Ragging on him about quitting isn't going to help... I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. When we started dating, he smoked... He had been smoking since he was 14 and he is now 25. 2 years ago, he woke up in the middle of the night gasping for air and coughing up lots of phleghm... He decided that was enough and he quit for a whole year. It was actually easy for him. But, I moved back to my hometown for the summer after my first year of college and as soon as I was gone, he started smoking cigars. Next thing you know he was back smoking cigarettes. We had a deal that he had to quit or I wasn't moving in with him, so he decided to lie and tell me he had quit and he would only smoke when I wasnt around. This went on for about 4 months. I had known all along that he was lying to me, but when I would confront him he would continue to lie and I actually felt bad for accusing him of lying. Turns out I was right, and I finally caught him at it. Anyways, he's been smoking for over a year again since he quit. And he's not planning on quitting any time soon. I asked him to keep it away from me, but he's been gradually smoking around me more and more. The reason I have a huge problem with it is because I'm only 20, and I have cervical cancer. Yet that doesn't seem to mean enough to him to get him to keep his smoking away from me. Also, I used to smoke. From when I was 15-18 and I quit and it makes it really hard to not start smoking again when he does. Anyways, I've pretty much given him a choice... He either quits (or at least tries everything possible and really tries) or I'm moving out... His answer was, if I move out it's over. So... That being said, I have no idea what I'm going to do! Like someone else stated previously, I'm not having kids with a man who smokes. I love him to death, but smoking is a big deal to me. Not only are there serious health risks involved for him and me, but it costs so much as well. I've completely stopped buying him anything when he complains he doesnt have any money. If he can afford to spend 10 bucks on a pack of smokes every day or two, he can afford to buy everything himself. Anyways, say this discusion and needed to vent! Take care yall, and good luck:)
I have the same problem. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months. He quit for 5 months consequetively and has been slipping up quite a bit lately. Last night he told me he has been smoking for the last 2 weeks (secretly) Now I don't know what to do because I love him so much and it breaks my heart every time I think about what he's going through. He keeps telling me he'll do it on his own. There's still part of him that wants to smoke. But I know the longer he continues the harder it will be for him to stop. And I hate that he is destroying his body every time he brings the death stick to his mouth. I hate that he doesn't see how important it is to me. I hate that there are all these people on this forum having the same problem and no one has a single solution. For me I'm just going to love him, smoking doesn't change his personality. I'm going to encourage him to quit only. I'm not going chastise him for smoking. And one day it might tear me to pieces but when I get there I'll figure it out. All I know now is that I love him.
I have the same problem, I've been with my bf for almost a year and before we even started dating I told him I wouldn't date a smoker and he actually quit. Then 3 months later he just started back up full steam again. I tried the approach that I would break up with him if he didn't quit and that didn't work because he said he was too stressed at work and being on a construction site around other smokers makes him want it even more. I really didn't want to break up with him because I really care about him so I tried negotiating going down to two cigs a day that I could handle and he agreed but then went back on that too. I even tried being encouraging saying that I knew he could do it. Now he says he doesn't want to quit and knows he never will. But it just really hurts that I told him from the beginning that I didn't want to date a smoker because it disgusts me and the smell gives me a horrible headache. And I feel like he doesn't care enough to even try anymore now that he "has" me. Since nothing I say works, now I just suffer in silence wondering what to do and if I really want to spend my life with a smoker. It just sucks when he knows how much I hate it but can't fully understand why it bothers me so much.
If he won't quit for you, then he probably won't quit for a while, he will have to do it for himself, I just quit smoking and it was pretty hard, but after just a few week I notice that I had a little more stamina, my lungs felt clearer and it felt good to breathe in the fresh air again, plus it cost mer a fortune lol but quitting is a personal battle and its different for everyone, its prob going to take a while before he finaly decides that his health commes first, or to be a little more morbid, he might never quit, sometimes its just too hard
It's nice and awful at the same time that I as well as so many others are going through the same pain. What I mean by nice is that my boyfriend convinced me I was the only person to be feeling this way, obviously I'm not. My case although very similar, is a little more complicated. He was a 30 cig pack a day smoker when we met. I always had vowed I'd never date a smoker...as most of us non-smokers do. However his personality & looks won my heart and the smoking took a step back in my eyes. He was aware of my extreme dislike and cut back a bit. When I fell pregnant, he promised he would quit. He tried numerous different ways, each not lasting very long. Cold turkey lasted 1 day! Yet he told me that was his best choice! Most times he tried, he kept it secret from his friends & family (all who smoke) I tried to tell him he needed support. He wouldn't listen. Time and time again he made new promises...fresh start to life...exercise & load weight. None of it ever happened. Our son arrived and my partner was still smoking. Our son is now almost 6 months old and I'm not allowed to mention smoking or quitting. He thinks all I do is complain & he says my love is not true because I can't accept the smoking. It really breaks my heart. He thinks I just want control & he thinks that he can't quit. I've tried everything, trust me, everything. Tears & threats never ever work! Nor do positive approaches. I'm so affraid to lose him (my grandfather almost died from smoking at 40) yet he says my hatred towards smoking is pushing him away :( I try day after day to ignore it, but some days I just can't stop crying. I don't want our son to grow up thinking it is acceptable (neither does he, but he says lots of things and he always goes back on his word when it comes to smoking). His younger brother who is 14 started casually smoking who looks up to my partner. That shocked him, and that night he even said it's time to quit. Do you think it's happened? No. Once again I'm not allowed to mention it & he is smoking even more than before :(
