I think there can be only one answer: Both of you need to work on your respective marriages, including getting therapy if necessary and probably working out past grievances or unresolved issues, to make sex work. It may be that the problems are unsolvable. But your first responsibility is to find a way to make your existing marriage work.
I Am In Love With My Best Friend. We Are Both Married. Our Spouses Are Not Sexual At All. What Do You Believe We Should Do About This? We Both Can't Divorce Our Spouses And We Can't Break Our Relationship.
Hmmm… this seems to be a pretty complicated situation! Well, if your spouses are not cooperative and sexual enough and that if you two lovebirds desperately desire for love and an intimate relationship, then I would suggest that you guys plunge yourself deep into this extra-marital affair and if your better halves ever get to find about it so simply tell the truth on their face!