I Don't Know If I Love My Boyfriend, How Do You Know That You Are In Love With Someone?

19 Answers

Fred Hamill Profile
Fred Hamill answered
How Would You Know?


It is unlikely that you are going to feel exactly the same way for someone 2 years into a relationship as you did when you first got together.  It can be difficult to tell if this is a natural part of lust turning to the comfort and attachment of a long term relationship or if the spark is disappearing all together.  To tell if you love him, look deep into your heart and see if you are still willing to put up with his faults and try to help him change (notice I said try, because nobody can force someone to change as that only leads to problems later). If the answer there is 'no', as it sounds like it is, then it is time to cut your losses and move on. It will be better for you and for him. You may feel terribly sad now but remember that it is for the good of each of you in the long run.

Are The Signs There?
I guess there is one thing that I should have brought up at the beginning. Have you ever talked to him about this? Most guys do not see the signs that things are not working.  If you find ways of avoiding spending time or having sex with him, or everything that he says and does annoys you - then it is likely that your love for him isn't as strong as it was in the first place.  When people say 'Love is Blind' they mean that you don't see someone's faults.  So, if you have started to notice them, it would be fair to say that you are falling out of love, but of course, this is a slow process and wont happen over night, which is why it is so hard to tell exactly what your feelings are.  A good indicator would also be whether you find other people attractive.  If you have started 'window shopping' for other partners, it would definitely be fairer to finish things with your boyfriend.

Communication Is Key
Most couples don't talk when these feelings first start, and maybe if they did, there would be more chance of saving the relationship, then issues are harbored, and get built upon or secrets get buried, then there is no way back.

Maybe you could agree for you to both make more of an effort with each other,  or come up with an action plan to make it better, and to sit once a week and see how the plan is going or maybe how the feelings have changed or even the need for different things is.  The biggest problem in most relationships is communications. Girls and guys communicate on a totally different level so you need to bring yourselves together on an even plain to talk and don't guess that the other understands.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I've been going out with my bf now for 2 years I love him so much and have become really dependent on him but I don't fancy him anymore I'm not attracted to him...I mean he's gorgeous and everything but I don't like having sex with him and sometimes even kissing him takes so much effort and it's starting to really upset him I feel awful...I also think about other boys I find other boys attractive...even started to like my ex again I don't know what to do because I don't want to lose him but I can't feel like this anymore..
thanked the writer.
Kristen Kristen
Kristen Kristen commented
I complete understand how you feel, I had the same problem and I didnt know what to do about it. Until one day finally I just realized that not only was I hurting myself in not knowing what I wanted to do but your also hurting your boyfriend. Its not hard to get over someone, its harder to leave them behind. Breaking up is a way of life and no matter what you do, know that it is the right decision because its coming from your heart. Love is a crazy thing.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have been having a similar issue I guess, except I am still attracted to my boyfriend and I want to be with him. I know I need him. The problem is I had a thought one night- just a random thought that was "what if you don't love him" and I kept feeding it and feeding it and now I feel so horrible. I don't want him as a friend. I want him as my boyfriend!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Well... That sounds like what I am pretty much going through.
Ive been with my bf for 3 years+... I am very confused. I keep having bad dreams about him doing something wrong or being mean to me. I always wake up in the morning feeling very upset. I tell him about my dream and he tells me "glad that was only a dream... Coz you know I will never do that" it doesnt make me feel assured at all. I don't even know if I love him. Everytime I look deep into my heart I feel very hurt and confused. He tells me he loves me and wants to make a fam with me in the future but I really don't know if I want to feel like this for the rest of my life. We only see each other twice a week... And when we are together.. We are great. However, when we are apart I seem to have this horrible feeling inside of me... Sad to say but I feel like I am desperate for his attention. He works a lot... Including some weekends. I got mad at him last night coz I wanted to talk to him and I said "I know weve been together for 3 years... At least make me feel like I'm important" and then he comes back to me with.. "I know weve been together 3 years... Chill out." I felt very offended by what he said and was angry throughout the night. I don't know. I don't think I want to go through this rollercoaster... But I feel very attached to him. I'm scared.  don't want to make the wrong decision and regret it later on. Help.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm in the same situation.  I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and I don't love him.  He tells me that he loves me and wants to marry me but I don't feel the same.  I want to make it work because he is a good man, smart, fun, hardworking, and has a great career.  But I just can't make myself fall for him.  I really don't like the way he kisses and we only made love twice in over a year.  It's been over 6 months since we were intimate.  I hate feeling like this.   I wish I were in love with him but I just can't force it.  I don't know what to do.
Vicky Anne Profile
Vicky Anne answered
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 months.
I've had a TERRIBLE past with guys and liars, and my current boyfriend lied to me yesterday. It was only something small but it really meant something to me. I spent the day with him today, one minute I was doubting my love for him and the next I couldn't bare the thought or loosing him. Help me :(
Kathryn Wright Profile
Kathryn Wright answered
Anonymous It sounds like you are much more mature than he and that is something to be proud of. As far as feeling alone, that may be part of the problem. Along with not being able to change other people, the only one that can truly make you happy is you. You have to learn to be somewhat independent so that when others fail you, you can still smile and move forward. That is not an easy thing to teach yourself but it will be very benaficial in the long run. It does sound like it is time to move on from this person as he really does not care for you the way a person should. By listening, it sounds as though things can and will get worse unless you take action to change (move on). He probably thinks he has the upper hand with you living with him and that may be part of the controlling factor he has. Find a friend who will let you move in with them or maybe a group of friends that are looking for a place and move out on your own. That is, with your friends and not a companion. This will help you gain some independance while also getting away from the guy and changing your invironment. Good luck and use your friends as that is why they are friends and then the day will come when the friends will need someone to lean on as well.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have been dating my bf for almost two years. I thought I was losing the physical attraction side of things. I was so confused and so broke up with him. I now feel like it is the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. He is utterly shattered. It hurts to see him hurt. I know when he adjusts we will still be friends - our friendship is very strong.
But what if I only think I want him back? Do I really love him or do I just not want to see him hurt because I still care deeply for him? I don't know what I feel any more.
Hera Kalaydjian Profile
Hera Kalaydjian answered
When you can't imagine your life without him, take a second and imagine if you can live without him or not..But from what I read here..I mean you lost interest in sex together, I mean that stands for A LOT in a relationship if you 're not attracted to him anymore..it's really hard..I suggest you give him one more chance and try to get things better, if you can't then..I think you should find a way to tell him how you're really feeling because from how I see it ,I don't think this relationship will last for long if it stays like this..anyway I wish you good luck and hope it turns out well for you..
Natasha Wiseman Profile
Natasha Wiseman answered
I'm 6 months pregnant and when I first got with my boyfriend I was never in love with him but I cared about him deeply. After about 2 months I then fell in love with him. We have known eachother for 4 years and only became a couple when I fell pregnant with his baby 6 months ago. I adored him and we had great sex at the beggining. Ive got so many emotions running through my head now and I don't know if its because I'm pregnant or ive fallen out of love with him, I can't kiss him I can't have sex with him and I just can't be intimate what do I do?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am sorta in the same boat as you, although my relationship was going very smoothly and was very healthy, great sex, listened to my problems, and he always made me feel like I was worth something. But recently I have noticed that I have lost some feelings for him. It all started about a week or so ago. We have been together for a year this sunday, and we have never faught.....sure there were the minor disagreements, but nothing major. I have noticed that I have grown tired of the way he is, he don't like to show affection in public, he does have a bit of a drinking problem, and he has used drugs several times throughout our year together. He has mostly changed his ways. What should I do?

