I get so upset when my boyfriend goes out... We're LDR, help?

Edit : I think you guys are misunderstanding... I don't bother him when he's out, and I don't ask him to not go. I don't even communicate to him that I "dislike" when he leaves because I KNOW that he needs a social life. Upset isn't being used in place of "angry". I'm in a new place without any friends and I don't know what to do with myself while he's away. Don't assume to tell me I don't belong in my relationship. I'm just asking for advice to avoid getting sad when he leaves. Thank you.


3 Answers

Danae Hitch Profile
Danae Hitch answered

If you are in a Long-Distance-Relationship, you really believe that someone should sit at home and do nothing because you live apart from them? That's not even realistic. If you feel he is "dating", then break up with him. Find someone that actually lives in the same town so this is not an issue. It's extremely difficult to maintain an LDR simply because you have to really trust them and they need to really trust you.

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Quazaye Konkel
Quazaye Konkel commented
I absolutely trust him. I don't get upset with him. It's been 2 years--I know how long distance works. I just haven't figured out how to be okay with being by myself. This is what I'm asking.
Danae Hitch
Danae Hitch commented
There is nothing to prevent you from having your own social life - going out with friends / dinner / movies without your boyfriend. However, you stated above that "I get so upset when my b/f goes out".

You need to decide if you are cut out for an LDR. Secondly, you need your own friends and your own social life. Third, you need to communicate with him that you have trouble with this so he can give you suggestions.

Do volunteer work, get a part time job, find friends to hang out with - do SOMETHING so you are not making him miserable because you don't like to be alone.

Just a note to you - if you cannot successfully handle being by yourself, you will generally not do well in a relationship because you will become needy and clingy which will sink the relationship / friendship. Hope this helps.
Danae Hitch
Danae Hitch commented
In regards to the edit you made to your question, if you're working, find friends through work. Go to the library and search for a book club you can join. Do volunteer work. Keep searching and finding new things that you can do that will help you connect with people in this new place you're in.
Bikergirl Anonymous Profile

Well the problem is not him ... HE is not a pawn that you can control every move .. He is a living breathing human being and has a life beyond a computer screen .. And yes that "life" involves many aspects of normality  .. Like a social life, a family life, a professional or school life .. Etc.

You either trust him, and appreciate the fact that he CAN have a monogamous relationship  .. Or you don't ... The choice is yours.

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Bikergirl Anonymous
Well .. that you've edited you post .. THAT is an entirely different matter. Being in a new place without having a social life of your own IS a lonely place to be .. LONELY being a temportary state, dependant upon the effort you are able to exert.

There are many ways to gain a social life of your own .. but it will take a little effort on your part. Two of the easiest ways is 1) make ONE friend (at school, at work, where ever you spend your time) .. and allow youself to be included with their group of friends 2) join a "like minded" interest group .. and make friends that way. A social life is not going to come a get you ,... you have to get out there and get IT. And remember .. a social life is not just about being welcomed into a large group of friends .. It can be as simple as having a conversation with ONE person, going for coffee or a movie .. or bowling .. or a sports event .. or whatever .. Just simply enjoying the company of someone is a great way to pass the time .. and it makes you BOTH feel good to be able to connect.
Sharron Prestcott Profile

Make a life for yourself.  Whatever your interests are you can find volunteer work in that area, join a gym, a book club anything but sit home.  Let him know you're out there enjoying yourself, your relationship will improve when he see that you're not just hanging around waiting to see what he does next.

Turn the tables....let HIM be the one who's upset because you're going out so much.

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