This is obviously going to be highly dependent on how you feel you will be able to deal with the situation if you stay with your wife. Do you think you can deal with this situation? Can you forgive and forget? Are you prepared to bring up this child? Are you prepared for the other man to be involved?
One of the most important factors in these kinds of decisions is whether the relationship has a chance of lasting if you choose to stay and this is usually dependent on your ability to draw a line in the sand and move on. There is no point in staying with your wife and saying you forgive her if you bring this up all the time; a relationship will likely not last under such strain and it certainly won't be a happy relationship for you or your wife.
On the other hand, if this was a one-off mistake and you feel you're able to not bring the issue up all the time then it is perfectly possible that you can both move on from this and be happy again. It will take a very understanding man to allow the father to play a part in the child's life but this is important and trying to disallow his involvement will probably only make the situation more tense.
I wouldn't rush into any decisions and it is important to think about all eventualities, as it may not be easy to change your mind once you have left. Sit down and discuss your feelings with your wife and come to a conclusion together which you both feel can work. The situation isn't going to change and so I'm afraid it's ultimately a case of forgive and forget or leave and move on.
Let me tell you from experience. I have had the same thing happen to me. I choose to try and do the right thing as most of them are telling you here. Plan for a divorce, I am sorry there is just no other way to put it. The divorce will happen now or later. She has very serious issues and will never get over them. There will be more hearts broken if it is allowed to go longer.
The terrible thing here is your the one who will end up paying in all of this. You leave her and your paying child support. You stay with her and you must live the rest of your life being reminded everyday that your wife is a cheater and actually took this guys load in her. You stay and every time you look at her pink peach, you will know that some other guy has been there.
My advice is to leave her, file for divorce, and go after sole custody of your children and have her pay for support.
Do you really have to ask a question like that. Put her down the road. The trust is gone as is the love if you really look in the mirror and answer your on question. R you A Man or Mouse r the other man in your wife life.
If she was unfaithful to you then why stay with her. Did you not take vows to be Faithful to one another and to be loving towards each other never cheat and all that... Well she broke those vows and she is pregnant with another mans child. I would take your children and leave her to what ever fate she falls into. If she was unwilling to stay faithful or even have the respect to use protection then she isn't worth it. Or you could ask to get another woman pregnant in even trade ether way thats what I think
Thats tough, the hardest thing to overcome is the lack of trust you will have in her. She has broken it and furthermore, burdened you with her guilt. I am not sure if this can be saved. Unfortunately if it ends up in divorce, you are the man, and statistically are at a serious disadvantage in most states, even though she is at fault, it will not seem so. Having gone through a similar thing, let me give a very heart felt bit of advice. Open some of your own bank accounts, keep them a secret from her, do not let her know anything about them. Filter as much money as you can into them. Cancel all credit cards that you have together. Do not sign for any new ones that she wants together. Pay off as many bills and loans now, while you still have some money to do so. You must separate your finances as much as possible. Make a list of everything in the house, assign money to it. This may seem petty, however when you are settling property, it will help you tremendously. I know this seems "un-christian " but so is unfaithfulness. Remember to keep this as secretive as possible, but evidently she doesn't have a problem keeping things from you. You obviously have some very basic problems with your marriage, they may not be repairable.
Come on people it is easy to say ,stay in for the kids, be a man all that bullshit!!. If you found out your husband got another woman pregnant you would not take things so lightly and say ok let's bring the child in the family and raise it with our other kids yeah Right!!. DIvorce her ass and find some one else who is worthy if your love , stop trying to make this man feel guilt over staying with his wife , the vows was broken and by the Bible he doesn ot have to stay with her if he is hurt by this suitation. There is no way I could look another man's or women's baby in the face everyday and it would not hurt like hell ,no way I would want to be around this and if it was all about the kids then she should have kept her legs closed and worked on savaging her marriage. The damaged is done and at least he now knows the type of woman he married. Kids are not a reason to stay married so they can hear Momma& Daddy agrueing about her cheating every night just so it then leads up to a divorce anyway , spare the children the grief. Follow your heart no one can tell you what to do, if you do not want to stay then don't, you have done nothing wrong ,she broke up the home not you , you should not have any guilt even if you two were having problems.
