I'm in a LDR. My boyfriend lives in Texas and I'm in PA. You have to let them have their space. They can't stop their life for you. If you really love someone you will be concerned about their happiness. If being with his friends makes him happy than so be it. If he goes out and gets drunk, it doesnt mean that he is going home with another girl, or means that hes going to be doing something illegal. I go out and drink with my friends. There are no such things as double standards in a relationship.
I Trust my boyfriend 1000%. All of his friends always tell me how good of a guy he is. You can't change someone though. I mean I get frustrated when he goes out and I'm in for the night, but you got to keep your mind on something else.
Love isn't an exact science. IT's not about setting times, its not about setting curfews or rules, it's about one thing and that thing is respect. Just love and respect each other. Find a happy medium. Love should not be complicated.
LDR's SUCK. Missing your guy makes the entire thing worse because they go out with their friends a lot more to fill in the gap that they don't get to spend with you. The more than you become OK with him going out the easier it will be. Do it in steps. Read a book, go for coffee, do something. Sitting around is a waste of time...its not like you can stop him anyways.
I get the same upset, angry, neglected feelings too. My boyfriend has just been out on a stag weekend with some his friends and I did get used to the idea of him going and he assured me there wasnt going to be any strippers and more of a male bonding doing activities..fine. But when the evenings came and I don't get a reply from a text I sent, this is when I start feeling suspicious and like he's having too much fun to even remember I exist. I do trust him but you just never know what a guy is like when they are with their guy friends. Even when the next day arrives and he texts me there is no explanation as to what he did that night or any concern to what I may have felt sitting at home alone wondering what he was up to. Yes I am bitter! I know this isn't much help but it helps me by knowing that there are other girls out there who feel the same about this situation, and that we're not alone, it must just be one of those things. I just blame the previous boyf's who screwed us over!!
Well, I may be a bit late, but to address the issue and share my own personal past, I will speak. Ive done the long distance thing twice and both ended very badly, each worse than the last. Ladies I was enlightened. It doesn't how beautiful you are, or how trusting your man can or may be. No matter the circumstances of your realtionship or the morals of your beau, the likelihood of him cheating is very possible, more so when there is a good amount of distance between you. Not all men are bad or have bad intentions, but men are men no matter how good they may be to you. They have needs and want to be accepted by beautiful women just as you would want to be by handsome men.
I have found that if and or when men cheat its more so about the greed, fame and glory, nothing personal against the main squeeze, in fact, that's their last intent, to hurt you. If they can find a way to cheat without the woman finding out or being hurt by it, it'd be a career for them. So make no mistake and waste no time, your man will NEVER be an exception to the rule.
And as for the woman who are angry ever time your man leaves after dark without you, it has been in my experience your gut instinct letting you know to put your guard up and be very aware. For some reason men litterally turn into dogs after 5pm especially if they are being courted by alcohol and knucklehead company. It maybe the jealously that you feel because he chose his friends over you. But whatever it is, if you are in a serious relationship, have your guard up, he doesn't have to know, but don't give him too much benefit of doubt because a shocking reality WILL soon hit if you have. And as others have said occupy your time with hobbies, going out with friends, even use that time to work on becoming the renaissance woman we all inspire to be. Don't let his going out consume your natural loving and supportive personality, but I say fight fire with fire and just be aware. Hope this helps...
I don't mind if my boyfriend goes out but I don't like surprises. I was going to go n see him tonight so I texted him at 11pm n said I'm on my way n he replied I'm tired babe ill see you tomorrow so I said ok good night. I fell asleep but woke up at 12am so I decide 2 call him 2 c if he's changed his mind. He picks up n he's at a bar with his sis n mates. I was furious!! And he says I'm overreacting, he's done nothing wrong etc. My point is I was coming 2 c him but he said he was tired yet he's not tired 2 go out with other people. It makes me feel like I don't matter. We have been together for almost 2 yrs n I can't tell you how much I've put up with in that time including the fact he has never fully given himself 2 me because he says he's been hurt in the past n has his wall up. I just texted him n said I can't do this anymore. I'm almost 33 n need 2 be with someone that knows how to be in a proper relationship.
