How Do You Stop Thinking About Someone You Haven't Seen In 20 Years?

12 Answers

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have the same problem. I met a woman 20 years ago and we were instantly in love. I have never experienced anything close to that relationship before or since. It was the most wonderful few months in my life. I have never stopped loving her even after 17 years married to another woman. Now that I am divorced I find myself obsessed with the thought of those brief but beautiful moments. I know that 20 years is a long time and people change with life experience but I am powerless to stop how I feel. Maybe I am in love with the feeling of being in love, I don't know, but it was an all time high for me. Its hard for me to believe that I would ever find that again. I believe she is my soulmate or perhaps one of them. Everything was so perfect, in fact it was impossibly perfect. Nothing in my life shines as brilliantly as she does in my minds eye. I guess I am doomed to a life of reminiscing
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Sandra
Sandra commented
I met a guy 20 years ago and loved him the few months we were together too. I always think about him and have "kinda" looked for him but these past few days he is on my mind constantly, what is up with that? Ugh. So I'm trying to find him I do feel everything was so great between us so now I'm wondering what the heck happened? So I've posted ads in his homecity, Brooklyn, NY hoping he or someone see's it and tells him. Hoping he may see this, Claw I miss u.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Hi My name is Tara just want to share my experience with everybody on how i got my love back. I was married for 5 years with 3 kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had misunderstanding it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce. I tried my best to make him change his mind and stay with me cause i loved him with all my heart and didn't want to loose him but everything just didn't work out he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce. I p
Joy B Profile
Joy B answered
Well let's see...I have the same thing happening to me....It's called Love..and once you have that for someone it never goes away.....I believe in Love and it sounds as if you're still very much in love with him...It'll never go away no matter what...I know I am still in love with a man that I haven't seen in 12 yrs....I know how you feel...Never stop believing in love...Love is far to powerful for you to not have...It is wonderful that you still care for this person....It's not very often you ever find the person of your dreams....I think you should always keep him in your heart...there's nothing wrong with that...Even if he isn't here physically at least he will be with you in spirit...take care
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Do you really think its love? His married and I am married but the last time we spoke it was like no time had past by- we saw into each other's eyes and no one else existed for that moment. Unfortunately we returned to reality and had to part ways. We hesitated to leave but what else could we do? He has children and I have a child of my own. Now I believe in impossible love.
Eva Whitehead Profile
Eva Whitehead answered
I no I may come across to all of you a bit crazy but I did do what all are afraid of .we connected once more and nothing could have stoped us from being together And I've never regetted it .So instead of wondering go for it .Its the best thing in the world .And for some reason its not what you thought it be you would not regret it either.Just don't hurt anyone
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I feel the same way many of you guy feel right now I haven't seen this guy for almost twenty years and when I did get to talk to him it was like nothing ever change between us it was jut like yesterday we talked like we just pick up from the conversation the day before.  I never stop loving him its jsut that our career have aken us in two different direction in life and we went serparted ways in life so it was easy for us to feel the way we felt because we didn't break up on no bad terms so there was no hard feelings unslove with us.  We both had been married but what I feel when I see him is unbeleive and how I feel when we speak its hard to explain all I know is that when the old folks say old love never died, trust me they have said the truth because I still love this man after all these years its something about him I can't explain and I feel god have brought us back into the path of each other again for a reason.  So what I am saying if you cross your path with your first love and still feel the same talk to god, because god do things for a reason and I know what the reason was that he sent us to the path of each other it made me see things I couldn't see and it made me felt that someone out there do loves me.  Turst what your inner voice is telling you its speaking the truth to you remembe the heart never lies.
carrie Profile
carrie answered
If he was your first love you will always think about him. I just read an article about first loves and why they always stay with you. It has something to do with how those pathways are burned into your memory. Incidentally. My first love tracked me down after 15 years. I had always thought about him. And it was great. He proposed and we were going to get married. And then he turned out to be a crack addict and stole my kid's Nintendo and $1000 from me! I'm not kidding. I'm so over him now. As a matter of fact, I put out a federal Warrant on him. So that's how I stopped thinking about mine!
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I have always thought of my first love too! Then after about twenty years he had moved back to town and I seen he was not the person I remembered. Not working a job, moving his family to one rental after another. Dressing like a bum not a care in the world. It was like he never changed after the age of eighteen. The way you need to look at it is...... You loved him at what age? Are you the same person now that you were then? That is the person you love. Not the person today at twenty years later. How much have you changed? Do you have children? That would be your number one concern and I could bet you it would not be his. So, please look at the big picture. The only reason you think of him now is because that was your care free days full of fun with no responsibilities you are twenty years older now and have responsibilities they is no way to go back now. Just, enjoy them as memories the good old days :)
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I myself fell in love at the age of twenty, we were together for only three years, I honestly ,thought about her every day that we were apart, even though i've been married for over twenty years, because love is like an eternal flame, once it is lit, it will continue to burn for all time.
I'm 47 years old now, and i happy to say i'm back in her arm's, and i;m the happiest man alive.
Andrew
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I believe 100% love does not fade, ever. If it felt like less, all it takes is a spark negative or positive to appreciate whom they've had no matter the time, the quality & feeling of trust unlike any other before them.
Monarch Butterfly Profile
Mine is a narcissist.  Narcissist play mind games to keep you hooked.  Make sure he/she is not a narcissist.  They are psychopaths who hoover (keep coming back for narcissistic supply).  They come back and suck the soul out of you.  Mine has been doing this to me for over 20 years.  I am having a very difficult time deprogramming myself out of loving him.  He has intruded upon my life and family twice now.  Read up on what a narcissist is and what one isn't. "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists" is an excellent book on the subject.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
A strong word of advice Bee. Don't do it. After 30 years I ran into a high school "friend" by total accident. He admitted to me he was crazy in love with me then but was always to scared to act on it. Both married we could not stop seeing each other, long story short, our relationship blew up in our face and innocent people were hurt which will take a long time to heal. It's a tough life to live with what you know will be a permanent crack in your heart.
Eddy The Head Profile
Eddy The Head answered

