Anonymous

How Do You Tell A Wife Her Husband Is Having An Affair With You?

53 Answers

Matt Domm Profile
Matt Domm answered
Before answering this question, it is important to ask another one. What is your reason for telling the wife you are having an affair with her husband? Are you hoping to break up the marriage in an attempt to marry the husband or do you hope it will be the kinder thing to do for the wife?
Most wives of husbands having affairs suspect the man is being unfaithful and they choose to do one of two things. They either decide to ignore it and stay married or face it and the hurt to move on.
If your reasons are self serving you probably need to step back and assess your own life before you ruin the wife’s. Chances are she does not want to know who you are and would rather you just end it with her husband.
If you still feel you must go on and tell the wife you are the woman her husband is seeing, you need to select a face-to-face method. You should choose a location that allows privacy, but not somewhere either one of you could get hurt. In other words, do not be alone with a stranger, but do not allow others to overhear your conversation.
If you cannot get a face to face because the person doesn’t know you at all do so quickly over the phone. Tell the wife the reason you want a face to face and let her decide if she wants to meet you. Be quick like ripping off a bandage rather than drawing it out. The longer you take to say I’m having an affair with your husband the worse the wife will feel. If you are worried about safety on your part then do not give your full name and do not meet the wife in person.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Bobbie you are as delusional as they come, sweetheart. Its women(wives) like you that enable these scumbags to engage in affairs. Initially you smack him on the hand and "say bad boy" throw a few tantrums, spill tears and then quickly dismiss HIS role in the affair but bash the OW. If anyone lacks self esteem and/or respect it is a woman that will tolerate this ultimate betrayal and continue a marriage with a man that lied to your face for the sake of being with someone else......think about that!!! Whether it was "just sex" or not, the fact is YOU weren't enough to keep him from straying and I am willing to bet you will never be enough. He will play "good boy" after he's caught...but he WILL eventually seek out what ultimately makes him happy and "whole" and my dear, that is not YOU. After a married man gets caught cheating he will dance to the wife's tune to appease her, he will do whatever she needs to feel secure BUT this is not for your(wife) benefit entirely. This is to relieve himself of the guilt. He did not choose to stay with you over the OW. Please understand, he CHOSE not to subject HIMSELF to the ridicule from you, family, friends and society. Divorce courts do not take adultery lightly and he most likely figured "its cheaper to keep her(you). Yes to enter an affair is a CHOICE and irregardless to you(wife) he made the choice to be involved with another woman. Now you can bandaid your hurt with bashes and insults about the OW but the FACTS are, the OW did NOT stand in front of God and promise to foresake all others...!!! Your scumbag husband DID. You shouldn't feel sorry for the OW because she is not the one married to someone who disregards her so much as to cheat on her.....YOU are!!
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I am so glad to read this. I was the other woman (unwilling; the guy i was seeing did not tell me he was married, i was under the impression that he was divorced and he was only visiting to see the children). It turns out that they were still married. And he told me in a fit of anger. I initially felt very used but this has made me feel better. He made it seem as if he wife meant the world to him and i meant nothing. But now i realise that neither of us mean anything to him and he is very selfis
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
If it is any consolation to the OW. The wife is haunted by her husbands bad chOices for the rest of her life. The OW can wiseup ,find herself a good man and never look back. You can forget it ever happened and no one ever needs to even know. The wife lives with the humiliation of everyone knowing usually including her kids and the hurt involved with facing reality that her husband isnt the man she believed him to be either weather or not she stays or goes. That is why I say spare the wife.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I was lied to by a man who was divorced but living with his ex still. I did NOT know this and he wooed me good. Even bought me a ring. Then when I found out he was still living with her (he was in the states for months but resides in Sweden) after he went back to Sweden to "tie up loose ends" I ended it but did email his "ex" or whatever she was. Anyway, I was really hurt but realize he only went back to her because of his guilt and because I ENDED IT!!! So wives - beware!!! You are delusional
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
If my husband is cheating on me, I want to know. If it has to be the "other woman" who tells me, then so be it, regardless of her motives.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Listen wives who stay - you say you stay because you love him and of your history. Your history is a LIE, he was lying to you!.He lies to you and the OW. And don't think the OW wasn't lied to and didn't love him. My guy told me he was divorced! I wasn' t the OW but in a way I was. But I ended it when I found out he still lived with her - and I loved him and we had history too. I think the wives just don't know how to take care of themselves and are afraid of being alone.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Futurehope...... A history of 25 years of marriage and five kids doesn't compare at all to a two year somthing fling with a married man every now and then when he is tired of being a responsible adult. Maybe some of the 25 years is a lie, but your entire relationship 100% ...was a lie
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Honestly, I was having an affair with a married man for two years. Recently he said something to me that upset me and that made me open my eyes. Now do not get me wrong, our relationship died a year ago, but the sex was still going on because I was single and he had some good loving. I wrote his wife a letter and left I the mail box, She received it and called me and asked me all these questions. But from how she was speaking I already knew she was not leaving. Now what I find funny is, people say a mistress is stupid and a slut and all the bad names in the dictionary but look at the wife.All of you take your man back knowing he probably going to play you again anyway.  I find that rather funny. So instead of worrying about why someone sleeping with your man, worry about why your stupid enough to stay. Might I add this guy and I were having unprotected sex and I let the wife know this. So by her staying she basically just said to her husband, "Its o.k. Honey, go out there and bring me back AIDS." So wives if you plan on leaving then you can trash talk the other woman all you want. But if you decide to stay, shut the hell up because your  the only ones  who look like idiots.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Really...the wife is not the idiot!! The other woman is the idoit to think HE really loves her!! 2 years and all you got were crumbs. Not to mention you are so high on yourself you can't see that it may be you that ends up with AIDS how do you know he is not having "some good loving" with some one else? Because he told you he wasn't? Hmmmm....who's the idiot now!!
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I agree.people r sooo easy to judge but we r all imprefect and make mistakes but when someone says they want to do the right thing by telling the wife they had an affair with there husband they r taking responsibity for there actions the husbands should b doing it but it takes the women to b the big person and do it ... No marriage is 100% proof and it happen more then we know the more wifes that know might make these husbands think twice about cheating... Wifes should know time heals.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
The wife is indeed the idiot and the other is not innocent. I told the girlfriend and I feel free but she looks dumb still living there and acting like we didn't have a year long affair
karen smart Profile
karen smart answered
I think you should tell his wife. Even if this doesnt break his marriage up, with his wife, I feel his wife or any wife out there should know the truth about there husbands and see  them  for who they really are.Men want the Best of both worlds, they always choose the wife in the end  no matter how better you are from them  then you realise you were just played on all because they wanted to get there rocks off. So stuff him up, maybe this will stop him from doing it again in the future with some one new. If you can't have him then go out with a bang, why let them win, and then move on.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Sasegirl, same thing happening here. I'm his second affair but he has had "relationships" with numerous other women. Recently, he told me of one and I got upset with him. He turned it around on me and got his wife pissed off. She wrote me a scathing email and shared it with a friend of mine. I'm not saying I'm innocent here, I've been rather senseless actually. I'm not revealing anything to his wife because at this point I know she knows of his flings with women and she still loves him.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I agree. Part of the reason i want to tell W is so I can end the pain and so he cannot do this to another woman in the future. We have been together 2 years and he has been emotionally abusive and very controlling. His W pretty much knows but is waiting it out. I have already called and told once, but I did it in such a cowardly way he was able to talk his way out of it. It is hard not to want to retialiate when he is so abusive.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Zeldaeeon, the man I was involved with was emotionally abusive. He even had the nerve to place a secret phone call to me (that I didn't answer) and left a message saying no matter what happens he is always going to be my friend and that maybe we could talk in person soon. This was the same day his wife got upset about me. My plan is to walk away with my head high. I've never mentioned this affair to anyone, but I think I will if it comes to me having to defend myself. I'm human.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I had been having a relationship with a married man for the past four months. We had started having strong feelings for one another and he talked about leaving his wife. After lots of uncertainty, morale compromise, I decided to end it. I hurt quite a bit because I do love the guy for some reason but I decided the relationship is not healthy for my mental state of mind. I felt worried all the time. So then I still felt this sharp pain in my heart fore I felt like I wasn't done. I can set in church and repent, which I did, but I wasn't taking responsibility for my actions. I use to be casual friends with his wife in the far past and with time we drifted apart, so I did know her and felt bad. After much consideration I decided if I was the only one wiling to be honest then that was what I was going to do. I emailed him that I needed to be 100% again and that I needed to regain my values and was going to take them back and start righting my wrongs. I sat down with her and apologized and acknowledged my part, apologized some more, and acknowledged my part some more and answered all of her questions. She cried a little and eventually got angry, and then she thanked me. Now please understand this was not an act of greatness, this is an act of truth and a selfish one in some respects. I was concerned with the only thing I could do, and that was to clear my part so I could move on. This leaves them holding all of the problems and having to deal with what they tried to hide. This takes me out of their fight because now it becomes about real issues not the affair. When I decided to do this I knew she was going to find out because people knew and would eventually tell her. I knew they would put their own spin on it and she would be unsure of what is true and what is not, the other problem then would be her husband who would surely insist it is not true and put more uncertainty in the pot. She would continue to live on feeling like she is the only one in the room who doesn't know the secret. I told her the truth as considerately as I could. I told her of my feelings and told her what I did was wrong and hurtful. That I am sorry, that I can only reassure her that I ended it and intend on staying away from him, that I recognize that this brings hurt to her and their kids, and so on. It is hard to fight with someone who is sincerely honest and sorry. I feel so much better not carrying all their problems on my shoulders, and yet I know this is just the beginning for their pain. On my way back from her office I called her husband and told him that she knows. He asked what she said and I told him that she had a lot of questions. He asked what kind of questions had she asked. I told him that she asked all of the questions, all questions, any questions, everything. He asked what I told her. I told him that I answered all her questions. He said ok and sounded like he was going to continue on, but I cut him short and told him I just felt he should know and that living with hurtful truth is easier than living with secrets and lies.