Should I Get Mad That My Boyfriend Looks At Porn?

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124 Answers

Ian John Profile
Ian John answered
It is understandable if you are concerned that your boyfriend watches porn, however, it is a normal for men to watch porn. It is a difficult debate in relationships because men and women see porn very differently. Women tend to focus on fantasies they have in their minds in terms of sexual arousal as opposed to what they see. In addition, some women worry about their bodies and feel inferior to those of the women presented in pornographic movies. Mostly, women think that if their boyfriend watches porn then they are losing interest in her, which is generally not the case. For men, porn assisted masturbation is very common even if they are in a sexually satisfying relationship. It does not impact on their feelings for their other half, if anything they see it as a completely separate thing and quite natural.

The problems that some women find when their partner watches a lot of porn, is that they will be expected to perform in certain ways in the bedroom that they are not used to. In some cases, men may ask their girlfriend to perform sexual activities she might not be comfortable with because he's seen it in a porn movie. In addition, some women believe that pornography is degrading to women because they are portrayed purely as sex objects with only one function which is known to anger some feminists. However, porn can sometimes help in a relationship if partners watch it together. Some couples benefit from this as it helps improve their sex life.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm having the same problem.

I feel as though many of you do.  It makes me insecure, resentful, and I no longer want anything to do with him sexually.  He told me he'd stop, but porn watching is an addictive behavior and I’ve already found that he's been looking at it even after he said he wouldn’t.  I’ve read some responses saying it was the woman's fault for not pleasing him or that she had no right to be upset, but I don’t feel that is true.  I am sexual, I do what my partner asks me to do in bed, and I'm not out of shape or anything.  I have a few flaws but who doesn’t?  He himself is not flawless, but I don’t watch male porn.  If your bf watches porn and he is in a relationship with you, IT IS NOT YOUR SHORTCOMING, IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARENT PRETTY ENOUGH, AND IT isn't YOUR FAULT.  My mom told me my dad used to watch porn and mom was really beautiful at the time.  It has nothing to do with the woman not being good enough.  It has to do with the man being lustful and dirty.  I don’t care if the bitch is just some STD bag 1000 miles away that would never actually date your bf.  I don’t care if it’s "just looking" and not touching.  It’s still wrong, especially when there is a real life partner being hurt by it.  Though the whore-star is not a real PHYSICAL threat, it makes girls feel like they have to compete with some photo shopped, airbrushed image.  It’s not fair, it is wrong, and today is the official end to my 4 year relationship.  The engagement is off.  Maybe he can call a sex-hotline whore to make him feel better... He’s not my problem anymore.
thanked the writer.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
If it seems sneaky its definatly being hidden, which means he thinks hes doing something wrong and that's definatly not ok
Jacki Tigg Mathis
I'm very glad you are getting out of this and I'm going to show this to my daughter, because she has a problem with her new husband loading porn to his phone and computer, and she is always finding it. I have been telling her that he won't give it up, and he says it's because she won't give, but, she would give if she knew he wouldn't ever look at that crap again. He will not quit, ever. I'm afraid the marriage is over before there is a marriage, and the baby is the one going to suffer for that. He's lazy too, won't go to work, and my daughter is looking for a job, and he does nothing. So, Anonymous, you did the right thing. Best of luck to you. God speed.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Simply no! Try to find some porn that you might like, for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvg8q5WtuJ8 or http://duskporna.tumblr.com/
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I found a folder of porn on my fiances computer and it broke my heart. I feel like I'm not attractive and I don't do it for him. I am pregnant and we havent had sex in a long time because we both find it uncomfortable but he knows that I still enjoy doing other stuff and I try to please him in 'other' ways but apparently I'm not good enough. I feel so discusting because I'm pregnant and covered in strech marks etc and he is looking at other girls. I can't end it because he is my world. I confronted him and he told me I'm the most beautiful girl in the world but if thats true why does he feel the need to look at other girls naked? Especially when he has got loads of pictures of me on his phone for that purpose. It makes me sick that he actually chose someone else over me. In my eyes he has cheated on me. I'm hurting so much and the hurt is getting worse every day so girls if your man does this before you fall in love with him and your not happy, leave, your worth more than that.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
As I said earlier, the two option rule is ridiculous, and the porn "is normal" statement is also a sociological fallacy. The porn/internet phenomenon has only been an accessible reality for a short amount of time. In the Kinsey reports done in the mid 1900s men who were seen as looking at porn a lot were actually only viewing it once a week because it wasn't as accessible. Now it is seen as "normal" for them to view it every single day. That is a huge leap in statistics in a short amount of time. So the argument that it is normal doesn't fit the bill. If it was natural or normal then it would have been going on for a long time.This really has very little to do with you or your boyfriend particularly. It's a bit of a societal disease. The more than women and men accept it as "normal", the more pressure we feel to find excuses to accept it. It's a vicious cycle that leads to the destruction of partnerships, and a difficulty with intimacy in relationships.If you are worth it, then leave him. If it bothers you then say goodbye. It's really all you can do. Refuse to accept the improbable facts that people try to lay out in front of you, and just walk away. If you choose to stay then just admit to yourself that you are giving in to societal pressures to deal with what he looks at. But realize that doing that means swallowing your pride, your feelings, and your right as a woman to be special for the man in your life.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Porn for the most part hasn't bothered me too much in the past. However, my boyfriend watches somethings that end up turning me off. Once he was watching a girl strip tease and another video was girls dressed up as cheerleaders. What bothers me is these are things that I would do for him. I'm a very attractive girl who is in great shape. It made me feel less than that. I also am a very sexual person who is down to do anything with him. After seeing that he was watching those though it's something I never want to do with him now. I feel like he couldn't be intimate and open enough to want that from me that he doesn't deserve it now. He had to watch another girl do what I would've done. That hurts.
Darren Lee Profile
Darren Lee answered
If  he  needs to look  at  porn
He  is  disrespecting  you
If   I had  a  gf or  wife
I  wouldn't   be   doing  that
stuff
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
My boyfriend we have been together for almost 4 years now. The other night I came home from work and he had gotten off early. I looked on my computer in the history and waalaaah xtube. I was pretty upset because it makes me feel like i am just not doing a good enough job to please him. Even if these woman arent in real life I feel like if he has to go and look at these naked woman than obviously he is lusting for something else. Its hurtful. So i confront him and he denies it all!!
Alex Robles Profile
Alex Robles answered
My gosh some of these answers are just so depressing! "oh my god knowing that my bf watches porn makes me feel so ugly!" or "oh my god It's wrong because I only ever want him to get turned on by me and me alone!" As a female, I've done some research into why men watch porn because I have never understood their fascination with it. I naturally have a very low sex drive so I never found porn appealing. The fact is that men generally have a much higher sex drive than a woman, and thinks about and seeks out sex far more than women typically do. To help with these urges, many men watch porn. You will be hard pressed to find a man who has NEVER masturbated to porn before. Even hundreds and thousands of years before the internet (which has made finding porn extremely easy), there have been hand-drawn pornographic images found in ancient cultures, which shows that men have always seeked out visual means of sexual stimulation. As for the problems many girls have with porn, if your man doesn't watch porn, you might want to question his sexual health and/or level of sex drive. You might be grossed out by the thought of your significant other watching porn, but I'm pretty sure he'd be grossed out by the thought of you pulling out a used tampon from your privates or waxing your legs. If you are adamant about only dating/marrying a man who doesn't watch porn, feel free to search one out - good luck and tell me how that goes for you.

There are a few things you shouldn't have to put up with though: (1) Replacement. If he watches porn but refuses to have sex with you, or watches porn to get out of having sex with you, then you shouldn't have to put up with that. (2) Comparison. If he verbally compares you to porn actresses, makes comments about how you should lose weight, or alter your appearance to resemble a porn actress, you shouldn't have to put up with that. (3) Discomfort. If he insists on you performing in ways he saw in a porn movie that you are uncomfortable or unfamiliar with, and refuses to hear you out on the issue, you shouldn't have to put up with it.