You first need to ask yourself why you are upset. If you trust him, then perhaps you are resentful that he would rather spend time with folks other than you. That is an insecurity/self-esteem issue.
Do you have other interests or hobbies? If so, you should welcome the time to pursue those interests or hobbies when your boyfriend is busy.
well...I'm having the same issue..but I think you'll always get upset..I mean why should our men have to go out when we are right there what is he looking for...we devote all our time to them but they don't do the same...I don't know its how we feel!>
When my boyfriend hangs out with his friends, even though I know that he is and I absolutely trust him, I feel upset sometimes too. Maybe it's because I don't like the fact that he's hanging out with his friends rather than me, even though we hang out more.
But you can go hang out with your friends when he is out, then you'd both be doing the same thing...kinda......and that might feel better
Ugh! I'm feeeling that right now and I completley hate it!, like..I'm not worried he would do anything wrong. Not worried about that at all. Sometimes we will even be out with our own friends and texting each other, but even if I try to be distracted I still feel so upset.especially when I try to drop hints and he totally doesn't get it, and whenver he does, he asks why I'm so uspet and I don't know what to say, because I don't know what it is that bothers me so much :/
Oh my god! I feel the same way! I just spent like 20 mins crying cause I was so hurt my boyfriend of 3 years went our without me. It's St Patrick’s day today and he’s at a bar with his single friend. He said he didn't ask me to come cause we didn't make any plans and he figured I was busy. But he didn't even ask! He said he called me to tell me but I didn't have reception where I was. Still he could have sent me a txt or a facebook message cause I would heave seen those. I only found out he was at the bar cause I called him and it was so noisy! Imagine how mad I would have been if a friend of mine saw him there and told me before he did?
It's not the first time I feel like this either and I consider myself to be a very confident person without insecurities. He told me I should trust him but I do! I just feel like all you other girls. Kinda jealous that he chose the friend over me. After reading all the other stories I do feel a lil better. But I'm still going to tell him in a few days when I cool off that even though wee don’t live together and aren’t married, we are still in a committed relationship together and I don’t like these surprises. A heads up would have been good and even an invite if its something that I would like to go to like St Patty’s day. I’ll ask him to put himself in my shoes and see how he would feel if I was out a a bar on St Partick's day with a bunch of drunk ppl and he only found out later.
Ask yourself this question...How much do you really trust yourself? If you have not proven to yourself that you can make the right choice to act in a trustworthy way when faced with a very temptating situation. Then it is very hard to believe that another could make the right choice if faced with the same situation. Also if you have acted in a untrustworthy manner in a past relationship than your own guilt conscious maybe contributing to your suspicious thoughts toward your man or womans time away from you.
Once you learn that you can trust yourself ,it is much easier to trust another.
And if you feel that you are consistanly giving much more than you are recieving in the relationship.then you must stop giving as much because this creates an unbalance in the relationship, which will lead to resentment,-another unheathly relationship killer. Sometimes people are not so comfortable giving so much of themselves to another at certain times just because the amount of emotional availablity may be less and their ability to give may not be as high as yours it doesn't make theirs wrong nor does it make yours wrong either. People need to be able to have the freedom to do things at their own pace. So if you really care for this person maybe you could show it in a way that doesn't push them away. Like maybe slowing down to their pace for awhile.
Guilt trips and suspicious questioning, jealous remarks, are dead give aways for those who are very insecure. And you need to ask yourself this : "how appealing does a relationship with an insecure, jealous , controlling, guilt tripper sound to you"?
I know those are none of the qualities I look for in a potential mate in fact quite the opposite. ~ good luck with all ~Michele
try this book "women are from venus and men are from mars" THE BOOK OF DAYS -make sure it is the book of days. There is a wealth of info for both men and women on how to better understand one another and so much more check it out!!
