Is My Boyfriend Still Wanting His Baby Mother?

39 Answers

Joe McHugh Profile
Joe McHugh answered
He might still want her, or he might not. Regardless of the nature of his feelings for the mother of his child, it's possible that he'll always feel something toward her. Whether these feelings are romantic is circumstantial, and only your boyfriend can truly answer your question.

That said, your boyfriend isn't with her, he's with you despite the fact that he and the other woman have a child together. On some level, your boyfriend and his ex have already determined that they're not right for each other. There might be some residual "what if?" feelings between them, but such feelings are fairly natural and aren't necessarily an indicator of genuine want.

Even though you can't relate to his exact situation, you can find a way to empathise with him on some level. Maybe you've wondered about how things would be different had you remained with one of your exes or pursued a past crush. If so, then you'll understand that wondering and wanting are two different matters, and the existence of one doesn't necessarily imply the presence of another.

If your concerns over your boyfriend's feelings toward his baby's mother are more than passing and are putting pressure on your relationship - not to mention yourself - then communication is the key to resolution. Enter into a discussion of your relationship and what his fatherhood means for your present and future. Share your thoughts and concerns with each other. From there, you can determine what you believe and what, if anything, you want to do next.

Most importantly, you should try to keep an open mind. Your boyfriend is in a difficult situation and it's only natural for his mind to wander to the mother of his child every now and again. In the end though, it's you who he's chosen to be with. That means something, and if there's love in your lives then there's room for you to discuss this together.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
This is his second baby by another woman, ok lets count that would mean there are four people, the two baby's and their mothers that is four, plus you and him. Including you, that is a total of six people in your relationship with him, wow! Where is he going to have time to make you feel special and give you quality time. Not to mention, he is going to be financially depleted, and who is going to pick up the tab on your date with him? You say you can't leave him, well trust me, when you learn to love yourself more and realize that you deserve to be loved, not just told those words by somebody who obviously has no idea what love is, because if he did love himself, he would not continue to have unprotected sex with different women. Pregnancy is just one of the many things that can come out of unprotected sex, what about sexually transmitted diseases, some of which have no symptoms.

You probably are a really caring, giving and loving person, who just wants someone to love them for who they are, but instead you settle for men who can never meet you on your emotional level and will never be able to give you the love, time and respect you deserve. You need to write down the things you like about this guy and this relationship and then write down the things you don't like and that you would change if you could about him and this relationship. Finally, once you have done that then look at the list and realize that you are denying yourself what you really want and deserve in life.