When the relationship starts to get serious, all couples should have a discussion about porn to learn and understand how each other feels about it. Don't be afraid to tell your guy how watching porn makes you feel - you might find that any insecurities you have (such as not being "pretty enough" compared to a porn actress) were only in your head! If porn really makes you uncomfortable, perhaps a compromise could be made, but don't tell him to never watch porn again - it would be like him asking you to never eat chocolate again. You might succeed at first, but after a while the temptation would build up, then one day you see a particularly delicious-looking piece of chocolate for sale, and then buy it, only for him to lecture you after he finds the wrappers.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I don't know about any other girl but I hate it! It was alright when it didnt affect me but now he is starting to say things like "you don't dress sexy for me" and "you wonder why I don't want you, you wear hello kitty to bed". I'm so sick of it. It would be fine if he didnt compare me to the girls he jerks off to but he does. It makes me feel horrible. Its gotten to the point that I don't want to have sex with him at all because he makes me feel ugly. I hate him for that sometimes. He was never like that before. We are supposed to be moving in together soon and I'm sure that things will just be worse when he looks at the same old me every single day. I hate that guys are so perverted and can't just appreciate what they have!
thanked the writer.
Reagan Sparks
Reagan Sparks commented
Sounds to me like you shouldn't be moving in with this guy if he lowers your self worth! YOU ARE AMAZING IN YOUR OWN WAY!!! No guy should ever try to define, defile, or manipulate how you feel about yourself.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I'm exactly the same it makes me not want to have sex with him coz I'm that pissed off that he ant wanted sex with me for ages yet I try it on constantly n everyday it's on the history
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm having a similar situation currently...my fiancee watches porn a lot.. I mean a lot. Recently I made a deal with him. We could make our own if he didnt watch it for 2 weeks. Hes made a huge deal about it and its been 3 days. Saying that his "morning ritual" is ruined etc etc. And he doesnt even care that it insults me and how degrading it is to me. I'm sick of finding it on the computer and I'm sick of feeling empty and alone. He knows that I wouldnt mind having sex constantly with him. Hes always the one who doesnt want it. I feel like I'm not good enough anymore and that hed rather watch skinny, big tit sluts who are only in it for $ or 15 minutes of fame. I just wish he would be the honest man I thought he was. And completely 100% loyal to me...mind, body, and soul. Because hes not. Ive thought about breaking up and calling off the engagement..I just don't know what to do anymore. So much for true love eh ladies??
Jacquelyn Mathis Profile
I said this before on here, be all means be very mad!!! When you are in a relationship, there should only be you two, not you two and the entire cast of a disease fest. People who can lower their standards to sleeping with people they don't even know, aren't great examples of knowing how to love your partner. I tell you, if my husband was caught with that crap on, he would find himself in the other room for a very long time. I think I am attractive enough, he doesn't need anyone else to get him excited. Gross, porn is disgusting!!!!!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
How is it okay? Not all men have a higher sex drive than women, I've never turned my boyfriend down, we have a great sex life yet he has been 'too tired or had a headache' christ I'd happily do it two times a day, more even, but no he doesn't have that drive.  I don't turn to porn or naked pictures, I think about the things we've done or look at pictures of him, masturbation isn't wrong but if you're in a relationship you should think about that person and not go fantasizing over some whore online. I'd happily make a porn movie for him so what's the need for the other women? If I find porn on my boyfriends computer again we're over. It's not worth losing you're self esteem for anyone, if he respects you he'll respect how you feel, not EVERY guy does it and you can get over addictions so there really is no excuse, some people might be happy with it in there relationships and that's fine, just like some people are happy with threesomes or swinging, that doesn't mean it's the norm or you're overreacting if you don't want these things in YOUR relationship. If it's effecting you in everyday life you shouldn't need to 'just get over it'.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I think that a woman has a right to get mad about it. Although there is only one person who can change it and thats her boyfriend. My boyfriend of 2 yrs looks at porn even after weve had sex and he makes me feel ugly and like I suck in bed because of it. These guys don't realize how it hurts us women to be treated like this especially after we have been intimate with them. It's like a slap in the face! I'm sure if the tables were turned the guys would be feeling pretty low and would be buying up all the Enzyte they could to prove thier manhood! Ladies, try this go look at male porn and hot guys on the internet right after you have sex with him. Yeah it's a brave move but at least hell know how insecure it makes you feel!!     Good Luck!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am sick of the BS that some people, mostly men say that "all guys do it" and "there's nothing wrong with it". What counts is what you feel, not what everyone else does! These are just excuses to make us women feel stupid and insecure and like we're psychos. Sometimes I feel like women have to put up with a lot more crap than men do, we live in a sexist world, and I am sure one day online porn will be considered cheating.
I found out my husband did it and it broke my heart. He often even prefers it to me!!!! I don't understand that! And don't listen to people who tell you to "liven up your sex life" or try doing it together, because from experience I can tell you IT DOES NOT WORK. Its a really hard habit to lose and no matter what I tried doing it never worked. I feel a mixture of anger/sadness and disgust for my husband and it has really taken a toll on our sex life.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Yes.

I did with my boyfriend. Found hundreds of pictures and Dvds, burned films etc. I got mad and he said he'd stop. 3 times he said and I still find it. I don't think he will change but by this point I am pregnant and stuck.

I don't enjoy sex anymore.

Just be careful on commitment.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
People who believe that it is in a guys nature to look at porn are moron's
it is also believed that it is a women's nature to be flirty......and when we do it were sluts
so why is it any different??
Thats right it is not if he wants to do that then you have the right to flirt!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My boyfriend and I have sex at least two times a day! And I caught him watching porn. I cried so much, I felt like I was disrespected and worthless. I thought I was a great girlfriend but apparently I'm just not good enough.  You have every right to be mad at him.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Well, clearly I'm contemplating the same thing, and that question has led me here. It's sort of sad really, turning to the internet to find an answer that I know I can only get from my boyfriend...but that's the thing; we've talked about this a few times and I'm still not happy with the situation. When we first started dating, I didn't really care that he watched porn, but now that I have real feelings for him it breaks my heart to know that when he's not with me, he's "with" women who meet his sexual ideal. I know that he has a higher sex drive than me and because we both have busy schedules we don't have as much intimate time as either of us would like, but I don't see how that equals watching other women (of whom he has favorites) have sex.

At this point, I just try to forget that he watches porn, but every once in a while something reminds me and I go through this all over again.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I am in the same position. We openly discuss it too I used to be right up for it together when we first started seeing each/o. Now that we are more serious, Im insecure about it. We have gone through some tough times & I have not been the nicest girl, which he says "puts him off me"....then he goes to porn. Then I get insecure because our sex life goes downhill. When I try to discuss it with him and say I dont mind him doing it every now and then...as long as Im getting some, but still....
Summer Clapham
Summer Clapham commented
It breaks my heart as well. It hurts so bad. And to hear him openly say he will not stop for me sucks. Ugh. It may be a common thing with guys, but it isn't very good when you're in a relationship.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Ok, I'm a guy and share a great sex life with my girlfriend of over 3 years and think there is no one sexier on this earth so after reading a few of the comments on this topic I would like to say that this is being looked into wayyyyy too much, looking at porn is not a crime and is being twisted around to be some sort of perverted act which it really isn't, its just something to watch on the odd occassion whether it be due to boredom or your g/f may be on her period. I could understand if it became obsessive and porn was put before having sex with your partner but just a whack here and there is harmless not only does it deal with some of that commonly talked about testosterone but in my case it gives my girlfriend a break here and there aswell lol... So ladies out there ill leave you's with this, we don't love the woman in pornos nor do we wish they knocked on our front door so we could play the lead role with them, we are only human and when it comes time to release some hormones and for whatever reason your girlfriend isn't able to be involved its just convenient to put on a porn.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
You're an effing idiot. It's disgusting. Guys are all creeps. Why the eff would you want to watch other people having sex? It's not natural at all!
rosemary grace Profile
rosemary grace answered
Wow, I can not believe all the comments on here sniveling about porn! What truly 1st world problems. I'm a 30 yr old woman, I watch porn whenever I feel like it. My bf is 34 and he watches it whenever he feels like it. Sometimes I just want to watch porn and please myself. I don't think that lessens my love for my bf or means I want other people. And when he feels like watching it I don't care. We still have a very active sex life. I am not threatened by him watching it. Why would I be? I still turn him on, he doesnt demand I do crazy positions that he sees on porn that could potentially be uncomfortable for me, he never compares me to the people on porn. In fact he tells me how beautiful I am all the time. Maybe what it is for all of you women that are having a problem with your man watching porn is not so much the porn itself but a less than loving relationship. I don't think the porn is the problem. Your man should make you feel like number one. And then I don't think him watching porn would really bother you, you'd be SECURE in your relationship.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My boyfriend is not in town but since we live together I decided to snoop around in his laptop. I must say he did a very good job at clearing his history but I still found evidence that he has been watching porn a considerable number of times. All this time I felt that I shouldn't be mad at him because maybe its just and in-built thing. But then I just read everything you guys have written and now I feel like I'm not alone anymore. I think I'll confront him when he comes back soon. The thing is that I asked him if he whacks off to porn and he agreed that he'd done it once in the past year. Once in the past year? Can you believe that? I was discussing this topic with my best friend and she told me I'm so stupid for believing in it. Maybe guys should actually stop masturbating to other women whether on a video or for real when they are in a serious relationship. Now I don't feel like getting married to him because these unattended issues are resurfacing. Its about time we talked about it. I just feel so bummed about the whole thing because I hate myself for telling myself that it was ok and that its just typical of men.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Okay you people who are saying it's natural for guys to look at porn are beyond stupid. Men lived for thousands of years without watching naked lesbians or twin sisters or hot exotic girls or just regular intercourse and they survived. So stop being stupid, stop saying it's natural because you look really stupid. It's not okay for them to, you shouldn't let them watch it, it's disrespectful to you and your disrespecting yourself. There's no excuse for a guy to watch porn when he is with someone. There shouldn't be a need.
nakina bjeier Profile
nakina bjeier answered