Man..... You must leave her. If you stay will be lying to the children you already have faking like your the father. Everytime you look at the baby's face you will remember what your wife did to you. God say is ok to divorce your wife if she is unfaithful. I would take him up on that offer. The courts will favor you. You might even get the 3 kids you have and she'll have to pay you. I know you love your kids but its about being happy too.
Be careful of "counsellers" Many are outright feminist man haters and kinda go out of their way to break up families-- I know because I ran into 3 that tried with us!! Be real careful! Did you ever hear of a married/not divorced marriage counsellor. A good Christian counsellor would be the way to go in the Church of your choice. The ones that work for govt/welfare etc. Usually have an agenda.
Divorce her and start again. She did not make a mistake, she made a decision to become pregnant by another man. Your marriage is over and if you decide to stay you will not only have to see the child but the man that was inside your wife.
Before you do anything, think of your three kids. I can assure you that if you drop your wife your 3 kids will be the ones most affected by this. I can give you testimony to this. PLEASE THINK ABOUT THEM, THEY ARE INNOCENT.
LISTEN!! Any MAN can make a CHILD! But it takes a real MAN to be a FATHER!! Yes your wife made a mistake, but we all have sinned and fallen short! I say, be the BETTER MAN and STEP UP! And raised this CHILD! As your OWN! Your wife will DEFINITELY! Know who the BETTER MAN is then!! And this child will LOVE YOU because you cared enough to Love him or her. This is YOUR FAMILY!! NEW BABY INCLUDED!! TELL THAT BROTHER TO STEP OFF!! TELL YOUR WIFE! YOU ARE GOING TO KEEP YOUR FAMILY TOGETHER!! I suggest that you get into a BIBLE TEACHING CHURCH and get some CHRISTIAN COUNSELING. You sound like a GOOD MAN! And your wife and children are BLESSED to have YOU! Get down on your knees and truly seek GODS WISDOM in this situation. Get in a quiet place and pray to hear God's voice and be determined not to allow this man to break-up your family!! I will be praying for you as well. Don't Give Up!
One thought I would just like to say who said forgiveness is endless and who that follows his words and I never said it would be easy but worth it I hope this brings peace in your hearts I going thru the same thing and the truth is I love jesus christ and that is what lives in me and every one of you so please I know its the most hardest thing is what others can not is to live like christ its my promise to you all never stop forgiving never let hate build in your heart and jesus will never leave you amen
I really am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is difficult in this situation to see the truths.
There are a few questions I would ask.
Why did she feel the need to fall into the arms of another man. Do you love her Does she love you
You are a man of faith maybe this is just one of those things sent test you.
My only advice is if you love her forgive and forget. Take the blessing that is the child and love it with all of your being. Be grateful that God has given you the opportunity to show real strength in adversity.
Do the best you can so when it comes to the reconing there is nothing there that you regret.
You have my sympathy, you are in a very difficult situation. You have every right to be hurt and angry. Even so, this is something you and your wife need to work out together with the help of a counselor if possible.
Since you and your wife have three children together, you obviously have a long-standing relationship. Even though she has betrayed your trust and hurt you, it may still be possible to save this relationship and preserve a family for your children. I think that would be the best thing, if you are both able to reconcile things between you.
I think you owe it to your children to at least make an attempt at this. Of course, your wife must participate, too.
It may not be possible for you to salvage this relationship and in that case your focus must be providing as stable and loving an environment as possible for your children, where both their parents are involved in their lives. They are the innocent ones in this situation and I'm sure as a loving father you only want the best for them.