I see many of you are experiencing what I'm feeling right now. 21 years ago I fell in love with a girl. We were so young, I was 16 and she was 15. The first second I saw her I knew I loved her. We were at sea, vacations. Then we went back to school, we live at almost 100 miles from each other. We were 100 miles apart, our story ended but we kept in touch with letters (no Facebook in 1992/93) and by phone. In 1994 we decided to get back together (here in Italy you get the driving license at 18yo) and we met a couple of times, but she felt I was too much involved (she told me I was idealizing her....how I couldn't? That happens when you're in love...). We still kept in touch, but the next year I started dating the wonderful woman that is now my wife. Our relationship didn't start that good, my wife is a very shy person, so we stopped dating and I had an intense relationship with a woman much older than I was, who changed my life and my perspective about love. After I quit the relationship with that older woman I decided to stay by myself to try to put order into my life and have fun with friends. I was 21 at the time. That year, 1998, that first girl that I fell in love in 1992 came back. We met a few times and she was willing to get back, but my story with the woman had such a negative impact on me that I wasn't ready for a new relationship. So we slowly started to talk less and less.  Few months later I re-met the girl that became my wife, we dated and fell in love. I told the 1992 girl I had a story and we never ever had any further contact. But every once in a while she came to my mind, because she alway had some kind of a hook on me. My wife is now pregnant, fifteen years passed since the last phone call with that magic girl. This year we went to the sea in the very same place where I met that girl 21 years ago. I had a flashback, some kind of a backfire. After few weeks I searched for her on Facebook (I knew she has a profile, I searched for her before, discovering she is married...wath a punch in the guts I felt), and dropped her a couple of lines. She answered, I was shivering! She told me she was happy to hear from me, that she is married for 9 years now and she has 2 daughters. I realized I lost her forever and I felt a pure feeling of desperation. What could have happened if only I had a bit of courage in 1998? I didn't tell her anything about my feelings, I didn't want to scare her, but I think she got the point because I told her I often go to her town because of my job and that we could keep in touch.....she never answered to this last message and I decided not to bother her anymore. I have a wife I love, I'm going to be a father and that girl (woman) has an husband and two daughters, I can't play with these things. But I know she will be in my heart forever and that every ti e I will be in her town my heart will race.....I can't even imagine what could happen if I see her. What a bittersweet feeling. I wonder what she feels for me. As some of you stated, love will last forever, no matter what you do. This hard feeling will fade, but I know I will never forget her.

John Higson Profile
John Higson , JH3, answered

Contact her. 

I am from San Francisco, but enjoyed a wide berth in connection with Europe since I was a youth.  This transatlantic relationship afforded friendships with peers.

One of these led to the following story; yeah a testimonial to what is possible within the scope of the subject in question here.

I did so after a 35 year quiescence.  I met her on a festive eve in the Niederrhein, but was then underway with two college friends for a three month tour of 'Europe'.  Yes, there were a few letters.  She came to visit with her boyfriend at  the time for a day.

A year ago I found myself in Boston, and typed her name in the Google Box.  2 Months of intense E-Mails (We were both READY for this to be and found that over these many silent years our lives had been bereft of something we both wanted: Love.  We are now married.

The message here is how powerful feelings can be in terms of memory, when that very right person is luckily met. 

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered

Remembrance of Love and affectn is good for your  M. B. S. Mind body and spirit. Sometimes people change  but the better memories stay there.,  Make the moment endure.

Michael

chill badge Profile
chill badge answered
...wow! I think I'm not the only one. "inlove with highschool guy" .
It's been 15yrs. I was only 16 then and now I'm 31. We both have our family of our own. I'm married but he isn't.
I've been searching for him over the net for last 8yrs.ago. Until I stumble upon to this social networking site created only for our own highschool batch.
We chat a lot since then.
Then the facebook was there. I was actively playing games on it 3yrs. Ago. Then he was too. Playing each others game.
Until I tried to catch him if he love me..
It was sad that he didn't reply the answer I was expecting him to.
But then.....
Until now. 
I THINK I'm still inlove with him.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered

I found this site by accident but im glad I did becuase I am so confused as to why I constantly think about a guy I knew for a short time over 30 years ago.  Due to circumstances we never had a proper relationship as something always seemed to get in the way. I am in a long term relationship and cant complain that I am unhappy but I am worried that the guy from my past never leaves my thoughts.  I feel like I am betraying my current partner and dont know how to stop thinking about this person, my question is why do I only think about him and no other from my past?

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