My Son Met His First Girlfriend 4 Months Ago. Had Sex The First Night In Our Home Without Us Knowing At The Time She Was In Our House. We Have Met Her Twice She Hates Us And Is Now Pregnant?


4 Answers

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
First of all, this young man and woman are starting their life together and it is in their court and no one else.  The relationship between the man and his parents is strained.  I question what brought on a feeling in which the parents think the young woman "hates them".  Could it have to do with the son's parents knowledge of the intimate contact between the young man and the woman, not to mention what ever response this initially triggered between all four adults?  I can understand the parents feeling of betrayal.  Making someone feel embarrassed due to intimate actions can trigger a cut off of all relations.  It happens.  How we deal with it will dictate how we continue relating to each other in the future.   I realize the parents feel this young man is their son.  He always will be.  This young man needs time and space to grow.  He and his mate are under extreme pressure right now.  The suggestion that he is not "mature enough" is insulting and I would not go there.  When are any of us mature enough?  If we all were, we wouldn't be in tough times economically.  Do not confuse the need to protect with the need to hold a son or daughter back to forever remain that little boy or girl we once knew.  He is an adult.  Treat him as such.  I would not recommend marriage to anyone at this time, in this situation.  The Legal ramifications of a marriage can complicate things big time.  Perhaps this would be a possibility if both parties involved (not the parents) want it and make it through the initial stage financially and emotionally, say perhaps a year from now, maybe longer.  If man married a woman, he would be responsible for the next 18 years financially at the very least.  No chance of part time college education there for him.  Only offer advice or financial help when requested.  Childhood is over.  Accept it.  The child has not arrived yet so don't be too quick to plan.  Allow space.  Respect boundaries.  Just be there if asked.  That is the hardest thing to do and the most mature and thoughtful.  Above all, walk away if tempers flair, but reassure that you will always be there for him and for her.
Karen Henchen Profile
Karen Henchen answered
That is tough. I think that they think you are not supportive because when you first heard the news, you were probably angry with your son, right? So even though now you want to be there for them, the very first remarks you may have made have stuck with your son and his girlfriend. I think all you can do now, is show them that you love them and you will love and help take care of the baby. Ask his girlfriend if she wants to go out to lunch with you and look at baby stuff. Just start with the simple things to show that you really do stand behind their decision to keep the bay, that is very mature of them. Young adults are too quick to resort to having abortions. I think you should tell them that you are proud of them for being mature about the situation and just go from there. It will take a little bit of time to gain her trust, but with time, it will come. Good luck at being a grandmother! Everything will work itself out. And ps - I disagree with zuhail about asking him to marry her. That is up to them, and that is something you should not interfere with.
Suhail Ajmal Profile
Suhail Ajmal answered
You are in a very difficult situation where your son thinks that you are not supportive and don't want to see him happy. He is not matured and don't know the consequences of this situation. You did right thing to call the girl's mother. Now the best thing you can do is to meet your son and ask him to marry the girl. You should keep both of them at your home. What happened can't be back but must be cured. You are the eldest and you should now take positive step to save your child.
thanked the writer.
Kathy Quintal
Kathy Quintal commented
What if son says he does not want our help. He has threatened he will have nothing to do with us if we contact the father.
Suhail Ajmal
Suhail Ajmal commented
You know about his mental level. This nothing but a rush of blood. In the current scenario, you should help him by staying away from him and one day he will definitely come back to you because of your pure love.
Sja BenAlex Profile
Sja BenAlex answered
My dear you truly are in a rough situation this advice may be though but try apparently your son feels you are crowding him and he is an adult and you have no right to tell him what to do as a parent this will hurt.
But if your son thinks he is an adult time and situations along with experience will teach him a lesson of what being an adult really contains, by his actions he has shown that he is not matured. Leave him alone for a while do not give him advice and I assure you he will come running back home.

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