I Think My Boyfriend Is Cheating On Me. What Should I Do?


42 Answers

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
The most important thing is not to accuse him of anything unless you have proof.

Start by weighing up the facts; do you even have any? Him neglecting to answer his phone isn't evidence of anything.

Consider the Alternatives
  • Does your boyfriend seem distant? Maybe he's really stressed, or feeling down. Maybe he's having second thoughts about the relationship. Try talking to him about it; tell him that you feel as close as before, or that you're worried that you're drifting apart. Ask him if there's anything wrong.
  • Is he being secretive? Ask yourself if you've given him any reason to be. Have you been looking through his phone, or logging into his Facebook account? If he feels that you're invading his privacy, shutting you out even more is a natural response.
If your boyfriend has been spending a lot of time with other girls, or if you've seen him flirting with others, then getting jealous and worrying if he's been faithful is understandable. Instead of accusing him, talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling.

Once you've explained how you feel, you should be able to judge how he feels about the relationship from his reactions.

It should be pretty obvious if he wants to try harder and make things work. If you think he's just telling you what you want to hear so that the conversation will be over, then maybe the relationship isn't working out.
Whether or not he's cheating, if he's not prepared to make an effort and commit to the relationship, it might be better to break it off.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
You should start by weighing up the facts. Do you have any facts, to begin with? Piecing together evidence will help you to clarify the truth, but don't go all Miss Marple on your boyfriend. Snooping through his wallet and reading his phone is creepy, okay, so rather just make sure you remain alert.

What is making you think he is cheating? If he is acting strangely, and maybe has gone off you all of a sudden you might be right. Men usually distance themselves when they don't know what they want.

If you are in a long term relationship you should know your man well enough to read him accurately, which is probably why you are suspicious.

What To Do

Well, don't pack and leave - you need to confront this one I'm afraid, as ghastly as that sounds. You need to ask your boyfriend if he has been seeing anyone else, and tell him that you are worried because he's been distant lately. Present your evidence to him (not like, here is the thong I found in your car, and here is her lipstick that she left in the bathroom....think more "you were out for 4 nights last week, that's not like you?").

See how he reacts. If he starts getting defensive, aggressive and shifty, he's probably annoyed that you've sussed him out. If he acts all stupid and doesn't claim to know what on earth you are on about, he could be innocent....but then you might need to assess if he is any good at lying.

Try not to get too emotional when you confront him, just be rational. Say that you'd rather know the truth because then everyone would be happier, and that you don't want to live a lie anymore. He might just admit everything and then of course, it is very painful but nonetheless out in the open.

Good luck, if you need anything else by the way of advice, please ask a question and I'll try to respond.
thanked the writer.
Brice White
Brice White commented
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Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I just recently found out that my boyfriend "almost cheated" on me as well. He posted an ad for himself on Craigslist under the casual encounters section. Then I found out he replied to about 20 w4m ads trying to get someone to come over to our house while I was out of town.

He says the only reason it didn't happen was that no one responded back to him. So he didn't cheat, but was ready and willing to cheat in OUR bed. He's begging me to forgive him and says that it would never happen again.

I begrudgingly accepted and now it's only been a few days and we're still together but my gut feeling is just not right. I plan on breaking it off with him when he gets home from work today.

When you find out someone's lies, it's usually not even half of what really happened or what they were really thinking. They only admit to what they got caught for.

I'd rather spend a few months depressed from a breakup than years of not trusting someone.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My boyfriend "almost cheated." I found he was sending messages on the Internet and swapping mobile numbers. He was then swapping dirty texts and pictures to these girls and talking on the phone to some on the way home from work while I cooked his dinner at home.

I forgave him twice (the first time I thought he'd just sent one text which was just a bit jokey and was more like a joke gone wrong) the second time was a couple of years on. I found he had done it all through my pregnancy. After a lot of emotional rows and tears I decided to forgive him. I let my heart rule my head because I still loved him.

Since then the relationship has been up and down, and I live in a permanent state of insecurity. I have checked mails and Internet accounts and texts, not wanting to catch him but instead wanting to find proof that he wasn't and that he loves me. The fact is that reassurance should have come from him not the Internet. And it hasn't. And now he's done it again, and claiming he only did because he wanted to prove I was snooping on him.

I think, from this, the advice I can give you is to forgive him if you love him, but it has to be on your terms, and he should be the one who helps you reach that state of forgiveness. If he doesn't care about the fact he hurt you, or make any effort to make you feel loved again, then call it a day.

Living in a state of paranoia is the worst feeling ever. I've never had unhealthy trust issues before but you surprise yourself with how you act when you feel insecure and it makes everyone miserable. The right man will work with you to put it right.

There's some very good answers here hope they help.
Corrie Profile
Corrie answered
Here are some signs he is:
  • He never answers his phone
  • Whenever you ask him if he's being unfaithful, he gets angry or scared.
  • He seems like he's unapproachable
  • He seems like he never wants to be seen with you
  • He can't ever spend any time with you or very little time with you
Hope I helped!
Steven Vakula Profile
Steven Vakula answered
Sometimes people have intuition and a situation may spur the thoughts. While I do not believe in accusing someone of cheating when I have no idea whether they are or what they are doing, I do know that when you are with someone and intimate that there are unspoken feelings that are not tangible but you know of their existence.

