My Boyfriend Just Got Out Of Jail And Is Ignoring Me ? Should I Let Him Find Himself...?


7 Answers

Vanessa Verigin Profile
Vanessa Verigin answered
There could be a few different things happening here.  This guy will have to go through a huge adjustment, and I wouldn't beat yourself up too bad that "the vibe was weird" when he first got out.  Communication with an inmate is colored by all kinds of fantasies and idealizations that disappear when you finally have the real, and inevitably imperfect (because we all are) person right in front of you.  It is normal that lots of family and friends will be "hitting him up" as soon as he's out, and he will probably find this overwhelming.  He may react by isolating himself from everyone, or he may fall back into old patterns because he doesn't know any other way to live in the free world.  If he's made promises to you about how things are going to be, and he's finding it difficult to live up to those promises, he may be avoiding you.  Try to put yourself in his position...imagine the horror and resulting institutionalization and ask yourself if simply jumping into a happy life with a committed relationship is even realistic??  By no means am I saying that you are asking too much...your expectations and standards are very important and you should stick to them.  In fact, it may be best for you to just let him go and find someone who makes better choices.  But if you really love this guy, and if you were an important support that got him through the hard times, then you owe it to each other to talk about this sincerely and openly.  Tell him that you understand he's going through a difficult adjustment, and tell him that you are ready to give him some space to "find himself", but ask if he would be willing to talk through some things before you go your separate ways.  If you choose to pursue the relationship, keep in mind that you will both be getting to know each other FROM THE BEGINNING, like a brand new relationship.  Agree to go on a date, like you first met, and take it slow.  He is a different person on the outs, and you are a different person that you were in your letters and perhaps different than he remembered if he knew you before he got locked up, and all of that is OK.  Celebrate the new beginning...  Best of luck to you both...
Brittany Bigelow Profile
Send him a card in the mail and say I missed you so much while you were gone please come help me fill this empty place in my heart that has been waiting for you to return...
Or something to that effect....
if still no reply fagitaboudit.....

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Brittany Bigelow
Brittany Bigelow commented
All my pride is all I have....
You'll be needing me but too bad...
Very Good Song I'll find out who sings it and what its called you might need it :) Good Luck !!!
rachel sommerville
Do not listen to that coment abut sending him a card that makes u look and sound desprite that can push him away for sure if he dosent want u it his lose he ovbs a LOSER!!!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Hell no you got to get him to engage in normal everyday life.  if not hell be ready to go back just to regain the structure.  get him into job hunting,  make him learn to relax again and most of all sex him up even if hes not comfortable   make hime comfortable its not hard.   and don't let him outta reach for very long and keep him away from other frmales.  its time to be totally selfless because hes institutationalized and itll take a lot of understanding things youyll never  really grasp because to put it bluntly male prisons are a true and unbelievable place of hell on earth.  its survival of the fittest and you never know when your the next victom.   and there is no neutral ground you gota pick a gang or all of em will b head hunting for you.  only place worse on earth ishell
It's Private Huh Profile
Have you called him? If you had and he's avoiding you, I think you should give him some time. Maybe that's the reason he's trying to avoid you.. He wants some time on his own. You can leave him a message saying you'll be waiting for him.
hope this helps =)

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sandy millier
sandy millier commented
Yea I call and he picks up ..But i wanna spend time but I don't know how 2 hint it..How do I tell him if we don't hang out I'm leaving him cause I have many guys in line waiting to be my boyfriend in a nice way.
rachel sommerville
Get rid of him he comes out of jail and ignores u and he could be wanting tim on his own hes been away from u for ages hell no
Penny Kay Profile
Penny Kay answered
Since we don't know what he was in jail for, I will assume something misdemeanor. Darling, if your BF lives a lifestyle that get's him into trouble, maybe you need to take a look at that. I had lousy abusive relationships for much of my life, because I picked jailbirds, and lunatics, or alcoholics, for my relationships. Maybe you met him in church and its a case of mistaken identity. I hope so. Alcoholics and drug addicts are selfish people, not worried about the feelings of others. They tend to be ungrateful and think that everyone owes them a life. He may be angry that you did not "bail him out".
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Janet Simmons
Janet Simmons commented
I agree P!!! Whole Heartedly!! Janes
Anthony Field
Anthony Field commented
If I was you I would either leave the country or leave the county, leave house lights off for a few days?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My boyfriend has been in prison for 2 years for being a con artist and a lot of fraud.  He keeps telling me he is innocent and I don't believe him.  I wrote him telling him I won't be here when he get's out and he wrote me back saying I was practicing witchcraft against him.  I felt really bad and wrote him back saying I don't want to be with him because I think he has issues he needs to address.  He hasn't wrote me back and I don't want him to be an enemy I just don't need this in my life.

What do you think?
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Anonymous commented
Girlfriend what r u doing????? Dont u know dudes r like buses one every 15 minutes!!!! Its time to put yourself first instead of alwaystrying to please someone who apparently cant or wont or dont wanta b pleased by you. Its way past the time for u to moveon, and have no regrets u tried your best!!!!! Its his Mucked up issues that have done this so no guilt is yours so dont even go ther. Just change ph# and start puttn yourself back on the market cuz u need the male attention to reaffirm yoe
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm going through the same thing I had a 5 year relationship with a man behind bars .we couldnt wait to be together I resisted @ times but he begged me!!!!! I mean BEGGED!!I gave him so many outs .I even moved back to my home state to be with this man ,he gets out I pick him up .The Vibe was weird I was feeling like not number one any more .I felt I deserved a lot of attention !!!one day his 4th day out I let th best get to me.I sent him an angry text saying don't call or text me any more well....he didnt I sent a more apologetic message the next time ,but still saying we must move on.MY PARENTS   HATE THE IDEA OF US TOGETHER!!!I don't know what  I was thinking now hes gone no text no phone call I talked     to his sister .she said he had no ill words to say about me.Nothing much else she might talk to him....I called him and apolagized x-plained how  I do not !!!!!Want him out of my life still no word my heart is broken in 2 I feel lost , sad , depressed we had so many dreams for eachother did I blow it all together ,Why wont he contact me How could he stop loving  me so quick? It seems unbeleivable!!!!!
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rachel sommerville
Im going throught same thing lades been with my fanicee for nearly a year and he was aressted 3 months ago for acssesor to auslt&atemp to use but it was mainly his cuzins fault it all started my fanicee is looking at 2-3 years inside but he says the want the help for his annger he syas he wants to get married and have kids and be with me when hes out i hope hes not lien cuse i canny be doing we lier had enought of it in my lifee soo i now how you all feel

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