you I agree I hate porn to...I never used to in fact I used  to be just as addicted to it as my husband if not more so. The difference is is that I stopped when I got into a relationship.BTW it was not at all an easy task to quit. In fact it was more difficult than when I quit smoking. We are bombarded with it in stores, magazines tv,  etc.   But I also love my husband for who he is.  When he promiaed to quit looking I trusted him....that was 2 years ago.

Now where are we? We have a baby but our relationship has taken a curve for the worse. I no longer hace any desire to have sex with him as almost evertime its like can you wear this for me and put your makeup on like this and do such and such...then I find out he has been looking at porn with women dressing just like that doing those things. It doesnt feel like he is even looking at me anymore just looking at those girls and dressing like that and wearing my makeup for him like that makes me feel like a slut and or a prostitute...not something you dream of feeling like when you are being intimate with your husband. He only tells me I'm sexy when I have my makeup a certain  way and am wearing certain clothes but otherwise its like I  don't exist. Then I find out that all those times when I wanted to have sex with him (when we got married I would have gladly have had sex with him 2-5 times a day) I find out that while he was saying no to me  he was looking  at or watching porn and jacking off while I was at   work.  Seriously? Now by this point he keeps wanting  sex and I felt like A prostitute. Not somthing I was really wanting to feel like. I just don't feel beautiful anymore. He tells me he hates my singing voice which everyone else loves...I even sing to our baby only when he isn't around cause it bothers him so much.

Back to the bedroom its always about what will get him off what can he get me to wear or do for him this time. Doesn't matter to him if my body is ready for sex yet or not. He has gone ahead even when I'm still dry. I just feel dirty and worthless...and so far as beautiful I stopped feeling that a long time ago. I now have sex with him as my wifely duties but I feel so detached not into it at all anymore. No desire for my husband at all...I don't even like getting undressed in front of him anymore....I hate porn

