Anonymous

How Many Chances Do I Give My Lying Cheating Husband?

5 Answers

Nancy Araujo Profile
Nancy Araujo answered
I found out after only being married to the love of my life for 1 year that he was having an affair with our next door neighbor. It had been going on for several months. At first I threw him out and wallowed in my hurt and loneliness, for about a month. We went to a marriage counselor and also met weekly with our chaplin as he was in the military.The chaplin told my husband that he'd have to be willing to accept it when his betrayal would come up during future unrelated arguments and that this could continue for years if we decided to try and work it out. Trying to let him know that the major pain he caused me would not just go away like magic. He thought he could deal with it but in fact he expected me to "get over it" after a couple weeks. It was true that whenever I got mad at him for anything, it could be something really minor, but that pain would come back and the resentment I felt right along with it. Even though I didn't bring it up all the time, it did make me lose respect for him that didn't entirely heal. After trying for almost 3 years I finally said I'd had enough. We argued a lot and I got tired of taking very good care of someone who wasn't willing to appreciate what he had, rather he took it for granted. I left him and immediately filed for divorce so I wouldn't change my mind again. I still loved him but felt that he didn't share equally in our commitment. About a year and a half later, we talked and both admitted we were still in love and meant to be together. I moved back into our home and within 2 months I knew I'd made another bad decision. I found out from friends, people who cared about me, that he was hitting on a bartender at our neighborhood pub.
She was woman enough to be honest with me when I asked her face to face, she said he asked her out everytime he had a couple beers in him and I wasn't present. That day was our 8th anniversary and I had nothing to celebrate. I confronted him with it, he basically admitted it but still insisting he didn't really remember because he was buzzed. That did it. I left that day and I never went back. People can only abuse or mistreat you if you let them. We've been divorced for 12 years now and are still very close. Both remarried and both divorced-AGAIN. His new wife is a nut case and my 2nd husband a semi-functioning alcoholic with no ambition. We run into each other once in awhile and both say "I love you" when we meet. His typical comment has become, "I was such a fool, you were the best wife I could have asked for" that he wished we'd done things differently.....So, the answer is: You'll let it go if it's not right and you'll do it in your own time. No one can tell you if or when you should give up. Private counselling afterwards for me was a great help to maintain my self esteem, I've been told that I'm attractive and have a "hot" body and I almost let the whole thing make me feel insignificant and down on myself for a brief moment. It didn't last long, I gave myself a quick pity party and then moved on. Don't allow someone to take away your control, but if you feel your relationship is worth giving it one more sincere attempt, the only way you'll know for sure is if you try. It's not about how much you love him, it's about how much you love yourself. Good luck, either way it's not going to be easy.
thanked the writer.
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Nancy Araujo
Nancy Araujo commented
Thank you, coming from you makes that compliment extra meaningful (you are soooo smart and I've often been impressed with your comments...) I wonder why it is that some of us can give the best advice about love but we can't seem to find it for ourselves. I am often approached by friends and family asking for my thoughts on problems they're facing in their love life. I'm usually told that I've been helpful and make sense yet when it comes to my own relationships (or lack there of) I only see it when it's too late to react properly. All I can say is I've learn something positive from most of my mistakes and maybe that's why it's taking so long to find the right someone for me.....not jaded just enlightened, LOL Thanks again for the kind words.
Bruce Tillson
Bruce Tillson commented
Simple answer for your initial question......NONE...ZERO....NADA
Mightbe someone you know
Glad to hear you gave him his walking papers. Now maybe one of the 'other women' he is so fond of will cheat and disrespect him, or will at least have to deal with him doing it to them! What goes around, comes around fellas. As for how many times...you gave him one, he messed up. I think everyone should get a second chance for most things, including this. If he were willing to truly commit to your relationship, there would never be another time. If it happens a second time, he is not interested in a long term relationship, just a maid and part time sex toy, when the others are not available. Glad you moved on, you sound waaaay too bright to spend time in a ditch with that loser. Kudos to you!
Karen Henchen Profile
Karen Henchen answered
I think that what he has done to you is totally despicable! Leaving you while you were 3 months pregnant is horrible. I know that when he wanted to come back, you let him because you want your family. You want a dad for your child(ren). But, your kid(s) can see/feel your pain. They may not be old enough to know that dad cheated, but they do feel the resentment you feel toward him. They know that there are problems. Could you ever really forgive him 100%? Probably not. Like longbeach said, the pain may dull but never really goes away. If you take him back, will you be throwing it in his face during every argument? Will you ever trust him to go anywhere without you? Will he ever have the will power to say no to advances from a hot woman?
You have a lot to think about. My opinion does not really matter, it is your relationship. Only you can know how this needs to be dealt with. I want you to look within yourself.. You will find the answer.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
This is a very opinionated question, which could have many different answers. This really depends on you. If you enjoy being lied to, and cheated on, but you know what they say. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Look at it this way. Way should you be second best, or second rate to anyone. If your husband wants to lie and cheat, he should at least have the decency to get a divorce first. He wants his cake, and eat it too.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I can answer this with one word: None.

Seriously, I don't think this choice even warranted asking other people.  He's still seeing this other woman!  He moved out when you were pregnant!  Shouldn't this be a no-brainer?  Cut off all contact with him.  Do it for the baby, if not for you.
B I Profile
B I answered
None lol why would you stay with someone who is cheating????? Move on! There is a lid for every pot go find yours!!

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