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Tell his wife.  Trust me, she already knows.  He is the one with the commitment to her, not you.  Your commitment is to your own integrity.  Why accept being # 2 , 3 or 4?  Who knows how many there are?  My husband was seeing 2 other women for about a year and a half.  I knew, but could not "prove it" for a long time.  When I did, it ended quickly, once they learned about each other, 3 way call on a speaker phone with my husband present made lying impossible.  Interesting that it was the fact that he had 2 mistresses and not that he was married made the difference.  My husband and I each took responsibility for putting the marriage back together and we are happier than ever.  Trust?  Still working on that one, but he doesn't have time for anyone else now.  His actions were totally his responsibility and there is no excuse for it.  Allowing things to go unresloved in the marriage because we were busy is something that we were both responsible for and we have taken care of that.  Their marriage may or may not survive, but that is not your responsibilty.  Taking care of yourself and finding a man who will treat you the way you would want your daughter treated is all you need to worry about.    Take care of you, he's not worth it.
jody henry Profile
jody henry answered
I recently found myself in a situation where I meet what I thought was a very nice man online.  We talked on the phone and texted constantly.  Finally decided to meet.  We met in the morning and had a wonderful day, got along great, laughed and had a lot of fun.  Ofcourse one thing led to another and we got a hotel room and spent the night together.  After our date and I started to think about things some things were not adding up, so I confronted him and he admitted he was married.  Had even given me the wrong last name, which he eventually told me his correct last name.  He wanted very much to continue the relationship both physically and emotionally, and spoke of fun dates we could go on together etc.  I have to admit, I liked the guy, and thought about continuing the relationship.  However,  couldnt sleep as we were suppose to have another date to go out for a couple of drinks.  I decided to end the relationship, and sent him a text stating so.  I was very angry that he had lied to me about being married, and he even ended up the night we spent together he left in the middle of the night and texted me a lame excuse.  Yes I did feel bad for his wife as he had told me about numerous other dates he had been on and he was on several online dating sites.  I found a way to contact his wife on facebook and sent her a message telling her about the whole situation.  I recieved a message back from her thanking me and she really appreciated my honesty.  Needless to say I am not going to see her husband anymore.  Whether this is going to lead to divorce for them or not I don't know, but if it does, I say she is better off without him.  Once a cheater always a cheater.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
When making the decision to tell the wife of her husband's affair, The OW must ask herself some very specific questions. First, Do something that you should've done from the start; Put yourself in the wife's shoes. Would you want to be confronted by the OW? Consider that there is no right answers. Likely, you don't know the wife personally and chances are whatever he has told you isn't true. Why do you want to tell her? Do you think she is in danger (he may pass an STD to her)? Do you think that this is a necessary action to bring attention to a problem that will otherwise remain hidden (she's clueless)?  Anyway!... OW should not be selfish anymore. I believe that the wife should know. I would want to know. Just be respectful. Details aren't always in good taste. Just tell her what she needs to know.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
This hits close to home. I have been seeing a married man for a few months and it has devastated me because I have fallen for him and believe he has fallen for me as well. His son is going to graduate in a couple months and he plans to leave her after. This sounds like a line, but many of their friends see they are headed for divorce, not having anything to do with our affair. The thing is I am tired of lying, and it is only a matter of days til she finds out because numerous people have seen us together. He says he doesn't care if she finds out, but he himself doesn't want to be the one to tell her. We are currently taking a little break to clear our own air and deal with our situations which I don't know what will come of it. But knowing she is going to find out scares me because I do not know how or when she will react. Part of me thinks I should just tell her. I have decided in the past couple days that I have carried their worries about their children, their feelings, and their situation on my shoulders. I don't do immoral things and yet here I am. I don't lie and look at what I am doing. I feel like I need to clear my conscious and put and end to all of it. I feel I need to tell her and email him my intention right before doing so explaining that I cannot continue waiting for the inevitable repercussions, and refuse to continuing on with the facade. It is not going to spare any ones feelings and I do not doubt he will be angered and maybe discard our relationship all together. But I feel like we are all participating in a lie and someone has to step up to the plate and stop this. I decided I won't see him romantically until they are truly separated which I will include in the email because I need to get back to who I am, morale, honest, and real. I don't know how I fell into this triangle but I do regret it, fore I am truly in love with this man and I believe he feels the same in some regard. After this I may not have a chance with him, but in reality I did not do this alone. I knew better but they are in a lying relationship that they both know and have both cheated at times. I just need to get this off of me and back onto them. I know she will be hurt and it will truly tear apart their family but their family has been dead for a lot longer than I have known them. I don't put the blame all there, I do take responsibility for my actions which is why I think I need to tell her. She will hear about it regardless in the days to come from someone giving their perception and she will react, so why not me. Why shouldn't I just come clean and lay it out for her in an appropriate way where there is no question and she will have the opportunity to deal with me directly and get it over with. I hate the anticipation of not knowing when it will come at me otherwise. Granted a little selfish on my part, but it is beyond that. I need to accept responsibility and move forward and get back to my morale beliefs.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I was having an affair with a married man for 4 years. There were the usual problems in the marriage and was getting his kids through college, yada yada. His wife asked him for a divorce because she was tired of him and seeing another man etch. Much to my surprise he dumped me for no reason. I in turn retaliated and told his wife about the affair in revenge. I figured she would take him for everything. It backfired and when she found out about me she stayed and they went to counseling.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
After that he made up with me and we continued the affair. It was never the same and I lost my self respect. In the meantime his wife knows nothing of it and to be honest I dont think it would make any difference if she did. I have been threatened with revenge if it is brought out again. I have since ended it.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Very selfish and arrogant on your part. The wife usually has been working hard at trying to survive a difficult situation with a man that has issues himself. What makes you think you are only second or even third. He has done this to her over and over and over. The women that just went away gave her a great gift and should be proud of themselves. Those affairs are NEVER forgotten but they slowly fade away. The women that told her t they both will always dispise
Mrs Ellis Profile
Mrs Ellis answered
How about we start by not sleeping with married men? This is a conscious decision and you cannot just blame the man. As women if we find a man is married and interested in us why can we just not say no? How would you feel if you got married and found your husband had a mistress. To call a man's wife is messy and childish. Yes she needs to know but from him. You are just as wrong as he is. We cannot turn a blind eye on the fact that it takes two to tangle. I am not judging anyone but why call and make the woman miserable. Can you imagine how much damage it would cause the poor women and then to have the mistress to call and say that she is doing your man and give details? We have to think as rational adults. End the relationship if you are that concerned about the wife and his family. Go find you a SINGLE man and hope that karma does not come around like that. That is not how we receive blessings. I don't care how attractive a man or woman is if you find that person is married you know they are wrong so why feed into lust? It is not fair or right. If a married man will cheat on his wife then who are you? You must use the beautiful mind God gave you to think clearly. Would you want someone to hurt you? There are no real winners and losers in such a cheap game. There is only pain and suffering and heartache and heartbreak. Do what is right and end the relationship because there is a chance she will stay to keep her family from being embarrassed anyway. Think of how it will hurt the kids. Just think is all I am saying and what is your true motive for telling the wife? That is one question.
katie sanders Profile
katie sanders answered
For all those wives who are bashing OW, please don't jump into conclusions. We feel deceived and betrayed just the wives do! Of course I am talking specifically if the OW didnt know the man was married! That was my situation. I met this man online and I had no idea he was married. He misrepresented himself and I fell for him. I found out he was married online and I was devastated!  I would NEVER have dated him if I knew he was married to someone else! I confronted him about it and just like any men, he completely denied it and accused ME of being insecure and having trust issues. I really liked him and decided to take matters into my own hands! I googled him again and found his wife on Facebook. I sent her an email and told her the truth and forward her all the evidence of our correspondences and pictures in case he denies it!   I was very torn and confused at first about confronting her and I told myself just to walk away but I know in my heart I did the RIGHT thing!  If I had a husband and he was engaged in such affairs, I would want to know!   She responded with a Thank you and I can sense she is devastated also. I don't know whats going to happen to their marriage but I am really hoping that they work things out since they also have a child :(   I don't feel responsible for breaking up their marriage because he BROKE the vow the moment he signed up on a Dating site and contacted me.  As a woman of conscious I feel sad for her situation and somewhat guilty, but I still feel I did the right thing!  Otherwise he would continue to dupe other women and get away with it.
Gillian Smith Profile
Gillian Smith answered
Put yourself in the place of this wife. How would you feel if you were suddenly confronted with the fact that your husband was seeing someone else? You'd be devastated and so will she. Perhaps you think that if you tell her about the affair, she'll tell her husband to go and you'll be together at last. Hard fact of life - this ploy doesn't usually work. What you will do is loose your married boyfriend. He may never forgive you for doing this. If he really wanted you he'd have ended his marriage.

