What Do You Do When Our Teenager Just Won't Listen To Anything Or Your Constantly Having To Get Onto Them For Something? You Love Them And Want The Best For Them But They Cant Seem To Understand That?

13 Answers

karin bernal Profile
karin bernal answered
Do you have good parenting skills and do you firmly guide your son into learning the skills he will need for life, or do you spoil your son and give in to his wants so that he will love you?     First of all it is important that you are firm in what you want him to do and that you won't be swayed.  Explain that while he is a minor and living in your house that he must obey your rules and that you make these rules to be considerate of everyone in the house.  You're the boss and what you say goes.     You can threaten to take away things that he likes to do at home (i.e. Watch tv, be on the computer, drive the family car) if he doesn't follow your rules - but always follow through and take them away if he doesn't.     Young people need boundaries set by their parents in order to feel that the parents really care about them.  They will push you to whatever limit they feel they can get away with but always stand your ground.     They will say the meanest things to you in order to get their way and it won't bother them a bit.  They just want their way and will say anything to you in order to get their way.  They will also say wonderful things to you to butter you up and to get their way.  Parents usually have "mommy/daddy blinders" on when it comes to raising their kids - it's hard for them to be objective.     Don't give in to them when they say, for example, "well, Paul's Mom said it's o.k. For him to do ...."  It doesn't matter what "Paul's Mom" or anyone else in the world thinks or does - these are your children to raise and it only matters what you think.      It's important that every parent provide their children with the correct social tools, and morals and values and to do this the parent has to be the strong leader.  Never be a "friend" to your child - they've got friends - they need a parent(s).     It's called tough love and it works to turn your child into a caring, strong, community person with healthy self-esteem.
thanked the writer.
Omega Wolf
Omega Wolf commented
It's that kind of thinking that makes teens rebel against their parents. My parents weren't authoritarian with me and I turned out alright. Teens deserve to be treated like human beings, not like chattel!

Yes, do have some rules for the household, but only for things that affect you. If it doesn't affect you directly, you've no cause to worry about it. Give respect and get respect. That's how the world works.
karin bernal
karin bernal commented
OmegaWolf: sure, you turned out alright but these are different times with a lot more T.V. media influence that isn't good. Of course teens need to be treated like human beings and with respect however, their hormones are raging and their minds aren't fully developed (google it) and more effort is required. Your statement "if it doesn't affect you directly don't worry about it" is ridiculous....
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I agree with omegawolf all the way!
Joan Profile
Joan answered
They believe that Mom and Dad have old fashioned values.  They believe Mom and Dad do not understand the pressure of today's teens.  They think Mom and Dad are just being mean.  They believe that Mom and Dad are being restrictive because of something that happened to them in their youth.  They believe Mom and Dad are being overly cautious.  They believe Mom and Dad are just stupid.  They believe Mom and Dad won't let them do things and go places with their friends just because of the appearance of their friends and they really don't know them at all .  Mom and Dad put too much value on school grades and put restrictions on them to punish them for poor grades.  The teens can always find a reason to disagree with their parents, they seem to think that is their job.  Lucky for them, we parents have a job also, and our job is to keep them safe, out of trouble and to make honest decent citizens out of them.  We can't always do that by making the children happy.  Just know, that in the end, you will have a child that loves you and  respects you and will try their best to raise their children the way you raised them.  Someday, they will come to you and tell you what a good parent you were.  Miracles do happen!!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Omega wolf is a moron
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My son is a great guy. He is sixteen going on seventeen and as he grows his focus for his life is diverging from my focus for his life. This condition can create a lot of ENERGY between us. I need to remember that this divergence is the very goal of my parenting, not to make a clone but to see a new young vibrant soul engage life at its fullest.

Time is more critical for parents than for young people. Most parents that have young adult children are looking at the second half of their life...they have less time to live than they have already lived. Young people are not old yet and don't have this first person sense of time.
Suffering consequences for actions is a primary way to learn the value of time. I have seen young men in the Navy that gained new promotions only to lose them due to a DUI. This consequence normally cost a minimum of five years in delay of re-promotion. Ouch, that hurts and it cost a lot!

I personally believe parents don't let children fall enough when they are young. Consequently their learning by consequence is delayed until the outcome may only be jail. This is too late. I often tell people "it is good that we learn to walk when we are close to the ground because we don't have far to fall." Imagine if we learned to walk when we were all five foot tall. Oh what a fall that would be. For some it is to late, the short falls are gone, they have grown far from the ground and now it is only long painful falls to come.

Bottom line let children pay for their mistakes. Let them suffer when the suffering is small. The suffering will build them into a better human being than you ever imagined.

