Why Am I So Obsessed With A Man That Has No Interest In Me?

16 Answers

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
 
 
Need to fill your life up with positive things so you do not need the need to contact this man. Don't be afraid self confidence never came to anyone  on a plate it comes by trying.  The reason he thinks so little of you is because you think so little of yourself.  Some people pick up on this and take advantage of it and this is what he is doing.  It could also be fear of being alone so you put up with anything.  I had an a husband many years back and put up with crap for years because of fear of being on my own with the kids.  In the end I told him to go after much suffering but you know at the end of the day some things are just fear and its best not to listen to it.  Tell yourself you are beautiful be positive about yourself speak positive and don't ever put yourself down.  don't associate with people who put you down they will lower your self esteem.  Maybe in the past someone has said negative things about you hurtful things which have made you view yourself in a negative way.  Forgive them or whatever happened you are not to blame for how others treat you it was not your fault and don't believe any negative crap people have said.  Go to college take up hobbies become a more interesting person and you will meet an interesting guy who will value you as you learn to value yourself and believe in God and what he says about you in the bible because that is the truth and will make you feel positive as well as give you much stability and peace in your life and eternal life.  You are beautiful and deserve better than this believe it  its true.
 
Sunshine Baby Profile
Sunshine Baby answered
I can somewhat relate. It might be because you cared or well still care about it him,and that's not necessarily a bad thing,but since your obsessing about it that might not be too healthy for you. He might have been your first love and that's why he's all you can think about, but you have to try to stop thinking about him so you can stop obsessing over him. First thing you need to do is realize why you are obsessing over him. Then figure out some time of closure you can get (talking/addressing the problems or things you went through and how you actually felt or feel about them. Or burning/throwing out everything they gave you. Or writing a letter about how you feel or what you always wanted to tell them and have a spiritual bond fire and burn it.) Next you just have to try your hardest to stop thinking about him. Try getting involved in new things so that you can keep busy and you'll even meet some cool people along the away! If he is your first love you might always have feelings for him but one day (maybe when you meet someone you care for more) the feelings you once had(and obssessed about it) won't be there anymore. But if he's not your first love then your obsessing will eventually stop. Hope that helps :)
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am obsessed with a man who is married, loves his wife and has no interest in me what so ever.  Unfortunately we work at the same place so I keep see about once a week.  Last year there was a phase when he seemed to notice me and would find ways to be around me - he never ever told me that though.  Now he has NO INTEREST in me at all.  I try to find excuses to go to his office and talk to him but it mostly fails.  I am SO frustrated.  My rational mind tells me to STOP but I cannot.  I feel SO EMPTY and spiral into an anxiety ridden depression when I try to stop this pointless pursuit.  That drives me to him even more in hopes of relief.  Can anyone help?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Do what I have been doing if you love something set it free if it was meant to be it shall come back to thee.
For Real Profile
For Real answered
Yes well I know this boy graffiti artist (king of ALL the blocks) and I met him when we were like 14. Long story short - there's so many similarities, he's so brilliant like a shining star.  I don't even want to be with him I love him so much, and I'm exactly what he doesn't want/need, with 3 kids...  I just really support him and get so excited about his talents..  My sister says I need to get out of a bad marriage which I'm doing slowly, and so ANYONE looks great.. But It's not true..  Like I SAID I don't want to be with him - cause he travels tooo much and he's a playa playa- but when I SEE him I want one.   Never happened to me before that I felt this way sooo much.  I think I'm scared - cause his brother died - and he's been spraying paint by his head for half his life and he's almost my age.33.. We need these bloodlines G..  I WANT ONE!  Little ISLAND BABY. =D