You may find that your lover would drop you quickly and defend his wife. he might deny any knowledge of you.
To do this won't bring you two closer and it'll probably drive a wedge between you. If you feel badly done to by your married boyfriend then the best route to take is the exit. Get out of this before anyone else gets hurt. If he's playing you both along he's not much of a prize is he? Odds are he'll turn against you and stay with his wife and you'll lose all your self respect.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Don't tell her.  Just get the hell out of there.  You deserve better than a man who will cheat and tell you he loves you, yet he won't be with you.  Bobbiesue4, women like you piss me off.  You should be bashing your husband.  You weren't part of his relationship with his "girlfriend" and you have no idea what he said or did to her.  We are all human and we love to be given attention and think someone cares for us.  You should go on a crusade to protect women from douche bags like your husband.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Recovering,When I read comments that sounded like they came from the OW in my situation I did get a little hostle. She isn't like most women. In fact she has no girlfriends to speak of and most women don't like her. I did get a little emotional. Every situation IS different. And yes I am angrier at him than anyone but I have been able to express that. I have never been able to really express how I feel to her,so it goes unresolved. The best Idea on this blog is in your last sentence. Thank You
Sarah Bowman Profile
Sarah Bowman answered
I had a unique situation with a married client.  This client, my top client, notoriously chased women.. All women and when I started in my job this married with 3 children client set his sights on me and made me his next victim.  He harassed me continuously. He threatened to pull his orders if I wasn't his "personal" rep.  My manager ignored the situation even though I told her he tried to kiss me. In hind sight, I think she slept with him when she was a sales rep and hoped I would do the same to keep him quiet. He would tell me he loved me. He was constantly texting me and harassing me. I was desperate because I couldn't take his advances any longer. If I didn't tell him that I liked him or tried to appease him and stroke his ego in some way he would threaten my business. I began complaining to anyone that would listen at my company because no one seemed to care. After he placed a huge order with me that catapulted me to one of the top sales positions, the married women at my work began the rumor he and I were having an affair.  I didn't find out about this rumor until it had spread so far I couldn't get control of it and realized what some of these viscious women had done. Women who's previous husbands had left them for other women. I was like a witch being burned at the stake and persecuted for all their lives previous heartaches. I don't know for sure but I believe he was also embellishing the rumor as I think to him it made him look good seducing a younger attractive woman. I later found out his office was also spreading this rumor in my territory. They were gossiping with my office. Meanwhile I've since learned he is sleeping with his office manager who was horrible to me each time I went in to the office.

I know he's had affairs with other women because he told me, my manager told me, the doctors he worked with told me.

I was fired from my job and humiliated as though I was having this affair. A letter from him to my company stating I never did anything inappropriate and one lawsuit later that won me enough money to barely pay my bills when the dust settled just isn't enough.  I would like to tell his wife and frankly I don't really care if it is selfish. I want that man to hurt, suffer and loose everything just as I did. I can never go back to that job or that industry because my reputation has been so soiled no one will ever take me seriously.

Sadly if his wife suffers along the way, as much as I don't want to hurt anyone, she's probably pathetic enough that she would defend his behavior if I told her what he had done since she would not want any lawsuit that could lead to lose of his high paying doctor salary.

As far as the women in my office who created this rumor, I would like to send a letter to their present husbands informing them their wives are having an affair. Why not, true or not that's what these few jealous nasty women did to me.

It is sad, but women can never honestly stick together as they are too stupid, too jealous and too territorial. So as bitter as I sound and believe me I am as my income as been reduced to 10% of what I use to earn I say tough! Life sucks and let the wives know. You may be having an affair with a married man who with one hand is telling you he loves you but with the other hand is hitting on and victimizing an innocent person such as myself that had no power or control in the situation to deal with it and took advantage of his role and if his wife is stupid enough to marry the creep, that's her problem. She created the monster because she is turning a blind eye to it and thus condoning his behavior. She knows she just doesn't want to deal with it.

