Anonymous

I Am Bored In My Marriage. Would This Be Solved By Having An Affair?

19 Answers

James Milford Profile
James Milford answered
Periods of boredom are quite natural in a marriage - after all, this lifetime commitment represents the sharing of mundane activities, day in and day out, in sickness and in health. For some people, the honeymoon glow of a new marriage may soon begin to seem dull and unfulfilling. However, having an affair to feel less bored with your spouse may be nothing but a temporary, or band-aid, solution. Most relationships, including marriages, begin with a lot of romance and passion - this wooing phase brings two people together and helps them to bond. Over time, the first flush of romance dims a bit, but love and friendship remain. When you start an affair, you’ll feel the same euphoria you felt when you met your wife or husband, but this too will pass in time.

Often, people who have affairs end up losing both their spouse and their new lover. Deception tends to come out in the end, and there can be serious regrets when a spouse finds out you’ve been cheating. Often, this sort of circumstance will make it difficult to continue feeling euphoric about the affair.

Staying faithful is tough - society promotes marriage as a natural choice for couples in love, yet divorce runs rampant. It can be difficult to know if your marriage is destined to last forever. Marriage is about trust - once this fragile bond is broken, nothing will ever be the same. Yes, your spouse may forgive you for having an affair and take you back. It’s also possible to keep your affair a secret. However, both of these situations are very cruel to your partner, who is supposed to be your best friend. If you’re feeling bored, consider some ways to put fire and passion back into your marriage. Remember to focus on the good traits of your partner - don’t nitpick and look for problems. The ideal of a happy marriage is possible, but it requires constant effort and determination.
Gillian Smith Profile
Gillian Smith answered
If you are bored in your marriage have you taken a long and good look at why?

Having an affair is rarely the solution, although it may seem a good idea at the time. affairs nearly always end and often in tears. It is easy to see why having a fling might hide the boredom for a short time but it's not a long term solution. Affairs may mean the end of a marriage and a great deal of pain for many people which never really goes away.

If you are sure the boredom can't be cured without an affair it's possible that your marriage has reached a point where it is fruitless to carry on.

Does your partner feel the same or are they blissfully unaware of how you feel?
Why don't you address the problem to your partner, perhaps they bored too!
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I have addressed the problem with my husband and part of the problem is his constant controlling what are doing, where are you going......conversations with him turn into 10 minite lectures. I turn him off and tune out. I need and out but not an affair. I just want some me time now that our kids are in college. Me time with friends, girl talk etc. He just can't handle that...
Arch Mage Profile
Arch Mage answered
These are two separate things.  Being bored means that there are problems that you should face.  Wanting to have an affair means that you're searching for an alternate approach.  My guess is that you've already confronted your spouse, perhaps even a number of times and are at a point where you're not sure what to do and are willing to try anything to escape the mediocrity.

You're afraid to leave because being it's a huge, life-altering step but you might feel that meeting someone may actually give you the support and excitement that you need – someone else in a similar situation with whom you can bond both sexually and emotionally.  You might also think that there is someone out there who will be better for you.  The truth is that two people looking for an escape will inevitably fuel each other in a way that would otherwise not happen if they were both single.  The only way to an exciting and meaningful alternate relationship is to be single first.  But you need to first decide if this is what you want.

My suggestion:  1. Give yourself a deadline to fix the relationship. 2. Confront your spouse and state how you feel.  Be clear and concise and declare the end result (divorce).  3. Go away on a trip alone.  Don't do anything terrible but have fun and enjoy your time away.  Do something you’ve always wanted to do.  Skydive, snorkel, drink yourself silly and sleep on a park bench if it floats your boat.  Most importantly, see if you miss your spouse and see how your spouse reacts to your absence.  When you get back you will have a better idea of where you stand and so will your spouse.

Finally, people will often tell you that you should start doing things together.  Go on dates and try to get the spark back.  The problem is that the spark is hard to find and you may often not want to commit to the effort.  If that’s the case then things are bad because there is resentment present.  The only way to fix things is to find what you like and what your spouse likes.  Often two people in a failing marriage may not have common interests – the things you did when you were younger and dating may no longer apply.  You still need to take part in the other’s hobbies.  Just imagine how you would feel if your spouse was willing to take part in the activities that you most enjoy?  The trick is to do the same in return.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
No! An affair will increase and add more problems. You stated, that you are bored, right? You didn't state that you lost love for your mate! If you love your mate, then why betray the marriage?

