Anonymous

How Do I Reject A Guy I'm Not Interested In Without Hurting His Feelings?

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47 Answers

Amanda Profile
Amanda answered
Don't take him on a date out of the way to tell him. He may assume it is a real date and will be let down. Don't tell him WHY you're not interested in him. It will further hurt his feelings and it is rude. He probably does not want to know- and if he does, well, he'll ask. Don't tell him you'd rather be his friend than his girlfriend unless you mean it. Guys won't get the message that this usually means 'don't ever talk to me again'. Do tell him that you are flattered, and try to be honest but blunt. Always tell him straight to his face- NEVER by text or phone or email (that is shallow and cowardly behavior and highly insulting). Chances are, you will already be in a private place when you reject him because you will do it immediately after he confesses (since you're just not interested) and he will most likely confess in a private place. Don't arrange a meeting place- it makes the affair more drawn out than it needs to be.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Good advice. One problem I have is that I never see him and he left a message for me about a second date. I feel like a phone call is the only way I can privately get ahold of him. And what if he doesn't answer the phone but knows you called and did not leave a message. Could a message be appropriate if you barely know him?
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
What if he asked me out via email?
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
My problem is that he didnt ask in a private place.. First he was like i am gonna get you something for valentine's day, but later when i was walking down to the cafeteria after a senior meeting, he came next to me and asked.. I couldnt say anything because all my classmates were there and i didnt want to make it obvious.. Now i cant find a place to tell him.. What do i do??
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Either say,'I like you as friends,I am sorry,you are a great guy and I know you will meet the right girl for you.' or 'I am not ready for a relationship now,I am sorry,but I hope we can stay as friends.' hope it helps coz I'm in a familiar situation!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I had a Similar experience recently... This really sweet guy thats been my friend for a little less than a year came up to me and asked me out. I knew it was coming but I never actually prepared what I was going to say. I wasnt ready for a relationship as I had just broke up with a guy. I panicked... And   looked at the floor and muttered 'well I've kinda just broken up with someone' and he sed ohh right okay and walked off. I felt really stupid and bad as he was clearly upset :S .. And it has kinda ruined our friendship...
My advice is if you know its coming or suspect that he likes you then prepare what you are going to say, so you don't just freeze. I wish somebody would have told me that before he asked me :/

good luck people xx
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am in the same position and his friend said he is going to ask me out I'm planning to just say:

"Well I'm really flattered that you like me and I like you as a person but I just don't feel that way, I'm sorry. But thanks for asking"
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Nothing is more cruel than rejecting someone without telling them.  It will make you appear as a coward person.  Be strong and tell him, he will surely thank you secretly for it.  Heck, it might even strengthen your friendship later on.  If you don't tell him, then you will appear as an evil person even though your intention is not.  If you do care for your friend, then care for his feelings and tell him the truth.  He'll respect you 100 times  more.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I've learned that being subtly doesn't work.  Especially when you are desperately trying to be considerate of his feelings.  Don't drop hints, just tell him.  Saying things like "I'm not interested in being in a relationship right now," might instill a sense of false hope that someday you will be ready and he will be waiting... Like, two weeks from now. That can make things messy. Don't be harsh, but do be up front.  There isn't any easy way of telling someone that you don't feel the same way they do, and you aren't interested in dating them.  

I had to learn this the hard way...

.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
That is easy. If you know him at all, tell him that you respect him as a friend and that often if you date someone that friendship is affected. Tell him you want to continue or start a great friendship without inturupting it with dateing.
If that isn't good, tell him that at the time you are trying to focus more on reaching different goals in your social life and that he is a great guy and all but now is not the best time for relationships.

