Should I Tell My Lover's Wife About Our Affair?

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7 Answers

Yo Kass Profile
Yo Kass answered
Whilst it might be commendable that you feel the need to come clean and bring the affair into the open, telling a woman that you are having an affair with her husband is guaranteed to end badly.

In my opinion, if you want to bring everything out in the open, it should be the guy's responsibility to break things to his wife.

On the other hand, if there's no chance that your fling is going anywhere, I'd probably leave things as they are and just step away.

Telling your lover's wife

However she finds out about her husband's infidelity, the woman in question is going to be hurt and humiliated. Why antagonize her further by confronting her yourself?

Her natural reaction will be to lash out at you and, considering your part in the affair, some people might argue that her reaction would be justified.

Whilst I understand your desire to put their relationship out of its misery (so that you can focus on your own), I really can't see the benefit in you being the one to tell her.

Confronting the 'other woman'

Surely the man caught up in this love triangle has a duty to his wife to be the one to set the record straight. If he genuinely wants to choose you over her, then he is the only person fit to announce that decision to his wife.

Coming from you it will just seem spiteful and malicious.

On the other hand, if you know that your relationship with this 'Lothario' is ending, and you're contemplating letting his wife know as a parting gift - I'd urge that you examine the motives behind your decision and what the outcome of your actions will be.
Arthur Wright Profile
Arthur Wright answered
Only if you have a death wish here. This would only make an already bad situation even worse but if you feel you must, then go for it - but be ready for what happens after that.
grace hills Profile
grace hills answered
If you really feel like you need to get it off your chest, I think you should talk to the person you had the affair with, talk to them about how you're feeling and see whether they are on the same wave-length as you.

I would not be the one to tell the wife, you should make sure that your lover is comfortable with it or else that could cause a lot of problems.

It's good that you don't want to try and hide it. Just saying because my husband was having an affair with this girl, who he had become totally in love with. Instead of telling me, I ended up catching them sleeping together, then it just ended in a terrible fight and we didn't end on good terms.
Maria Not Telling Profile
No - nothing good can come of it. The best thing you can do to stop the affair and move on with your life.
AD hen Profile
AD hen answered
Either the guy can or you can. It's pointless to have an affair with someone who is married. It always ends in disaster.. So you might as well get it over with. Do not continue to have an affair. That's BAD karma waiting to happen.
Delaney Mayhew Profile
Delaney Mayhew answered
I think, if you really feel like you must have her know, then you should sit down with him and tell him that you finally want to tell her..

But personally I think you should have HIM tell her. Not you, because he's the one who's married to her.

And everyone's right, nothing good will come out of this, except having him become single.  But good luck anyway.

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