I could also say that you are insecure but again there is not enough information to make such a statement. Trust yourself and keep your eyes and ears open.

One thing I have learned is that you can lie to yourself but you always know the truth!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
One way to know if your boyfriend is cheating on you is if he does not call you or he says that he busy. Or that he is saying that he will see you later or come over and never shows up.
Ariel Richards Profile
Ariel Richards answered
I agree -  it's always the close best friends who he cheats on you with. My ex-boyfriend did that to me, and boy....was I surely mad. The way you know your boyfriend is cheating on you is:
  1. He doesn't treat you the same as he should
  2. He doesn't even bother to talk to you but your best friend
  3. He looks at the same girl more than once
  4. He is mean and cold to you but not you best friend
I suggest letting him go, that way you won't get hurt.
Jacquelyn Mathis Profile
It isn't you that was in the wrong here, and you shouldn't be made to feel so unsure and untrusting. He was the one who wronged you, and if you are going to stay with him, then he is the one that needs to prove to you that he isn't going to do this again. I'm sorry about this happening to you. If you feel that he might or will do this to you again, then I would quit the relationship. Hope this helps.
Kaylee Green Profile
Kaylee Green answered
Some ways to tell a cheating boyfriend are...
  • He will try to break the two of you up and make it seem that you two didn't really like each other in the first place
  • He'll look fidgety or be on the alert
  • He won't kiss you or tell you the things he did at the beginning of your relationship
  • He will admit he is cheating
  • He will avoid eye contact with you
  • In public he will try to ditch you and have it look like you two are not a couple.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Are your parents divorced? Did you know your dad, or did he maybe leave the family while you were still young?

I used to feel every one of my past boyfriends was cheating but, after speaking to professionals, I realised that all it was was the fact that I had abandonment issues because my dad left us when I was really young.
Now that I know what's going on, I can stop myself from making myself crazy over stuff that isn't happening.
paul williams Profile
paul williams answered
Explain to him that because of this you must re-learn to trust him and if he is as willing to do it as you are then it will be ok. It's got to be on your terms and if he can't handle it then pack and move on. If he decides not to do it then he should have told you what he was up to instead of you waiting a few months to find out. Good luck.
Drummergal Profile
Drummergal answered
Yes , it is better to know the truth now instead of someone telling you later. I know it will hurt, but you really need to know. Make sure you listen to him, even if it's a "yes" or "no."

I hope this helps you.
bubbly 2b Profile
bubbly 2b answered
I suggest you go and talk to his friend, who you think is very close to you both, and find out. That's what I did but my boyfriend is not cheating me...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Dear love, the basic truth about your feeling is you don't trust him, You might have experienced a heartbreak in a former relationship, and this is why you keep having such feelings that all men are the same.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
His behavior changes either for positive or negative. What you guys found fun before, he will now count as nothing. He gives silly excuses when you want to see him.
Mrs Ellis Profile
Mrs Ellis answered
You should communicate with your man and see where he is coming from.

  • Let him know that his actions are telling you that he is having an affair.
  • Let him know that you are not judging him but trying to get a clear understanding, because this is turning into a trust issue that is not what you want in the relationship.
  • Tell him it is okay to be open and honest, so you two can work things out.
Vishva Kumara Profile
Vishva Kumara answered
People can have many reasons for not to picking up the phone. Maybe he is in the bathroom, or in the garden. Some people keep that reciever out when they take a nap.

When he says that he loves you looking directly at your eyes, he really means it. Not picking up the phone is not a reason to doubt on love.

Men can be really careless and angry for some times for absolutely no reason, and become normal after some time (just because of work). Just leave them alone for that time and wait for the real person to come back.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
If he does end up cheating on you I suggest do not go out there and do the same thing otherwise you will look as bad as him. This way all the guilt will be on him.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
What about if they were planning to cheat? Like set everything up then called it off last minute? I'm sorry but that's almost as bad as cheating...Like feeling guilty last minute. How is that not cheating if you want to do?
Dior Angel Profile
Dior Angel answered
Try to find out his personal Facebook account. My boyfriend didn't mention to me that he had another Facebook account, and I was so disappointed in him that he didn't add me on his actual Facebook, and he had many friends in his list at there. He told me that time that he didn't log into Facebook that much, but he lied to me...I saw his update...

Then he told me he wanted to delete his Facebook account. I didn't tell him to delete his account. But he mentioned that people in his friend list were talking rubbish. But luckily I had added one of his friend just to make sure he really admitted to me that he'd delete it. So far I found out yesterday he made a new account. He didn't know it already. I even found out his password.

So type his email at Google search and you definitely find out what is his doing.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I would just try and notice anything different with him. Like does he randomly stop answering your texts? Or does he say he's going to hang out with you and then doesn't? Do his plans always happen to change?

I would just pay attention to who he hangs out with and stuff. I know now that I should have done that because I just found out I was cheated on...and ALL those signs were there.