I was reading through the replies...and all I keep hearing is "I'm in the same situation." And it hurts me to say...but...I really do share a similiar problem. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months now...and I truly do care for him and want whats best for him. We are both 16 and he was smoking before I met him. I'm concerned that it's going to be a rough and uphill battle due to the fact that he had begun smoking so young. I recently lost my Grandpa to lung cancer...he'd been smoking as long as I can remember...I loved him so much...and losing him was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. So I'm sure you can all understand why my boyfriend's bad habit really hits home for me. He knows I hate it when he smokes...I hate knowing what he's doing himself...and the painful memories that present themselves when he hugs me and I can smell the smoke on his breathe and clothes are almost unbearable. He tried quitting but it didn't last long...he couldn't make it a week. After my grandpa, I could hardly imagine myself ever dating a smoker...the thing is...I love him and I don't think I can leave him. I want him...to want it for himself...and I would be here to support him every step of the way. So I continue this journey and I don't know the outcome...I can only pray that God will help me through this and that it will be a good outcome. I will pray for all of you who share my pain...and I wish you the best of luck.
I have the same problem with the guy I really love and care so much about. He just doesn't want to stop. Even though he knows how bad it is. He sometime feels guilty and thinks of how much he is hurting me. I understand how hard it must be for him though. But his grandfather actually died because of smoking. So did my grandfather. He promised me he would quit before he graduates but I can't wait for that day. I know everyone smokes, cigarettes and weed but it's really killing him physically. I just don't know how much longer I will stay for him. But I really don't want anyone else.. I just don't want to get into a even deeper relationship with him if he's going to never stop. I don't want him to keep things from me either. I guess it's also a trust issue but sometimes I wonder what he's really doing. And if he will actually stop.
I'm in the same boat here, as does everybody seem to be... My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, he initially kept his smoking a secret from me, but eventually came out and told me, but expressed an interest in trying to quit. Eventually, he got on Champix and it seemed to work, he cut down right away to nothing... But as time went on, he started taking a drag or two at work, then a whole smoke, and then two, and he's running out of prescription, so it's looking like he might end up starting full again. He's showing signs of giving up. I don't know what to do, I feel like sobbing every time I hear about him smoking. I do want to spend my life with him, but I'm afraid there won't be much life left of him. I can't handle the stress it puts me through, but it seems childish to give him up for the one reason. If only there were something I could do.
His quitting smoking has no correlation to love for you.
Have him visit a hypnotist. It worked for me, but he has to really want to quit for it to work.
Hey its good to know that many of us have the same problem and its not just one of us.
Ive only been married for about three months I'm a newlywed. See I knew my husband was a smoker way before I even met him because he told me that he started smoking since he was 13 I think. I know its bad and I just want him to stop but everyone knows it isn't easy to do that its very hard and for us who have never done any of that seem to think that it isn't that hard to stop. I think many of us have done the whole "I'll leave you if you don't stop" trust me I have done that so many times and it turned out to be a game because now he smokes and if I say that he doesnt care because he knows I wouldnt leave him after all the times I've said it already. I knew he was a smoker so I should have just said no when he asked me to marry him but I couldnt help it I loved him way to much. We always seem to argue about who needs to be the grown up in this relationship and I for once just stood up and said "fine then smoke" I don't know wether that was the right or wrong thing to do but I'm tired of him lieing to me always looking at me in my eyes and lies to me "I'm not smoking so stop it!" yeah I don't know how to trust him after he's lied to me way to many times. I just decided to grow up and learn how to live with it but I really don't want to its so hard. I don't want a divorce altough sometimes it feels like its the best thing to do so that I can start college and get on with my life. He wont let me leave him though he says he doesnt beleive in divorce so he would never do it. I don't know what to do. Is it wrong to feel that I don't want to be with him anymore and all because of smoking?? So I gues just give him trust tell him you can believe what he says and that you'll support him as much as you can if he really wants to try to stop smoking but remember it is very hard and sometimes you can do something about it and sometimes you can't. It'll work out for the best don't worry try not to think about the smoking to much and keep his mind on you a lot or on other things, things and activities that will keep his mind busy and not want to smoke.
I can totally relate to how this makes you feel. I've been with my partner for 16months...He has bad asthma, mental health issues within his family, and countless other little things that aren't good to start with. He smokes 30-40 a day easy, and even more if he is out socialising or stressed out about something. I don't know what to do either, I've spoke to him about it many times, and he always says he will ring for help quitting, and has attempted cutting down, but it didn't last longer than a week. I feel hopeless for him :(
It saddens me so much because I love him to bits and I have to watch him kill him self slowly. Not only that, but smoking in general annoys me because the 2nd hand smoke damages my health as well as theirs and it's not fair that I have to suffer for their choices.
