothing more.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I went through this.
What I discovered was that, if the two of you are close enough, then it helps the friendship.
If you guys aren't close, it makes things really awkward.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
He is your friend and you know his character, so you probably have some clues about how he may react.

My advice is don't tell him, as he is not gay and there is no possibility for more.
Just enjoy his company as a friend, and move on.

Good luck!
Alana Schmitz Profile
Alana Schmitz answered

Well, actually you could tell him and you never know, he might actually end up liking you back. It has happened to someone I know, and it could happen for you...So, yeah. Or, if you know that he won't (which I don't think you would know entirely) then you don't have to tell him. Just, think how you would tell him...Oh, and I think it would help you if you found out what he thinks about gays, if he doesn't like that then I probably wouldn't say because you like your friendship, sooo yeah...

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Tell him "Hey, I don't want to break our friendship, but I'm gay... And I like you."
Remind him that if he doesn't like you in the same way, you can still remain friends.
Ihab Marzouk Profile
Ihab Marzouk answered
I am actually living in this gay world...with a non-gay guy whose manners and behaviours and activities are all good. I have 'drowned' in love with him. I have first told my feelings to my best friends who seems to try to get me farther from my beloved treasure.

I am now talking to that guy on MSN, saying good morning to him in the AM and only have the opportunity to talk to him on our way out of college.

Oftentimes something bad happens, it's when I see him talking and laughing with someone else, then I get jealous.

When I try to be alone with him, I become surprised by the bunch of people surrounding us.
At first, I found out about the very bad circumstances if he knows I love him.

Then our friendship and my whole life would ruined for he wouldn't talk to me and would keep away from being alone with me. I know how hard to love a non-gay guy, but this is how it would be.

If you tell him, the wave must get you into a place you dislike.

If you don't, you would at least gain the half of happiness above the calm ocean. I hope I've helped because I also suffer from this for so long.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Well if you tel him there is a huge chance he will distance himself from you.

Instead, why don't you and him get drunk and you can come onto him (you can pretend to be drunk) and if he refuses, he won't remember. And if something does happen then it's your choice to remind him.
Jess Taylor Profile
Jess Taylor answered

It will not help you if you tell him the true. He will hate you. And you will be alone. But for the better choice is "not telling him about what you thought" But you should keep this secret love in your heart, and try to be close with him as much as you can. Try to be his only friend. So that you can take care of the one you love by secret action. Finally, you can understand about him whether he feels the same way as you. If yes, that is your chance. Catch his heart. Because I understand, love is happening for a reason. It doesn't care "Male or Female" But the most important thing is happiness. You find the happiness with him , let it be. It is not your mistake.

Hector JE Profile
Hector JE answered

Let the time decide. Do not go too fast. If he starts feeling something for you, he will take the first step.

Good luck

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
If you're 100% sure he is not gay, do not tell him.
If you think he might be gay, it's worth a shot if you really like him and think that by telling him you could be with him for a really long time.
Victor Profile
Victor answered
This has happened to me before. Being oblivious to the consequences at hand, I told a friend of mine that I liked him, and things have been fairly awkward since then.

I told him that I've gotten over a crush on him, but still things got fairly awkward whenever we were around each other.

Nowadays, I just sort of avoid him because everything seems really weird, but who knows.
Maybe one day we'll talk once in a while, especially if I get any classes with him at school.
ed nonya Profile
ed nonya answered
Well, first you need to think about if it's worth the possibility of losing your friend.

Just walk up to him and say: "hey I need to talk to you",
He'll say "yeah, what's up?"
And you'll say "I like you, but its OK if you don't... I do not want to ruin our friendship if you do not feel the same".
BaNe SKELIK Profile
BaNe SKELIK answered
Don't tell him. He will be grossed out and probably get mad. Then you'll no longer be friends.
J. Wyatt Profile
J. Wyatt answered
DON'T tell him if he is not gay. It will just put a hindrance on your friendship.

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