Hi again, I'm going to tell quote a line from the book I mentioned before. You can take it or leave it or do some soul searching with it. Questions of Love are never easy.. That's why it breaks your heart. SO from the book & I'm paraphrasing.. " when it comes to relationships there are dog people and cat people, If you want a Dog and you buy a cat you will never be happy. The cat will never act like a dog, and both you and the cat will suffer from being unhappy.. You have 2 choices.. If you bought the cat instead of the dog you can learn to accept that the cat is a cat and make the best of it but still want a dog.. Or you can wait and hold out for a dog. This goes for relationships - If there is something you really hate about the person.. You have 2 choices.. Learn to live w/ being unhappy, because to change the persons behavior is to say YOU are not REALLY what I wanted. OR you can make the hard choice and say.. I can't live with this and you can't live without it so We wont make each other happy. See the problem is as soon as we start thinking in terms of what needs to change in our partner for us to be happy than we should realize that is an alarm going off saying Maybe this isn't the right choice. If I have to be someone else to be loved or make my partner happy.. Than I would prefer to be with a partner who wants ME as I am.. And Not who they Think they can make me into.. Understand? It's not easy.. But the wrong choices can be worse in the long run. Neither of you should have to change.. If one of you HAS to change then your already off to a rough start.. OR you could just accept that this is what he likes and he could accept you do not and he can keep that area of his life to himself.. . Just something to think about
You need to figure out what makes you so upset about the porn. Do you hate that he is looking at other women? Or do you just think it is dirty/disgusting?
If it is because of him looking at other women, it can only be changed by you. Jealousy is not healthy in a relationship. You would need to come to terms with why you can stand him looking at other women, and deal with it. I don't have the answer how, maybe counseling. But, if that is the case, he should be more sensitive to your feelings, and not talk about it with you. He should not be telling you how good 'so-and-so' look when they do whatever. I feel that he talks about it so much because he may want you to do some of the things he has seen on porn. That is okay, but he should find a tactful way of approaching you with these suggestions, not throwing it in your face that this porn start does it but you don't.
On the other hand, you may have been brought up to think that porn is dirty nasty and disgusting. Well, some of it is. But, there is such a thing as soft-core porn. You may enjoy watching some of this kind of porn. How excited would your man be if you said lets go to the adult movie store and pick something out? If you get to choose, maybe you would feel more comfortable to watch it with him. That way you are both happy. Be daring, try something new. It might bring you both closer.
I say watch it too. Find something that you do like and watch it together. Its just like watching a movie your man will not ever be with one of them so try to spice things up and see if that doesnt help
The truth about this is that there really is no changing how you feel about this subject.... You either have to except it and if you can't than maybe you should consider your relationship because if you stay with him then you're going to have to live with the fact that he watches porn. Guys certainly don't realize how much they hurt us, we feel hurt, unwanted, unloved, and not good enough for them. If you talk with him about watching porn and he stops then it will be good for you, but the thing you have to realize is that he's going to want to watch it and thats the thing that sucks so bad, there is really no way out because if you continue to let him watch it , it's still going to hurt you and if he does not watch it then he's obvs going to want to... I know that this doesn't help to much , but I truly don't think this is something you can stop hating because its always going to be hurtful....
If I were you I would do some compromising. Maybe a little porn for you...(You can just shut your eyes) and maybe some romantic evenings with candle lit dinners and other types of things like that for him. It seems like you would be willing to make that type of arrangement. Just try talking to him and I think he will get the idea. If he really loves you he will be willing to make some adjustments.
I think you need to be more realistic, men like porn. End of. There's nothing wrong with porn as long as it doesn't involve anything illegal or very disturbing, you can even get porn designed specially for women with more emphasis on romance and story than hardcore graphic images. Why don't you try watching small doses of porn on your own to get a little more comfortable with it? If this is the only thing you guys argue about then it sounds like a pretty good relationship, worth getting over your hangs up.
I recently discovered porn on my boyfriend's history on his computer. I didn't wait a couple days to confront him, I did it as soon as he got out of the shower. At first he didn't know what to say. For him it wasn't a big deal. He didn't understand (BECAUSE HE'S A GUY..) I still told him I wanted to talk to him about it. So we sat and talked. (BEST THING TO DO). He told me he had only did it a few times since we've been dating. He said he would look at one of my naked pictures I've sent him then go to those sites. He said he needed more visual to get more into the mood. Which I completely understand because guys are more visual and honestly lack imagination when it comes to sex and must watch something to get stimulated even more. So he told me it had nothing to do with those slutty fake girls. He didn't want them, neither compared me to them. It was just the act of sex. So the other day I was like if its the act you like so much and need to watch... Let's film each other have sex. So we filmed it. He loved it and so did I. I thought it was intimate and it was real. No fake slutty girls and over the top fake orgasms. This fight has brought us closer and he seems much more into me now. I think it was like a wake up call to him. He realized how much it wasn't necessary to watch porn and how much it does hurt me. Guys need to realize that when they have a beautiful girlfriend, porn is not needed. It's a thing they can live without. Guys don't see how much it can hurt their woman. They don't place each other in our shoes and it is quite disrespectful to women in general. Like if your girlfriend is cool with it then whatever but if it hurts her then stop. It's as simple as that. Why would you hurt someone you claim to care so much about? Anyways since then, we've become much closer as a couple and we are more honest than ever with each other. But I still worry he will go back to porn.. The other day I told him how easy it would be for him to hide and he simply replied and do you know how easy it is to just not do it. It really reassured me him telling me this. I guess only time will tell if he will go back to that or not. I guess some men will never get over that stage but some men can and will do it for their woman.
1) How is your sex life with your boyfriend? He says we do it 5 times a week with a weak sigh. And then you say it like "WE DO IT 5 TIMES A WEEK!" and you sound tired.
Guys watch porn because sometimes when any woman says NO we have to please ourselves some other means.
I have a medical condition that my glands over produce. So sometimes it hurts and it hurts a lot. I can have sex up to 10 times a day. Due to the overactive gland. Only after having sex then the hurting stops. Stomach pains at the bottom of my stomach. Due to the overactive gland.
And another reason "We are animals" "Human" but we are all animals and we all have something in common... We try to mate with whoever we can. And in the wild the males try to mate as many as they can and as fast as they can. But now the nature of the world has changed and the males no longer are in control. (Female birds fly away fast and if the male bird catches up, then the female gives in and only after the male dances for her. And if she likes it.) Then they mate.
So men watch it sometimes to see something new. Or try something different, or sometimes that they do not fell like they are getting enough at home. Just think on how many times you the girls out there say "No, not tonight, Honey." Then your girls make up excuses after excuses for reasons not to have a go at it.
