Why Do Women Allow Men To Beat On Them?


5 Answers

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I hope you don't mind, but this is going to be a long answer. First of all I want to say that violence against women is NEVER the womans fault and it is NEVER about love. The woman that is exposed to the violence may believe that it is about love for reasons I will explain here. There are many myths around violence against women. For example people believe there is a certain type of woman that is exposed to violence, but in reality women from all kinds of professional fields and social classes become victims. And the same goes for the men that batter - they work in all kinds of professional fields and are from all kinds of social classes. Another myth is that the men that commit these crimes are "not normal", they abuse alcohol, they are drug addicts or foreigners and so on. This is NOT true. Most "ordinary" men are in full possession of all their senses when they batter their women. A third myth is that violent men are victims of their own childhood, but in my country for example (Sweden), 88% of the siblings to these violent men do NOT use violence. The one that batters has a choice - to hit or not to hit. The man that chose to batter his woman has control over his violence regarding to person, time, place and where on the body he hits. He does not beat up his colleagues at work, his friends or neighbours. He beats up his wife/girlfriend. He doesn't batter her at the party, in the store or out in the street - he batters her at home when they are alone. He may say he was provoked or not able to control his anger, but that is not taking responsibility for his actions. THEN WHY DOES NOT THE WOMAN LEAVE THE MAN?? Well... A woman that is beaten up the first night she dates a man is most likely going to leave him, but if she is already in a relationship with the man she doesn't. The main reason for this is how she is affected mentally/psychologically. Because of the methods the man uses, in time she sees this violence as something normal. The advice for women in my country is that they should leave already when they notice that their living space is bounded by the man, for when the first hit strikes the battering process is already at an advanced stage. I will give you an example of a violent relationship and what really happens when a woman is battered, A woman and a man have a love story and everything is just wonderful. She is happy and all her friends congratulate her. But soon the man wants to know EVERYTHING about her. He calls and wants to know where she is, what she does, who she is with and so on...This is not something he does only because he is in love with her, but also to get a hold on her, to control her and to narrow her private life. This is NOT about jealousy, but to separate her from her surroundings, her friends and relatives, and in that way cut off her lifeline. The man wants to drive her to work and all her activities. This must not be confused with love and consideration. It is more about isolate her and again, to narrow her private life. He has not yet used violence. His strategy is to take it slow and to not break the love-spell between them. Soon he begins to talk contemptuous about women in general an that "they should know their place," He has opinions about how she dresses, how she acts and her circle of friends. If she does not obey there will be a punishment. For example he can raise his voice in a threatening way, and in time he might pull her hair or grab her by the arm real hard. These situations give him a sense of power and he could even be sexually aroused. He takes control over her step by step. It is when he feels that he has control over her and she does not continue to adjust herself to him that he hits her for the first time. And from there the violence is going to become more and more frequent. The first hit she is going to explain away - he had a bad day at work, he wasn't sober, maybe he says she provoked him.... Besides he is very remorseful and he promises it won't happen again. It is importent to not forget that this man is also the one that gives her love, care, attention and comfort. This makes it hard for her to leave him and even if she has objections in the beginning she wants to believe that he is going to change. Her family and friends don't know anything and she feels shame, like so many other women, even if none of this is her fault. Time passes by and her objections are silenced and the adjustment is going faster.The battering and the threats continues and become more serious. But because he also gives her such affection she still wants to believe that he is going to change for the better. Her circle of friends has deteriorated, reduced or is completely gone which makes her alone and completely depended on her man. These women that are in violent relationships are damaged in the same way as peolpe that are exposed to torture - they become brainwashed. It is NOT about them being SO in love, even if that might be what they themselves believe, for obvious reasons.

I hope I have answered your question to your satisfaction, Locke. Thank you and take care. Regards Languages.
thanked the writer.
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SOME ADVICE FOR WOMEN THAT LIVE IN A VIOLENT RELATIONSHIP: 1. Keep a diary. 2. Tell someone about what is happening to you. 3. Document your injuries. 4. Do not believe that it will never happen again. 5. Prepare your escape. 6. Call a womens support unit. 7. Report it to the police.
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Some advice for relatives and friends to these women: 1. Call a womens support unit. 2. Report it to the police. 3. Believe what she is telling you. 4. Dare to look and dare to ask.
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I want to close with these words: Myths around battered women exist to keep the problem on a distance. They are dangerous, because what they are doing is to free the man from responsibility and instead the woman is the one that is blamed. Battered women is a social problem, and we need to help these women. Educate yourself and do NOT look the other way!! ANYONE can become a victim of violence. Regards Languages.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Some women have very low self esteem. They feel there is no one else for them. The man often tells them how ugly and fat they are to lower their esteem further. Many do not realise there is help out there for them. The men often isolate the woman from her friends and family.
Hopie Rose Profile
Hopie Rose answered
Sometime there is no choice We know that we have the short stick and we leave yes sometimes they can leave but others they can't
Lady D Bell Profile
Lady D Bell answered
Some women allow this to happen over and over. Because they feel the guy loves them when he beating on them. A lot of women are also afraid to leave the relationship, because of the guy saying he will kill them if they leave.
tinga nih Profile
tinga nih answered
Too much love for the person.. Makes you feel and believe that he will change.. I know a lot of girls beaten up. They can't let go for they get blinded with love..=C

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