And as for you hun.....you need to tell him that if he can't respect what he has, and he doesnt change, then kick his ass to the curb, there are plenty other guys out there that will treat you so much better.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
If your boyfriend is verbally abusing you, for example calling you a bitch, etc, and putting you down, it is not a healthy relationship.  If he makes you feel bad about yourself, or you are uncomfortable with the relationship, it is time to leave it.  Breaking up can be hard, but there are better fish out there that will love you and make you feel amazing.  Verbal abuse can come on slowly, or not seem like much, but it is not ok.  Talk to your friends, family, or a counselor, and move on, he is not worth it.
ana soria Profile
ana soria answered
Ok I kinda feel the same way, I been dating my bf for almost 2 yeaaars now. And well in the beggining it used to be amazing and I did fell in love but weve had very strong arguments, and they are all based on my complains simply because I do not think think our relationship is the same way, our sex is great but wheni hear him say marriage I don't know if he truly want to be wit me or because he wants the papers and well I don't know if well have a life together or not but my heart does love him.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
If that person gets hurt and you are concerned deeply then you are in love still
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Ok well me and my bf have been goin out for 1 year ad 2 months as of aaugust 7 of 2008. We r pretty open to eachothher but i always seem him looking at girls waist and i tell him i saw him do it but the other day when this happened i had told him i saw him n he denied it and he said that "y cant i trust him?" and then thaat morning before schol i saw a msg on yspace between him and this girl.They were going back and forth saying how "oh i miss you mor than u miss me" n now idk if i love him.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Hey guys it's really hard for me to type on here how exactly I'm feeling because I'm so confused right now. I've been together with my boyfriend for 6 months now and everything has been going great. Everything seemed perfect until he popped up the question..."Do you love me?" 6 months may seem like a lot and pretty "serious" but I really don't think you can put a number on how long it takes to love a person. I can't say I love him but I can't say that I want him out of my life either. This is so hard because I know he loves me and he's been wanting to tell me the three words for a while now. I feel like I'm not giving my all in the relationship because of this. Am I being a bad girl friend? What do I do? I feel so lost and the guilt is killing me because he really is a sweet guy. :/
karl goodwin Profile
karl goodwin answered

You know he loves you if he has a university degree and is employed in a job that pays greater than $40,000 a year and he is willing to lose it all down the line in divorce court. 

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
You should just talk to him before you end it. I just lost a 6 year relationship for basically the same thing... " I don't feel the same". Not even sure what the hell that means. Not sure if you girls end up regretting leaving guys for this reason after a while or not but two years is a long time. You don't want to be living with regret. Are you sure you just aren't ready to get married, knowing that he is going to propose before he even does it? That could put a strain on the relationship if your not sure you want to marry him I would assume. My best advice would be to tell him what you are feeling. If you do decide to leave, at least think about it and give him an explanation. He probably is a good guy, I don't know?
Marquan Johnson Profile
Marquan Johnson answered
Well reading that means probably you lost love for him and both of you need to reconnect like him make things spicy in the bed room or doing the things you'll did in the beginning of your relationship but doesn't work  well you probably have to see someone else.
shay martin Profile
shay martin answered
I use to feel the same way when I was preg0. Lol then yall gone start arguing and some more..... When that baby comes yall fall right back in love . So don't worry your not alone sweet heart

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