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
It sounds strange, but because my boyfriend watched porn before he met me, I think he still watches it. He told me that he doesn't, that he stopped when we started having sex because he lost his virginity to me and he didn't need porn any more, but because I know of some of the porn stars which he favoured, I find myself looking through photos of them and videos and comparing them to me. I get really upset about it, so upset that it is really affecting our relationship. He says that I am paranoid and ill, and maybe I am, but if that is so I need opinions from others, not just my boyfriend. In all other aspects - cheating and porn problems aside, we are a fantastic couple. The thought of him with another woman though, or getting horny over another woman is just too much for me to bear. It makes me feel worthless.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I guess I would call myself a bit a jealous person. When my boyfriend told me he had been watching porn, I was very upset. Of course, I didn't get into an argument with him, I just asked him why he did. He made it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal. Maybe us girls are just overreacting to something that is innate in men? It's true that they have more of a sex drive than women do because of their higher levels of testosterone, but it still makes me upset. And then I feel guilty for getting upset. I wonder why he would want to look at another woman sexually when he has me?
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I feel the same. I guess I am also jealous in the fact that we are in a relationship and I dont appreciate him looking at other naked girls taking it in all ways! Fair enough, right? Why should I? But I do understand that 'most' men do, do this. I have asked mine to stop and put that energy into US rather than making love to the computer!! He thinks I shouldnt ask that of him. I asked him to go without it for a month,....he only did 2 weeks. No problem I ask? Then why cant he stop?
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Ok girls, slow down. Why would you ever think your are overreacting? Please do not let the world tell you that porn is "ok" especially for men. Porn is porn. It is disgusting, and I would not marry or date anyone that looked upon it especially with such ease or casualty. The reason why you are all so upset is because looking at other women is not acceptable when in a relationship ESPECIALLY porn. Find a guy that sees you and not porn.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Thats right its very normal, my girlfriend hates when I look at porn. Its just a visual stimulation. Girls will NEVER understand what testosterone is like. I only look at it once a week , she thinks I'm addicted and feels Useless. I love her very much and this will never step in the way on our relationship...EVER! So all you girls out there just relax its very normal. I can never look at her and want her to be like them. Thats not how it is with us.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I feel much less alone now. I thought I was insane but all of you are saying just what I feel. And my fiance admitted it makes him feel disgusted with himself. So maybe not so normal after all? Its the only thing making me doubt marrying him
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I hate it coz my bf looked up "hot blondes" and looked at them naked and I caught him... I have dark brown hair and I feel lile he wants that and not me ugh. I'm not sure what to do now since I caught him.
Dax Harding Profile
Dax Harding answered
My wife and I do it (look at/view porn) together...And we honestly don't feel there is anything wrong morally or otherwise with it...We've been married since 2003 and still going strong and have two wonderful children because of it...We use porn as a sort of '20 questions' or 'Truth or Dare' session with honest questions and answers on both sides while we view it together...Viewing it both with  honest conversation as a time to share and explore our sexual/sensual desires together...She tells me what she likes and we look up a video together...And vice versa...Through watching porn, and the questions we pose/answer to each other during the films we watch, she tells me what she likes and how she likes it, and I tell her how I want it and what I like...Very, Very, useful...A lot of couples would be a lot more happy and longer lasting if they explored their sexual/sensual boundaries together with porn or other sexual/sensual media rather than hide from them or even worse downgrade you/your lover's desires as shameful/dirty/impure...Or worse yet assume that your 'lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse', 'should, could and would' know how to please you by command or 'e.s.p.' or romantic feeling (put yourself in his/her shoes when your lover says 'outch!', 'No that's not it', 'I don't like this', 'yawn', what's wrong/why aren't you doing this right?', etc, and how awkward, sexually debilitating, frustrating that is when other lovers/etc. Have said that about YOU)...Going into to bed together and immediately assuming that your partner should automatically know how to bring you to orgasm is wishful/naive thinking at best, and disastrously assumptive for your relationship at worst..Sex is, can, and should be a beautiful experience FOR YOU BOTH...But it helps a lot when you explore all options, questions, sexual/sensual mediums/answers TOGETHER...Honesty between you and your partner is a huge part of this...I hope that you ALL see a theme here...How you choose to explore each other and yourselves sexually/sensually is your prerogative and what you feel comfortable with...But don't be so quick to berate/negate/demonize porn and your spouse's enjoyment of it as total lack of interest in YOU or that 'You should be everything to them and that's all that matters, enough said' dogma/b.s. ....By doing that, you are automatically closing yourself off to how they feel and what they want in a relationship with your (choose one) selfish/insecure/naive/foolishly romantic/mismatched ideas/ideals...Now, if your lover casts you and your sexual/sensual wants aside for imaginary sex or porn to gratify themselves ALL the time and you find that now matter how hard "YOU" try to make them see the beauty/love/tenderness/etc. In you, then you do need to move on...But please...PLEASE...Don't cast the baby out with the bath water...By doing so, you shame them and more importantly yourselves, by ignoring YOUR sexual needs in the relationship as well theirs and throwing 'out' someone who might have made an ideal match for you if you had only COMMUNICATED/TRUSTED them  through and with every possibility than to have never have even tried to see how they feel or wish...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
You should be upset. Porn is addicting and tears families apart. Ask any porn addict. It is mind consuming. It can also escalate to sex crimes. Nearly all convicts of sex crimes have started out as men who were into porn. It is also very disrespectful to you. I would get out of the relationship. Be with someone who cares for you and your feelings. Oh. By the way....don't believe what others are telling you. Not ALL men look at porn.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Thankyou. I have read site after site about this and you are the first person to ever say that not all men look at porn. I broke down as soon as i read it because maybe there is hope out there, maybe men arent all the same and maybe we're therefore worth more. Wish there were more men that didnt, my partners love for porn leaves me feeling worthless, pathetic, unattractive, broken and disrespected. If he could see just how soul-destroying it was i wonder if he'd stop.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have the same exact feelings as you. And the same story as well. I hate it, we've been through it hundreds of times, the most recent time it really hurt me that he lied about it. He says he doesn't look at it, but I really do have this gut feeling he does. I just don't feel good enough for him. It makes me think I have to look like these girls. He asked me for pictures and I sent some to him, but he never used them. He even told me he's only used them once or twice. So its one thing to over react about it, but when you have different situations to where its obvious he thinks maybe you're not as attractive as them, it should be over. It's hard to say if you really care about him, because I can't seem to end it either. But if it really hurts your feelings like it hurts mine, then you need to find another man. :]
carol washington Profile
I believe that as long as he does not substitute the porn for you or spend his time&money on internet porn , he is entitled to enjoy his porn. It may not be your cup of tea, but if your only complaint is that you don't like it, is it worth fighting over. When we tell other adults what they should like or enjoy, weare trying to control or change that person. If you like everything else , don't lose the 90% you like for making a big issue over the 10% you don't. Good luck with this.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My boyfriend who goes on to me all the time saying I look fine and I'm good in bed and whatever else watches it and it really bothers me because I now think I should look like them I mean I don't want to have sex with him again if all he is thinking about is other girls when I do it ! Seriously though who thinks its way out of line that theirs plenty of magazines for guys with naked girls all over it then theres nothing for woman :@ !!!
jane doe Profile
jane doe answered
OK I don't think some of you people are getting the point... Its not okay, it your single go for it! If you have a gf what the hell? The point is the girlfriend wants to turn the guy on her self, she wants him to be attracted to her for who she is, not for how slutty or gross she can be. Who in the world would say watch it with him?  I would(am) annoyed when mine dose, I don't want that dirty shit on my computer, I let other people use this thing and I don't want them thinking I'm a lesbian...in fact I'm bout to rip his ass when is getts outta bed.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Chill out! Every guy in the universe looks at porn...thats a guy. Doesnt mean hes going to cheat on you. Go watch it with him ;) it will make him even more excited.
If he watches it too often and you don't like it ..ask him whats up  and tell him with a sarcastic attitude '' thats cool if you want to watch porn ill leave you to it '' if hes cares he will turn it off and if he doesnt well then you know that the porn is more important
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have mixed feelings on this subject as well. When a guy looks at porn he feels like he's in a fantasy world, but the only thing that makes absolutely no sense at all is why can't he just think of his girlfriend?I think that yes it is normal to look at porn when your a guy, but I think it's also immature in a way because after they have seen it a couple of times why do they need to constantly  explore? I mean it's not like they are a little 12 year old boy seeing it for the 1st time. They already know what to expect.... If I were you I would talk to your boyfriend about this, because this could be an even bigger problem than you may know, some guys actually get completely addicted and they can't stop....
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I don't know ladies I think what pisses me off is there are nights when I want to have sex and I can't get any because my bf says hes to tired, but then ill look at his computer and hes been looking at porn all day. I wouldn't care that he watches it if he would just give me some every time I want it. A lot of men hit on me so I know I'm not ugly and I'm down for whatever with my man. Blah I just don't get it.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I know exactly how you feel but I've learned to get over it. I used to get jealous over porn and think that I wasn't good enough for my guy because of it. But now I don't care so much, we have awesome sex and I know that he just watches porn when he's horny and I'm not around to satisfy him. Now I even watch it on occasion and from first hand experience I get turned on by the act and thought of sex, not the people that are in the porn and I'm sure plenty of guys think the same way. Maybe you guys should come up with some sort of compromise. As long as porn doesn't interfere with the relationship and sex life and he doesn't expect me to look or act like any of the girls he sees in porn then I don't think its a huge deal. But that's just me =)
answer girl Profile
answer girl answered
I found out that my boyfriend had been watching porn. I confronted him straight away and he just tied to ignore it and laughed. This made me even more angry and upset then I already was. Now when I have sex with him I wonder if he is thinking about the porn that he has watched and not me, the fact that he even looked at it made me feel as though he cheated on me in a way, even though he didnt actually have contact with the girls I still feel like he has as he managed to " please himself" when watching the disgusting videos. In the end he did admit to me, and has promised that he doesnt watch it anymore. Its really affected me tho, I feel as-thought I'm not good enough for him, why look at other girls when he's with me? I just can't feel confident around him anymore.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I found nearly 300 sites of porn viewed on my history. My fiance has never told me he enjoyed porn so it came as a shock!!! It really upset me, why would he need to look at naked women when he can have me?? It's degrading to us girlfriends and I know that I now have really low self esteem about my body and our sexual relationship. Why is it that men who are in a steady and happy relationship feel the need to imagine or watch strange women, often sluts, performing graphic sexual acts on the internet when they have a girlfriend whom they love and can have sex with at home!?!? The thought of him being turned on by these skinny, big boobed skanky girls makes me sick!! He is supposed to be turned on by his girlfriend, is that not enough?!? Am I not enough?!? If he had asked me to watch it with him we then could have made it an intimate thing between us, but him doing it alone without me knowing is just a million times worse!!! Since this has happened a lot has changed for us. I just can't seem to get over it no matter how much I try!! It's really upset me!!!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I think that the porn is the least of your worries hun

A guy talking to you like that is no good! Saying things like "no wonder I don't want you, you wear hello kitty to bed" is NOT ok!

It may seem hard, but you need to get outta that relationship.

At the end of the day, you can do better
and your worth it.
Jesus Christ Profile
Jesus Christ answered
Seriously, everyone just needs to stop. In most cases the dude obviously started watching porn before he met his girlfriend, so therefore it has NOTHING to do with her being inadequate. Watching porn doesn't make you any less of a human being, just as it does not degrade you as a person. Jesus Christ people these days. You all need to calm down.

It makes sense to be upset about it the first time the girl finds out, but after awhile, she needs to stop worrying. The chemistry of males will always be different from that of females so the opinions of any issue, like watching porn, will always be different! Women cannot just try to manipulate the man into being someone she wants him to be; it just doesn't work that way. Women need to get out of their fantasies, too.
Maddalena Blackchurch Profile
Yes. All women should mind because it objectifies and degrades women (look at bukkake which is made for this purpose). Men who watch porn are not gentlemen. Mind! Because this is where the depravity of life's problems often stems from. And no, I am not religious. This is a fact. Casually accepting something that degrades women and makes them feel like they are anything less than beautiful is a DETRIMENT. Now, I don't know the schmuck who wrote this "porn is completely normal" article, but I can tell you as a profiler, that porn is a normal temptation - however, it is in no way normal unless you are talking about societal guidelines. In that sense it's normal because we've turned a blind eye and accepted it. Gloria Steinhem was right in the 70's and today: Lose the porn. You're all the porn your man should need.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Well,   now what you should do is look at man porn and see how he reacts, if that doesnt work, just confront him and tell him you don't like it

codename: Love-doctor. Love-guru . Love-nurse
Zemmy Profile
Zemmy answered
Not mad, but perhaps you should be bit concerned. Just tell him how YOU feel about it, and what he's getting out of it. Understanding helps.
Megan Curtis Profile
Megan Curtis answered

Well, I'm 8 months pregnant, and I was going through my boyfriends phone and found he was browsing mobile porn. It really hit me hard. We've always had a strong relationship and he's always had desire for me even now while I'm 8 months pregnant. I asked him why he did it after refusing to talk to him the entire next day, and he said it's just something he does when he wants to masterbate, so that he can hold his longer to give me mine.

