Why is it so hard to find someone I can be myself around?

Because you have pretended to be someone other than your true self for so long youre used to it and don't know how to be yourself around others, so you only fooled  and hurt yourself here. Now you must decide what is the real true you and start being that person no matter where and who you are around and its their problem if they can't accept the real you. This is where the saying, "what a tangled web we weave when we first try to deceive" comes into play. Be true to yourself and be the real you as its a lot easier all the way around