But really in my heart it's so fun and I know he has no interest, well I can only be with a guy that I love and TRUST - so it's a safe way to make sure I don't get close to the AVAILABLE dudes right in front of me that call me all the time. It took me soooooo long to learn that about myself.
Some girls pick a boy they wont be wth so they don't get involved REALLY
Amanda Weller Profile
Amanda Weller answered
That is not unusual a lot of women tend to have a crush which can a lot of the times turn into an obsession. The guy may actually have an interest in you but is very great at hiding it. He may actually be trying not to show it, because he feels the same way as you and is scared to show it. I have been obsessed with a guy who actually has just found out that I exist after five years. We actually talk a lot now. He said he had actually known I was there all along but was afraid to say anything to me because he was afraid that I would make fun of him or turn him down. I am moving now to the town were he lives real soon. You could try telling him how you feel. Hell if he says he isn't interested in you at least you have given it a try and told him how you feel.
thanked the writer.
christina mulder
christina mulder commented
I have a friend that i know and we used to talk every single night on the phone but on night i left a strange message on his voice mail and now he's not even talkin to me he told one of my other friends to tell me that i'm obessed with him but why couldn't he tell me?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have the same problem. I dated a guy on and off since I was 16 and I am now 42. I never stop thinking of him and we do get together every once in a while then I don't know what happens but he dumps me. I think of him every day and I pray for this feeling to leave me. I know that he is all wrong for me. He has no stable life, no place to live, he drinks too much but I still can't stop. Within the last 6 months we met a few times and talked on the phone then all of a sudden he stopped answering. He may have found a girlfriend but we have know each other so long it looks like he could tell me. I left a message on his phone and told him I was tired of feeling like a fool and that if he was mad or found someone he should have the respect after all these years to tell me. I told him that this was the last time I would ever call him and I felt like he wanted me when there was nothing better around. My heart really hurts and I feel sick inside. How do I let him go!
Natalia Ardila Profile
Natalia Ardila answered
I am going through the same thing, I've know this guy since elementary school. We can say he was my first love...I'm always been  kind of like obsess with him... In middle school he gave me  my first kiss ever... Then he disappear  again ... Two year ago he came back into my life and  we hook up several of times... He had to go away for a year... And recently came back.. We have hook up twice.. But I know he's just using me and it really sucks...cause we really aren't friends either.. I try talking to him but I like him so much ..its hard.. I'm always the one texting him .... To see if he would invite me over... I know I'm only hurting my self  but like the previous messages you receive I should lose complete contact with him and once in for all get over him....his not healthy for me.... Its so hard though cause if I lose contact with him for like a month ... Then he texts me and wants me to come over so we can hook up ... And since I want to be with him ...I happily go over...
carrie underwood Profile
I am obsessed with this guy I met online. I am what you can say a quiet, shy and somewhat anti-social gal. Most of my friends don't know that I am very insecure about myself because I am always smiling, making jokes, and say positive things about life and others. The last time I had a boyfriend was in grade 9, even then, we never kissed. I don't think I'm ugly, some older people have told me that I'm quite pretty, but why is it that guys seem to not be attracted/interested in me? Anyway, so the guy I met online...well...we met on this video chat room and exchanged our msn addresses so we could talk again. He's English and he had just moved from England to the United States. Conversing with him was easy, plus it didn't hurt that he was good looking and had a very sexy accent. We would talk everyday for hours. He told me about his family, interests...but we mostly talked about him. Not because he wasn't interested in my stories - I think - but I never really told him anything. I'm quite private you see. Slowly though I began to open up. One day I went online - as usual - and I waited for him to go online. He never showed. I tried again the next day and the next day but he never came. Finally, I did a little research on google and found out that he had blocked and deleted me from his contact list. It shouldn't come as a surprise, right? But it did. I knew the "relationship" would end at some point (by the way, we literally live across the country from each other) but I thought he might at least have the decency to say goodbye or something. It's been almost 9 months since we last spoke but I'm still hoping that he'd change his mind and we would talk the way we used to. I think about him a lot. I think about what I might've done wrong to scare him off, is it something I said, am I not good enough...things like that. He was the only man (sadly) that had ever been interested in me since my last boyfriend, and it was nice being noticed for once. It's nice getting attention from a guy. I really want to let the memory go because it has made me done some crazy stuff, stuff I'm not proud of. So, please, if anyone out there has a good advice for me, I would really like to hear it. Be brutally honest if you will because I need to kick this guy out of my head </3
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I don't know what to do, I really like this boy who's a year older then me. He had feelings for me and another girl who was also in his grade. Now that they stopped talking he told me hes unsure if he wants a relationship or that if he even likes me. One of his closest friends tells me all the time he talks about me in good ways and everything, but I feel like I'm annoying him sometimes. I always think about him and I never want to put my phone down in case he texts me. We video chat a lot and I seriously think I am obsessed with him. He says he wants a mature relationship, but at the same time he tells me he doesnt know if he wants a relationship? Hes so confusing. Please help!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have a major obsession too. I'm a freshman and he's a freshman in college. Two years ago was when my whole obsession started. I don't really know what to do, I used to talk to him once in a great while but now I don't have the nerve to even let him catch me looking at him. I see him once in a while when he comes back to our school but I don't feel like its enough. Only one other person knows about this, and thats my best friend, she dated the guys cousin and had an obsession with him. I dream about, think about him, breathe him, everything I do revolves around him! I have a very strong feeling that we will have a relationship in the future but I don't know what to do right now. When I see him its like getting high, I am the happiest when he's around and nothing can bring me down. Also, something deep inside of me is telling me that he likes me back but I can't face him. Someone please help me!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have been dating this guy off and on since I was 19 and now I'm 39.  I jus can't leave him alone.  We broke up two years ago but we been seein each other ever since.  A couple months ago he actually dated someone else and said he couldn't have anything to do with me, it devastated me.  But then when I am places, he randomly shows up and we argue.  I don't know what to do.  I want him back but I believe because its an obsession.  I need help.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Girls do this all the time loving someone we can't have makes us love them even more.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I know how you feel..I'm extremely obsessed with, well, my lover. He's my lover, but I can't let go of him. When he leaves the room I get nervous, when he steps out of the house..Augh, it's bad.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered

I'm obsessed with a married man. I met him two years ago on line and we dated for a year. We were very much in love. Then a year into the relationship he started acting distant and stressed out. He finely told me an ex girlfriend had contacted him and said she had a daughter and it could be his. If it was she wanted to get back together and try and make a family. He was truly torn. But he found out the child was his and he left me to be with her. I have been through two divorces and many breakups but I have never hurt so bad. I would send him emails telling him how much I was hurting and how much I loved him. He always answered my emails telling me that if it were not for this child we would still be together. Then last summer he told me that he had found out that he was actually married to this woman. He said they had gone to Vegas in 2008 and they were told that if they did not register in the state they lived in that the marriage was not valid. But I am ordained and marry people for a living and found that hard to believe. But of course he swore he did not know.

Over the past year we have kept in contact with each other and now he has been staying with me the past couple months to be closer to his job and try to figure out where his happiness is. We have had sex since he has been here but not in the past three weeks. He said it isn't that he does not want to it is that it would be too confusing. He knows I love him very much. He tells me that he loves me deeply and cares for me deeply but not like he did before. He said we could never go back. He and I have become great friends and he does not want to mess that up. I know he loves his wife but they do have bad fights. He said she knows just how to push his buttons to piss him off. She lives about 85 miles from his job and he had been living with her. But now he wants to move back to the city close to his job. He gave her a choice. She can give every thing up. Her family and friends and move to the city to be with him or she can call it quits and file for divorce. The thing is that she said she would move. But he will not except her choice. He said she has not thought this thing out and he knows that they will fight and he will be back at my house. He has even told her this. She knows all about me. He has even told her that we sleep in the same bed and that we have had sex ONCE. I know him and I know he is not telling her every thing.

He can go a number of places to be close to his job but he wants to be at my place with me. It's funny, we act like some old married couple but we are not. He knows I want more But I keep telling him that if he loves his wife that he needs to go be with her. That when you love someone you would do what ever it takes to be with that person to try and make it work. She has told him that she will move here and he has put her off. He goes down there every other week for one night and then he is right back here at my house.

I know if I asked him to leave he would. He said he would go because he cant stand hurting me. But I would never ask him to go. I want him here with me. I am happy with him here. I want him to figure this out on his own so that when he does decide where to be it will be his choice. Not because of me and not because of her.

As for me, I may be so in love with him that I think of him all the time. But I am prepared for him to go if that is what he wants to do. We will still be friends and we will still talk every day. I do have a life of my own that I am very happy with. I have my family and friends that are a big part of my life. I have a job I love and I am financially stable. I don't date because I want him and it would not be fare to some other guy at this point. I may meet someone down the road that will change my mind. But until then, this is where I am.

I was feeling pretty bad until I found this site and read what you ladies have written. Putting my story down has helped me more then you will ever know.

Thanks

P.B.

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