I think it's rubbish of course, I don't know, I feel like watching porn is a way of cheating. I don't watch porn, so why does he feel the need? Is there some brain cell men are missing that blinds them to how it makes us women feel? I don't want to control him, and constantly rag on him, but it really hurts, is he thinking about these nast bimbos while he's "making love to me." I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe it's my hormones. Good luck to the rest of you.

jamie lonkies Profile
jamie lonkies answered
Ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and just last week I found porn on his computer, pictures of teenage girls too! It made me so upset. I eventually confronted him about it and he got angry with me about it and was humiliated, I didn't mean to snoop if that's what he thought I was doing, the fact is it made me feel so used that I'm only there for his pleasure when he wants me, him watching another girl naked sickens me and I don't want him to touch me because I know he masturbated over it! It makes me feel dirty and not good enough for him, the question I ask myself why is it that if he has me he needs to watch those sluts on the internet??? Do I not give sex enough?? Or am I not attractive enough for him?? And whenever I ask him why he did it, he doesnt have a straight enough answer. It really hurts me and each day I feel I become more and more broken inside.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I found out my boyfriend watches porn while we were at the beach on vacation. Great way to start off a fun day right? Anyway, he knew how I felt about porn (degrading to women, disgusting, and immoral). He apologized but only laughed it off, and he was wondering why I was so upset. He kept telling me that I'M the weird one because all guys do it, and he knows so many guys that are addicts and are into really gross stuff. I still feel really hurt. I'm young and I know a lot of people think I'm pretty. I get him off at least every day, so I don't understand why after we say our "I love you's" and "goodnights" that he feels the urge to get on the internet and look at airbrushed naked women. He's making me feel really awful. He said he would stop and that should be enough, but I feel lied to. I know my heart is in the right place (I hope), I just wish I knew where his heart was.
Melissa Lee Profile
Melissa Lee answered
I would be mad. I AM mad at my boyfriend for looking at porn. He makes me feel useless, looking at another (or several other) naked women... He doesn't understand that it really does hurt. I find it unfaithful. And sometimes he'll compare me to sluts he sees online. But, he hasn't done that for a while, and he promised he stopped watching it because it hurt me. We have sex every few days or so, so I really don't see WHY he needs it. I mean, if we were away for weeks or months at a time, I would probably accept the fact that he needs it if I couldn't get him off on my own.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I struggle with this too. It really hurts me. I've talked to my boyfriend time and time again about it, but nothing EVER changes. It got to the point where I just told him I didnt want to see (he was bad at covering his tracks).I basically gave him a FREE pass, but he can't even do that, I still find traces of it EVERYWHERE. Last time he left a page up I didn't yell at him like I normally do, I was just quiet and felt more disapointed than anything. He was apologetic at first but then it turned into the usual, that I'm the one who has to get over it basically.Why can't he respect my feelings? I just don't want to have to SEE traces of it. Is that such a big thing to ask???
lisa elecillo Profile
lisa elecillo answered
I'm having an issue with him watching porn too and I try to look at the positive side like at least he isn't cheating but the fact that he tries hiding it from me so much and he lies about it just pisses me off so bad. It hurts because it's not just here and there when he looks at it, it's all the time when he thinks I'm asleep or when I'm in shower or in the kitchen cooking and this is everyday or every night! So I think maybe you have a right to be mad. I know men would say they wouldn't mind if we did it but if we did it the way they do, I really don't think they'd be cool with it. Just my opinion.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Great answers. This is helping me get over that I saw porn on my boyfriend computer as I was passing the screen last night and he was asleep. I was in bed waiting for him and there he was watching porn. I don't understand men.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Ok, my bf says that without watching porn he has no sex drive.  I feel like I am not enough to get him going.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Is there any men out there that don't look at porn??? Please...tell me there are some honest men left...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I would get annoyed if he was looking at porn. He is meant to have sexual pleasures and thoughts
about the one he is with, not getting off over people on the internet and so forth.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have a similar situation. I have been dating my bf for nearly 4 years. I caught him texting about youporn.com and how amazing it is.  I confronted him about the situation (I was very emotional: Bawling my eyes out),  He looked right at me and claimed that he does not look at porn and that it was only a joke with his buddy (who I know for a fact is obsessed with porn), but the text did not nearly sound close 2 being a "joke." I know that he would never be honest about it.. He has developed a lying problem...

I'm not sure how to feel.. At first I tried not 2 let it affect me, but I couldnt stand it. What is wrong with me?  Why am I not good enough for him? I have a nice body, and a cute complexion... Why does he have to look and dirty, loose sluts who just degrade themselves... I wish I could cope with it.... And I wish that he would just be honest about it, so that we could work from there.  How are we suppose 2 work on something that can never be recognized.

I can tell when he I lying.... So I believe he is... I wish that some guys could feel how their partners may feel about it. So I don't know what to tell you... I'd suggest leaving him, but then I would just be a hypocrite... Because I love him, and no matter how much it hurts, I can't bring myself to leave him...
Randi Moore Profile
Randi Moore answered
My bf looks at porn all the time he tried to stop once for me but he would get mad for no reason and treat me like crap, I never new why until one day I finally couldn't take it anymore so I confronted him about it and guess what it was because he so badly wanted to watch porn. He said he would think about doing it all the time. It hurts so much to know he watches it when I'm in the same house. I feel like I'm not good enough or keep him satisfied. The other day I found it on my laptop where he actually left the evidence and it was so disgusting and perverted, I mean like anime incest and fat fetish, and I couldn't help myself but to go to the sites and the things I saw, the women, I could never compare to or even think of doing what they did. I just don't why it's so hard for him to stop.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Guess I have to be the voice of reason here. The Circumstances when you get together should signal a lot of factors in a relationship from the start. For instance, did you know about Them looking at porn in advance? You can't very well get mad or expect other behavior if you knew full well they did such things. Women look at porn as well. It is not only Men.

I think its important to realize that for some people porn is an outlet and a tool used so the person with overwhelming sexual desire towards other female or males is squelched. Its ridiculous to say just because someone is looking watching buying porn that there a creep or there is something wrong with them.

Your telling me you have never thought about another person or wonder what it would be like if you had done this or that with another person? If not then your the .001% Exception, but if the case then its no different in the end.
tasha riddle Profile
tasha riddle answered
I don't think anyone should care about their boyfriend watching porn for the simple fact that it is normal for a dude to watch porn. My fiance watches porn it use to bother me then I started watching it with him. It really does improve your sex life just saying, I do get mad when he trys to hide it from me though, and no it does not mean your not good enough, or your not pretty enough, or he don't love you. You are good enough, pretty enough and if he tells you he loves you I'm sure he means it. Think about it if you were not good enough or pretty enough do you think he would still be with you? My fiance told me that he did not know why I thought about things like that, and that if I was not good enough or pretty enough he would not be with me. So I think that us women are just over reacting to something wee shouldnt be
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm having serious problems in my relationship because of this and I'm really not sure what to do...I never cared at all about porn before -- I actually loved watching it myself...now I am feeling he complete opposite.....when I find that he's been doing it, my heart starts racing and pounding really hard, I get instantly sick to my stomach and in some cases actually throw up. Even more recently my throat starts to close up and its hard to breath and painful.