They always work with me!!!!! HOPE IT HELPS
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Well, whatever you do he will still be marginally hurt - especially if he likes you a lot.    There is a certain etiquette to rejecting someone nicely. Firstly don't tell him by text or phone call, unless you want to be remembered as shallow. Arrange a low-key date - perhaps coffee or after-work drinks, and explain how you feel. If you've not been seeing each other (i.e this is literally someone who's making eyes at you) then the same applies. Honesty is probably the best policy here - don't make up some obscure story as your excuse (like "I can't go out with you, I've been offered a job in Japan which means I have to leave the country in 24 hours").     Men respect the straight-forward approach and most would admit they'd not be led up the garden path and dumped later on. So just admit you've thought about it but he isn't someone you'd consider for a romantic relationship. Be kind, don't make him feel awful by saying stuff like "No I couldn't possibly go out with somene who is so scruffy"...."You're such a loser" etc    It's always an awkward scenario and obviously depends also on how well you know the guy. Either way by taking him somewhere anonymous and quiet to tell him gently you will be at least showing some him you are a proper lady with manners :-)
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
The first key is honesty. Be honest with him and let him know why you're not interested in him. Just tell him that you would rather be his friend then his girlfriend, but tell him in a way that he will understand. Don't be mean about it! Let him know that you are flattered that he even likes you but tell him that you just do not look at him in that way. Be honest, but yet be gentle.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have a problem :  I recently had a class with one of my brother's best friends and now many people who know him think he has a crush on me, including a girl whom he had had a crush on before. He hasn't actually asked me to do anything, but he keeps trying to find ways to hang out, so I suppose that is sort of asking isn't it? I'm still in high school and my personal belief is that dating in high school is stupid unless you really like the guy and I just think of this guy as like another older brother. What should I do? He's a cool guy and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but it just doesn't seem right to be the first one to bring up the subject unless he brings it up first. Please help?
toffe apple Profile
toffe apple answered
I got asked out by this guy whom I never had feelings for.
Our first experience with each other started out as a fight.
After he asked me out, I rejected him because I just got out of a horrid relationship and he wasn't the one for me; he said that he was just joking, which is an obvious lie.
He still has feelings for me.
I've re-confirmed aswell.
My point here is if you reject a guy and he says that it was a "joke", he's obviously hurt and still into you.
You need to be gentle but firm
Jack Stone Profile
Jack Stone answered
The WORST thing you can do is lie to him or insult his intelligence. Often, guys are wounded NOT so much because you turned him down (although that hurts) BUT BECAUSE HE FEELS HUMILIATED or offended by the way that a woman handles it. If you lie to him -- including by NOT telling him you aren't interested -- he will know it (eventually) and will feel "Oh, so you think I'm an idiot. And you don't respect me on top of it." So tell the truth INCLUDING TELL HIM you are not interested.

It is best to be honest and clear, but that requires KNOWING what you really are feeling. Something like this helps: "You know that dating involves getting to know different people to decide what a guy and a girl are looking for and meeting different people. I was very glad that we could date, and I appreciate that we could spend some time together and see how we are together. But as I get to know myself and think about things, I feel that I should keep trying different relationships until I find the right one. Please understand that I really appreciate you taking me out and there is nothing wrong and I think you're okay. But I have to find out what will be the right thing for me."
Sapphire Sopra Profile
Sapphire Sopra answered
Well you need to be honest and nice to him, regardless if you hurt his feelings because in the long run, you will not regret it and he won't feel as hurt if you didn't tell him in the first place...That's the horrible thing that we have to deal with in life....
Chasity S Profile
Chasity S answered
Be nice and compassionate. If you don't do it soon then your going to be leading him on and thats going to hurt worse.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Just do it, be honest and clear, don't lie, if you beat around the bush, he wont get it, and you'll get a bunch of phone calls that you wont answer and you'll make him feel like a fool.
Timothy Wenners Profile
Timothy Wenners answered
If a man is interested in you romantically..  Don't tell him he's a great guy and really sweet.  Cause if he were those things, you would take a chance on him and go out with him.

If your not interested say so, but don't butter it up with bullshit.

And if you get your heart broken later on, and try to rely on him for support, don't bother.  He no longer cares, you choose poorly, you get what you sow.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Just don't LEAD the guy on. Be nice. Do not keep waiting to tell. Tell him soon and get it over with
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
Right! I agree with you. Don't ever lead him on. I guess the best thing to do is avoid him then he'll get the hint. Hahaha
evil efing fairy. x Profile
Ok this is what you say... Heyy (insert name here) can I talk to you for you a sec,,, ok I kno this mite hurt your feelings,, but I'm really not in the right time or place o start having a realstionship,, ... Done easy simple
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I tried that and he said he wanted to keep seeing me even if I wasn't looking for anything serious. That he didn't want to throw away what we had built over the last FIVE weeks! I tried but I don't look forward to seeing him so its a disservice to myself.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Just relax. Tel him that your not intrested in starting a relationship and that you want to stay frends but not close frends.try and b reasonable though as they wil b embarrased for a while. Theyll get over you though
Velvet Blade Profile
Velvet Blade answered
I'm in a very awkward situation...

I've gone out for (what I thought was) casual coffee dates - yes, more than one - with this guy at work. But it was soon very obvious that he got the wrong idea and after the last time he asked, I said I'm just not comfortable with it anymore.

Now I've gone on casual coffee "dates" with another guy at work and rumours have started that him and I are lovers. What the heck? I have NO romantic interest in EITHER of these men nor will I ever have. Both are waaay older than myself, and in both cases, the coffee dates were just casual. If it were myself with a woman, people won't think anything of it. But just because it's with a man, now the rumours start. And worst is, he doesn't seem bothered!!!! Eek! My parents say that if a guy mentions that there are rumours about us dating, he's actually hinting in that direction. He's done it on two occasions now. But I just laugh it off. Should I just tell him straight-out that I'm just not interested?