Again, my sympathy and very best wishes during this painful and difficult time.
I been there man....she cheated over an over ....I just hurt and hurt....yes....16 years....I used to say ....God would want me to forgive....so I forgave her....over and over....until one day God showed me in a cartoon....in a candle!...yes He is still in the miracle making business.....well he showed me in living color her with another man in a house playing family with another man....with me on the outside looking in...well to make a long story short.....That was three years ago....I have never been back with her since...and life has never been better....I should ve left the 1st time!!!....Ask God to give you the strength to be strong ....to make the right decision.....and most of to send you someone who wont cheat with other men....He can and He will.....Come on now...He didn't accept Israel when she cheated and went after other gods...and idols.....so neither should you....Sir in all do respect.....you can't make a hoe a housewife.....so man up....look at her for who she is....a low down cheating so an so!..
First, you need to shelter your children from as much of this as possible. Secondly, do you think your wife is genuinely sorry for this and won't do it again? It's easy for others to judge and say "dump her" unless they've been there. "God hates divorce"..and the bible does say "hate" so if there's any way for you to make this work, do it.
I have a live in partner for 8 years and we're going thru the same thing right now. I'm pregnant by another man..I think. It is painful..especially now I'm on the stage of realization and enlightenment. I want to kill myself and the baby most of the time..I just can't bear the feeling the guilt that I cheated on him. Honestly, I'm so troubled and hurt and all sorts of stuff. I love him and if he can't accept me..I'll understand.But I can't bear the fact that our 7 year old daughter will be so hurt if she finds us separated.
Raise a bastard and live your life as the victim. Most people here are probably born out of wedlock. They would hope that more like them are around. Nothing is the childs fault, but as an adult you must be able to decide between right and wrong. Just the $$$ is whats keeping her..he doesnt want her baggage..which is your other child so why take his burden. Man up and leave. Get someone else pregnant and be happy. Your child will adjust.
I would wait to test to see if the child is really not mine and if it's definitely not mine, then a divorce would be my choice. Unless of course, you are guilty of the same sin, then it's only right you forgive her. But if not, then personally, I probably would stay living together for the kids sake but all affection would be off and I would eventually divorce her in private. Then, once the kids all go off to college or are all grown up, I would move out and find someone new.
Geez samoapride, I didn't read this BEFORE I just left you a "shout" note on your site. I'm so sorry about this. If she is truly sorry and you love her and want to forgive her, by all means get some good Christian counseling. And the counseling may take several months, not just one or two times. You both can get through this but it will take some time. You both have to decide if you want to work at this. It won't work if just one of you wants to work at it. Good luck.
Hey listen man I feel your pain but love is a very strong feeling and if you love your wife and your kids we will stay but if not you will find something else to do ....and you have to understand that everyone makes mistakes and we learn from each one we make
This happen to us, my wife was dating her boss, I knew but we never discussed, he knocked her up, I knew because I had been fixed, yes I was tested and it was not a problem with fix, I never said and raised child with out children, love the child like mine, after that she stayed on pill, he knew his kid!
If you love her work it out . Nobody is perfect , even when you're married. People make mistakes. A lot of people get married and don't understand that it's for better or for worse that you vowed in front of God. Marriage is supposed to be forever. Sometimes you are given a test and a divorce means you failed .
If you still love her, I would strongly consider trying to work it out. I was in a similar situation, married for 6 years to my wonderful wife and having 2 children back to back right after we had gotten married. She was still carrying on a sexual relationship with her ex-boyfriend after we married, and both children were fathered by him. It was quite a shock when she confessed b,c everything I had was essentially undermined by it. It took a LOT of counseling to get past it, but now we are very happy again, and I;m not the biological father but I AM their true father because I am all they know and their biological father has never wanted to be involved with them. Don't throw away something that may have been great in the past and can be great again now
I was just told today that my wife is pregnant (most likely by another man). We are currently seperated. I went over her apartment (unexpected) and found a naked man in her room. This was 2 months ago. We agreed to try to work pass that issue. Now today she tells me she is pregnant. She had sex with me and the other man 4 total times within 2 weeks. She thinks its his but wants to reconcile with me. I am confused and don't think i can take that.
