What Do You Do When You Have Fallen Out Of Love With Your Wife, But Feel Like You Should Stay Because Of The Kids? Should You?


5 Answers

mike carlsen Profile
mike carlsen answered
Never stay for "the sake of the kids" because it never does any good for the kids and is usually more for the sake of the parents because they're worried what others will say about them getting divorced. Kids know when parents aren't getting along and there's no or little love in the house. Staying together not only puts more stress on the parents but that stress is multiplied a hundredfold on the kids. Trust me on that, not only have I seen it far too many times but I've also gone through it as a kid and it took a long time to get my head on straight from it. Kids will recover much better from divorce much better than from a childhood of parents that don't get along living under the same roof. And if you don't love her now staying together for the kids will not make your feelings grow fonder, that's for sure.
carrie Profile
carrie answered
You do a disservice to your wife and your children by staying. Instead of teaching your children about what a loving marriage is, they will grow up seeing the opposite of that. Read Bluesman response. I stayed with my ex for 5 years longer than I should have. All that happened was we ended up with 2 kids instead of 1 and I wasted 5 years of my life. Be honest with your wife and with your children. But only give your children age appropriate information. Do not load them up with things that have nothing to do with them.
Good Luck.
thanked the writer.
Jacquelyn Mathis
Jacquelyn Mathis commented
Carie, i only wish i had half of that truth to follow. You know my situation, don't you? I love you, you are right, which is a he** of a lot better than 0. You know? Lol
nettie Profile
nettie answered
Are you thinking about the feelings off your wife,I would say tell her , and set her free and free yourself also you can take care of the kids without being in the house with them,you are not helping the children they are smarter than what you know they can feel the tention even if there are no words, I'm not even there and I know thing have changed, don't blame your staying on the kids,maybe you want your cake and eat it at the sametime,you need to talk with her and pack,continue to take care of her and the children but do set her free....good luck  
J Profile
J answered
The decent thing (read "the proper thing for a real man to do") to do is to move out, and give her the chance to find someone who does love her, and live her life out being happy instead of chained into a loveless relationship that is nothing more a prison sentence with no release date IMO

You should set a good example to your children by acting like an adult not a spoilt child as many men are prone to do, mostly I think because they cannot deal with failed/failing relationships and in their frustration at not having control over the situation they revert to behaving like a child who isn't getting their own way, throwing all the toys out of the pram and losing all dignity at a time when consideration for what's good for the kids is FAR more important than "winning" or being proved "right"  (the fact is the game's already lost, the relationship is shot ))

Don't stay for the kid's sake -it will damage them far more seeing you and their Mum being unhappy and not loving each other -do you want them to grow up to think a dysfunctional relationship is normal ?

Don't think that living together lovelessly won't end in tears (and arguments and all that leads to) sooner or later one of you will start a new relationship and will say ...

"You are/I am moving out because I want to live with my new partner" I am sure you don't need me to join the dots for you there ;-)

Pay your child maintenance (on time, every time, with extra if it's needed)

Be the best example you can be for your children (no matter what the situation there is no excuse for dishonesty/underhandedness, and to let the children see this in their father or mother shows them that dishonesty and deceitfulness are OK (and expect to have to visit them in jail later in life if that's what you do teach them IMO))

Keep control of your temper -having tantrums isn't becoming for a 4 year old -much less so in adults ;-)

Find yourself a woman that doesn't mind your having children with another and move on with your life, work hard, and be happy and stay in touch with your children -make sure they know you love them (that means giving them your time, not just spending money on them ;-) )

I bet you're wishing you had never asked now eh ? ;-)

I wish you luck (and I hope for your kid's sake you are up to the task)


Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
If  you are great friends and get along well, though the love is gone, take my advice and stay for the kids. As someone who didn't - I wish I had. We really could have done it. We never fought but there was nothing "there" anymore. The kids suffered a great deal. If you can do it, do it, I say. This is assuming there is no one else. That would add other issues that may be more unpleasant than the alternative. Good luck to you

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