Should I just consider the relationship over? My boyfriend doesn't really talk to me anymore and when I ask him why he's ignore he'll just claim he's not and just says "sorry I love you" I'll explain more in comments


6 Answers

music  lover Profile
music lover answered

May be he is tensed for the job and only want to focus on job

Virginia Lou Profile
Virginia Lou answered

Dear Dance Like a Gypsy,

I would definitely NOT consider the relationship over, more likely you are seeing stress from the job loss. Huge blow to self-esteem, especially in our culture that emphasizes male independence.

I like what Arthur Wright has told you very much, but perhaps be careful about any ultimatum right now, adding to his distress...if you give ultimatum, you must really, really mean it.

* * *

One more are seeing now how this fellow handles stress, so may want to keep that in mind for the long run.

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Dance like a gypsy
It's been a while since his job loss. Also he was planning on quitting the job before his boss let him go, it seems to be getting worse
Virginia Lou
Virginia Lou commented
Dear Gypsy, I have been thinking about your situation... it's hard for us online to get a good picture, but he may be in some kind of existential transition - even a crisis...

I would not confront, nor express frustration/anger... but at the end of his process you may or may not still be in the picture, and even he may not know that now.

It might be good if you do not close the door, but at the same time not keep waiting, either.

An old-fashioned hand-written letter may help here, a 'hard copy' so to speak, in which you are warm and supportive and just explain something like "because of the love we share, I know you will understand that I am resuming some of the activities you and I have enjoyed so much...movies, biking with friends (or whatever) ...and just know that if you ever wish to join in, it would be wonderful."

Just write from your heart, reassuring him of your continued caring but that you are carrying on with your life...keeping in gentle touch with him, but things are open.
Barb Cala Profile
Barb Cala answered

You can't have a relationship with no communication.  If your boyfriend isn't interested in your feelings and trying to work this out ... Then it's already over. 

Bikergirl Anonymous Profile

If you not only don't converse, or spend time together .. What makes you think there 'is' a relationship? He has already 'left the building'.

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Dance like a gypsy
He hasn't replied to me since Tuesday night so I think he's going another direction
Bikergirl Anonymous
Do you not ever see him .. like face to face?? Texting back and forth seems rather flimsy in terms of communications in a real 'relationship'. There are many things that can not be communciated through a text.
Dance like a gypsy
I haven't seen him in a while
Arthur Wright Profile
Arthur Wright , Florida Paralegal with a BS degree in Social-Psychology, answered

For right now, you are on the back burner. It should only be temporary until he finds a new job as guys hate losing a job as they tend to feel inadequate to their families and GFs/wives so be patient and don't pressure him too much or he will leave you and not from loving you but the macho ego inside him. Try supporting him and ask if there is anything you can do to help and things should start changing quickly. Good luck

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Dance like a gypsy
Exactly! Whenever I ask he'll try his best to avoid the argument. I'm sorry I couldn't explain this in full detail in the question box it gets everyone confused
Arthur Wright
Arthur Wright commented
Its ok as Ive been helping people out with their relationships for almost 30 years now so I understand what youre saying and have seen this million of times. The biggest thing here is for you to get the answers you seek from a guy who has withdrawn into himself here. Never easy and it now falls under "tough love" as you may have to beat it out of him. Just kidding!!. Give him an ultimatum here in that if he wont really talk to you about things, youre outta there. Guys seem to understand reality better in that form but if you do, stand your ground or he will know youre not serious and Ill be around if you need more advice and let me know what happens, please, thanks
Dance like a gypsy
Will do. Thank you for the advice
Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

The loss of a job can be devastating to a man's feelings of masculinity.

He may be feeling incapable of acting "manly" in terms of a relationship with you. And I'm not talking just about sexual intimacy if you are so involved---I'm talking about all types of relationship intimacy.

Reassuring him about his value and importance to you may help, but he's probably in "crisis" mode and is just trying to "survive."

Homefully, it's a short term thing and you and he can get through this.

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