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If Your Very Best Friend Was Cheating On His Girlfriend, Would You Tell Her?

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11 Answers

Janet Simmons Profile
Janet Simmons answered
Hey Lily3, I cannot argue the above points, suggestions and opinions.  They are all valid.  However, if I felt uncomfortable with them both being in my home at the same time....I would ask him not to bring her over.  If he asks why, tell him, because she is my friend too, and I feel like I'm betraying her with this dirty little secret you have.  I also feel like you are overstepping your bounds in this friendship by basically asking and assuming that I will lie for you to cover it up.  That's not friendship, that's being used.

I'd want to know, and to be honest, the boyfriend would never know how I found out.....I'd just tell him that it's time for us to part ways.
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Janet Simmons
Janet Simmons commented
Lily3, I was referring to the real girlfriend....not the fling. I can't stand telling a lie. And EVERY time she'd be in my home I'd be lying to her. And for him to continue to use your friendship in such a manner, to me says little for his character. If he wants to be a giggilo, then he needs to be honest with her and tell her, I don't want to be commited to "A" relationship, I want to be free to "fling" if I want to. I think he just gets a rush out of hiding something...and I think he's anticipating getting caught. I'd sing like a canary to her....but that's just me. My father cheated on my mother and thought he was a big shot doing it.....she was totally torn apart by it and it soon led to a divorce.....yes, it's going to hurt the "real" girlfriend, but I'd rather be hurt now than months down the road when she's thinking and hoping he'll ask her to marry him......
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Hi Janes~ I have told him all of that. He says to me....well, I'm not married. I say...but you ARE in a relationship and you should treat it the same. I think he is starting to get the message that all this is not sitting well with me. I told him... It became my business the minute you involved me. You need to make a choice. I think it is all starting to get to him too.
Janet Simmons
Janet Simmons commented
Good!! It's funny how people like inflicting pain on others, but when it comes to the shoe being on the other foot....well then, that's just a whole other story.....it is ALL WRONG then. I think we should live by the Golden Rule.....Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you. In other words.....if you don't want to be cheated on....then don't cheat on anyone!! PERIOD!! But, I've also heard that..."What's good for the goose is good for the Gander!" So, what would he do if she returned "the favor" so to speak!!!
Mouse or Nette Profile
Mouse or Nette answered
I think your best friend would feel betrayed if you just told on him.. But I think if you feel strongly about it.. You should warn him that if it doesn't stop or if he doesn't say something then you will tell her as you consider her a friend to take into consideration though that not everyone appreciates the truth and sometimes they don't believe you.  Many times the Messenger is the one left out in the cold.  Tread lightly.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Yes, you are right. I surely do not want to lose his friendship. I do now, knowing what I know, feel really weird when the 2 of them are both at my house at the same time now. I guess I will just mind my business and let life take it's course. I think the whole situation just stinks though. Thanks for your advice. I just felt like I needed to hear other peoples opinions.
Jacquelyn Mathis Profile
He is your friend, and he should take how you feel into consideration. If he doesn't heed what you say shortly, then I would tell her about it. This is going to most likely draw a little bit of a wedge between you, but he will then know how serious you are about it all. Hope this helps, and best of luck to you.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Thank you. It really is a difficult situation. I really do feel strange when they are both together at my house. I've know him for 11 years and her only barely 1 year, and although I don't know her as well as I know him, I see that she is really a nice person. I really would hate to lose them as friends. ...ughhhhhh!!!!!
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I wish had never told me!!!!!
Jacquelyn Mathis
Jacquelyn Mathis commented
Yes it is tough, but if you warn him one more time and tell him how serious you are, he might listen to you, and might be understanding if you have to tell her about it.
katie webb Profile
katie webb answered
Talk to him about what he's doing and see if you can find out why. Then maybe you could hint to his girlfriend what he likes and basically what he said, if things don't change then see if you can 'coincidently' meet them up so she sees him with the person hes having an affair with. If you respect your bestfriend don't tell her straight out otherwise all friendship will be lost.
X
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I have asked him why he is doing this. I did not like his answer, but I guess it's not place to like it or not. Although in 11 years, he has had much respect for me & vice-versa, let's just say his answer implied that....he really likes women. His desires are his business anmd not mine I guess. Other than the cheating part, I truly cannot find anything negative about this person. He's a really sweety with a big heart. This truly is a dilemma for me. ANd I've told him that I'm angry for him getting me involved. I've only know his girlfriend for less than a year. I know her, but not very well. She is very nice though. But to betray a confidence of a friend of 11 years....I just don't know what to do. Honestly, I do hope he gets caught on his own. No one deserves this kind of stuff behind theor back. Thank you for your advice~~~ I appreciate it.
Laura Wilde Profile
Laura Wilde answered
Maybe you don't have to tell.....just arrange it for her to show up unexpectedly where he is with the other girl.  I'm sure you can come up with some thing.  Use your imagination!
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
That might be a good idea also, but then I would still feel like I am doing something that is not my place. I just hat ethis situation and I'm so disappointed in him. I would have never expected it. He is a wonderful person and friend. Thanks for your advice~~~
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I agree with Rhyan and Anonymouse. If you tell. Sure they will argue about it and may break up, but they might get back together later and then you would probably loose your friend.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Yes, I think so too. I really don't want to lose either one of them. Especially him. I've been best friends for 11 years. It really is an odd feeling though when they are both at my house together. I feel awkward.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
She would want to know so you should tell her he is cheating and leave it at that and let her decide what to do. I would tell them just because I am a honest person and would hate to see someone else get hurt the way I have in the past. They may get mad, but later they will thank you for it.
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Thanks Ryanna~~ I understand what you are saying but I can't say to him, I don't want to see someone get hurt like I have in the past, because, I never really had (or found out) that someone cheated on me. I don't know...this is a real tuffy!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
When I was in the same situation as you, somebody suggested that I send an anonymous letter to his girlfriend telling her details.  That way, I have done what I feel is the right thing to do, I let them work out their relationship issue and I keep my friendship.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I wasn't so subtle when I told my best friends girl . . . It hurts that he has turned on me so badly, after 8 years and two kids together. But he couldn't stop on his own, no matter what he said. He said it was his problem to handle. But he was making no progress. I tried to get her to confront him but that went sour because she kept pestering me about what it was exactly I needed her help with. I hope things worked out better for you than me. As much as it hurts, I don't regret so much as doing it than loosing my best friend.
Chips Ters Profile
Chips Ters answered

Good day. Unfortunately, no one is immune from such situations. I can recommend a good imessage tracker. A very useful application to read other people's messages and remain unnoticed. He helped me save my career and end a relationship in which I meant nothing to this person. I recommend to all my friends and to you.

Ariel Profile
Ariel answered
I he makes her really happy maybe you should wait. But if you know its really bad you should.

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