It's been a year since my husband's 2nd fling with the same woman and I still break down once a week. The other woman is now married and has her claws into someone else, but I am still very very insecure. He is a hockey player and when he leaves late at night for a game which I can't attend because of work, I about cry myself to sleep. I keep thinking, is this the night he doesn't come home again? We have been through counseling and a program called Retrouvaille that we are still involved in etc. And he does all the right things, but the problem is, he did all the right things before, even when he was with the other woman. He was no different. He remained attentive, loving etc. Towards me but was still screwing her. I too am having a horribly hard time rebuilding trust with him and am constantly looking for the next lie I catch him in which is very unhealthy. I love him dearly but keep kicking myself in the butt saying, how can I love someone that would do that to me??? I am at a crossroads right now. It's been three years since the first affair with her and I have given everything I have to make it work, but if I personally can never trust him again, then I will absolutely leave him very soon. I know this is probably more my fault than his that I can't trust, however I think a clean break (No kids involved) and me moving on fresh after 18 years might be the best thing for both of us.
You have been betrayed and feel that you cannot compare or compete with the other woman honey. You have doubts and even wonder if he is still truly sorry or sorry you know. Things will not be the same for a while. You should sit down and talk with him if you want things to work out for the best. If not then just leave because you will feel worse and worse over time like you are not good enough. It is a hard answer and I feel so sorry for you but really sit down and talk with him about this that is the only way you two can get through this crazy mess and let him know that if he does it again you will have to leave because your heart is heavy enough. Plus you must stop blaming yourself. You are doing just that. Do some things for yourself to rebuild your self esteem. He has torn you down now it is time to pick yourself up.
You are feeling normal. What you need to do is look at the situation that he lost a great women and will never find someone that will ever compare. It is hard and I'm sure I could tell you a bunch of stuff right now that you have already heard but you will get threw it. Stay strong!