I Can't Stop Bringing Up The Past With My Boyfriend And It Makes Me Feel Bad Because He's Different Now But It Still Makes Me Jealous! How Can I Stop Thinking About It So Much?

16 Answers

Balachandran Rajendran Profile
Curious, you are trying to drive your life, look at your rear view mirror, it just doesn't work that way. It's alright to look at your rear view mirror ( i.e your past ) once in a while, but you need to look ahead, figure out where you are going. You will stop bringing up past, once you stop living in past.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
You probably will never stop THINKING about it, just, keep it to yourself, especially if you say he's changed.  Live in the present and make plans for the future. The past cannot be changed it can only affect today and tomorrow. But negatively, not good
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Me and my girlfriend started going out over 3 and a half years ago, there were things back then which my family said and my dad even said "if its not working stop the relationship" as they saw me upset and angry most of the time. And I did not give them an answer when I should have. Because of this our relationship is literally made up of bringing the past. There were things in the past which I'm willing to forget or not talk about (such as her telling me to f*** my mum), but I never bring it up unless she brings up the past.

The other day, I went gym with her brother and after sat with them and had a great time, first time I was at her place without her as she was working. Later on that day I called her, she sounded happy and pleased that I went their and had a good time with her family. But SOMEHOW, from SOMEWHERE where the conversation had NOTHING to do with the past, she started bringing it up and saying "your family hurt me", I know exactly how she feels and am beside her, so if they ever do say or do anything I make sure they never think about it again. My family had said or done nothing - NOTHING, but she just kept on bringing it up. Pissed me offff sooooooooooooooo much. I've been thinking whether this relationship has to finish or not to myself.

Girls and Guys, bring up the past if your partner hurts you again (or lets people hurt you) in a calm manner so they do understand and try their best to resolve. But please, do not, I repeat DO NOT bring the past from nowhere and cause your relationship to go down the hill. I'm a guy, and I know it won't matter whether your a guy or girl but IT DOES PISS ONE OFF!!! It really isn't nice at all
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Trust me, if you don't stop bringing up the past, your boyfriend will no doubtedly be gone again. You said hes changed and you took him back. What more do you want.
Penny Kay Profile
Penny Kay answered
I understand your Angst and it is tempting to throw the past mistakes in a battle, but from the other side, I can tell you, it gets old. When arguing,STICK TO THE ISSUE OR ISSUES AT HAND, ONLY. If its about the toilet seat, don't make it a jealousy play. Try giving up that anger to God so you don't have to carry it around any more.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm in the same situation!But this one his last relationship was with my cousin, and they were only friends with benefits when I thought they were serious. And it bothers me, like he's said that they barely talked about personal stuff, or about themselves, and they've had sex more than once. And his past flirts, oh my god, I seen some messages to girls I know, and it bothers me. ALL THE TIME!I can't get over it, seriously. Ugh, I need like pills or something. (Just-Kidding about the pills)Like he's told me that this was the only relationship he's had that he talked with about anything. And had a lot of laughs with. And that he even regrets dating my cousin, because it was pretty much a bullcrap relationship. But yet... I still can't get everything out of my head. I want it to be just me and him, no past memories or anything. But.. It's so hard to get them out...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am in a similar situation. The very worst thing you can do is just "keep it to yourself." You need to talk with
him about it (in a calm manner) and let him know that this bothers you still so badly. If he truly loves you, he will understand and listen to you, because when your in love you never want your partner to feel bad. Tell him you need closure and you need to put these awful feelings where they belong(in the past), but you need his reassurance that he will never hurt you like this again. If you hold things like this in it will only make things worse on yourself. If you can't talk to him talk to somebody you can trust, but it's best you talk to him.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
The past is the past all you can do is learn from it and not make the same mistakes. It is hard to trust someone when they have let you down so many times. If you know he's worth it just stop thinking about the past.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I completely understand. My boyfriend looks at other girls all the time and when I forget that he does it comes back into my mind. He has never told me he has cheated on me, but I really think he has. He has done other stuff though such as: Flirt with girls on Internet msn, looking and watching porn, taking the Mick out if me and my brother to other girls, let a girl grab his private areas which he liked, danced with girls at clubs which I couldn't go to because I had no
Money and felt them up and got am erection, ask girls about their private parts and laugh because they are bigger than me, kiss a girl on the cheek, let a girl fall asleep right next to him while she was stroking his hair which I do while he had a party and didn't invite me, etc.
It's hurting so much to write this, I have never done anything against my boyfriend, I can't these things out my head so I so understand you Hun. I get so jealous even if he looks at a celebrity because I have no confidence in myself. Hope things work out Hun. Love Elle xx
Megan Nugent Profile
Megan Nugent answered
You sound so much like me except my now ex hasn't cheated on me I just accused him of cheating on me all the time. That's one of our problems too I kept bringing up the past to him cause we had a terrible past as well he lied to me, used me, backstabbed me, abandoned me when I was carrying his child, he smoked dope and use to be an alcoholic but he quit thank god. I didn't trust him after all he done to me can you blame me? I kept bringing up the past all the time and we would fight over it and he would bring up something I did wrong and it would really p me off so then I thought about it for awhile and since it made me mad when he brought up the past to me and I remembered how it felt then I realized how he must've felt it probably pissed him off too. What I`m trying to say here is the past is the past this is the future get over it if he`s changed and you truly believe he has then what's the problem? And not to be offensive when I say this cause I know you probably love him "once a cheater always a cheater" people never change. Listen to someone who put up with it for 8 years.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm a guy and my girlfriend does the same thing. She feels intimidated that I used to like her best friend. I never did anything but still its really messed up. Don't bring stuff up, as a guy I get annoyed and pissed. Makes us feel untrusted and makes us feel like crap
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have done this same thing in every relationship I am in. Now I am with someone that I care for very much. In the past 7 months I have flown off the handle probably 5 different times about his ex. I feel so guilty! I know it's wrong. He hasn't done anything to make me feel like I have anything to worry about. My biggest question is, Last night I had another tantrum, he left. He ended up coming back after I called him and apologized, but no doubt this is getting old for him. Do I apologize again today or just drop it?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Why a guy said he doesnt want a relationship with anymore because of my action. But, every night before I go to bed he want me to call him. And if I didn't call ihim in one night he get really upset. And everytime we talked he always talked about our past together. And he said he want me to spend a night.And he can't stand if he know tha tI'm going out with my friend party. He get pissed off.Even he is the one who said he doesn't want a relationship
esther spaulding Profile
Just forget about it. Don't think about it don't talk about it and then eventually you'll forget about it... Simple as that.
kanta sutton Profile
kanta sutton answered
Past is in the past now. If she does contact you. You both should meet her and tell her what problems she is causing. Should like she maybe obsessive. Life is too short. Please be happy together
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Okay so I been with my boyfriend for 4 years and summer of "08" I broke up wit him because he wasnt treating me right and I ended up going wit a different guy who treated me gud...I ended up hurtin my ex because I chose the other guy for a month and a half my ex begged me to take him back,bbut then the other guy broke up wit me because tlked to my ex like all the time because I wanted us to stay friends,well me and my ex of 4 yrs got bak together 10 months ago and to this day he can never forget about what has happened in the past recently we just had a arguement about my ex because I brought sumthing up I said "he treated me better" nd that hurt him and he thought about it and now hes like I don't know if I can trust you when you say you love me,and he says he doesnt have a heart for me well I'm tryin to make things right wit him and just put the past behind us because for 10 months hes never forgotten it I don't want to see this relationship ruined cause I went out wit the other guy I love my bf a lot nd I kno he loves me too its just hard for him to get past sumthing like that!

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