My Marriage Has Just Ended After 15 Years And I Feel So Devastated That I Can't Even Imagine Going On With My Life Right Now. It Wasn't My Choice To Break Up And I Feel So Lonely, It's Like A Physical Pain. Any Advice Please?


2 Answers

charmaine saunders Profile
You WILL feel better but it will take time, lots of it. 15 years is a big investment in a relationship and whilst I don't know the reasons for your marriage ending, because it wasn't your choice makes it harder to cope with.
A relationship break-up is very similar to a death - there are distinct stages that follow and no-one can predict how long each stage will take. The first stage is shock followed by a numb period which represents denial. This second stage might last for years! Emotions will follow after this - anger, bitterness, resentment, grief. It's only when all the anger and even hate is washed away can you pick up the threads of your life again once you have reached true acceptance. My guess is you're at stage 2 now and you need to honour those feelings by not judging yourself or trying to cover up either. Some people rush into a new relationship in order to kill the pain of loss and loneliness but that's not the answer. Take this unique opportunity to learn from your failed marriage, heal and grow and look forward to feeling better some day and starting fresh.
Gillian Smith Profile
Gillian Smith answered
This is a horrible thing to happen to you and the feelings are akin to bereavement. It's very difficult to describe t other people how you feel at a time like this, though anyone who has been through it will understand how you might be feeling.

Don't expect that the feelings you are feeling now will go way quickly, it can take a long time to start feeling better and you'll have bad days, really bad days and some better days. The pain is very real.
You will eventually feel like getting on with life though this might be difficult to believe at the moment. There's so much to offer and so much you can get back in return but be realistic and don't expect to feel great too quickly. One of the worst things to do when your feeling like this is to go headlong into another relationship. It's better to try and take stock of you life and look for all the positive elements life has to offer. Don't blame yourself and try very hard not to go forward in life harbouring bad feelings towards your former partner as this can be destructive and stop you developing a newlife. It's too easy to dwell on the unhappy past and this stops the future being positive and good.
Life may never really, quite be the same again but you might meet someone who means more to you in different ways and develop new things in your life which you never thought you could do before.
Time will heal although it won't take away the memories but this terrible pain you're feeling will eventually grow less and life will seem better again one day.

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