My Boyfriend Says He Loves Me But I Don't Feel Very Loved At All. What Should I Do?

There are some rules which I stick by and I think they could help a few girls on here. I am now 32 and have had 3 long term relationships, the longest for 8 years just for your info. And now I've found the one I want a forever with and him me...

1) Play hard to get
I played a game whilst I was single and dating just as an experiment. I tested how stand-offish I could be with a guy before he lost interest. This included telling them I was busy all of the time, not returning phonecalls, backing out of dates, turning dates down, not giving reasons for where or whom I'd been with blah blah oh and worse things too. The truth was, the worse I treat them, the more they came back for more and more and more.

2) Don't say 'I love you too' everytime. Try saying 'ah, I know you do, that's so nice to hear'. Pretty quickly they catch on that you're not saying it back and then they ask... You can choose what to say, you can even say 'I love you too' but the fact that you didn't say it straight back, gives them a nudge if they are taking you for-granted.

3) I always have my own time, it can be hobbies or just reading, watching a program or being with other friends. This keeps you in their mind because you are busy!

4) Be nice and don't whine. Do not say these fatal words like 'spend more time with me'. If you say this, it's begging! You are the woman, he is the man. He chases you so if you chase him, that makes you beneath him when really you should be his prize.

Look, I could go on but have a think to yourself... If you are confused about what to do, make a decision in your head to just do what he does - if he goes out one night, you go out at the same time or another time... Try not seeing him and he will be phoning you and arranging time.

This works, I've tried and tested it and so have people I've advised to the point where I know to the minute when a guy will call or show up...

Good luck girls and remember, you are a prize worth winning and men love a challenge.

Xx

Wow. Look at all these posts... This question sure hit a nerve.Well, here goes - I'm a guy, so I'll call it like I see it from the other side.  Guys go through stages and cycles of being affectionate and being distant.  This is normal.  Their quiet times are called "being in the cave", and usually involve a special place their girl doesn't even want to go, and wouldn't be welcome.  Try reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" if you want more on this.  If the guy isn't returning to an affectionate state at least half of the time, then he's either incapable of being affectionate or he's just not really interested.  Men can be charming when they want sex, and then dismissive the rest of the time, if they're not really interested in the girl as a person.  If you're okay with being treated as a sex object, then fine.  Otherwise, develop some interests, be a little quirky in a charming kind of way, and then arrange to run into guys who might appreciate you.  Once you find the new guy, dump the old one.  There are definitely better catches out there; you just have to have faith in yourself, and expect the best.  To find a new guy, join a club that does what you're interested in, whether it's animal rescue, raising money for charity, archery or hiking.  If you want to find a guy who's an exciting risk taker, learn to rock climb or go to polo matches.  If you want a guy who's overconfident, try a poker tournament. If you want a guy who's sensitive and caring, try animal rescue.  If you want a guy who's strong and self-reliant, try hiking or biking.  Even the girls you meet at these activities might be able to introduce you to the right guy, since that's who they're meeting. So make friends and mingle. Read "How to Meet the People You Want to Meet" for more on this.Whatever you do, do _NOT_ expect the situation to improve by itself, or with you just asking for it to improve.  If your guy doesn't cherish you, he's either derelict or you two are a poor match - either way, you need to fix it.  If you're currently living with him, that's a showstopper, so the first thing to do is move out. Finally, once you've made the decision, do _NOT_ look back - it could cost you years of your life in misery.  Good luck - I feel for all of you (and the many other girls who are going through this, and haven't been heard from).  You can do this!

You can tell if he loves you by the way he is with you in public. When you love someone you want everyone to see the love you have for one another. Now if he brushes you off or isn't showing you that he cares about you epically in public...something's up.

I believe that in three months it is hard to fall in love. Sure there is a lot of fatulation..nothing wrong with it actually...but love last a life time and is that...I can't stand to be without you feeling... At least it has been that way for me. Share some things with him that are making you feel this way...go out to some nice place...or even alone and share these thoughts. Trust me, he will appreciate you for this...if he doesn't... I am not sure about the whole love thing. I sure hope this helps you...have a great night.

He said he loved me but I just wasn't convinced. I act too strong for my own good... I was  too expressive in regards to how I was feeling. We only saw each other on the weekends so it was hard because some of our weekends were spent with my guard up so strong that I didnt know how to let go of it. I guess for me I wanted him to be the man... Ilead me I wanted him to be the man who took my guard down....  There were three main things I would hassle him about. 1. Being a good Christian example (coz he runs a youth group and other responsibilities within the church) I was very much on him about walking the walk and not being misleading... He is a wonderful man I just felt that his faith was more out of duty than the heart and so it's the double life thing... 2. Feeling that he wasn't really interested in me. I know he was at some stage and he said he was just comfortable with me. I just wasn't comfortable that he felt okay with not making plans... Not calling... Sometimes not responding to texts... He left it mostly to me. I guess I was hoping for him to want to be a part of it. It would hurt me when  I woud see him light up with his friends but with me I felt that he wasn't happy/interested but then he would say its just an act I don't have to pretend around . You I expressed... I dont feel loved by you... Can you just do these things for me... He would say be patient somethings take a few years... Which then made me feel like am I that hard to love... I felt like my request for him to be more thoughtful was like moving mt Everest. I was consumed by my insecurities by frustration and bitterness that I couldn't move on I couldn't just let it go... I never felt that we had come to a resolve... He would just try band aid it and get out of that mood. So it was a vicious circle so intern he felt not good enough...  And now he hates me for it. 3.The sexual Iiintimacy (no sex)We wanted to wait...  I have had sex he hasn't I was hoping that he would be the man that wasn't like the rest... That he would respcect me in that way... I felt he was afraid to speak up... To be the man in the relationship to be interested in us... But when he wanted to fool around he would take control he would be interested he wasn't afraid to speak up...  Coz he knew what he wanted I guess.  There is a massive self worth issue for me coz even I wanted him to respect me in that way and I did voice it... I wasn't able to stand up for what I wanted... I also desired that close intimacy... Probably coz I felt the most wanted I guess... I was also attracted to the way he took control in that moment (actively getting what he wanted). Which then had the opposite reaction when I felt used... And that would bring me down... And I didn't know how to bounce back... Its good being self aware but sometimes ignorance is bliss... You can go through life pian free... For the last few month ive been a nagger... Not being able to escape this yuckiness thinking that I deserve better... And I do... But I also have to remember to encourage more and appreciate the little things that he did do.

You should always trust your instinct. If something doesn't feel right, you need to take a step back and ask yourself why.

Maybe you have both been spending too much time together and need a break? Maybe he has started taking you for granted?
What does your heart say?

I think you should test him first them ask if he really loves you  then if that does not really work, I think you should go up to his face and ask "do you still love me? because I'm not felling very loved right now!" and maybe you can get the truth out of him. 

Sorry about your problem

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