This man by the way was investigate previously for sexual harassing two women who worked at the hospital he worked at. They have since been fired.

It's like much like Lady Diana. I don't feel sorry for her that her husband Prince Charles was having an affair. She knew about the affair when she married him and wanted all the money, power, fame and influence that comes with being a princess or a queen.  She had her own crosses to bare.. "greed". That is often the reason why women stay with these men in these high paying positions.

The worst part about this experience is no one believed me. Everyone always wants to believe the worst. Let 'em burn!!! Tell the wife.

So telling his wife will definitely give me closure as I don't see why I should remain the victim.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I was too afraid to respond because I have been afraid of the consequences which may follow to everyone involved.

I was too weak and had broken down into depression when I realised things were not what I led to believe it was, but I was too deeply in love with him and continued believing everything he told me so I let him continue to manipulate me.

Our relationship has finished and I am devastated. But all this time I constantly think about her email saying: She NEED answers to the questions to from me so she's got both sides of the story not just his and if I have any moral fibre in my body I will tell me the God's honest truth. This was sent to me 6 mths ago.

Would she still want to know? Surely she would have contacted me again if she did? What would be the right thing to do? He is still lying to her about it.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
This2sounds like me. Alll I would want2hear from the OW is that it was over&would never occur again. The wife doesn't have anger towards a woman that was used and discarded. She lives everyday thinking this would and couldB her and the kids! I think "but for the grace of God go I" If the wife gets to believe a few of his lies now, so what? So did U, and some of what he told YOU he probably meant at the time! B happy U can start a new life and not have to live with it4evr.Uwill C U r the lucky 1!
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Let him lie to her, then. You should be glad you are out of the relationship, even if you don't feel that now you will down the road. Quit dwelling on him and his relationship with his wife. She is not going to console you in any way and talking to her would open up a whole new can of worms. You need to move on, seriously. Take it from me, I was the OW for 3.5 years. I know, ridiculous.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
No, you should not tell the wife. If anyone should tell or if you are REALLY concerned about the wife & REALLY believe she should know for purely unselfish reasons, then dump the married man & insist he tell his wife & get counseling immediately because you REALLY want his marriage to work. I believe that the reason why you or any other woman wants to tell the wife is for purely selfish reasons. The blogger that explained how she told the wife------what she was really telling you is that she got revenge with the married man by telling the wife because she realized that she is just being used & he did not love her at all. What the blogger was telling you is that she was gloating over the wife to make her self feel better or superior at the wife's expense because she knew she was being used. In other words, the other woman is competing in a sick sort of way. But I say that we women go into an affair with a married man, we know the risks & we should eat it & walk away when we are dumped. The wife is innocent. If the wife was not consulted for her opinion or approval before the affair started, whey contact her now. Most of us know it's just sex the man wants, but we think our stuff is better than the wife & we can change him with this "fantastic sex" we can give them. Think about it ladies: A prostitute can give a man "fantastic sex". The reason he is with you is because he does not have to pay for it. A married man in a lustful state is greedy & selfish. If he can get it free, he will. At least the prostitute gets paid & she never wants to tell the wife. And, the prostitute knows he will never leave his wife for a trick. Remember, the wife had NOTHING to with your selfish choice & his selfish choice. Your only concern is to end it with this married man as you are the trespasser on HER property. Get off!! I don't care how it started. You call the married man a cheater, but you helped him. You were right by his side robbing the jewels from his wife's bank. Your name is not on the marriage contract, just hers, so YOU have no rights. Women who gloat and brag about "stealing someone else's property" are selfish diluted psychos; however, women who are truly remorseful for what they've done to another innocent woman & her children & truly sorry for what they've done ----it is you that I highly respect & have the utmost hope for. Just remember, you do reap what you sow or what goes around comes around twice as hard.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
You are exactly right. Somehow these women have an inflated sense of themselves. They seem to always think the wife deserves this! That thier involovment has NOTHING to do with the couples problems. Yes everyone has problems. I can't believe my husbands girlfriend told me this stuff and said all the same stuff." I'm good,I'm Single, I didn't do anything wrong, you two are the bad ones, he didn't love you because you were unhappy"Of course i was unhappy! She was trying to steal my husband!!!!!!!!
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I want to tell a wife about her cheating husband becuase believe it or not i only found out that the guy I was seeing was married when i lef thim. He told me he had been married for twelve years and that revenge is sweet. Should i now tell his wife? I dont believe she will do anything much about it, they are already lving in seperate houses and i think they are trying to patch things up. But i am so angry that i have been used. And deceived.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Very well said. I had an affair with a coworker, Its been over for about four or five months... I ended it bc i felt like a monster and that i was destroying something that was so precious. And i aslo wanted a normal healthy relationship which i have now. However. I recently decided to tell his wife, its been eating at me for months i thought it was her right to know. She wanted proof, i had a half naked pic of him... All in all he denies it up and down and is now threatening to hurt me
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I hi have seen this guy for a while now. He told he divorce her but /I found that their were still together he lie to me he said cause he did not want to loose me. He end up for a while. Then he started to call me  emaling me text me he said he loves me and he will divorce her for me. Well he disapear for couple of days he did not return any of my calls and I end up calling the wife and letting her know about this.... He got very upsad and call me telling that he hates me and does not want to see me ever again..... Few hours later he send me a tex he still wants me and it seems she does not want him after all,
SP Done Profile
SP Done answered
I am married and was having an affair with a married military man for 6 months.  He was an ex boyfriend from college who continuously contacted me for 20+ years. Our contact in the past was cordial and only was catching up (no intimacy).  He had gotten me pregnant in college so there was a history, it was not just a one night stand or someone that I met one night.  Plus he continued to call me as he was married throughout the years (always him initiating contact, never me).  He is on his 3rd marriage right now and has stated that this is a dead marriage, he is lonely, frustrated , no sex/separate bedrooms and his personal life is not a happy one.  I am in the process of getting a divorce as well so the timing was there ( the 2 of us in bad relationships). This time, he wanted to reconnect with me, meet and have a baby.  He told me he always wanted children with me, he wanted to get married and get back to what was. He said that we both got involved with people who we care about (our spouses) but can never truly love the way we felt about each other.   He has a son with his first wife and he never sees this son  (who he says he wishes was our son).  His personal life is a mess!! He does not speak well of the ex wives and tells me he has hateful fights with his current wife and that he cannot get over the words that were said.  All big time red flags!!    Anyway, I ended it with him about a month ago.  He loves the military so I know he will never leave that life and he is currently overseas.  I have no idea what his plans are with his wife but he said that he needed to sit down and decide on that as well.  I am sure that he cares about his wife, but he is one of those men who is so selfish so I really don't think that he is capable of loving someone (i.e. Sacrificing for them as he does not even do it for his own son).  This guy has so many issues, from personal life to what he has seen in combat and has never addressed any of it.  He does not see fault within himself and even if he did, he would get no help (as the military wanted to help him but he declined).  Yes, I am upset because I wanted to be with him and cannot understand why he picked these 3 women to marry and not me (as he always kept in contact with me over 20+ years) and admittedly said that I was the one he wanted to marry. I am educated, smart, successful and definitely better looking than these women (I have seen their pictures and he has even said I am much better looking than his current wife). But I will not tell the wife.  In a way, I see that as the best revenge.  I cut it off with him and made sure that he cannot contact me again - I know he will try to contact me again someday as he has been doing so for 20 years.  This time he will not be able to!!  So silence is the best revenge with him.  As far as she goes, well she married the cheater and I am sure tha he will cheat again (once a cheat, always a cheat)- so if she does not wise up to it and have some self respect, well then she only has herself to blame!! So I am not for telling the wife.  If they are not smart enough to figure it out themselves, then that is really pathetic!
Marie Lavou Profile
Marie Lavou answered
When you tell his wife, its no longer just about you. I know thats a diificult concept for the OW to understand. All the posts have predicted the spouse will react with hurt feelings, her husband will get his due, their will be marriage conflict(to put it mildly!), maybe divorce (the secret wish of the OW, either so she can have him to herself, or  just to avenge his poor treatment of her). Yes, all these things will likely happen, but there is something else that the affair partner doesn't think about much- the wife may turn psychopath on the OW, the Husband, or both of you. But why on YOU, its her husbands fault, you say? Do not expect a rationale response from the wife of a man you are sleeping with. You of all people should know that these things are complicated.. Graveyards are full of OW, and jails are full of betrayed wives.
When I found out, I went nuts. I went on a fishing expedition that ended with her being fired from a high profile career, and I didn't stop there- she is currently being investigated by the licensing board of her profession (thanks to me) and at the conclusion her license to practice her high paying profession will be revoked. She had to get a Bachelors Degree to qualify for this profession.  A lot of unethical things are done to conceal an affair, and those things I managed to uncover and expose caused this for her. Of course I also exposed their dirty little secret to her family, friends, and co-workers. It was particulary embarassing - they are related to each other.
I can also say this, had there not of been 800 miles between myself and this woman(who I've known for 20 years), I would have shot her with one of our many firearms. At the beginning of this, I would have killed her knowing full well I'd go to prison, and leave our 4 children behind with their adulterous father. In my opinion once a jury heard this illicit story they'd of went easy on me. Whats even crazier is that no one, not even me, would have predicted this reaction out of the kind, gentle woman I used to be. Whats happened to my husband? Well thats really none of her business just as it wasn't when she was pursuing him.  Thats all.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Put a blog out there with his phone number or license plate telling that he is having an affair.  Give only some details the wife would understand.  Some wives may be suspecting and googling to figure it out.  What most of these mens problem is the responsibilities of real life.  If they had to deal with real life with the "OW" they would be complaining then too.  Then they would go look for another "OW".  Sometimes juggling kids,jobs, bills, maintenance on the house, a good sex life is more than they can handle.  Women that will cheat with them only gives them a little bit of time away from reality.  Kinda like going to see a movie to take a break.  The MM don't love you or they would leave their wives.  I feel bad for women who think this is the best they can do.  The men in these situations are weak and can't take care of themselves.  Find an anonymous way to let the wife know.  That is when you will really see what kind of man he is.