Yeah I am the exact same.my boyfriend is super loyal and I do trust him but I get so mad when he goes out, usually 1-3 times a week. We have the same group of friends (guys and girls) but often the guys will go out altogether and I get so anxious and irritated. Largely because most of the guys are single and looking for girls, the ones that are in a relationship either cheat on their girlfriends or ust don't go out as much as my boyfriend does. My guy friends assure me that he is incredibly loyal and I do believe him but I get so angry and resentful. I think its because going out isn't a priority to me anymore, its something ive outgown and I don't see why he feels the need to all the time. Whenever I go out with him as well I am sooo bitchy and mean to him like picking fights about nothing at all :( I feel really bad about it but ust can't seem to stop myself!
I'm so glad I read this, just to know that there's other girls like me! My boyfriend is at uni about an hour away from me, in London, and he's gone clubbing overnight but I just feel sick because clubs = dancing girls + short skirts. He hasn't texted back all night, which he usually does straight away. I know I'm being paranoid, but I'm so insecure and my self-esteem is so low. I also can't trust any guys, just because of past experiences. I know he's lovely but I can't help it. This sick feeling is making me feel worse because I always get it when I have a gut feeling that something's wrong, and something usually is... (I've been with a LOT of pricks). This is driving me crazy I just want to know whether he's in his bed alone and safe or not! I feel like a crazy bitch pahah, this is embarrassing
I "go out" specifically to socialize & blow off excess energy that probably would find a worse outlet otherwise. It's also not like I'm sneaking around about it; it's to the same club everyone we know goes to. If I did do anything dodgy there, it'd be on the internet in about 60 seconds.This "I spend all my time & energy on you, how dare you not be equally co-dependent?" question that keeps popping up is scary. I get that from my girl, even though we're in our 30's and she goes to bed at, like, 9PM. Listen - if you want to do that, fine; I understand the work ethic behind it....but don't get on my case if I don't act like I'm 35 going on 66 too. We go out, because we can - I can bench-press 300lbs & bike 50 miles too, but that doesn't mean I either a) expect you to or b) intend to stop just because you can't. We're not clones.It's a self-esteem issue, I think. These girls just can't believe that you're not going to "find someone better." If the best they can offer is nagging about you doing what makes you happy, odds are neither of you is going to like the results much. For God's sake, give the guys some space.
I feel the same way, though my situation is a little more difficult than yours. My boyfriend and I are in a (very) long distance relationship. Long distance as in separated by a sea. When his friends/college buddies ask him to come out for the night, I get angry and upset too. I don't like how his friends have "exclusive rights" on his nights out, I don't like the fact I can't come with... I don't go out, because I know it would make him angry/upset/worried, I guess I expect the same thing from him.
It happens often enough that he doesn't keep his word either. He was asked to come out tonight (and if he goes out he stays out till the next day), but said he wouldn't. Three hours ago he sends me a text that he went for a couple of beers anyway, but would be home at the "usual time". I haven't heard from him yet.
I fear this night is going to look the same as last time. He said he'd be home by 6pm... Closing into 6pm, he sends a text its going to be 10pm. Four hours pass and he sends me another text saying it'll be around 1-2am... At the end of the story he didn't come home at all, not till the next day.
I understand he wants to do his own thing, but I should at least be able to rely on his word/promise?
I'm so fed up about being this far apart and I wonder if he would've taken me with if we weren't separated by sea...
I agree with other people too. I devote all my effort and time to him... And he won't do the same for me. That eats me up too.
This doesn't really answer your question, I know...
But you're not alone out there!!
I always feel hurt when he goes out on his own, I understand that he needs space and time to be a boy, but I just can't help feeling upset. Its because we feel left out.
I think the best way to overcome this is usually not thinking about it, try to occupy your thoughts on something else, like maybe go out with some of your friends, of play a game, read a book, just do anything to take your mind off it.
I think its because you miss him and you just want him to be with you all the time. If you have a hobby, go do it while he is out, it will cheer you up :)
I know exactly how you feel. I currently have a lot on my plate concerning school, work and preparing for the MCATs, meanwhile my significant other has no obligations or responsibilities to attend to. Perhaps you feel upset because if you had free time, you'd much rather spend it with him-- rather than going out, whereas he has no problems finding other things & people to fill his free time? There is always an underlying reason. If you trust your boyfriend, yet still find yourself getting upset, it's likely that you're jealous of the lifestyle, or that you just like/love him a lot & expect him to devote just as much time to you as you would for him. The best way to stop feeling upset is to be honest with him and tell him how you feel. It wouldn't be fair for him to stop going out altogether, but it's definitely his duty to meet you half way and make some sort of compromise... Such as asking you to come out with him, or maybe going out less with advance notification so you can make your own agenda if necessary.