So as far as my efforts go to solve the problem it seems to be only getting worse, and what gets me the most is that I actually get physical reactions from this.....any ideas what that could be? It's driving me really crazy :(
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Hey girl don't knock it till you try it!! It may spice up your relationship just try it once if you don't like it then tell him. If he likes to watch it then thats ok as long as its not all the time, hey its better than him going out to bars and hitting on other women!!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My boyfriend doesnt care if I don't where sexy underwear and he finds it hard to keep his willie hard but he loves porn and this does both of the above should I be mad about that I feel like I don't please him I just don't no what to do
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My girlfriend doesnt get mad at me, she just doesnt want to ever find it. You can't stop someone who you don't control really stop it but I watch it only when she doesnt want it or is on her period, technically it lows my sperm count and I like to bust one before sex too just because I don't wnana get pregnant. She does her job perfect I just watch it just because when I get turned on and its entertaining not because she doesnt satisfy me just because if we can't have sex or don't want to.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Yer I do. I get upset. I saw in his wardrobe a bag with porn n he promised me that he's never watched porn while being with me. I found a DVD in a cupboard tonight n quickly put it on and saw sex. I'm so upset I don't even know what to do. I got it broke it and threw it in rubbish. I hate wen they lie bthey should tell the truth. I feel uncomfortable when they watch porn makes you feel unattractive n you don't do it for them!
Lady Ivy Profile
Lady Ivy answered
My husband has a problem with porn also. I've asked him to stop watching it and he did for awhile but now he's back to watching it again. We have the problem of him not being able to last for more than 2-5 mins in bed. This is a HUGE problem cause by the time I'm just getting started he's already done! The other day I asked him if he wanted to have sex and he said No....so that night I came home from work and there was porn on the computer! This is not the first time either! He would rather jerk off to porn than have sex with me because it's definitely NOT helping his premature ejaculation It's getting to the point where I'm so disgusted I don't ever want to have sex with him again!
Erica wisconsin Profile
Erica wisconsin answered
Its not even so much of watching the porn as it is of them being secretive about it which then creates trust issues. Them doing it while you are sleeping when they could come to you. You making videos and giving them pictures to use for when you can't take care of them and they would rather look at other women makes you feel inadequate.  And last but not least when you tell them how you feel and they don't even care to talk with you about it or confront the issue makes you feel worthless. So don't say its the woman over reacting. Men just need to step up and act like an adult and either tray their woman with the respect they deserve or go find a whore who doesn't care about them either
Zepyrae Dea Profile
Zepyrae Dea answered
My boyfriend and I feel very similar about porn. We watch it occasionally, together or individually. We both think most porn is boring and repetitive, but we love some rare good porn that is realistic, sensual and erotic and not degrading. I never felt threatened by him watching porn. The first time it came up in our relationship when we were browsing through his collection of movies and he said ''I have to warn you I have some porn here too'' And I said ''That's cool, I'd watch it with you.''

There are porn related behaviors that are unhealthy and disrespectful too. But the occasional viewing of porn that the majority of men do is ok, normal and certainly not immoral. I feel truly sorry for girls who feel threatened by porn. Men don't think of you as less worthy and unattractive when they watch porn; you do. They don't mean to offend you by doing it; YOU take offence. Because you have deeply rooted insecurity and a less then loving relationship in overall. That's why you feel extra threatened and can't tolerate porn. So yes, I'm afraid the problem is inside you. The worrisome part is that you consider your boyfriend responsible for your mental well-being - as opposed to yourself; that you want to change *him* to relieve the suffering coming from *your* insecurity problem, and the fact that you believe you are entitled to such demands. I'm afraid you will suffer a lot and never be able to be happy because you need and want from a man something that is just not very realistic, nor are you solving your insecurity issue in a constructive manner.
Roland Scott Profile
Roland Scott , mary, answered

Hi I'm Roland Scott, but I also go by the name Mary.

I watch some light transgender porn behind my wifes back. She would KILL me if she found out. By the way, my name is neither Roland nor Mary. I'm not dumb enough to post a confession on a public forum, what do you take me for? Anyway yeah I think it's perfectly normal that a woman would get angry towards porn. They feel replaced and disrespected. If i'm honest though I just don't care. I just don't want to get caught

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered

That's just stupid. Everyone watches porn even if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Specially because everyone has their special fantasies that sometimes the other half cant provide. But still, if you life happily with him, why are you complaining? Maybe if he watches porn, he will get hornier and be with you.

katalatadingdong . Profile

ok.

don't hate on me please.

girls, if you have a problem with  a man that is watching porn, it is YOUR PROBLEM. *eeek!!!*  i know, it's hard to wrap your head around and my statement might make you steaming mad.

Especially if you are steaming mad, you may want to question yourself with what i've said again. Write about it. Find out what it is that bothers you.

1. He cannot ever sleep with her.

2. What he does, cannot diminish WHO YOU ARE or your relationship with your S.O. Period

3. You cannot change another person

4. Get ok with it, or find a man who doesn't like it (good luck!)

5. He wants to watch something = NOTHING to do with you.

Now, I am going to try and relate personal experience and what i've learned. THE Hard Way.

Think about this for a moment, please.  When you want to get your nails done, watch tv, honk your horn, bite your nails, etc.; is any of that seriously because someone else did something, looks some way or is wonderfully attractive or unattractive? Or because they are not driving correctly? 

I find that anytime I am upset about something that someone else is doing, it is because my expectation is that they will do A, and instead they do B.  My own expectations are the only reason I am upset. I have to own that first. Before I can decide that someone else's behavior is unacceptable to me, I have to own my own expectation level, then my behavior.

Are there things that I do that other people/my friends or family, would not like? Yes. Definitely. So first, I have to get off my high horse. I don't belong up there. I will just fall off.

Next, what is it that is driving my anger, discomfort, unease, or irritability on this particular issue? *Yes, i have also suffered from an occasional flare up of jealousy, anger, unmet expectations, I am not perfect. It actually still happens. I have not mastered this.*  For me, it is fear. Fear that I am not as pretty, do not %$#(& as well, or I am not thin enough, or that ... He will want her type & not me.

None of this is true. If any of it is, what can i do about it? NOTHING.

If he's going to leave, I cannot stop that from happening.  What I can [email protected]!!

Work on me. Help other people. Go to the gym. Wear some hot stuff to bed. Don't get too self conscious, continue to be gracious, loving, and true to myself. I am not competing with porn stars. Thank GOD!!! And i am not the boss of my significant other. Period. (also thanks be to my HP)

I can make choices for myself to increase my love or my fitness or my attention to my Higher Power.  I cannot change someone else' ~

I hope this helps some of you. Lots of these answers are way misdirected. =/

in love & service,

kat

jessie cuellar Profile
jessie cuellar answered
Not at all. It's a natiral guy thing. If you doslike it, talk to him about it. Tell him you don't like that he watches it and see if you can come to an agreement about it. If you feel like you have to, tell him it's all or nothing. But remember, this is natural for him. He won't know it's an issue if you don't tell him.
Darik Majoren Profile
Darik Majoren answered

Wow, I followed Zack to this Question.

Of course you don't have to get mad, unless it is an obsession . . Then you can get concerned. Why not ask if you can watch some with him? . . .

Next thing you will be asking is if you should get mad because he still masterbates.

Louisa Veitch Profile
Louisa Veitch answered
YES he might think your not good enough or he likes it you should tell him how you feel its disrespect!!!!
Kaitlyn Fleming Profile
Kaitlyn Fleming answered

I found naked pictures of girls on my bfs computer and I started to cry!! First off the girls that he was looking at he told me he thought they were sluts and whores, so why does he look at them? I am an attractive girl and sometimes guys come up and grab my butt and of course I tell my bf and we talk about it and he gets mad that it happened,so ik he get jealous, so then should he understand how I feel about looking at porn? I mean he turns sex with me down but then he goes and wacks off to naked pics of Miley Cyrus!! Why can't he be there for me and understand how it makes me feel insecure about myself and how I please him!?!? I can't just tell him to stop looking at it because he will still do it even if he says hes not.

We havent had sex in so long but he can look at naked girls,I feel ugly and worthless to him, he doesnt tell me he loves me anymore and he doesnt kiss me or hold my hand anymore, I just want my boyfriend back, I am in love with him and can't let him go, what should I do? I am afraid to tell him that it upsets me because I don't want to lose him but I can't deal with the fact that there are other girls on his mind. My sex drive is really high and I would never turn him down for sex so why does he need porn? I really love him but don't want to see him or think about him looking at other girls the way he should be looking at me. What should I do?