I DARE YOU!  Or are you afraid to know that truth?
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Still....why hurt her. The OW will be better off to tell him she is going to tell the wife if he ever calls her again as a MM and see what he does. Chances are he will quit calling the OW alltogether and make his marriage so good it is ready for the wife to find out and stay with him. Everyone goes away happy then
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Maybe the wife of a cheater should put her husband's license plate out there and OW women will know he is married and not worth wasting their time on. I would want to know if I were single which men have this addiction and could suck me in. Obviously I got sucked in 25 years ago to a guy that had no intention of being loyal to me.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Iv been seeing a married man for 16 months after 1 whole year of him flirting with me and telling me how beautiful and sexy I was. Know I can't believe that I fell for all of that I thought that because he chased me for so long that he wanted more than just sex.
After 12 months his wife found out accidentally after finding the birthday card I give him in the boot of his car-and a text that he forgot to delete.  After that he declared he loved me,he didnt want it to end  and that he could see us together at some point he just doesnt no when.His wife made him give up his job,sold her car so he could get a new one (so know she has a hold over him),and he goes nowhere in fear of questions and interrogation from her.We do still see each other sometimes and he rings me twice a day dropping the kids off at school then picking them up, he uses phone boxes.
But you need to no that telling his wife will hurt her in the most hurtful way you can hurt someone, his wife has drop three dress sizes through stress, will not let him go anywhere without 101 questions and rings the house phone 12 times a day when she is at work to make sure he is there. Telling her will make her feel so insecure and lonely.
On the other hand I can see why Mistresses want to tell I have thought many times of writing a letter to tell her that it is still happening but at the end they are married and I think that most people that do marry are prepared to work hard at it. For better for worse, remember.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
What if the man pretended to not be seeing his x wife and got this computer thingie that makes his x wife think he is never on the net as it never shows a busy signal....and he also has this thing that shows who is calling, so that when his x wife calls..he knows to answer...What gets me is that he lied to me and told me that he and his x were together for their son??? Who is thirty six bTW..?  I am the silly one...cause he called me for ten years.....(I am married but separated and sick and ill with arthritis but he made me feel so good and secure and happy).....He told me he and his  ex wife were just friends and saw one another ONLY for his son?  DUH/...Well,one day he didn't call me back for five hours and used this ploy with the "details" on an email and connived to make the time look different....I knew he connived and called him on it.....He denied it, but I am so needy cause I am sick and he makes me feel so good that I let it go....THen I heard him say one day that she came over when he had a fire and they had sandwiches together???.....
I said...gosh, I feel like I am in the way..as your x wife seems to be still part of your life..He said...come on , she is just a friend and we have a son??....He also does this thing on Saturdays whereby he never calls me  from 2 till nine thirty??  DUH?  On me   Naive and dumb.....I finally got it.....He is a slick, charming man who can charm any woman and he has her believing that he no longer is interacting with any woman cause he has this thing that hides the fact that he is on the computer as it rings... He also goes with her to see the son, I think...DUH?...He told me he went alone to see his son  for New Year's....and that the ex wife stayed home???  His son is a momma's boy and do you really think he would let the dad go NY's..and leave the wife home...I now think they both went together ...I finally told him I am suspecting things and I should warn the wife....He stopped calling me althogether after ten years.....Am I a fool or what?  Me thinks so...It hurts.....Should I warn the ex wife that he was interacting with me and probably others for ten years while she thinks he doesn't as he is slick, slick,slick...or let it go???
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Well, I was lied to by a man who said he was divorced and even bought me a ring When I found he still lived with ex (this was easy for him to hide as they live in Sweden) I ended it and emailed her. I feel really bad and she called me a whore etc, BUT at least he is in a world of hurt and if she chooses to stay - then god have mercy on her! . And even though I feel bad, I also feel that now they can all learn something, self included. HE lied and created all this mess - not me.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Don't always asume she deserves to be hurt any more. When you have children with a man like this, and you own a business with him, and you have worked as hard as he has to get where you are for the last 30 years. This woman telling you how hurt they are to find out the last ten years of her life has been ruined by him isn't going to get you anything at all that will make you feel better. Keep reminding yourself that you can start over without him and choose someone better.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have been seeing a guy for a few months and just found out this morning (by my own means) that he's married with 2 kids.  I have formed really strong feelings for this guy and he has been very forthcoming with me regarding his feelings about me.  I am pretty devastated however am going to stop all contact with him and walk away as if I knew he was married I'd have never have gotten involved in the first place.  My question is, should I tell his wife?  I feel very bad at what I've done however I didn't have a clue about his wife until I found some information online. I do not want to tell his wife as an act of revenge or other selfish motive, it is simply would she want to know/should she know or if I just bow out of this sham of a relationship gracefully is that enough for her and me?  God, I'm so confused.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I've thought about these questions a lot recently. An early love and I had a brief transatlantic affair 20 years ago. Both subsequently went through marriages; he remarried. Two years ago he found me, told me his marriage was a sham,  his wife was an alcoholic in and out of rehab. He came to stay with me for a while, and I've visited him and stayed in his house. He told me he was seeing a divorce lawyer and working out the finances. Well, as you can guess, the bad news of having to give her half now makes him think it's best to stay married and have a girlfriend on the side. I never intended to be the OW, and it breaks my heart because I thought I finally had the love of my life (he says he loves me every day). I feel like I should apologize to her, but I don't want to be the cause of extra pain for her, who may be clueless and relatively innocent. And I've told him that I can't see him if he isn't getting divorced. I guess the thing that bothers me is that if I do nothing he is just getting away with it.
Renee' Purdy Profile
Renee' Purdy answered
There is no easy answer. If there was it wouldn't have had to be all hush hush now would it?  I suggest you just manage a way, write and mail a letter, a note on front door or her car, face to face, text, I also suggest just putting it out there as elegant as possible considering the subject. Then I would avoid any of her calls, letters, advances etc for the next few days after that.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
The woman of my dreams turned out to be involved with a married man. After seeing me for a few months and giving him ultimatums she left and started counseling. Soon after he started coming around again with the usual promises to leave hs wife, he loves only her etc... She stopped therapy and went back to him. She has Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm am devastated. Should I anonymously tell his wife, and ruin his future like he did mine. After all he is abusing a sick woman.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have been with a married man for one year. At first I didn't know. He has made jokes about killing her and that shes a bitch and he can't stand her. I have told him I don't want to see him anymore and I feel telling her would be the right thing but I'm scared. He's a police officer and I have a feeling he would retaliate.
Jacke hawkins Profile
Jacke hawkins answered
I just was told that my husband had an affair on me 4 years out of a 10 years married I we been separated for two years I left but when she called me to tell me the paul separated I went to get my husband back just to make his life terr ble until I get finish with him who ever wants him can have him I'm piss off right now I think he married me just to get a green card dirty dog...and no I didnt know he was a cheater this man has sex with her the way he has with me suck my feet lick my A#$ the same way he done her she share all this with me took her on vaction  the same places we went too payed her bills and rent now she is having his baby ...I'm piss but still love him.
We don't have any kids together and don't want none my daughter don't like him when he got the house we use to own he let the house go into foreclose that's why I left him I from Ghana I wish this happen in the begining of our married I would of got him deported back ugh.
Angel I. Profile
Angel I. answered
WHAT? Just remember what goes around comes around!
Break it off and keep your mouth Shut
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have a friend that is having a affair with another womans man. And I want to tell her but I don't know how to find her
jane doe Profile
jane doe answered
I honestly think that these mistresses just dismiss the behavior like OH not my problem. Here's a thought once you find out he's married be a big girl and find your own man. You enable them to cheat when you get involved. So of course you're going to be deemed a 'whore'. You are in fact just a step up above masturbation. The harsh reality is that yeah if she finds out and stays with her husband that's her own fault BUT mistresses who are an idiot enough to believe he's going to leave his wife because they heard about a friend of a friend whom that happened to are just living in a fairy tale. This is the woman he decided to spend forever with and built a family with. A mistress is nothing more than the equivalent of a pocket p*ssy. He may lavish you with affection but to be honest that's pretty much him saying hey thanks for the lay here's some emotional/material upkeep to make sure you keep giving it up. A woman needs to dehumanize the wife to make herself feel better. She's flesh and blood just like you. If he will hurt her, you are just as able to be hurt if not more...so sure go ahead and tell her but just know that if he does leave his wife...he will find someone just as willing as you were to screw up your marriage. Just because he stuck his penis in you doesn't make you better, that just means while his wife had possibly a career and kids to look after..He's a selfish baby who needed to feel some lust and they all come crying...you are dumb enough to believe it, so who's the real idiot.you were just able to give him that sex he wasn't able to get. It doesn't make any woman better than the other. It means your vagina was just readily available....grow up mistresses, find a man who doesn't make excuses....cheating is inexcusable.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Please be gentle when telling the wife about her husband's affair... The other woman told me 18 months ago in a 4 page typed letter.  It detailed every single thing they did together... It was written in the form of a romance novel.  How much they loved each other...  Play by play on each bj SHE gave him.  It was and still is devestating.  If you women really think the wife will leave think again...WE GET HURT...   BUT WE DO NOT LEAVE   Why....  Because when all is said and done our husbands DO regret affair.. Want to save the marriage they took for granted...   And they do actually love us more than they ever believed they were capable of!!  They spend day after day night after night making it up to us...  We reconnect have unbelievable sex ... Conversations range from how could you or him saying how could I....  So other women out there if you wonder if you should tell the wife.  I say go ahead get that man to dump you and get back on the right track with his wife the woman he has always loved..  I am not a pathetic lonely woman... I am a great looking woman successful in business well liked by all.  Yes there was obviously things missing in my marriage but..after the affair communication is everything!!   So you other women tell us wives what you are doing with our husbands and watch our husbands run....back to the most important woman in their lives.   US   THE WIFE      The one true woman that holds every mans heart.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
My Situation too. And, I DO believe my husband is greatful I stayed. So are our kids and so is everyone that works for us. It never goes away though. I go through my life, giving the appearance that I am a strong woman willing to move on. But At night , in the shower, when I'm alone in my car...I still sob and question and wonder the truth. I replay in my mind every cruel detail the other woman told me and re live every moment he was with her. In a very cruel way the OW has her revenge 4ever.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
You make it sound like a good thing your husband had an affair. So maybe that's why so many wives stay with their husband, look how the wife profits off the affair. I've been on both sides of the street. My ex-husband had an affair with a short, fat, butt-ugly, bad credit, b*tch with 5 kids (the 5th was my ex's). He ended up with the OW not me. After my divorce, I had affair with a married man, but it wasn't planned out, it wasn't to show his wife I would "steal" him away form her.
katie sanders
katie sanders commented
For all those wives who are bashing OW, please dont jump into conclusions. We feel deceived and betrayed just the wives do! Of course I am talking specifically if the OW didnt know the man was married! That was my situation. I met this man online and I had no idea he was married. He misrepresented himself and I fell for him. I found out he was married online and I was devastated! I would NEVER have dated him if I knew he was married to someone else! I confronted him about it and just like any m
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
First of all, I need to tell you I am one of those stupid wives you are discussing.  The OW was fully aware that he was married.  Even came on to him when I was actually at her home outside with our teenage son that was seeing her daughter.  My husband did tell her no and apparantly continued telling her no for some time.  I have the whole story from BOTH of them let me add.  She was totally unashamed of her part in this when she made sure I found out about him getting drunk and sleeping with her.  She actually told me it was his fault since he should have known what would happen when he was alone with a woman that had not been with a man for a while!  It only happened the one time. (again confirmed by both) But the only one that has any remorse at all is my husband.  After his severe lapse in judgement for which I blame him completely, she then embarked on a path of splitting us up.  She even told our son about it!!!!! Then told our son she was going to tell me since she was not a liar.  He even knew exactly what she was up to.  Her only motive for telling me was so I would throw him out and told my husband this.  See he told her that it was NEVER going to happen again and that they shouldn't talk anymore.  She told him that after she told me about it, "we will see how fast you come running back to me then"  He had been working on her home. As I said, our son is seeing her daughter and she is a single mom.  We have paid a heavy price for this let me tell you!  I was completely devastated when I found out needless to say.  She had kept telling him that I only wanted his money.  We were fighting a lot then true, but that was because I was so pissed off about him working on her house.  I told him repeatedly to stay away from there.  I just had a very bad feeling about her the moment we all met! She even admits that she was the one doing the chasing!!!!  But she said he had the right to say no!  Well that is true enough...I certainly agree with that.  But what kind of psycho acts like that.  How desperate do you have to be???  Her motive for telling me are pretty clear.  In fact her final text message to me was this.  " Tell him when he is done with the marriage thing I will be here waiting.  He know that, Tell him I wont be second, he knows that too"  All I can say is she was never even a close second.  She was a severe lapse in judgement.  She was something he did he will always regret and knows he can't take back.  She was not a person he ever loved.  I am devastated by this to say the least.  I question every aspect of our 10 year marriage now.  I actually do know this is completely out of character for him.  