I feel exactly the same way. My boyfriend could never get another girl before we fell in love- I'm not worried about him cheating. I just feel neglected. He's so quiet and sensitive that Its gotten to the point where, although were in a really happy relationship and spend nearly every day together, He is so scared to 'ask' me if he can go out. I feel terrible about what Ive done to him but it still makes me so angry when he wants anything but me. I don't need anything but him and I don't have friends I can go out with.
I had the exact same problem but mines too was a distant relationship he stayed in Ireland and I stayed in Scotland. I eventually realised I had to get over it and told my boyfriend how I felt, now he can go out and I don't mind. Its best to talk about this to your boyfriend.
I have the same problem. I get mad easily. He likes to party every weekend, but I can't go anywhere because of my parents.!
My boyfriend went out to a bar with a girl alone today. I know she's just a friend. But I can't help but feel upset about it. And he doesn't seem to understand why...
I have moved in with my boyfriend a year ago after a 2 year long distance relationship. At first we were inseparable firstly because we relocated together to a new city and neither had many friends. He is friendlier than me and eventually he started to go out 1-2 a week with new people he works with. We love each other to bits and I trust him 10000%, but when he goes out I can't help but feel sorry for myself inside. I have not said anything to him because I know I am being insecure and stupid. I don't have much of a social life so maybe it's resentment that he leaves me sitting alone at home when I have nothing in my life. I just think I wouldn't do to him what he is doing to me right now. But at the end, I should be happy he has made friends, and he is just playing a game of poker which is his favorite hobby. Someone please advise me how to stop feeling so bad about this?
Wow I thought I was the only one! I'm in a similar situation... My boyfriend works insane hours so he comes home from work and sleeps all day. Too tired to do anything with me, but if the chance to go out with buddies comes up, he's there and no longer tired. I think it is partly that you feel bad he's left you at home, and when you're in a LDR it's partly that he is spending his free time drinking instead of talking to you when you don't get to see/talk to each other as much. I just do NOT like the idea of him drunk. If he mentions he may go out, and asks if I mind, I feel better. Especially if he tells me it's only a couple beers or something. But when he can't tell me he won't be drunk, it drives me nuts with anxiety. BUT, I also find he has a different personality in a part situation. Not that he is untrustworthy, but that he is normally a less social, quiet guy who has a few close friends and enjoys staying in more, and then a party comes up and all of a sudden everyone going is his BFF or something, and he's just SO social all of a sudden, even though he never even speaks to these party friends...
My question to you is why don't you go with him? Is because of parents or because of relationship problems or what? Once you establish that then you can find out y you get mad. Also who is he going out with? If its other girls you have a right to be a little disgruntled, however if its just his guy friend you are treading dangerous water because you see a man will love his woman more intently then anything but he also needs his guy time if you will and if you get made over his guy friendships then he will grow weary and tired of insecurity (not sayin your insecure) but he may think you are due to your attitude toward his friendships he has had for a long time. I hope things get better and I hope this helps. Rate please.
There are two or three ways to combat this, if you cannot be out with your friends while he is out you could always invite them over and have a girly night in, or if you have to be on your own you could pamper yourself a bit with a beauty make-over or even read that book you've been meaning to read for ages. Just do something to take your mind off him and he'll be home before you know it.
You're just little jealous that he's spending time with other people. But you guys shouldnt be together all the time its not healthy for your relationship. To take your mind off it make plans with your friends, you have to trust him if you don't that's a problem.
Gosh I feel the same way! I don't like it when he goes, I get mad, jealous, and lonely. I know he wouldnt cheat on me so is even harder to understand why I have those feelings when he goes out....