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
To all those females out there having a cry about porn...WAKE UP!!! Men are visual creatures and that fact has been proven. There is nothing wrong with porn and it isn't disgusting...its likely that you and your boyfriend/husband have had sex before and thats all it is. They are watching other people having sex and thats all...grow up....maybe you should try watching it with him....I do with my boyfriend and it keeps the relationship steamy in the bedroom. Its the same with strippers...yes they are disgusting but you should try going to a strip club together. The problem is that you're not open to something adventurous and exciting. When I'm not in the mood for sex I'm not going to deny him his right to relieve himself. He is only doing the same thing he would have been doing since he started puberty. Try it yourself before you go bad mouthing it.
mackenzie Profile
mackenzie answered
Hey I'm a married women and have two children and my husband still watches porn there is nothing wrong with it . It does not mean he loves porn more then you. All guys or men do that its only natural from them too even some women I no very well watch porn with there husband . I hope this can help you .
thanked the writer.
carol washington
carol washington commented
I am a married woman too, and if my husband watches porn i feel that's his thing. After more than 3 decades of marriage he works, takes care of his responsibilities. Just so happens he's not into it, i am. I have 4 grown children & 3 grandchildren and i keep my movies under lock and key. They might have dust on them by now, but if i felt like watching i would. He respects me that much. People like what they like. I draw the line when they become out of control.,great answer.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I feel EXACTLY the same way... If he has been watching porn and then wants to have sex, I feel like he didnt get it up for me, he got it up for some other girl! If he looks at it a little, its easier for me to deal with, but mine watches every day! I watch porn on occasion too, but not EVERY DAY! It makes me mad, and sad, because I don't look like those girls either... Plus he looks up  tiny blonde girls in his porn, and I'm a very tall Brunette... :( I don't like that...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I don't know what to do... I confronted him once before about porn and he lied to me.... And when I found out I was devastated!! Now I found more on his computer and I don't know if I should confront him again because I feel as though he will just hide it from me in the future. I was going to try not to be mad but the more I think about it the more I feel like I am not good enough and freaky enough to satisfy him and it really hurts.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Don't be mad, try to explain to him that you hope he will try something new... Ask him not to watch porn for a week, no sex, no masturbation etc for a week... And then at the end of the week you will do something for him, fulfill a fantasy he has... At the end of the week, talk to each other about how you want to do it, what your fantasies are... You could be very surprised and pleased with the results... Good luck.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
No, you shouldn't get mad about your boyfriend looking at porn! He's not cheating on you. Porn or masturbating  is his alone time.
Don't make a big deal out of it. I mean girls look at men without their shirts on too? Its the same thing. And also don't ask what other people think. If you don't like it tell him it has nothing to do with anyone else.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
What about webcam sites and sexy chat with other women? Surely that isn't right! Guys can watch the occasional bit of porn but things that go beyond cannot be justified
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I do not know. I feel the VERY same way. I have tried the "just don't let me see it" approach and it doesn't help. It just makes me more curious about when and what he looks at. I even tried the "let me watch with you" approach but he just gets embarrassed and mad at me. He tells me I am close-minded and that I should just get over it. I am clueless on what to do, but I don't agree that men "have to look at porn" they WANT to look at it. I don't want to dump him, but I really can't seem to get over his/my problem.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Well from personal experience I get a litte upset that my boyfriend looks at porn but, I got over it ..but you do have to realize that getting mad is a little extreme, its not like he's going to meet up with these people or that he even really knows them and I think it's a natural thing for guys to look at some form of porn so just let it be just ask him to please not watch it while you are around because it upsets you....he should understand if he cares about you feelings...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I looked at my boyfriend's history the other day and it showed that he had been on webcam chat sites with women and chatroulette..I obviously confronted him about it as he has never been on things like that before. At first he denied it and then before I knew it he had deleted the history so I couldn't prove he was lying. I felt worthless and ugly, why should a guy have to go on such sites when they are in a relationship. To me, it seems pointless and I am very hurt by the ordeal and don't know what to do
faleshia sisneros Profile
It is overall disgusting .. Women you need to put your men on check let them know it is wrong and degrading of women in general. My boyfriend and I have an exciting sexlife and sometimes iwant to have sex more than he deos but still on and on again I catch him . And he feeds me all this trust crap. And again I catch him. This is the last straw for him. He deos not respect me enough to follow my one and only rule. And when he says I can't get dildos or play toys. I respect him enough to do so. Becasue he says I will get used to them. So shouldnt it be a two way street? And when I find out I get so heated he knows he can't calm me down. Men say it is in their nature. That is wrong. Cavemen did not evolve with porn to the men they are today. And the way men act these days might as well be called cave men. It is disgusting and degrading it makes me not want to be touched by him.. He tells me that he likes the thrill of maybe getting caught but  he used say that it was the good part about cheating. Before we met we were excessive cheaters and have now changed. But he still is emotionally and mentally cheating I find it unbearable ....
Put your men in their place. It is wrong.
Josie Storm Profile
Josie Storm answered
You're boyfriend is still being fulfilled by you! Don't listen to that crap, I'm a female, I had the exact same problem but after reading the stuff on this thread I feel a lot better about it all. Some of the stuff is just mental! We females really are a bit crazy haha! The thing is that we want to know that we are the only girl and sexual image on our boyfriends minds 100% of the time! Which If youre in love I'm sure it is for the most part! But even for a girl thats unrealistic...I'm going to watch it with my boyfriend,, I think it will be fun! And less likely for him to hide it from me in the future. Girls, if youre reading this my advice would be to focus more on the male point of view on here, because that will give you a lot more help! Good luck ladies! :)
Chasity S Profile
Chasity S answered
I get mad when my so-called b/f looks at porn....sometimes I think that he just a nasty type of dude....
jane smith Profile
jane smith answered
I honestly don't know what to think, in a way I feel like its okay for a guy to jerk off to porn as long as hes not out there banging other girls. I was going threw my boyfriends I pad and I found out he had a twitter account, than I found out he was following cassandracruzxx and kacey jordon porn stars what bothered me was (1) that he had a twitter account and I had no clue about it (2) that he need to know these porn stars where abouts. I'm young and petite and I'm pretty confident but after finding that out I'm totally insecure
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Absolutely not.  If he's not cheating on you physically, then looking at porn just means that he's thinking about sex--he's likely not actively soliciting a relationship with a porn star.  That being said, asking some local girl to give him a live show via web-cam is completely different than watching anonymous online porn.  It's a fantasy about the act versus a fantasy about the girl.  If he ever gets to the point where he's NOT looking at porn, then he'll either be humping your leg when you have better things to do, or else he will have killed his sex drive altogether, neither of which you want.  Let him dream about whatever he wants... As long as he comes to you to live it out.
Christina Profile
Christina answered
No, he is not cheating guys just have an over active drive. I think it's ok as long as they're just looking.
Margaret W Profile
Margaret W answered
You should stop him from doing that.. Tell him it's either your body or nothing.. Why does he have to look at other girls bodies?.. "looking around" is an equivalent of a wandering eyes and is the same as cheating
thanked the writer.
carol washington
carol washington commented
How would you suggest she stop him? Making him chose between her body and paper or film , that seems kind of extreme. I don't think he "has" to look, i think he "wants" to look. All kinds of things are done behind closed doors, some would make us sick, but he seems to be just into looking not going out for his sex. It seems that sometimes we worry that we don't stir up the desire, the porn does and sometimes it's true but who he shares the sex with is his wife.
micah johnson Profile
micah johnson answered
No. Every guy needs to get out their sexual frustrations just as girls do. There are many girls that look at porn too
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Well it must really suck for you
and I understand everyone has the rite to be upset about their bf looking at porn.
Unless he gets obsessed with it and it what he want to do instead of being with you
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
No you shouldnt get mad because the fact is that over 85% of boys look at porn and maybe he just curious. But if he starts watching and thinking about it all the time or more then thinks about you then you should be mad.
Mathew Smith Profile
Mathew Smith answered
I've struggled with porn my whole life, even tonight and I feel really ashamed when I engage in it.  Porn is something that devalues and objectifies women, and destroys the people who look at it.  I would be very upset if my spouse looked at it.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
No because if you are giving it to him it would be better if he looks at porn or goes to stip clubs because atleast you know he aint getting it from someone else
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I think you guys are making too much fuss about men watching Porn unless you are extreme aggressive feminist. Firstly Porn industry is a thriving billion dollar industry cause of having constant demand by men, & boys reaching adolescent (& may be some girls). Ever wondered why the hell boys reach puberty at 12-13 when as per the belief & religious faith, they should have sex only after marriage. That means for 13 to 14 years they should be having self bond celibacy. Its natural to have sexual urges (you can't put social norms on everything- watching porn is better than men going to prostitution or some pushed to doing rape). Most men tend to watch Porn before having a girlfriend. So seriously its not a big deal once a girl comes in their life. But women make such fuss about it. And if women have problem with Porn, how about men having problem with you read Mills & Boons type sexed up novels.
rosemary grace Profile
rosemary grace answered
Wow, I can not believe all the comments on here sniveling about porn! What truly 1st world problems. I'm a 30 yr old woman, I watch porn whenever I feel like it. My bf is 34 and he watches it whenever he feels like it. Sometimes I just want to watch porn and please myself. I don't think that lessens my love for my bf or means I want other people. And when he feels like watching it I don't care. We still have a very active sex life. I am not threatened by him watching it. Why would I be? I still turn him on, he doesnt demand I do crazy positions that he sees on porn that could potentially be uncomfortable for me, he never compares me to the people on porn. In fact he tells me how beautiful I am all the time. Maybe what it is for all of you women that are having a problem with your man watching porn is not so much the porn itself but a less than loving relationship. I don't think the porn is the problem. Your man should make you feel like number one. And then I don't think him watching porn would really bother you, you'd be SECURE in your relationship.
Rachel Profile
Rachel answered
When I first started dating my boyfriend, he admitted to me that he frequently looks at porn. I wasn't exactly mad, more disappointed. I know its part of human nature to look at someone that is attractive, but I feel like that if I am able to commit sexually to one person, he should be able to as well. So I had a long conversation with a male friend about it, and we came to a conclusion that I think is reasonable. He said that when a guy is single, he is obviously going to look at porn. BUT if his sexual urges are satisfied, and he is in a relationship, looking at porn is an encroachment on the intimacy in a relationship. I agree. If some girl with fake DD's is going to pose naked on the Internet, what does that leave for other women? I'm not trying to argue that its alright for a girl to let herself go, etc. I'm only saying that the things that make ordinary, not fake, women sexy are no longer as important. Thats just my opinion. I suggest you talk to him and ask him if its okay if you look at pics of naked guys. I'm sure he won't really enjoy that suggestion.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Oh my god, I thought I was the only one that felt this way...