People always wonder why we wives always hate the other woman while we stay with our husbands.  The plain fact of it is our feelings about our husbands after we find out they cheated are so muddled I can't begin to explain.  However, what we feel about the OW...that emotion is so crystal clear.  We hate them and despise them.  I would love to go over and pound the hell out of this woman.  I really would and I am not a violent person.....Unfortunately due to my son's relationship with the daughter (while it is severely strained now since my son hates her mother) I have to show restraint and just concentrate on my marriage and us fixing whatever issues we had that allowed this horrid woman into our lives.  My husband is also in counseling too. After hours and hours of talking we have come to realise my husband is smack dab in the middle of a mid life crisis.  He told me that it was really flattering to be persued by a woman.  That he did tell her no, over and over (and she did admit to me that he did).  He said that he just felt young having a woman chase him like that.  After the day he was over there fixing the plumbing and a six pack he really screwed up and he said he knew it immediately.  I wouldnt take her calls for days.  Then he did finally and told her it was a mistake, it was wrong and he would not be back over there again.  That was when she let him know she would be telling me all about it and he would feel differently when I threw him out.  During the days of my husband not taking her calls she told my son that they were now seeing each other and that she was going to let me know.  He had no idea how to handle this.  He is only 17.  He was ashamed of his father to say the least.  He even asked him about it.  My husband just told him that they were absolutely NOT seeing each other and that there was not going to be any relationship.  He told him he would handle it and to try not to worry.  This nightmare of a woman tried to systematically destroy my family!!!!!  