There will be someone else who will come along to offer you these things, but you need to trust your gut instinct!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I think he does that solely for the purpose of getting back at you for assuming he's still got feelings for his baby mama. Sometimes I've noticed with men, that when men say that don't want nothing to do with their baby mama, they actually mean it. They will always be bonded to that woman simply through their child. I advise you to stop assuming he wants her or still has feelings for her-when you stop doing that, he'll stop calling her!!! As he says "If it's not about the child, don't call" don't push him, or you'll push him out of your life. It takes a strong woman to deal with a man who has a child with another woman, because you know they've had a relationship before......but just because they've had a relationship before doesn't mean their feelings for one another remain. A woman will always have some sort of feeling for their baby daddy as men will have some sort of feelings for their baby mamas! Just relax and stop tripping!!!
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I think that is so true i am having sortr of the same problem but the deal is im seeing her number that hes called on my phone at 5 am maybe he checking on his son but wouldnt she call if there was something going on why do he need to check on him at 5 in themoring when she getting up and getting ready for work i dnt understand
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
That is what I call man talk most men who say that to there baby mother 9 time out of 10 they still have feelings for them but you also have to remember there are always going to have contact because of that baby and because of that feelings will always be there I had to deal with that for a while but it got better... So I mean he need to just have to slowly let his feelings fade but it will take time if you love him you will stick it out but if you can't handle it just talk to him about how you feel and take it from there but dealing with a man with kids is a tough thing... Good luck
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
thank you, it really makes me feel good to read that someone has the same problem as I do.
He was my boyfriend when I was 17, we were dating for 3 years and we married different people, and then we found each other in 2010; now I am divorced and have 3 grownup children and he has 5 grownup children. He is separated but I got jealous of his ex and he told me he wants to respect the mother of his children, that even they don't have any kind of relation right now, she is still the mother of his children and wants to respect her until the divorce, what do you think?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am in a very similar situation. My main problem is the mother of his child calls for the dumbest reasons when she knows that we are together. Calling for things that she can handle herself. She seems to be trying to remind me that they have a child together, like I can forget that. I also promised myself that I would never date someone with children but you can not always help who you are attracted to. It's a hard thing to handle, even if you know they will never get back together. Try to trust him and tell him how you feel about the whole situation.
Elaine Cole Profile
Elaine Cole answered
Being in a relationship with someone else's babys father is hard but it can work if you can learn to trust your man. It's all about knowing him and what he wants. First of all, if he loves you then he will give you a bigger commitment, which is marriage. That way you will be a permanant part of him and his babys life. Think about it, who is the bigger threat? The wife or the babys mama?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I feel you on that. You have every right to feel that way because baby mama's running back to baby daddy's happen all the time. Just keep your guard up. Trust plays a big part in a relationship also, but majority of the time the mother will try to use the baby to get back with him and that also work the other way around; men do the same thing. I would say do one of these three things; (1) sit down and have a strong talk with him one on one with no interruptions, (2) have a talk with the baby mama one on one (respectfully) or (3) all three of you sit a talk about the situation like mature adults. UNDERSTANDING is the greatest thing in life. Hope that helped. The baby mama needs to understand that YOU are his women now and she needs to respect that. She may not like it, but Hey, WHO SAID LIFE WAS FAIR?
Felicha Casanova Profile
Well I never thought this would happen to me but I was shocked when I found out it was true I.used to just think I was over reacting when he didn't want me around to pick up his kids or drop them or when she would come around dresses skanky or when he would tell me to wait inside he always reassured me he hated her and she was a hoe now and he would never touch that again with a ten foot pole but was I wrong way wrong a woman's instinct will tell you if another woman sees you as a treat she will do anything to ruin your happiness I found out from her a text a that if she wouldn't have text me he would never have told me he denied it thinking it was one of my accusations till I showed him the text so yes men will make you think your crazy when you know something's up I took that text as a laugh in the face she now has something on me she can say she had him one last time and can have him wrapped around her finger it hurt so bad because all the while I felt lonely and let him know that he brushed it off because he was getting his oh yeah we just had a baby so of course dealing with postpartum depression and being a mommy and not being able to hang with friends hurt because he knew exactly where I was but thought with his dick so as a female go with your gut instinct us female see what golddiggers hoes and just unhappy females do
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I feel you should not make yourself unhappy to please a man, love your self and do what you need to do to keep you feeling good at all times, If he truly cares about you, you don't have to be stressed, its on him and how he is with you.  If he's doing thing to make you feel out of place, get rid of him and just move on. There is someone else out there who can bring you joy even more. Or just do what makes you happy until betta comes.you here
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm dealing with the same issue right now.. My bf constantly tells me he doesnt want to be with his babys mother but no matter what harm she causes us or just him, he always finds ways to forgive her. It is like she does no wrong. My advice is talk to your bf. Trust is key in a relationship and if you don't trust him being around her or talking to her then it will never really work out. However, if he is trustworthy and faithful to you, then you should have no problems.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Sad but true people have double lives and flip flop back and forth all the time. The children are a poor excuse to sleep with someone. But, when sex is the goal its used all the time.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I think you have to allow him to divide his time equally between you and his child. At two years old she's just beginning to view the world, and she will need her father to view it with her. I understand you need him too, and you have every right not to trust the mother of his child, but no right not to trust him. You said he's 'good' to you, what else do you want? Discuss it with him and see what he thinks, lack of communication could be the problem. Besides look at it this way; if he's with you and not the mother of his child than he wants to be with you. He will always have a special place in his heart for her because she gave birth to his child, but his love for you will be greater than his love for her because your who he's chosen to share his life with right now.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Well, I'm 40 and a long time friend and I decided to have a baby together a year and a half ago. I thought we were also going to try and make it work as a monogamous couple in love raising him and my older daughter when he returned from a deployment in Iraq. We married before he left. Upon his return he is saying all he wanted was for me to be his "baby mama" and that he has a girlfriend nearly half his age who he met on the deployment. What I'm sure she doesn't know is that he still loves me, is "in -love" with me and is very confused. I'm very confused. I didn't sign up to be a "baby mama" and I want him to at least give our relationship a chance before he strays away. Will I try to get him back? Yes. Will I have sex with him given the opportunity? Yes. Will he lie to his girlfriend about it? YES. Don't believe men who have baby mama's. Any man who brags that he has a baby mama is a selfish man who does not respect women no matter how charming they are. Ask yourself if that is really the kind of man you want and don't fool yourself. You are not special. You are not the one he'll be different with. The more children he has the less money he will have and the less he will spend on you and your family.