I thought maybe I was being uptight or controlling. He made me feel that way. When he looks at that stuff, it makes me feel less confident because I try my best to turn him on and be creative and sexy in the bedroom. When I see that hes been looking at other women, it makes me feel like I am not good enough. I know I am beautiful, but obviously like any other woman I have my insecurities.
Like some of you, it makes me not want to have sex with him and lose respect for him. Its a dirty habit and one of my many views are that if you're look at it on the computer, what's stopping you from looking at it in person or get turned on by some random girl when I am not around. If the computer gets you hard... What would happen if it is a real woman? Scary, but I hope he never cheats on me. He loves me a lot, but men tend to think with their penis.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
He's just not that into you.  Know guys who do it, and they have lost the love for their wives.  So if I were you, I would file for divorce.  Plain and simple.  Stopping gossiping like little girls and grow some balls.  Move on, no need to be hiding stuff from each other, that's not a healthy relationship at all, don't you think?  I'm a guy, I know.
Raelynne Engavo Profile
Raelynne Engavo answered
Hell no. Why would anyone get mad at a person for looking at porn? Maybe, you should give him a live show, never know, he might just enjoy it enough that he doesn't need the porn
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
First off, I think it's ridiculous in the extreme that people try to make it seem like your only two options are either looking at porn (1) or being cheated on (2). Is that what the dignity of the human race has come to? That our desire to form a mated pair and be together is now so unimportant that women have to make a choice between their partner cheating on them or looking at porn? The comparison is ludicrous!

Also, the lie that "it's normal" isn't all its cracked up to be either.
Valerie Robb Profile
Valerie Robb answered
YES! It makes you feel degrading, unworthy, and above all Disgusted! I'm sorry but if I caught my boyfriend doing a little stunt like that, we would be having a little talk.  I don't care if it satisfies his sexual needs! It's wrong! Especially, if he does it out in the open. He should have more respect for you and do it in privacy. Look I know that porn can be addicting but people can control themselves, they can make rational decisions, and morally see the wrong in it! So what if it's a billion dollar corporation or whatever! Just because it is common, doesn't make it right! I feel even more disgusted because I've caught my dad watching porn and he has no idea! He's had this problem ever since me and my brother were very young! The reason I know this was because my parents would fight about it and, well, we have very hollow walls, so we would know what would be going on. I just wish he would change all together because ever since I've known him he gives no respect for my mother or his children.  Now I don't care anymore and I lost all the respect for him a long time ago.
Charlotte Rayworth Profile
Who ever wrote the article is an idiot, NO its NOT ok for him to watch porn, he has you for that, he is simply a sick whor* who needs to have his privates trimmed a bit and put back in place. Don't allow someone to do that, and don't ever listen to anyone who says it's "NORMAL", because truth is, it's nasty! Hope this helps.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Don't get mad, just get rid of him. I know this is a little late for reply, anyway, he is not good for you. I just recently split with my perverted male. This man which I believed in was cheating on me from the time I met him with porn and hoar's, the lies got greater and greater. So many disgusting things started to appear on day to day basics. This man has a girl child the age of 11 years. He would do things like watch porn and place a vibrate up his back passage while the child was in the next room where she could walk out at anytime and see him in full view. Then I would catch him perving on his child in the shower and she would scream and ask him what he was doing. This happen on many occasions'. I think if they need to surf for porn, then they have a problem with what is real in life. Many times I have come back from party or outing where my friends would be afraid to tell me on things that he would do, which made them feel uncontable and disturbed. I would say to you move forward as these guys will lie there way out of it to not make them look bad, sick or except responsibilities for any of there actions. Remember they can flirt with sex while there young in any way or form, but when they become older them they become dirty old men. Be clear with what the real truth is, it's not you that is sick demented problem, it is there issue with own sick intention, and they could never have time for you. They do not like them self's and there the one that is insecure, and need to be kept a close watch on them from family and friends. There is way too much of this happening in the world, and women today should have respect for them self's, if we allow it, it will continue to carry on through our life time. Take care for you are wonderful. Rember Love Is All There Is...
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I'm not sure how long ago this was posted but i hope you didn"t just leave that poor girl behind to deal with her fathers sick actions-my father did some of those same things around me and i always wished my step mother would have said something to stop it.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
What is wrong with you people? Its only porn. If you don't feel sexy thats your fault. If you don't think you full fill his sexual needs thats your fault. Maybe you women should take lessons from pornstars and act like them in the bed and you wouldnt have this problem. Me and my girlfriend watch porn together and alone. But yet we still have amazing sex. It has nothing to do with the fact of him finding you less attractive or he holds less love for you. All it is is a fantasy, women he knows he can never have and wants to see them have sex. There is nothing disrespectful about it. Untill he stops paying bils, watching kids etc etc it should not be a problem. The problem is with you women. Grow up and stop worrying that your man is watching porn. Just be happy hes not out there having sex with one of your close friends or family members who are more attractive than you.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Ainte nothing wroung with "Porn" or any other form of adult entertainment wether it be XXX videos,utube,playboy,hustler. The problem is differences,but arent differences what makes us unique as idividuals,whats good for one doesnt have to be good for the other just like different styles and flavors.Just like I tould my lady I thought I was grown not on my way 2 st peters gate
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Porn is disgusting. When a man has someone whom he dedicates his life to, or is taking the time out to get to know, why? My boyfriend feels this way. We met 7 yrs. Ago. He use 2 talk bout marriage I said NO b/c I refuse 2 compete with others no matter wat the form. My sex drive with him is gone, I don't want it cuz he makes me feel that way. I wanna walk away, we argue everyday and I know its coming! He refuses to stop, so the real answer is love isn't enough, then leave rite! Am I not good enuf
Marcia Profile
Marcia answered
NO! I know it is hard to not let it bother you, but men all over the world enjoy looking at the female anatomy and they do have fantasies as women do too. He probably just has a higher sex drive than you do at this time.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
If you are old anuf
show him what you look like or act sexy and he will probable stop looking at porn
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Sorry Girlies but Your Boys secretly wish you were blondes bc they wish they could tussle with another girl. I know this because I'm a loser gf who is jonesing to get blonde highlights
Kitty Grant Profile
Kitty Grant answered
You shouldn't be mad, just realize that your boyfriend isn't getting fulfilled by you and you shouldn't need to until you're married.  If he feels he needs to turn to that....stuff... Then you should feel you need to let him go.   Good luck! <3

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