Anonymous

My Best Friend Likes Me And I Don't Like Him The Same Way. Why Do I Feel Guilty About It?

13 Answers

Lucy Burroughs Profile
Lucy Burroughs answered
First of all, you have no reason to feel guilty, unless you've been leading him on!  In order to stop feeling bad about the situation, it might help to explore why his attraction to you makes you feel guilty.

Why Do You Feel Guilty?
  • You might just see him as your best friend, but do you flirt with each other, even as a joke? If so, you're giving him the wrong idea.
  • Does it feel like you have the best of both worlds: A male companion but safe relationship? This might be a nice situation for you, but it could be hurting him - even if you don't intend it to.
  • Are you encouraging his affection because it boosts your confidence and self-esteem?
How To Stop Feeling Guilty
  • If you like him as more than a friend but enjoy the safety of not dating him, you could try working on your own insecurities. Think about why don't you feel comfortable dating him, and try to resolve the issue.
  • You need to stop encouraging the attention, even if you enjoy the confidence boost that his affection gives you. If he buys you gifts, gently tell him to stop.
  • Tell him straight out (if he doesn't already know) that he's your best friend and you adore him but you're just not interested romantically.
If, after going through all of this, you still do not like him more than a friend, then there is nothing you can do about it. Sometimes, the chemistry just isn't there.
See it as a compliment - he clearly finds you attractive, and wants a girlfriend with the same qualities as you - but I think you need to tell him how you feel. He may not be capable of being just friends (many men are not) and it might be difficult for him to deal with the rejection. If he really values your friendship, he'll try, but you may need to give him some time.
Autumn Reeves Profile
Autumn Reeves answered
I came here because I was feeling the same way and looking for answers. I think if your heart is in the right place, you'll do what's best for BOTH of you. Me and my friend, whenever we would hang out, I'd feel awkward and uncomfortable, because I didn't feel the same way. I also noticed this was pushing me away from him, so I decided to confront the issue.

I just wanted to do the best thing for both of us. How can you truly be friends when neither of you are on the same page? No matter what, if you do not like the other person, what you bring to the table will never be enough for the other person. I told my friend we needed a little "break" to sort through feelings in order to help get us on more level ground. He thought I was being selfish for not trying to be with him, saying it'd be better to at least try and fail, saying we could easily still be friends. But that's not the way it works. The longer you let the idea of "maybe" last and the higher up the "relationship scale" you take it, the harder the fall. The longer you let the thought of "maybe" linger, the more trust you lose in that person. He didn't seem to understand that. He thought I was giving up on everything when all I was trying to do was save it.

But who said saving a friendship would be easy? There's really only so much you can do. Getting into a relationship out of guilt or fear is more damaging than acknowledging your true feelings and owning them. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone who pities them, am I right?
vijanti dhanji Profile
vijanti dhanji answered
Well if your friend loves you it is not your mistake. You see, people fall in love without knowing they are actually falling in love. Love is a natural feeling, it just happens, and it takes no time and sees no boundaries. Love is the most amazing thing one can experience. And it is said that everyone should fall in love at least once in their lifetime. You should clear things from your side, tell him that you consider him just as a very good friend. You see, if you feel something for someone, and you do not get the same love in return then it is not your mistake nor is it that person's mistake.

Similarly, in this case, it is not his mistake that he has fallen in love with you or he has feelings for you, nor is it your mistake that you don't have feelings for him. There is nothing between you more then friendship. Don't feel guilty and don't feel bad about it. None of it is your mistake. This is what life is all about, at times it makes us to things that you would never want to.
Michelle Phy Profile
Michelle Phy answered
Maybe because you like him as a person you don't want to hurt his feelings. That's a good quality & means you care. You cannot change how you feel about him though. You don't like him that way it can't be forced.
Kasumi Evanescence Profile
Same thing happened to me but two of my best friends like me and I only like one. In your position I would...ummmm, tell him you don't like him the way he likes you, and if he were a true friend then he will understand so don't fret about losing him. Maybe I should take my own advice..:>
LiSa=) Profile
LiSa=) answered
I'm in your position right now, though it's like I like him then I don't. Because then if we do go out & break up we wouldn't be close as before. He's like soo freakin sweet & says everything a girl would want a guy to tell them. I like the way he looks at me with his innocent eyes, it's adorable. I told him goodbye once but he went all crazy that he wouldn't be the same without me, that I was the only thing in his life. Personally if I were you I would leave him, because you're just leading him on longer, his feelings will be stronger than ever before, eventually. :(
Kelsey Grant Profile
Kelsey Grant answered
Well don't let your "guilty feelings" change your mind. Stick to your heart's feelings. If you went out with him you would just waste both of your time and a lot of pain will come from it. He'll understand and if he doesn't, know that you did the right thing by telling him the truth and not "playing games with his heart".
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm going through the same thing too :( . Only the thing is, two of my best friends like me (and they haaaate each other anyways) and I don't like either of them that way.  I don't even know what to do.....right now, I'm busy trying to make sure neither of them find out that the other likes me....and if they do find out, they are going to hate each other even more. :( I've already told one of them that I don't like him like that, but I still need to tell the other......this is awkward.....)
Bill Schnelk Profile
Bill Schnelk answered
I'm going through it too. I kinda like them it's just I don't want to ruin our friendship. What do I do?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Well the same basic thing happened to me but he kept insisting and I just got annoyed...one day he asked me if it did annoy me...I told him no but then he told me he can't be just friends and now we don't talk, I miss our friendship and I wonder if I did the right thing.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
This is too hard. No advice. Don't tell him. Just ignore him, and two months later become best friends.

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