Well, now the first guy again approached me for a coffee date. How do I reject him, after saying that it made me uncomfortable, while I'm having coffee with another guy at work? It's just so awkward. I hate not being able to just say no. I'm always concerned about people's feelings. And through that I always put myself into awkward situations. I'm not comfortable with coffee "dates" with the second guy either, but it's just coffee and a casual chat. Yet I'm just never relaxed. Maybe because I'm just not interested. I don't know. It's just all too weird and I wish I could just go back in time and never start this whole coffee thing in the first place!!!!! Just strange that two guys want to spend time with me away from the office (The coffee with 1st guy was AFTER hours, 2nd guy is within office hours). But I've never given either of them any reason to believe that I may be interested. Many times they'd come to my office and just chat to me. Could be that I'm just a very approachable person, but I've been very rude and stand-offish with the 1st guy on more than one occasion yet he just never quite gets the message.

I just don't know what to do anymore. If I were something to look at, I'd understand, but I'm not so honestly don't get what the fuss is about. Same problem with a lesbian woman who makes no secret of her interest in me! I mean really, WHY ME? What is so special about me? Why can't they just leave me alone? The lesbian wasn't even put off when she saw me with my boyfriend (now ex) once...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Say this: Wow! You think I'm attractive? You're interested in me? Thank you so freakin much! I'm so flattered! Wow!"
Then be honest about yourself: "Because of my lack of real love for decent people, because of my insecurities and low self esteem, my body chemistry has made an iron clad contract with my subconscious mind in only allowing me to be attracted to certain kinds of guys that are not necessarily decent and beautiful. So I must decline your offer. Thank you for making me feel beautiful. I will remember this moment for a long time!" Have a wonderful day!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Ok now I'm in a very bad situation....unexpectedly a guy I know told me that we are going to be a couple... He didn't even ask as if he was sure I agree... But I don't...I didn't  know what 2 say or do.. So I just made the whole subject as if he was pranking me... Now I don't know how should I act or what should I do if he brought the subject again... I'm not intrested
Kk polly Profile
Kk polly answered

Reject him with a smile and carry on a conversation afterwards. Example: Nah, I'm not interested in dating right now.

Or you could say you're going to be a nun :)))

Or that you hate boys, or you have HIV, or he wasn't the right blood type idk

If you aren't super against dating the guy then I would try a non romantic date. And give him a try. After going on a date, he might even be the first to say how you weren't going to work out.

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Thanks for the help everyone. I have to go on a date tonight with a guy that my parents are forcing me to go out with. I am totally not interested in him and I hope that one of these excuses will work for me.
Moo C. Profile
Moo C. answered
Anyway you do it will hurt his feelings but just be honest with him that's all 8)
Zoe' Hernandez Profile
Zoe' Hernandez answered
Try to get them alone and tell them like you are taking baby steps. Then  tell him he is a good guy and you see him more as a friend then more than a friend and say it nice like go to dinner. It really helps.
Jessie Cuellar Profile
Jessie Cuellar answered
Its very complicated. Everybody's different, so it would take different things to not hurt their feelings. Plus I don't know the exact situation so I can't calculate the best course of action
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
You could just tell him that you like someone else even though you don't. That is what I'll try to do. I hope it works. I really hate guys who are acting like the feeling's mutual though it's really obvious that it's not. Hahaha.. Sorry bout that. 
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Omigosh I'm in the same position you are... This guy really likes me but I don't rlly....what do I do?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Easy. Be nice. Be calm and be honest. Not, 'Hey. You're ugly and you outta here. I don't want to date you' or 'Your dumped.' Simply approve him in private and explain nicely why. Simple. Long answers up there are pointless because this is all you need to know.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Well, I'm in the exact same situation, and it's clear that whosoever he/she will get majorly hurt, so whatsoever, just tell him or her the truth, I think you have the guts to do, but I seriously don't. A guy is in love with me head over heels, and I have already tried telling him, but instead, nothing came out of my mouth...do I love him, or do I not....darn
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I Have Got A Huge Problem, I've Never Met The Guy And My Friend Tells Me He Likes Me And When I Was In The Library The Other Day He Disturbed Me And He Even Asked My Friend Why I Haven't Called Him Yet!! I want to Reject Him But I Don't Know How
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Ahh I'm in such a crazy situation. A guy I have only spoken to for 5 minutes in my life proposed to me over the phone and is in crazy love with me BUT he HARDLY knows me.. Ive tried soooo hard to tell him no I don't want to be in a relationship with him but just be friends because he is a nice person, but he just doesnt get it.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Just say no it ain't you it me sorry but I bout to die in 2 days and move outta the country

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