Did you try talking it out and try to find solutions? If you haven't, then maybe you need to do that first. An affair doesn't cause anything but turmoil and pain. A marriage is sacred and between 2 people, not 3 or 4 or 5. When you made that vow to love your mate for better, for worse, and for richer and poorer, that meant regardless of whatever task comes along and that you will be there for them for always!

A vow or promise isn't made to be broken, it is made to be kept. You need to think twice before you decide what you want to do. Would you want someone to have an affair on you? Don't do anything that you wouldn't want done to you. That's hypocritical. So my advice to you is...If you are bored, then let your mate know and why you are bored. That way you can try to come to a compromise. If you can't, then maybe separation might be in need. Whatever you decide to do, be honest with your mate as well as yourself.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
No, no affair will ever help a marraige!  HOwever your boredom, like so many marraiges may be because you two have stopped chasing each other.  Do you remember the anticipation you once felt, at the thought of your next meeting or date with your spouse?  Remember how exciting and wonderful it made you feel?  You might have thought about it all day.  You planned what you were going to where and say.  What happened to that?  I'll tell you what happened, you both got lazy..or comfortable as some people would state it.  You need to find ways to still chase each other.  And sometimes this means outside of the home, so you have a reason to look a little different than normal.  Dress a little special or unexpected.  It doesn't mean you have to spend any money.  Have a rendevous in the park, meet him at the store, drag him through the lingerie section and smile.  If You want that boredom to go away focus on how you can change it on your side and shorty his excitement will rekindle as well.  For most men it doesn't take much to peek their interest!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Having an affair is not the way to go. I admit for many people it's a complicated situation. On a moral call alone, though, you shouldn't; however, if you want to get practical there are many reasons for not having an affair as well.

My take on it is that you shouldn't get into a physical relationship with anyone that you're not in love with. To me that's common sense, but for others it appears to be a foreign idea.

Let's say you got into an affair, your marriage dissolves. Well, you have now made your bed with a cheat. How can you trust them anymore than your previous spouse could have trusted you? One at a time.

Here's a twist for the average person experience the average  bored in marriage problem. Instead of focusing on your marriage/romance, focus on your family, your health, your career and helping people. There is a lot more to life than a relationship. Don't turn your life into a bad soap opera script with an affair.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
No, an affair would not be a good choice. First try talking to your spouse and see if they are up to new things that maybe you want to do or whatever that you think may make things better between you two. If you are still unhappy then I would hate to say it but there is always the option of divorce. I wouldnt get a divorce though until you see or at least try and fix things. Hope I could help you.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am in the same position.I love my husband but there is no spark.He isn't very tactile and I long to be held and kissed etc.There is someone from the past who gives me butterfly's when I think of them holding me but I don't want to go there for fear of the END. I just don't know what too do.Its a constant feeling that there is something I'm missing out on and its called fun, passion, excitement.
What to do????
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Dabling in affairs won't work - grow them balls and tell your better half, get dialogue going and after all that if there is no hope then that it the time to move on Been on the train, hopped onto another - deserved to have my balls cut off - but did that screw with my head or what, the 'other' woman had some serious mental issues (btw I have my own), but my wife is pretty much more stable than me in some respects - the 'other' even admitted she wasn't that stable - and no, you can't 'fix' another person if they aint going to - and I thought I could at the time - in some ways it still messes with my head, darnit. So, the way I look at is the 80 : 20 - if anyone who says there is a 100%, to this day I don;t believe them - think about friend and all the best to you - if your partner is giving you that 80% then trust me, think hard on it - the grass aint always greener on the other side - you just need to water your own patch first...if after all the watering, you end up with a flood, then by all means, get in the boat and sail off, but til that day, water friend and may your garden flourish. God bless you
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
In my opinion, having an affair will not ease the boredom away. In fact, it will create another sort of problem to your marriage. Maybe what you ought to do is to undo all the boring stuffs that you've been doing all this time. That might take a while because you need to understand the reason why you are bored in the first place. Then, maybe, after doing so, you could talk it over with your partner, do some adjustments with your way of life, and take the family for a vacation or so! Think about what positive things that you could do to improve the marriage and not the other way around. I'm sure you cherish this marriage and wants it to be better..so do it with your family member and not with someone else. It will bring a lot more joy and satisfaction if you take the right path.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Having an affair can possibly destroy your marriage. You must weigh the pro's and con's and then decide if the consequences of being found out are worth the risk. Don't assume you can get away with it because many times the spouse will be able to "feel" the affair even if they cannot see it or find concrete evidence of cheating! When the spouse "feels" that their husband or wife may be cheating of them they start to look for evidence. And so long as the affair continues the it will eventually be discovered. Then you will have to face the consequences, including divorce.