She is brave enough to have told you instead of having an abortion... That takes a lot of guts. I know how she must be feeling, it is aweful. I hope you can forgive her and protect your family, including this new innocent member...
You must consider a lot of variables will you love this child genuinely as you love your other children and accept that you may be reminded of her infidelity every time you see this child. Every time you argue with your wife being something small the past may be brought up in my opinion your prolonging the inevitable by staying in the relationship. Yes there are children involve and that must be considered but consider whether or not you will truly be happy with her again for if not you should leave and file for a divorce this child may strengthen your relationship but also keep in mind the father of the child may and will be apart of his kids lives and will be a part of yours as well. I'm sorry but I couldn't trust this man around my wife and yes thought of your wife being with another man is a lot to bear. We can give advice but you must follow your heart and pray to God for advice and strenght but I think God has already given you sign by her unfaithfulness. Good look and I'm sorry for the position your I'm in the same position I will eventually forgive but to reconcile I can't maybe in the future but now I need to go my seperate way.
Remember this baby was sent to your home, your wife was just the vessel, love this child like life begins and ends with it , that and that alone is enough to bring the wife to her knees begging forgiveness......the best to you let us know about the end result......the best to you
Well so many answers! I must say I know from 1st hand experience. If he really loves you he will try to forgive and work it out. Yes the other man causes issues but not so much for the husband as the wife. She really regrets the mistake and would like nothing more than to take it all back but there is nothing that can be done now. She can either turn her back on the child or keep it in her marrige and raise it with her husband as a family with the other children. I pray for the best for you. I know how hard this is. But just remember don't throw it in her face she feels bad enough. She is the one that had to walk around carrying the guilt for 9 months and even so after that.
Hi there. My wife an I are almost going through the same thing. She had unprotected sex with another man and MAY be pregnant. All I can say is I know how you feel, but the bible is clear. Your vows are clear. For better or Worse... Not for better or kinda ok. A true man can make a promise and stick to it. So there is no man or mouse issue.
She needs to work on this with you. If she is wiling, you are lucky. Mine is so confused, she wants to leave and don't know what she feels anymore.
So know this... There is someone out there who are where you are. (Well kinda). But I believe I'm worse off than you (She wants to leave) and I'm not giving up. Don't give up either. It will be difficult.. Work on it together and you will be ok.
My husband forgave me. I also sinned and became pregnant by another man. My husband has been nothing short of a man of true honor and testimony covering me with his love and forgiveness. I on the other hand feel horrible and will never be able to repay his love and forgiveness. I have found God in my husbands eyes. I know what true love is, something I have never known. Being sexually and mentally abused throughout my childhood I have had a lot of issues to surpass, but the love of my husband has opened my eyes to hope and true love. You should be proud of yourself. You are truly someone of deep integrity like my husband. Believe this is not easy for her, it will take time but the Lord will heal this undoubtedly. Our son will be born in March and my husband chose the name JOSIAH, which means GOD HAS HEALED. Because God undoubtedly has and will continue to heal our family.
It is natural for a woman to fall in love with a man other than husband or get impregnated by other man. Some people may think it is unfaithful or cheating, but your wife is NOT unfaithful or cheat. It is just happened naturally. The hormones with in the body of a woman can make her fall in love with a man, make her have sex, and get her impregnated.
Think this way --> A woman with higher sexual drive and hormones make her fall in love with other men. This means you wife has very high sexual drive. If you let her, she can even make you ver sexy in the bed.
My suggestion is let your wife have that baby and raise it. Whenever you see that baby, it will remind you how beautiful and sexy your wife is and you will just feel good.