Do You Think It Is Ever Alright For A Family To Give Up On A Teenager And Turn Him Out On His Own?


14 Answers

Mohsin Hijazee Profile
Mohsin Hijazee answered
It varies from culture to culture and country to country. In some countries the education system is designed in such away that with the end of High school, a teenager comes up to a position where he can support himself financially. In such countries, a teenager can survive on his own. However, some other things are also required for survival. Maturity is one of them, which comes with passage of time. A teenager is probably, most of the times, not mature enough to take decisions independently. Hence, he cannot exist on his own and may not be abandoned.
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nettie commented
A child is split up between two people the mother and father and when you pro create the child is going to have the genes of those two people,so if you label the child no good,then you must ask which one of us is no good,plus what was going on while the child was in the womb,you don't throw the child away before all efforts to help has failed,even therapy...Peace
Rath Keale
Rath Keale commented
Nettie, you are completely off topic. Your comment does not correspond in any way to the question or this person's answer.
Gina Profile
Gina answered
Undoubtedly, they adults are judging this teen too harshly. He needs support and guidance as he's a minor and not an adult. To say he's "a trouble maker" and "probably no good", is to not to judge him strictly on his behavior and not on his need to grow as a person. He doesn't know boundaries yet, he doesn't know himself yet.
Scientists have stated that a teen doesn't know boundaries, have impulse control because not only are they not mentally mature yet, their prefrontal cortex in their brain isn't fully developed yet. He will be a man, in about four years. But as of now, he needs strict discipline combined with love and understanding. To give up on him now, would be to give up on someone who can be a fine and upstanding person in five years. Love, understanding, discipline and forgiveness is what this kid needs. And he needs it soon.
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Daniel Tagliento
Daniel Tagliento commented
The sons, the brothers live in the here & now. Exposure to a multitude of situations have been parading in front since Day One. Even a hundred years in the past, children witnessed & lived in the midst of turmolt and unfair circumstances. Excuses are ez and quick to fall into, working the brain and being able to judge how fast the brick wall is coming up requires a decision, a personal accessment to be sure!
Daniel Tagliento Profile
Too bad the boys weren't puppies, somebody would step forward to care for them. But if they were puppies, they would exhibit more pack loyalty, almost instinct they would have picked up the slack and started to circle around & guard, the packleader...aka Pop! I'm thinking, if the snotty family members stepped back, they have to be fraternal side and quite underwhelmed by Pop's past performances, and may have witnessed the 'boys' less than polite engagement with their circumstances and life in general, they could be a chip off the old block or not, but that seems to be Grannie's take on the whole ball of wax! HOPE FOR A JUDGE WITH INSIGHT, minimum confinement with a lot of counseling. Romulus has shown poor judgement and less abilities to steal, so there is some hope, even Remulus can get 'educated' in this side show, if he is conscious & alert through all of this!