I am in a same situation. I trust, love and respect my Boyfriend. When we have a chance we are together. But there is a thing, he loves to come to my house and sleep. As he says he feels like he is home and it makes him feel warm and happy. Which is nice to hear and I feel sorry that he gets tired at work, I try my best to make him feel comfortable. Sometimes I am really bored and ask him to go somewhere, to change a situation but when I see that he is so sleepy I let him sleep and rest. ...( he usually finishes his work by 11pm or 11:30pm and comes to my house to c me). It happened twice, when I had to leave the city for 2 days and exactly those nights he goes out with our classmates... I felt so bad not only because he went out, I recalled everyday he comes to my house and sleeps . I felt like he is tired and sleepy only with me but if he has a chance to go out, he feels totally fine.
I spoke with him and told my feelings, I asked, what would have he felt If he was in my place. He said that he would've felt same way ..... Than I told him that I will go out by myself and have my own space not to feel insecure and bad...he freaked out and said he would never go out without me, and asked me not to say that anymore.
It's been 2 weeks we talked, I had a chance to go out with my friends while he was working but I didn't.... Still I don't want him to feel bad, I am expecting same from him.
My advise is to talk to your partners and tell your feelings, ask what would they feel in a same situation. Good luck all of you:)
I don't know why.I'm feeling the same thing right now. My bf and I are doing long distance. I trust him and I know he wont do anything bad, but I feel bad that other people get to be with him and I can't because of the distance. I try and over come it by going out too. But it makes me upset too that hes not HERE with me.
We had been the same situation..I confronted him FURIOUSLY..and did you know what he did? He said sorry a thousand times..he thought I was going to break up with him,but I only told him to stop flirting with somebody else..and I'm glad he did^^just talk to him properly,and always be ready for the consequences if he faced you like he doesn't really care about you..
I know exactly how you feel, I trust my boyfriend and stuff, but it does always seem to bother me ( we are living together) when he decides to go out drinking with his buddies, and I am his taxi cab, that takes him there and then that comes to pick him up after. I know he wont do anything, but I guess its just the fact that we are not out together, and that he doesnt think to bring me with him that gets me bothered. Even though he always tells me, don't I always come home to you at night? It still makes me feel uneasy. Its definitely jealousy, and I know I can't help it....I'm a Taurus, so....lol hopeless to try and not be jealous. But what I try doing is occupy my time with other stuff, or I try and go out too, so that he can think of me when he is going out, that I am out too...kind of a guilty trip that I try to induce :P
New years eve is coming up but all my friends from back home either have different things to do or they are going to spend time with their boyfriends. I was hoping we could have a massive night out and have lots of fun seeing everyone's been talking about having a big night. Me and my boyfriend live very far apart during holidays and he's got many options as to what to do on the night and for some reason, I got quite annoyed with him and upset when I found out and I don't know whether this is to do with jealousy or disappointment. I know this isn't fair on him but part of me want him to stay in and spend some time talking to me.
You I get it !!Thats what I feel too to an extend that I yell at him when I talk..like asking why he didnt reply to my text and all he says is `I didnt see it`!!!Thats really pissing...I get more angry..but I understand what you feel..
Go with him, if he says no then say that you don't care, you should go with him
I have the same problem. I get mad easily. He likes to party every weekend, but I can't go anywhere because of my parents.!
I know how you feel, I have the exact same problem, and I'm SO glad other women are in the same boat, so I don't feel alone. My boyfriend goes out almost every night until 7am the next morning, then sleeps in till 4pm. It really upset me at first, because I felt like I had to stay home from 4pm-8pm just to be able to talk to him! But after a while, I decided to make a deal with him. I told him that I didn't care how late he was out, as long as he was up by eleven am. This way, he's very tired by 2am, and comes home at 3. Which isn't great, but it's better. I tried to explain to him how I felt and it just made him angry, and made him tell me he needed space; so I don't know if telling him is a good idea, you just need to scheme. :] good luck.
