Anonymous

Husband Had An Emotional Affair, Can You Help?

5 Answers

Joan Profile
Joan answered
I assume from the fact that you are asking the question that you are very hurt.  Did he admit this or did you find out another way?  If he did confess it to you then it would appear that it has ended and he is feeling very guilty about this betrayal.  Is he asking for forgiveness or is he acting like it is no big deal?  Are you the one that has decided it is an "emotional affair" and are you sure it was only that?  Are you blowing things out of proportion?  Could it have just been a friendship?  Is your marriage worth saving?  Are you better off with him than without him?  Is this the first time that he has not been loyal?  Do you think you can learn to trust him again?  Are you generally happy in your marriage?  Do you love this man, still?  Does he provide for you in a monetary aspect?  Do you want to be with this man until you die?  Do you truly believe that he loves you and only you?  You must answer these questions and then determine if you will make a true, loving effort to forgive him - or not.  Forgiveness may not come on an immediate basis.  Time will pass and if he proves to you his love is strong and he is loyal,  can you trust him and make a go of your marriage?  If he is repentant, it is really up to you to decide.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My now husband and I were planning our wedding, when about 2 months into that (we lived together) he started not wanting to touch me and acting another.  I had no idea that he was doing anything.  We had a good relationship. Never fought etc....  Then one morning, (we were going to my mom's for christmas eve) he came home from his shift (a emt/firefighter) and was in the shower.  His another alerted that there was a text message, I checked it for him which we always did in the past, and it said his partners name , so I looked so that I could text him back to tell him my at the time fiance was in the shower, and saw what the message said.  It said, "Call me if you can talk?"  I thought how strange for his partner to say that so I text back, "what's up?"  The reply was this, "I have never felt this way about someone I have just met." My heart dropped to my toes and I thought I would die, I felt sick, and very angry.  I ran to the bathroom and tore open the shower curtain and screamed at him asking who is it?  He said no one.. I said that this no one had text him something that he should not have gotten.,  he tried telling me that it was Just a friend, blah, blah..  So I asked him why he hide her number under his partners name, he said that he did it because he knew that I would be upset.  And that they talked about he and I and our problems.  We had NO problems..  Everything was really great so I thought.  I told him to erase the number and he said no, they were friends...  So finally after I cried the whole way to my mom's about 3 another away, he "erased" it...  And promise that he would never do it again.  I believed him... So I get the another bill about 5 weeks later and he was still talking to her.  I found out that they had talked every day almost a hundred times a day, and text when they were not talking.  Our phone bill went over that month by $100 dollars..  I left him for a few days, and he begged me to come back..  I did but only if he would let me check his phone, and the on-line phone bill daily to see all the calls he made.  He seemed to be not talking to her, but the pain was so great, because he would not give me an answer as to why he did it, saying that it was not me it was him. (after I eft him I found out that he talked to her with his partners phone and she would come visit him at the station.)  five months later, I left him.  I moved back to my mom's and took all of our household goods with me.  He called every day around the clock saying that he was sorry and needed me and wanted me back....  I would not give in..  I started dating a another man to get over it, he too started dating someone, again this girl was married like the other was.  After a few months, with his persistence I told him we would talk about it.. He asked me to marry him and I felt that he really meant it and that he was sorry.  We have been married for 5 months now, and he really has changed.  He transferred his job to another city, and my kids could not be happier..  The only problem is that I can not forget about it, and I question him all the time and I check the online phone bill constantly.  He seems to have really changed with being married and says that he would never ruin our marriage.  He just seems calm and very into the family.  Maybe he needed to have the security of marriage, to change, but I am going crazy with thoughts that he is still doing things.  I start counseling tomorrow.  The pain is so fresh and it has been over a year and a half now.  Will it ever get better?
Krystal DeLaRosa Profile
Affairs normally happen because the person is feeling that something is lacking in their relationship and,instead of trying to fix this, they look elsewhere for it. You need to figure out why this happened in the first place and work on your relationship. Talk to him and see what he feels is lacking and see if this can be worked out. In time you may forgive him if you choose to stay with him but surely you will never forget. Trust needs to be built back up. Trust is the key to any relationship..along with respect,honesty,loyalty,fedelity, good communication,love,affection,etc.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My husband had an emotional affair also.  I am dying inside.  I know how you feel.  I realized it 3 weeks ago, when we were at our vacation spot and he and a female friend got wasted.  He asked me to have a threesome.  Not in those words, but he wanted us to all have sex.  I am devastated and hurting beyond belief.  He says he wants to forget about it.  I cried and cried in front of him and he ignored my crying.  He has never given me reason before to not trust him.  The woman is married also and confides in both of us about her husband who hates her alcohol problem.  I had noticed signs of my husband leaving me and sitting with her and talking, but I thought we were just all friends.  I kept telling myself it was nothing.  When he wanted the threesome I knew there was something more.  I am a Christian and would never think of doing such a thing.  He showed no respect for me and what hurt was as intoxicated as he was he remembered because when we got home he said, I am sorry for what happened, that isn't me.  I don't even know what to do.  I love him, but I think it is true, I will never forget it.  We have been married 23 years and I am 61 years old.  How do I start over?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I've been married 6 years and my husband has not been a very good husband for most of that time. He has been emotionally and physically distant. We have 2 small children. I discovered he's maintained a "friendship" with his ex-girlfriend from before me and that he also has had another female "work friend" who once followed us somewhere on the weekend and introduced herself to me. How I missed that huge red flag at the time, I'm not sure, but definitely anything weird like that is not "nothing". I would say that the most important thing is to pay attention to your relationship. These men are immature. They turn to someone else for excitement and to make them feel important and attractive when there is too much real life going on at home. Unfortunately, no one can do two things at once, so once they turn away, your relationship will continue to deteriorate. I think I will stay in this marriage for now because of the kids, but we have a lot of therapy that needs to play out before I really know if I want to continue to love this man. Good luck to you.

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