If you are involved with a "baby daddy", my advice RUN!
samual answers Profile
samual answers answered
I'm sorry but I don't understand made up english. Do you mean that your boyfriend is still in love with the mother of his child and you are in love with him too? Well, you can't expect him to forget about what he and another girl has created if he's any kind of a man. Your boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend, ex-wife or what ever the case may be will forever have a common bond. To better serve the child that is caught in the middle you, your boyfriend and the child's mother must not act ghetto and get along. That child needs a father. I don't know the particulars but spend time with them when he gets to see the child. You two can still have a relationship but he needs to know he can't have his cake and eat it too( I don't know who made up the stupid saying but you know what I mean).you all need to love that child and raise it the best you know how.you need to ask yourself if you can handle having the child's mother around from time to time. If you can't then you need to cut the line and move on. Don't ever try to tell your boyfriend that it you or the child cause you will lose in a second. You all need to be adults and work things out in the best interest of the child. Its not about you, your boyfriend or the child's mother its all about the child forever.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
 thank you septic. because I am in the same boat as kita 1.  I think you should try to trust him. I know hard it can be but don't let her win you. Hold on to you man. Just make sure he puts you and your baby first okay, that's all you can ask for. She may try stuff to get him back but pray to God for strength in your relationship I thank you kita 1. It feels good to have someone else in my shoes. Trust me I am good at giving advice I need help with taking been in love and in a relationship is a job.(lol)  
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My boyfriend of 4 months just announced to me that his ex-wife had a baby in march. I was not aware she was
pregnant. I was enjoying him he is a very kind man. When he told me I broke it off. I am first not ok with him withholding vital information I would not have started a relationship if I had know he was going to be a father.
Second, he knew I was not interested in men with small child I have a son going to college.
Third, I am not up to dealing with his ex-wife and a new baby. For me this information was a deal breaker.
Not easy I love him, but I am not going to fool myself. Our situation has changed drastically.
Felicha Casanova Profile
Well I never thought this would happen to me but I was shocked when I found out it was true I.used to just think I was over reacting when he didn't want me around to pick up his kids or drop them or when she would come around dresses skanky or when he would tell me to wait inside he always reassured me he hated her and she was a hoe now and he would never touch that again with a ten foot pole but was I wrong way wrong a woman's instinct will tell you if another woman sees you as a treat she will do anything to ruin your happiness I found out from her a text a that if she wouldn't have text me he would never have told me he denied it thinking it was one of my accusations till I showed him the text so yes men will make you think your crazy when you know something's up I took that text as a laugh in the face she now has something on me she can say she had him one last time and can have him wrapped around her finger it hurt so bad because all the while I felt lonely and let him know that he brushed it off because he was getting his oh yeah we just had a baby so of course dealing with postpartum depression and being a mommy and not being able to hang with friends hurt because he knew exactly where I was but thought with his dick so as a female go with your gut instinct us female see what golddiggers hoes and just unhappy females do edit
katrina white Profile
katrina white answered