Think carefully before you act. The trust in a marriage takes a long time to build and can be shattered overnight by infidelity. I'm not advocating that you cheat on your spouse but some people are more forgiving than other people. If your spouse is a more forgiving type you may be able to save your marriage if the affair is discovered. If they are not then you're playing with fire...
E Jacobson Profile
E Jacobson answered
There is still a widespread belief that if boredom has set into a marriage an affair can 'spice things up' and after the affair the marriage will have been re-juvenated and all will be well.
On paper this may look feasible. However, many people find that the reality is very different.
If you have an affair and your other half finds out they could well end the marriage. This may not be the desired outcome for you !
You may fall in love with the person with whom you are having the affair and so again, this may end the marriage in a very destructive and hurtful fashion.
The person you are having an affair with may fall in love with you and want your marriage to end : and may try to bring about this end by telling your wife/husband.
And finally, if boredom is affecting your marriage and you have an affair (and get away with it) the boredom will still be there: so try addressing why the boredom is there in the first place, but an affair carries a 'high risk' warning !
thanked the writer.
Penny VanNorman
Penny VanNorman commented
I think u ought to plan when u had your first date and make your marriage fun by doing things together....... Having quality time together or planning evenings with friends of get togethers like cookouts and just mingling with old friends. That will take the boredom out of your system. If spending time with ur husband and doing things together which u might have great interest in it might get ur mind off this dumb affair crap..
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Do you mean you feel bored or you're bored to death by your partner? There's a big difference! If you're bored to death by your partner (meaning you're bored in your marriage) then I think you wouldn't have married him/ her in the first place. If you just feel bored, then this issue is probably about you. Have you ever felt bored or empty in the past? Another possibility is that you feel sexually bored by your partner.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I am very bored in my marriage,not with my husband. I guess there is no challenge for me now that i have him so i am looking in other places which isn't a good idea. I dont know if i love him then why do i have other feelings?
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
When I married my husband he was fun took me out once a week we had great time's together I married him becouse he was fun and I loved him and loved to be with him now all he want's to do is drank and sleep boring yes. So that's not the ans you sould not married him. They change beleive me....
ABC DEF Profile
ABC DEF answered
What is an affair? An irrational burst of passion which makes you completely weak for another human being, an act when in normal conditions you probably wouldn't have the guts to go about, something that happens between people in spite of the vast number of associated risks they are aware of. What if hubby/wife finds out? What if anybody else finds out? What if the other person falls in love? And if it is sexual - pregnancy! Possibly one of the factors why an affair is so intense is because it invokes all the fear factors in our mind, breaking of all the taboos, this is what adds
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm not so sure that I agree with all the responses above - yes, an affair is a short term thing, and it can cause unhappiness if 1) the spouses find out, or 2) one of the partners in the affair becomes more serious than the other, but the fact is,it's fun! However, If what you want is the the thrill that goes along with a new relationship, then maybe just flirting with someone different than your spouse will help. Bottom line, it might very well end the marriage, but if you're contemplating divorce anyway...

At least try doing something completely new in your life - go back to school, whatever. You can meet new interesting people who also find you interesting, and that might do the trick.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Never have an affair! You'll regret it later. It will hurt your marriage and haunt you for the rest of your life because you hurt your spouse.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am bored my husband sleeps most days, he has an addiction with pot and is only happy while he smokes this.  He has no social life, doesn't even shop for daily stuff  ever.  He is retired at 50 yrs and he is boring to be around.  Conversations are from the spectator. What to do.
Kiki Mott Profile
Kiki Mott answered
Now I'm not that smart in relationships and stuff but it sounds like to me that if your bored in your marriage you shouldnt have an affair. It would only make things worse if your mate0 found out. You should just take a vacation with your wife and see if that helps. Maybe go on a cruise or something fun that will let you see what you saw in your mate when yall first got married.
Jerrica Jackson Profile
Jerrica Jackson answered
Never!! Why don't you go buy a cupple of roses.. Some candles.. Chocolates... And just have sex with her.. That will probly be a lot of fun and pleasurable! It will feel good and maker her want more!!

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