Judge Judy and I concur on this case...hurry along, we ain't got all
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Anonymous commented
GREAT answer! If fact O LOVE your answer. I don't know why anyone would give you a low rating?? We can learn alot from our canine friends. I had really weird parents in that I got a lot of things and privileges but not much love or support. It took a 3 pound Maltese to teach me about unconditional love.
helen baillie-gutteridge Profile
On the information given it sounds as if they are giving up on him.
But are they really? They know this boy better than we do, maybe he has been going wrong for a long time and they feel this is needed to shock him into pulling himself together. We just do not know enough to make a judgment.
Robyn Rothman Profile
Robyn Rothman answered
Sixteen is an awfully young age to be cutting this kid loose from the family. Juvenile detention isn't going to make things any better, but it could definitely make things worse. It doesn't sound as if he's had much parental supervision or any kind of relationship with his parents. The stunt he pulled could have been done to get attention. For some, negative attention is better than none at all. The grandmother and aunts don't seem to be particularly caring. The kid needs more than anyone is able or willing to give him, but I don't think detention is the answer. A foster home would probably be better. It's not ideal, but it might be better for him to be with an actual family.
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Daniel Tagliento
Daniel Tagliento commented
The foster home is necessary for this kid, but he is not close to getting his priorities in order nor has he even thought about it, it is way premature, the angry young man has to first stare down reality at a correctional facility! Instinct as I had mentioned, never showed it's head, boy just maybe upto his nose hairs in bad vibes, looking to underwrite his pity party...tough love! With all the bombs that have gone off in their lives the boys have to understand from deep inside, it's their call alone because they are adrift just a little bit upstream from the waterfalls.....
Robyn Rothman
Robyn Rothman commented
I really wish you would write so people could understand what you have to say. A foster home is premature, but juvenile detention or tough love are not? It doesn't appear that this kid has the maturity or experience to be out on the streets. He's not even of legal age! My parents were tough, but not like you!
eugene hunt Profile
eugene hunt answered
Don't ever give up on a kid..Show him love and discipline and show by your example what an adult is supposed to be. If you can earn his respect and show him that he is important to you, you have a chance to get through to him, and put him on the right path to growing up to be a responsible and happy person. If this kid doesn't have somebody like that in his life, then it is a sad situation. Hope things work out for him.
patrick mc mullan Profile
I know it sounds harsh and i am unaware of the motive behind their decision not to keep him out of detention, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. If i work on the assumption that he will get help and counselling and be kept safe then i could see benefits for him. Sometimes there are things going on behind closed doors in family matters that not everyone is privy to. A man whose son was out joyriding in stolen cars got to the point when he asked the provisional IRA to kneecap his own son. His father was stressed out because he knew in his heart that his son was going to kill someone or himself. The lad had no fear of the police or of killing someone. During the 3 months he was convalescing at home his father stated that it was the best 3 months of his life and that the whole family were at ease with each other. It was the turning point in the lads life. Now i point out this example to demonstrate that when people have tried repeatedly to help they can end up resorting to extreme measures. So, perhaps this stay can turn out to be a positive thing that may help him to get some perspective on his life.
Rath Keale Profile
Rath Keale answered

In contrast to all these other answers, I say yes -- there are times when a teen's actions are so negative for the rest of the family, that he can be shown the door, permanently 

I teach behaviour classes at a high school  this situation has happened several times during my career.  If the teen is violent to anyone in the family on a consistent basic (not a one off), if they regularly cause property damage (punches holes in walls), brings drugs into the home or is stoned at home, steals money or things, displays alcoholic tendencies, or causes a parent to be intimidated or fearful, it is ok to turn the teen out. 

The parent is obligated to provide minimal money for his keep elsewhere until he is eighteen.  If he is of no fixed address, providing support is difficult.

Parents and younger children must be protected from violence and negative examples of extreme anti-social behaviour.  Lots of kids conduct their own lives at age 16.  But parents and siblings do not need to be kept hostage by an extreme, out-of-control teen 

Kitty Kaat Profile
Kitty Kaat answered
A teenager is entering a very confusing time in their lives and this is when they are in the most need of guidance. Play tough love later after they have had time to grow up. Now is the time in their lives when they will need you the most.
Glen Thornbury Profile
Glen Thornbury answered
Birds push their babies out of the nest, and that's Mother Nature, Sissy, But this definitively sounds like some trained intervention and a chance at new direction would be beneficial or at least worth a try! If they are still in school I would say no way!
The State has got some strong info from their investigators in this case, it sounds, and that needs to be considered too!
However I'll Bet they're thinking like this psychology major Sissy!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I say hell no don't turn a family member out. He sounds like he has a hard up bringing- he needs to know that he is capable of being loved and that someone believes in him- then I believe there is a big chance he will believe in himself and do great things. Whoever takes him in the needs to be honest and blunt with what you expect out of him and what you won't accept. Although, if he can't respect you and what you are doing for him- then let him learn his lesson in juvi
Tamalika Mukherjee Profile
I think that no matter how badly off you are,you should NEVER abandon your own kin.After all they have the same blood as you.And as the saying goes 'Blood is thicker than water'.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Sometimes it works out for the better it makes them appreaceate u more and they grow up faster mine did anyway.
thomas smith Profile
thomas smith answered
Hell no!!!! If they do that then they are trash and they are not worthy of calling himself parents.

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