All I can tell you is wives, when you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach that something isn't right.  That a woman is after your husband and you are not normally a paranoid person or a jealous one (which I am not)...believe what you feel.  They ARE after your man!
thanked the writer.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Bobbiesue, we sound like we have been hit by the same psycho!! This woman's house is also in foreclosure and she was also I am sure looking for someone to help her with her money problems. He never gave her money but was her on call handy man!! She would call and say her garage door was broke or plumbing leaking or security system broke..one thing after another! He also felt bad for her because she was a single mom. He knows how hard that his since prior to us getting together he was ...
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
A single father to our son. I had 4 kids of my own. Getting through a blended family was hard..teenage daughters/sons conflicts..u name it. But we were actually on the other side of it. Then this happened and we have to now find a way through it as well. It is so easy for people that have never been in a long term decade plus relationship to judge the wife for not immediately throwing out the marriage if he cheated. But there are many reasons why they do. First you need to figure that out!
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
But the subject here is telling her! There is only 1 reason a OW tells the wife & that is so they will throw him out &he has no choice . Im sure it would be for 1 of 2 reasons..to clear her own guilty conscience or force him to do what he's been lying to her about, leave the wife. Either way it is for her benefit only & will severely hurt the wife & family. He will not come to her. He will HATE her for hurting the woman he really loves. If he didnt believe me he would have left long ago.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am married and have been having an affair with a married man for 2 years now.  I have tried several times to break it off but find it difficult to do so.  I don't know why.  We spend a lot of time together and see each other most days. I have kids but my marriage isn't the greatest and hasn't been for a long time and so was his.  Do I let go of this affair and if I do I don't think I want to stay married.  Its confusing and I have never and have no intention of confronting or telling his wife about it.  A lot of people have seen us together and its only a matter of time before the truth emerges.  There is a 10 year difference between us.  I know he thinks the world of me and I him.  What do I do.
Angie Goo Profile
Angie Goo answered
I was seeing an attached man (engaged, not married, but they have a daughter) for over a year. We had a fight and I lost my temper and stormed off.
The next day I got some texts from his phone number. It was his girlfriend saying that he wanted me to disappear and I meant nothing to him and I was a effing beyotch and stay away from her family and he would always be hers.
I called her and told her that I never meant to hurt anyone and that yes, we had had an affair, but when I told him I wanted more, he turned me down because he loved her and more importantly he loved his daughter. I was honest and answered the questions that she had.
The wife has the right to know the truth. In my case, she had suspected for a long while and asked him, but of course he lied and said nothing was going on. She said she felt she was going crazy. She wasn't. She knew the truth in her gut.
They will probably stay together, and I hope this brings them closer, rather than drives them apart. I made sure to tell her that I hope this situation teaches him not to cheat, or teaches her that she can find someone more worthy because she needs to be loved, and so does her daughter.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I've been having an affair with a married man for 10 years and everything was great to a certain extent and had realised many years back that nothing would come of it.   But we were really good friends and laughed until I caught him out having an affair with another work colleague whilst they were in Vegas.   I confronted him.   God knows why I tollerated it but I never trusted him after that.   I have now found out he is doing the same again but with another woman.   His wife has no clue.   It is not fair on either of us.   I don't want to be selfish but I feel scorned.   What do I do?   Don't give me this crap that I should just move on and I should have know what I was getting myself into - that is no use.
John Gee Profile
John Gee answered
I married my 'best friend' over 45 years ago.Some time after our daughter was born, some 33 years ago, my wife told me that if I wanted sex then I should go somewhere else for it.It was a defining moment as our sex-life there hit the wall.After months of thought I came to the conclusion that it was utterly pathetic to break the marriage on the basis of lack of sex with one's wife, it was even stupider to leave the best friend I had in the world.We get on really well, even to this day, and there is no rancour involved between us.I have had affairs in the past but in the end they were all pointless as I was not going to leave.It is interesting though that with the dimension of physical sex being absent I have become a much nicer and kinder person, I genuinely like women, I am no longer particularly macho even tending towards femininity.The consequence of this is that I am constantly 'hit' on by female acquaintances and by women that I hardly know, it just never stops and I am nearly seventy!A good female friend once told me that because I am kind to women and obviously like them, women pick up on this and compare it to their own, often unhappy, situations, thus they find me attractive.So sometimes I don't go out for a week at a time, it is less disturbing this way.If there are any ladies reading this and are bored with being hit on, well you have my sympathy, I sort of know how you feel.
Shalin Choksi Profile
Shalin Choksi answered
First of all, it is very inhuman and unethical to have an affair with a married man and if you are married too to someone, it's a big shame. You are ruining two lives. If that person is cheating his wife with you, he may be cheating you with someone else too. You can never trust such a person ever. I do not think it is such a good idea of telling your lover's wife about it. This may not only create problems between your lover and his wife, but your lover may also try to take revenge on you. If you still want to inform his wife, write her a letter if you do not want to meet her or confess it face to face. Think about your decision of telling your lover's wife. This may really put their marriage in danger.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
What if the wife had sent you an email months ago demanding your side of the story not just his story and you was too afraid to respond but now you feel stronger? Do you tell her because she demanded to know the truth at the time or is it too late now?
thanked the writer.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I was too afraid to respond because I have been afraid of the consequences which may follow to everyone involved.
I was too weak and was too deeply in love and beleive everything he told me and I let him manipulate me and now realised he was lying to me for years and feel very used.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I was too afraid to respond because I have been afraid of the consequences which may follow to everyone involved.
I was too weak and had broken down into depression when I realised things were not what I led to beleive it was, but I was too deeply in love with him and continued beleiving everything he told me so I let him continue to manipulate me.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Our relationship has finished, but I'm still constantly thinking about her email saying: She NEED answers to the questions to from me so she's got both sides of the story not just his and if I have any moral fibre in my body I will tell me the God's honest truth. This was sent to me 6 mths ago.