Well I was with my boyfriend for a year almost and he cheated on me and got his baby mother pregnant a month after we started dating an didn't tell me until she was 6 months pregnant but before I knew all this he insited he couldn't stand her but my instinct said different.  Now I believe he is with her but because of the baby because she is the female that will try and keep getting pregnant to keep smebody I know as long as she is pregnant he will be there with his son and for the newborn coming

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Yes, I can certainly understand. The truth is that they both have a common bond they will always have regardless..It is truly frustrating, however you have to trust him.. If he is not trustworthy then there is little you can do. But if he's a good man and has a disciplined relationship with her then SHE should know the rules and not use the kid against him..He should also have learned her ways by now and if he is doing what he should be doing there is nothing extra he should involve himself with her in (dinner, late night conversations, blowing up the phone). She's a grown woman and should handle her needs someplace else.
Tiara Hughes Profile
Tiara Hughes answered
I'm going through the same situation my bf has two baby mamas and I guess to make things worse on him I'm pregnant now with his child. His baby mamas are very upset that we are having a child. They stress that to him over and over. It's very frustrating and it makes me want to just give up especially being as though he still buys one of them christmas gifts and just does any thing she wants but, if you feel like you can trust him then make it work. I'm sticking my relationship out because I'm in love with him. Trust me don't try to get in between that stuff it will stress you out even more.
Jessii Santos Profile
Jessii Santos answered
If I was you I'd talk to my boyfriend about the situation and how uncomfortable it makes me and maybe go with him when he goes to pick up his daughter maybe his daughter should know you if he plans to ever make you his wife is has been a year.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My boyfriend also has a child who is 3. She is a perfect little girl but her mom on the other hand doesnt deserve to have a child she is constantly drinking and doing drugs and has a history of prostitution. On top of that she will come over to his house in the middle of the night and call asking for drug money and other random things. My  boyfriend is a great father and  gives his daughter everything, I can't see how he got caught up with her but he got a beautiful baby girl out of it. I can't have children so I am happy with him and his daughter who calls me mommy lol we are going to court to get full custody of her. I hope everything works out.  P.S. Please people if you have drug problems or other unhealthy habits please don't bring a child into the world it is very inconciderate and the child will have a terrible life.
Michelle Phy Profile
Michelle Phy answered
Nobody can tell you that but I know a lot of women think their exes are still interested because they have & want to see their child. Most times if they could not keep it together for the sake of the baby then they will not now but must maintain a friendly enough friendship to communicate about the child.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am going through a similar situation with my boyfriend. I already broke one of my rules by dating a guy with a child, then about a month into our relationship he tells me that she is pregnant with his 2nd child. He expressed to her that he wasn't ready to be a father again and that she should abort being that they were no longer longer. She agreed, but a week later she claimed that the Dr. Told her not to abort because she was
Sharl Sut Profile
Sharl Sut answered
I have a fiance who has 2 kids by 2 different mums, it is so much hard work! One of them is a complete bitch who takes him for every penny then threatens he can't see his child if he doesnt do as she says. The other rings him several times a day for stupid reasons! I do get fed up as we hardly get time together, so after making a routine where we get 1 free weekend out of every 4 we get some time together (although  we do have 2 kids together so it isn't really a free weekend). They have both had a moan at why should we have a free weekend! Frustrating even trying to explain! I've told both of them to back off and lay off as our interest is in speaking to the kids, not them. One if them took the advice, the other still continues to p**s me off. If anybody has any advice for me, please do not hesitate!
Will Martin Profile
Will Martin answered
Let's look at the facts. Did the man you are with abandon this woman and his child? Or did the relationship end for some other reason? Whatever happened, this woman is now stuck with a child who, naturally enough, needs a father. You say she likes playing games. How do you think you would feel in her situation? Have you considered his daughter at all? For her sake I hope his "babymama" is playing every trick she can think of to keep him in her daughter's life. I grew up without a father  and it leaves a huge hole in your life and your heart that nothing can ever fill.
 