And if you honestly think he is, make a "happy sandwich." Be like "I really love you baby but I've been hearing things...I was wondering if they are true...although I don't think you would do this."

And then ask him. If he gets all defensive saying like "what the heck, who told you this" and stuff then he is covering something. Just talk to him and see if you can see in his eyes or the way he acts if he is lying to you.

Good luck.
Aimee Rogers Profile
Aimee Rogers answered
The only way you can really know for sure if your boyfriend is cheating on you is if you catch him. However, if he is telling the truth and he is not cheating on you, spying on him could cause him to break up with you.

It is a very tricky situation and a lot of women have hired people to follow their boyfriends to find out the truth. Many have also checked their boyfriend's phone and gone through their e-mails and mail.

However, this is simply not healthy and you need to make a decision on whether to believe your boyfriend or not. You have confronted him and he has denied cheating on you, so now you need to either believe him or leave him.

Trust is important in any relationship and so if you don't trust him you should really leave him.
Caroleanne Profile
Caroleanne answered
If your boyfriend is cheating on you I think you should let him go.
I think you deserve a lot better than that.

You should find somebody that really loves you for who you are when you're ready.

I know how it hurts but you have to be strong and don't let him get you down.

Think of yourself, you'll see it's worth it.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
You can come right out and ask if he is. You can always watch his reactions to certain situations and see if any of his patterns change. If he cancels plans on you or doesn't make them anymore, he very well may be or he is just taking time for himself.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Dump his ass if you have suspicions then that's not a very good thing in a relationship. Trust me.
p o Profile
p o answered
Well, some people may be cheaters, but not all people are. You could call him and see what he is doing. You can also check to see if he cheated on you. What ever happens, it's your decision.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
One of my tricks is don't talk to them then wait and see - and if they don't talk to you then that probably means they don't like you! Just try it!
ginna Profile
ginna answered
Us girls are like pagers - when we feel something going wrong or something bad, we just keep beeping and don't stop until we find it.

If you keep having a feeling that he is cheating on you, he might be, and if he checks your things then you should be able to do the same. If he doesn't let you or he gets mad about it then he is trying to hide something from you.

Right there, your inbuilt pager stood start beeping to tell you he is cheating!

P.S. Ask him what he's been doing the days he's not with you, like hanging out with friends or whatever. That can also help you.
jade lopez Profile
jade lopez answered
Give him the silent treatment, if he tries to talk to you then he probably isn't cheating on you (only if he is trying to get your attention).

I did that with my boo last week and he got so annoying, but if he doesn't talk to you then you need to confront him!

And if he is shocked, do the silent treatment again. It's not much of a help but he better start acting like a real boyfriend! And if he hurts you, get your friends to fight him - I'm joking! Don't do that, just show him you're a much better person and get him jealous. Good luck.
Taila Nevado Profile
Taila Nevado answered

Hi, first of all, you should make sure that he is cheating
on you by weighing your facts and proofs. It could simply be a
misunderstanding. After that, if you are assured that he is betraying you, then
I think that you should confront him and talk it out. I really hope that he is
not cheating on you.

Kool Profile
Kool answered
Tell him about it and if he still refuses to admit it, ask yourself whether you still want to be with this guy or not.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
You can ask him if you want to, but I'd prefer reading his body language. And if you tried everything you can and you can't do anything else, it's time to look through his stuff but make it secret and leave nothing sloppy.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous commented
Sigh... I dont think that anyone should have a boyfriend where they have to be snoopping round like that. A boyfriend should be trusted
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Crush him into telling you, or do what I do and say something totally and completely random to make him speak his mind.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Maybe you do not have full trust in your boyfriend, but if you want to make sure of it, ask one of your friends to spy on him.

If they come back saying that he isn't cheating on you, go and spy on your boyfriend yourself just to make sure that he isn't cheating on you.
I hope that has answered your question.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
If your boyfriend is cheating on you, you need to talk to him.

Look into his eyes and ask him if he is cheating on you, and if you know he is and he says no, yell at him and then slap him and tell him to tell you who it is.

Then go with him when he sees her again, and make sure he says it's over to the other girl.

If he says it's over to you, date his best friend, and if his best friend cheats on you, do the same thing again!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Almost cheating is not cheating. In fact, it's only speculation on your part. If you don't stop, your paranoia you will drive him away. Chill out, girl.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
What "almost cheated" means is an opportunity to cheat presented itself, and he did not take it. Highly commendable, if you ask me, and certainly nothing that he deserves to be condemned for.  You are paranoid because he faced a test when you should be happy he passed it.

You, on the other hand, rather than recognize it for what it is, turn it into a condemnation for something which never happened.  And as a result, you snooped on his computer?  And do not trust him when he says he does not cheat?

Trust is a two way street, sweetheart.  You do not KNOW if he has ever violated your trust... But we KNOW you have violated HIS when you snooped on him.  Personally, I would kick YOU to the curb if I were him.

What should you do?  You should get on your knees and beg him to forgive you.

Go ahead and give the one star...truth is truth, even when you do not like it.

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