Would she still want to know? What would be the right thing to do? He is still lying to her about it.
Avoid Problems Profile
Avoid Problems answered
You don't. If you want to continue enjoying his company - don't complicate his life. You've already come to the realization that there is no future in having an affair. Enjoy what time you have together and let it go at that.

There are too many financial losses in divorce. If you want to be a good lover, then shut your mouth. Otherwise, you'll become another complication he has to get rid of. His wife is not about to give up everything over a fling (don't think so highly of yourself). You may be one of several "gals on the side."
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Ok I have the best story, I have been with this guy for 3 yrs he said he was divorced, and I had no reason not to believe him, one evening I went to a wedding and out of 300 guest, I start talking to this woman who turns out to be his wife. Well I wanted to die, but I ended up telling her about us and she said he has done this before she cried a little and said she needed to pray on it.. Well now he is not talking to me he is blaming me for telling his wife what the hell shoul I do?   I want questions answered!!!   Help me
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm in a similiar situation. We've been having an affair for almost 2 years. It started as cool friends, but we fell for each other and fell hard..we work together side by side so we're always together..then he's at my house each day after work..I think she knows..someone actually called and told her of the affair but he of course denied it for the sake of his kids..they are small..its hard..I don't like being second..I do want to tell her..I want him to tell her..He says that he can't leave right now bc of his kids...but at what age is the right age? Just sad...and I want to tell her..
Shandelle C. Profile
Shandelle C. answered

I'd want to know regardless who tells me!! I found out on my own that my husband was cheating and after the affair ended & he came back crawling to me the "other woman" called me and I was able to get a whole lot more info about the affair (the actual truth) & all the lies he had been telling her & others about me and there were many, many of them! She found out he was married after She asked him but he told her It was already over & we just lived together! I don't care what a man says-It's Never Ok to date a married man unless you meet his wife face-to-face and she gives it the ok!

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered

I was with a man who was separated only because I made him get the paperwork, he said I held it over his head and he told everyone how mean I was!  I want to tell his wife how he has manipulated me and her for two years- not fair to both of us!

He needs to pay - not us!

Maria Zee Profile
Maria Zee answered
Just be honest and specific, but not too many details.  And be prepared for backlash.  The wife will hate you, probably more than their husband.  You are not the first and probably not the last OW.  The wives of these cheaters need to look into themselves  why he cheated AND WHY they stay with the cheaters. If the wives stay after cheating and the cheating continues, you deserve what you get.  The men did the deed for a reason.  He made the vows to YOU, not the OW.  The OW owes you NOTHING.  Many of these wives are in a great denial.  The wives have no idea what was really said and done between their husbands and the OW.  If I were a wife, I'd want to know if my husband cheated and figure out why and how to prevent it ever again.  If it happened again, ciao.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I was in the same situation. I thought she would appreciate the truth when she found out and confronted me and seems like she didnt. She ended up accusing me of exaggerating about us still talking after she caught him even though I never lied to her. Instead of being mad at him, it made her jealous that he loved someone else and she started doing everything she could to win him back. Guess what? After 5 months he started seeing me again.
thanked the writer.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
He didn't love you. He called you recreation,somthing to do to get his mind off of other problems that all people have, like someone that drinks or takes drugs. If you talked about sex he liked to listen. If you talked about your life or your dogs or you bills or your vacation, he was probably looking at pictures of women on the internet and tuning you out entirely. He doesnt remember a word you said and he doesnt care. You lost when you got too expensive and kept asking him for money
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
You say this like you are so proud of it. You are the one that need counseling. You sound like you are my husbands girlfriend. The timing even sounds right. Our family jokes about her. I would have felt sorry for her . He used her,but she wouldn't just go away. She does think he loved her. He says he didn't & didneven think she looked good and that she was younger but way more wrinkly. He said he felt sorry for her at first but after he had to listen to her more he understood why she lost herJOB
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I was angry and writing to the one OW in particular. Waiting 5 months and offering to have sex with him again wasnt nice. She drug me to court after sending her one email explaining how much damage her 2nd interference did to the innocent people involved, like our children. The judge just looked at her and said" a restraining order is for unreasonable harrassment. I don't believe Mrs ______ has responded in any way unreasonable in her one letter to you asking her to stop contacting her husband."
Renee' Purdy Profile
Renee' Purdy answered
Are you just scared or what. I mean first off what would you want it handled if you were the wife. Second, if you really think that you'll be able to handle a truth once you do tell her his real strips will show when at that point he separates or stays and still keeps you for sloppy seconds. Some women like that role. So, really do what ever helps you to look at yourself the next day with a bit more of whatever virtue you cherish the most.
jayson Profile
jayson answered
I find my self some what in the same boat.
A married friend of mine is having a gay affiar with a lad with an age difference of about 36 years.

I have told him to end it but he wont and now I found out that he is using me as an excuse for him to go visit the lad in question.

I am debating weather or not to tell his wife face o face or send an Anonymous letter to her informing her of it.

I have known them both for over 20 years and feel let down by my friend.

So I would greatly be thankful for your thoughts too
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Just come down and don't take so much of advantage!just be cool and don't divorce,,,it'll be worst! One more thing,settle it DOWN!!!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Hello everyone I'm new to this, but I too have a story to add to this. I have known a man for 15 year and we have a 13 year old daughter together. We spent 6 years together. I went into the military and moved on with life.  He recently got married about 6 months ago. Well a month after he got married we ran into each other and he asked me to lets have sex for old time sake. I agreed not thinking to much about it. Well as you know we did it. It started off as a few times and he would call to talk to he started calling all the time hours and hours on the phone texting and all me. Then it went to I love you to I'm in love with you. Now at home he has a daughter with his new wife too she is 5. He even was complating leaving his wife and all. His job requests him to travel, so he was driving from these different areas he was suppose to be staying in a hotel in and coming to see me while all the time lying to him wife and probably me as well. So to make a long story short one night he was sleeping I texted his wife from his phone and told her everything thing, she thought it was him cried and the next day she inquired about a divorce. He was angry about it and wanted to break it off. I said ok it was cool and all. That was a friday we talked Saturday, Sunday then that Monday we were back doing it again he was sending for me to come out of town me and my daughter to stay with him in these hotels while he worked.  alll the while he was still laying to him wife, she would call him and he would ignore her calls and text just to be with me and our daughter, well the week of christmas she decided to investigate it and called the hotel and got my information the next morning while he was gettin gready for work she called the room and I answered the phone of course and it was her. She asked if he was there I said no. I called him and told him and he called her. I came to my room and confessed or claimed I was the woman he wanted to be with, and how much he loved me he talked to me all the way threw christmas even, then it happened on christmas day he called once cause I text and asked if he was going to call that saturday after christmas called once but briefly we spoke. Then that Sunday evening he called and told me how important his wife was to him and his family and he didn't want to be disrespectful no more, and we couldn't talk anymore except about our daughter. Then right after he and I hung up, his wife called right back to verify I heard what he said. We got into a huge arguement me and her and I hung up my phone. That Monday I was back were he was working at in a hotel again, he was suppose to left on that Wednesday after work, cause Thursday and Friday he had off because of New Years and all, but he stayed with me until New Years Eve Monday then headed home. What do I do ?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I sent a card to her (t.warren/mo city tx) house telling her about our 4 year long affair and baby girl on the way. Don't know if she ever received it because we're still seeing one another 5-6 days a week lol I don't want to be married to him, I luv having my cake and eating it too!

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