V/r
Anon
Platonic  Advisor Profile

There is no cookie cutter way to raise children. What works for you because of the way you feel, may not work for someone else. Adults and children both have there own measure of morality, emotions, respect etc. Which usually will determine how they respond in a situation.

We need to do away with clichés. " Giving respect gets respect"? Not really, the only thing you can be sure of is that if you give respect ...that you were respectful. In other words, don't let someone elses actions be a determination of yours.  When you add fuel to a fire it will always burn hotter.

I was raised in a household where there were 12 of us, and we were raised to the best of the ability of our parents. Sure they made mistakes. In the end we all have different lifestyles which were determined not just by the way we were raised, but by decisions we made.

Rules are in place to protect everyone and insure a safe respectful environment. If you run a red light and get caught ...you have to pay the cost.

suman kumar Profile
suman kumar answered
Teenage is a very complicated age, in this age people tend to think , whatever they do is correct. If someone is trying to correct, they think they are being offended.
Courtney Jenkins Profile
Sometimes they feel like their being attacked and do not want to listen to anything they parents have to say, when their parents already lived though most of life and probably been down the same road and would hate to see their child go down that way.
Kaitlyn Fecher Profile
Kaitlyn Fecher answered
We teens are in our rebel ous stage... We think we know everything.....yes I am speaking about myself too I look at my mom and think she don't know anything about being a teenager...lol WRONG
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My son is 15. He is late for school everyday because he takes over an hour in the shower every morning. I tell him to take his showers at night and he refuses. He is skipping one of his classes pretty consistantly. He has sneaked out in the middle of the night many times and two of those times he stole our vehicle to go where ever it was he went- (he has no license)!! We have grounded him, taken away his phone and other things out of his room and that has not done any good at all. He still is defiant against us. I am frustrated and don't know what to do or what options I have. He is very anti-drugs so I am not concerned about that-- and his grades are good for all of his classes-- except for the class he is skipping of course. HELP!!
Alicia Jones Profile
Alicia Jones answered
Ahhhhh...a lot of what you just said about what we believe our parents reasons are is quite true.
And the truth is none of those reasons are good reasons to restrict your teenager.... My main reason is -.- you don't know XD... Sigh
But I know myself, I was brought up well enough, I've never been much of a rebel...
In the end... It's true as a parent impose all the rules you want. If they're a good teen they'll weigh their options and work with it best they can, even if it involves totally disregarding you cause They want to experience things for themselves or you just straight up pissed them off and they just don't care... DO your best at your job, but do try not to piss off your kid -.-....
P.S Not listening ??? 0_0 that's your typical teenager,
Valeie Erasmus Profile
Valeie Erasmus answered
Iam a teenGIRL so moms READ... We act like we don't listen because we don't get enough POSITIVE ATENSION from you as mom, Us GIRL's wants a GIRL'sday out but onley with you as mom And us GIRL's like deverent stuf LIKE GIRL's that like girley stuf take them SHOPPING OR FOR A MANI OR PEDI and the tongboy tipe of girls AN ARKADE AN AMUSEMENT PARK OR EVEN A DAY AT THE ICERINK and also we hate it when it looks like you as parent doesnt want to listen I hate it if my mom doesn't look like shes not listening then I IGNORE her and that makes her unhappy so go and see if this works LOVE LOTS
JUST A TEEN GIRL
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
 ok pleeeeeeeeeeeeease take my advice! I am a 14 year old girl my self and I'm in the same situation.  this is very common among parents and teenagers.  Do NOT smother them with love and affection that is the last thing they want.  just leave him alone for now and maybe once in awhile offer your help like "do you need anything" but don't over do it. And please do not say honey or sweetie it sounds so condescending to him they want to be treated like adults but not to the point were they have to pay rent (haha).  I say as long as he is not getting into trouble or doing drugs or anything like that just leave him be for the time being.  let him go out with his friends and have a life don't nag him about anything but have some basic rules if things do not get better soon get back to me I'm always here to help! Good luck
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Alma Holmes
Alma Holmes commented
Good advice hope u are living what u are preaching. We as parents just dont want our children hurting so when u teenagers are distant it makes us worry just wait until u become a parent.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Yes we realize that you are worried about us but we are fie we need to seperate ourselves a bit from our family so we can become more independant. Do you really want your child clinging to your side when they are 50?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
S o I have a question bout ours sons are rebel and  not even listen to me whatever they wants and its me think easy and been hard time since and frusrate when dad  said yes and I said no , they are confuse which  is more beleive more alike dad and its hard for me to guestre with them waste with my hands to them , we are deaf parents and they re hearing I feel like oppresing me . I need somoene who is for them tough love camp

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