What do you want from this relationship? You seem perfectly happy to accept that it's fine for this man to make a woman pregnant and then walk away from her - why else would you call her his babymama? If you stay with him, you give him the right to do the same to you. Don't you deserve a man who is prepared to make a life with you? And doesn't his daughter deserve to have her father's love?
Tiffany Dial Profile
Tiffany Dial answered
I'm going through the same situation as we speak. I left my boyfriend of over a year 2 and a halfs months ago. I never called him or spoke to him until recently. When he called my home since I changed my cell phone number to make sure we had no close contact,but I never would have thought he would have called my parents house since he never did when we were together. But he came calling back speaking about his situation with the mother of his child. He told me that his son needed a father and I agree soley but living with someone doesnt make you more of a father when you ont love his mother, the child will only be hurt even more. If doesnt mak you more of a dad or less of a dad being with the mother for the sake of being a better father if youre not happy. I do believe you can still be a father without livig in the home. Yes youre child will not have the full affects of a father being around 24-7 but that'slife it happens everyday. I know no matter what happens he will always be a great father regardless of if means sacrificing his own happiness.
Ashley Stewart Profile
Ashley Stewart answered
Ok first off you should have known that something wad going on. If he went to talk to her for hours at a time then you should have suspected and left him. Now you have a tie with him. In the interest of the child you should talk things over with him. If he is happy with you then he will stay with you. If he does not put his ass on child support. Your self esteem must be really low and I recommend that you get help.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Hello I'm in the same situation also my fiance has a two year old that he just starting seeing after almost a year.....she is getting child support from him and just annouced she has a boyfriend so he asked if hes son could meet me and she said yes...he is only allowed to see him at her house while she is there until the next court date... But my fiance wants to take him out like her and her boyfriend do but she says no. She just wants to be in control.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
It is his comfortable zone still.  They probably had a lot years together, maybe not love. 
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My boyfriends baby momma keeps telling me he is cheating with her, he says she does that to get back at him... How can I tell which is the truth?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I met a man last year 2009 he told me that he tryed to work things out with his baby mama but she wouldnt listen to him she would rather listen to her parents ..Long story short, I told him everything I was lookin for in the new year 2010 and he said he wanted the samething, after finding out that he didnt really let the woman know they are broke up and still making her think they are still together because he didnt want her to cut all ties with his son, he would leave for hrs and go talk with her on the phone.  As mths went by I got pregnant and is now awaiting for the birth of a baby boy now he is so confused in what to do, he is still making his ex baby mama believe he is not with another woman while he moved her back to another city where her family was because he was going to work in another city. Now I'm so confused because I know something is going on and she has stopped talking to him and he comes home and just wants to sleep don't want to talk about anything and wakes up and goes to work. >??...There is so much more to the story but just wanted to cut it short :(
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm going thru the same thing I am 17 yrs and my bf is 18 he just had a baby with another girl she was not his gf before me but sometimes I feel like I should break up sometimes it makes me think that he will start likeing the babies mom or I don't know he told me he loves me and he wants us to get married after I'm out of high school but I don't know watt I should do can some1 help with advice>?>>
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have a bf who has a babies mamma I just starting dating him I never dated anyone with a kid before but because I have so many nieces and nephews I thought it woukd be easy I forgot to look at the "baby's mom"
I bmhavent met her just yet, I know the situation from his point of view and he claims to "despise" her so much yet when its not his turn for his son I don't know why they should be talking inless its an emergency..yet she texts him all the time....I'm at his house everyday I spend the night everyday I trust him but they have so much history and its hard to forget that they were even married I don't know what to make of any of it in so new to this and not sure if I should have went for it
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am in the same situation. The only thing is that he called her name while we were having sex, even though we were both drunk.  I'm devastated! I'm numb! He's repeatedly told me that he loves me and apologized, but I'm scared that he will eventually return to her cause that's where his son is and he misses his son, even though he's with him every other weekend.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
He constantly talks to her on the phone and her family! When we get into fights he calls her and tells her the business! And lies to her about me cuts me down! Always talking bout her and her family!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
He and I being living together but he is confuse because he loves me and love his babymama

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