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Why Do Men Find It So Hard To Talk About Their Emotions?

5 Answers

charmaine saunders Profile
Men are conditioned to hide their emotions. Young men are more evolved in this area but males of previous generations thought it was weak to openly cry or be vulnerable in any way. Men are supposed to be strong, invincible and controlled - this is what society expects, even in this `enlightened' age. When I was writing my book on men and stress, I was invited to join a men-only discussion group for a one-time only participation to help with my research. I asked the men that very question -
putting aside biological differences, I wanted to know if they behaved `like men' because they were born that way or conditioned to be that way.
The concensus at the end of a 2-hour discussion was that spiritually, men and women are exactly the same, just all human beings but in terms of attitude, behaviours, style, attitude, men and women are naturally different.
For example, in the area of communication, men speak directly, from A to Z in a straight line whereas women talk all around things. Other women instinctively understand this but men find it very frustrating. Women just want to be heard; men expect a conversation to end up somewhere.
Why shouldn't men be able to show their feelings freely? I don't think it's fair. We're all conditioned by our society to behave in various ways but it's our individual responsibility to break out of stereotypes.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
It's this thing called...PRIDE! That men are so proud of. They don't want their pride to get screwed up so they refuse to talk about their emotions. They feel as if its unmanly and its not. It doesn't make a man any less of a man for him to talk about how he feels. It's better to talk about it then to have it all bottled up! That's how men are. Every since the beginning of time and that isn't going to change A man will be a man of course and if he can look after his pride he will do it!
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
i would just like to share that i am in a relationship w/this guy and he does that he bottles up feeling but...he says that his thought are his business and that I'm living his life by wanting answers and he cant be affectionate he says he cant but he has no problems with sex i dont understand i think by bottling up emotions it can cause emotional abuse and lead to other kinds of abusive behaviors am i wrong how can i get out of this relationship
H H Profile
H H answered
Men are not raised to speak about their emotions. When we are children,and a little girl is hurt, when she falls down or when she is sad, you run to her, hug her, and you allow her to cry it out. But when a boy falls, or is sad, or hurt you tell him to suck it up, and be a man. Men are not raised or usually taught how to show emotion then when they get older and get into relationships we expect them to talk, and speak, and communicate just like we do, when that is not how they operate. It does not mean that they don't love you, it is just not how many of them operate.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Why do men keep everything bottled up inside. When the times comes to talk about the relationship they clam up?
E Jacobson Profile
E Jacobson answered
Men are often brought up to believe that they are being 'girlie' if they talk about their feelings and emotions, so they bottle them up. Women on the other hand are usually keen to share their feelings and emotions, so they do this with each other. But men tend to talk about football, cars, mechanical things or sex, so they do not have much experience of talking about their feelings. The more the feelings are not talked about, the more difficult it becomes for men to share their emotions and so they are repressed. So it is like a vicious cycle.
Whilst gender roles have changed much over the last 50 years, this would seem to be the last taboo and it is unlikely that there will be a huge sea change within the next ten years, but perhaps in 50 years time, men will be confident enough to talk about their feelings. Until this time, women will just have to be encouraging : and patient !

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