How Do I Confront A Cheating Husband Without Proof?

4 Answers

Mati green Profile
Mati green answered
Get proof before you confront him... Nobody likes to be accused if they are innocent. Get the proof and hang him by that cheating organ. ;)
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Mati green
Mati green commented
From all your responses to all who answered you, you really do have enough to suspect him...I know I would with what you have said. I think your plan to end it on your terms is reasonable. You shouldn't have to wonder everyday who he's with when he's not with you. Good luck to you and your kids..I wish you peace of mind and strength. And no apology is needed... I understand how you feel. :)
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Thanks Mati. I'll need them. I especially crave that peace of mind. :)
Mati green
Mati green commented
You'll get that peace of mind... My divorce was nasty... Still is.. After almost 7 years..he's still harassing me whenever he can. But my kids both know,and I know that the divorce was for the best.
Michelle New Zealand Profile
Well how do you know that he is cheating.  The fact that you are so sure about it tells me that he is not doing things like he use to do it.  He comes home late.  Go out with the guys a lot more.  He change his appearance.  Even sexually he would change.  He would treat you different.  If that is the case then that is already enough proof to confront him about your suspicions.  Don't fight with him.  Talk to him and look at his reaction.  The way he will react when you talk to him will give you the proof
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
As always, I suspect STRONGLY, but don't know for sure. The fact is that he is a man that is very sure of himself, and even though I've asked him about it he has denied that in 1 particular situation, nothing happened THAT NIGHT. He thinks he is crafty that way,a nd that by not admitting it, he's not lying. Truth is, by his reaction and the reaction of the person I know he is cheating with, I have confirmed ALL my suspicions. Neither has the moral fortitude to even gaze into my eyes for very long. All of the above are correct: He changed in attitude, spends more time at work cyber-cheating, talks to her on the phone (web portals are not that secret, either), online, from his work computer, and he tries to create "work situations" as does she to make excuses to talk. They make plans to "coincide" at conventions, etc. Another great truth, I am so certain that I have prepared myself financially to file for a divorce, and am waiting for the most opportune time financially. After the initial shock and dissapointment, now I am rather enjoying making the most of my time with him, by making him invest time in our family and in our relationship. This leaves him little time to invest in her, and I know she's chagrinned. Frankly, I feel I have the upper hand, and though at first I felt really low, and thought I'd never stoop their level, it's rather fun to make them squirm to try to explain themselves to me and to her husband (who is such a nice, nice, man, by the way.) I am getting ready to have a sit-down with him, though at first I thought It'd be cruel to her beautiful family. Now, I think its just not fair, and why should they be the only ones that get to be selfish and not be accountable for their actions and the damage they inflict on their families? See what I mean by I've recuperated quite well?
Michelle New Zealand
I love the way you think. It was my thoughts exactly. Let him suffer and take what ever you can get out of him now and when you get the divorce then nail him for everything. I'm a Lawyer so if you need any help or tips let me know. You are out for revenge and just by having that attitude you've already won have of your case. Lots of times the husband play on the wifes feelings when it comes to divorce cases and then the wife walks out of there with almost nothing because of it but with your attitude he got another thing coming his way
Ilovemysoldier Spc. Bewley Profile
If you know for a FACT that he is cheating then get proof! So when you confront him you have something to put in front of his face and tell him straight up like dude what the hell are you thinking!!! But you always need proof first!!! If he has a myspace go on the I'm sure you can get proof from that or emails the history on the computer and maybe even on facebook! Those are all places you can get your proof from that's what my mom did!
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I've been there and SEEN that, but I never printed any proof. When he realized that I had access to his email and phone records (hello, I used to be his office manager when we first married!!!!), all the "chatter" absolutely, completely stopped. I can even pinpoint the date! (Which, was corroborating evidence stronger than any denial or silence he could send my way.) Sometimes I just have to laugh at how clever they think they are, and still have the gall to say they are not cheating. So they found other email accounts that are not tied to their PDA' servers and communicate only at work and via "web portals" through their i-phones or internet enabled PDA's, or through their work telephones. At this point, I'm not sure I need proof anymore, as I feel the "damage has been done" to my trust relationship with him. Once he's lied to me I will have a hard time getting over that and trusting that he'll be honest in the future. At this point, I am focusing on some major deadlines and goals that I have in my personal life, then I will focus on getting my house in financial and spiritual order, and when I AM READY, I will end it. It will happen on my terms. Once I dealt with it, it hurts a little, but its no longer paralyzing. I am able to think on my feet now, and I want the separation to happen in a way that is right for me, and not de-stabilizing for my kids. BTW. I will be starting family therapy for me and my kids, which he has put off time and time again. How could he want an impartial third party involved? Too much accountability. No matter, my decision is made.
Dena May Profile
Dena May answered
Be to the point, stern, and stand your ground you know he is cheating and do not bring up the fact you have no proof. By the way are you going on a hunch he is or do you know he is for sure?
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Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I'm going on a hunch, but I've pretty much decided that its for sure. By the way, I don't buy the "no physical contact, no cheating" bull. If you are invested emotionally, and because of it you are taking away from what you put into your relationship and your family, especially when you are lying and sneaking behind their backs, IT IS CHEATING. No trust, no love, no good will, equals lying and cheating. Period
Dena May
Dena May commented
Ok where did that come from as i never mentioned anything about physical contact lying sneaking.....???

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