The key word here is trust. I lived with this girl for 5 years When I went for a Power walk, she would accuse me of meeting someone at the park Then there was this good looking blonde who worked at Walmart I had relationships with neither A major part of any relationship is trust Since there was no trust on her part, thats why we're no longer together
I have been having this same issue with my boyfriend lately. He's at a new school now, 3 hours away from me, and he's been going out with his new friends twice every weekend. I trust him completely and know he wouldn't do anything wrong, but I get so lonely and I miss him so much when he's gone.. It makes me sad. I tried talking to him about it but he doesn't seem to understand why it bothers me. I don't know what to do anymore...
OMG!!! You guys sound like me. I trusted my bf completely, he went out wherever, whenever he wanted to, then I found out he was lying to me. He was getting pics (porno style) from girls, smsing them, chatting to them, etc all flirty conversations. From then things haven't been the same and I don't trust him anymore. Also he goes out and expects me to be at home and not get upset about it. These days I have had enough of it. He goes out by himself and I try not to mind so much. I also feel that I give him so much of my time and attention yet he just ignores me. If I want to go somewhere with him, he is tired but if his friends call him to go somewhere he will make a miraculous recovery. He leaves me at his family's house then he will go out with friends. Sometimes he won't even tell me he is going out. I don't know what to do so I have decided to try and focus more on me. He doesn't get why I feel this way. I hope to find a way to just not be worried about things like this anymore. To all of you who feel like I do, at least we are not alone. I thought I was crazy for a while there, bf even tells me I'm the only female that acts, thinks, feels this way about this issue, so thank you for making me feel more sane!
Wow, I am so glad that I came across this thread... I feel EXACTLY the same way about all of this. I thought it was just me being selfish, and just plain me... I love my BF unconditionally, and trust him very much, but when he goes out with his friends I get such anxiety and negative feeling in general, which ultimately turn to anger. (this is not something new concerning BF's and going out.) I donno if it's worse since I'm in NY and he's in London. He tells me he doesn't want to go, but they 'force' him to.. And I just end up feeling alone, and empty for hours, unable to sleep, of course, especially because of the time change (+5 hours), so he 'pre drinks' at 4pm my time and I'm left all afternoon and night. He said that when I live there he'll take me, and I believe he will... But I'm more concerned about WHY we all feel this way? Why are we so insecure? I think it's really sad that we are like this..
You are probably getting upset because hes going out without you.its a normal thing to feel sad about. To fix this problem go out with him more.
Tell him if he goes out again you'll talk to this guy on blurtit who is really strange and cool at the same time. If he says so what, well, that's lthat.
My question to you is-are there trust issues? Are you the jealous type? You are choosing to get angry...no one can make you get angry. You may want to examine why you feel this way. Take responsibility for your own emotions.
Theres a reason why you feel that way.hes doing something wrong.And you have those igstaince of him cheating but don't now.
I agree, I think its the idea that we devote so much of our time (without really noticing how much) to our boyfriend/husband that we expect them to return the favor. I too love my boyfriend to pieces and I KNOW he will never do anything against me while he's out. I know how much he cares about me and all that, but I still get jealous if he gets invited to go out with some new guy friends he's met at school and I don't get asked to come along. The main reason I get mad is because I know how guys talk about girls and that they feel like girls "cramp" their style (this pisses me off royally). How do I know?....because I grew up with five guy friends who treated me like one of the guys (in other words I'm a major tomboy).
So in general, I get pissed when I hear garbage excuses from his friends like "they probably just want it all guys there" or "they don't want a girl around". It just gets to me because I know and understand what they are thinking, but the truth of the matter is that I used to go out (not drinking) with my neighborhood guy friends all the time. I like some of the guys my boyfriend meets, but this new group just gets to me. They are the typical type who go to bars to get really drunk and since my boyfriend isn't 21 they try to convince him to try some of their drinks. He always says no because he doesn't really like drinking that much, but they have already told him that their idea of a good 21st is getting so drunk you throw up and pass out (and they planned to do that to him on his 21st). I told my boyfriend if he makes that choice then I flat out won't talk to him for about a month because I'll feel sort of betrayed in a way I can't really explain. He said that he would feel the same way if he were in my situation and that as long as I don't do the same then that was a fair deal. After talking about it I doubt I'll have to worry ;)