I think Hypnotherapy should definitely be considered.
I could feel emma fays pain. I used to smoke but once I got pregnant I quit doing everything toxic to my body. My bf said he would quit cold turkey when baby was born but she's 3m and he's still at it. He compares smoking to other diseases that people are actually born w, etc. Really upset me! He just told me he's not quitting for me or daughter so get over it. Apparently I don't accept him for he is. WEAK! Weakness is a big turn off in my eyes. I left my first boyfriend and kicked out my first childs father. Cause they wouldn't stop their addiction for our family. Addictions are party days and those days are over!
I quit everything cold Turkey. Very hard but I did it! When they say we don't accept them for who they are its highly aggravating. So I tell him if he was a Cheater or a drug addict I should accept that too? Hell no. You're not born with the issue so it's not WHO YOU ARE GUYS. My first baby dad died a year and half ago from ADDICTION a month before his 21st bday. Its painful and I don't think people realize how much they hurt us! Selfishness is ugly. Done. *sigh*
I don't think my bf will ever quit. I tell him smoking kills and he laughs about that. I gave him my car to take to work today because it only costs like $20 bucks for a full tank and told him and his brother not to smoke in it. He got mad at me right away and said "maybe I should just take my truck". I hate that... His truck costs like a hundred bucks more for a full tank and he'd rather take it so he could smoke in it. It's a huge waste of money. Not to mention we're trying to save up to move to another state. Plus he smokes weed. One can't sleep in the morning without hearing everyone hacking... I don't see how we're ever going to get out of here :(
I have the same problem. The more I go on at him the more he doesn't want to stop. I cannot stand the smell and the thought of what the cigarettes are doing to him health wise. All I can do is hope he stops. I think eventually it will come between us and we will split as I cannot have children with a smoker due to the health risks to the child and I simply do not think it is fair to the child, only time will tell but good luck. A non smoker!!
I'm in the same boat as you. My boyfriend quits and restarts all the time though--he goes through periods where he is disgusted by cigarettes but ultimately ends up starting up again. I feel bad asking him to quit because we're in a long distance relationship so I'm not even there all the time and all of his roommates and friends are constantly smoking so it makes the task even more difficult. I just hate that when I visit him ALL of my stuff smells like stale cigarettes even if I haven't worn it. It upsets me.
I'm having the same prob. Its been 3yrs. I know him smoking has nothing to do with loving me since he started before getting together. However, it hurts and eeks me everytime he does it. Ultimately, I would want to spend my life with him but assuming he 'kills' himself smoking - there won't be much of a life left. He's tried before but started again due to stress. Now I'm trying the soft method of constant encouragement but its also not working. Its gotten to a point whereby I find myself talking/praying to God subconsciously and sulking abt how nothing is improving. If I pressure him, its counter productive yet nothing seems to work. It doesnt help that we have friends who successfully quit - makes me feel envious and wishing I had a non-smoker bf. Its just plain awful.
You can't. He will ONLY stop if he wants to. If he say's he has stopped for you he is probably lying. Been with my boyfriend 6 years, he has tried to give up so many times for me, but never for himself and always fails and pretends he has given up. Such a disgusting habit, really can't stand it.
I am in the same situation. I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months and love him dearly. I told him I wouldn't date a smoker in the beginning. He said he wanted to quit any way. We read the book The Easy Way to Quit Smoking by Alan Carr. It is a great book. I thought he had quit and just found out he was still smoking a few a day at work etc. I am very hurt by it and frustrated. I keep looking for ways to help. I wish you luck.
My boyfriend knows that I don;t like it when he smokes but he leaves or does it when I am not around!! He doesn't understand that I care for him a lot and want him to stop but he NEVER listen to me!! I need help!! How can I convience him to stop smoking??
The same thing is happening to me. My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a few months and I recently found out that he had started smoking and smoking weed again. I'm very frustrated and it bothers me that he doesnt even seem sorry at all. I really care about him and I don't want to break up with him but I promised myself that I wouldnt ever date a smoker. I thought about trying the "Its me or the cigs" approach but I'm not so sure that it will work. I am so lost and I have no idea what to do here. He knows I don't like it and that it really bothers me but he hasnt changed for me at all.
I told my boyfriend of a year and a half that I love him and I'm very attracted to him (obviously!) but I think smoking itself is unattractive! He acted like he didn't care, but I know that he does care. So lately he's been cutting down!
He will stop when as soon as he realize that he must stop. Hopefully, not too late. What we can actually do is to set rules, set limitations and gradually help them minimize smoking. Reward your man for complying with your rules :)
I have that same problem .
My boyfriend has been smoking for 3 years.
I have the same problem. He can't quit he try before but it was so hard for him. But he still love me
Okay. I noe how you feel. My boyfriend smokes too. But him smoking has nothing to do with him loving you its something that he started doing before you and it is just hard for him to stop. Its something that helps him deal with things. STRESS. He will quit one day just noe that its not a sign of him not loving you.