I Am 16 And Want A Baby But My Man Aint Ready, What Am I To Do?


25 Answers

Heather B Profile
Heather B answered
Yeahhhh, ummmmm.  You need to finish school first and get a nice career going for you so when you do have children you'll be financially ready.  I know what you're going through, believe me.  I was 16 when I wanted a baby and so did my bf at the time.  So, at 17 I got pregnant.  We were so happy!  Well, to say the least I finished school and went to collage right away...  But even though we planned it together, we didn't think about marriage, we didn't think about money, we didn't think about anything in the long run.  I had to grow up fast and I did!  However, we split up when she was three months old because we would always fight about stupid little things....  I didn't want that kind of atmosphere around my child.  He only saw her for the first year...  She's turning 6 next week and he hasn't seen her since!...  I never thought I'd be a single parent doing EVERYTHING on my own.  Changing diapers, feeding her, making sure she gets on the right bus, talking to teachers, the crying, disciplining....  It's hard to do at such a young age.  What about when you turn 21?...  You're going to want to go out and party.  I did laundry on my 21st b-day!  It's all on me!  You have to make ALL the decisions for your child!  To say the least...  It's hard to find a decent man that's going to accept you and your child and treat your child like it's their own.  I just had another baby 16 months ago...  I was dating this guy.  He was very polite and he would hold my daughters hand and put her on his shoulders....  Well, I ended up getting pregnant the first time we had intercourse..  He wanted nothing to do with it and wanted me to abort!  First, I don't believe in abortions...  To this day, he doesn't even know what she looks like.  Pretty sad...  To find out, he was cheating on his gf that he must have been with for a while and is having a baby on the way with her.  He must of wanted me to abort so no one finds out and so she doesn't find out....  Yet he will be there for his second child but not his first...  On top of that, you know what hurts the most.....  When your child asks you where there dad is and why they don't see 'em.  Because you got to figure, when they're at daycare dads will pick up or drop off there kids, and your kids friends ask your kid where their dad is or they'll just say something about their dad, and if you're kids dad is not around.....  Your kid is going to have a lot of questions for you.  It hurt me the most when my daughter asked me to get married so she can have a new daddy....  Because she she's all her friends with daddy's.  There's nothing wrong with being a single parent, but for a child I think it's better to have both in the picture.  Unless one parent is abusive or whatever, you wouldn't want your child around that!  Your man is not ready, and he's telling you he's not ready!!!!  Why would you want to have a baby with some who is not ready???  Instead of thinking about what you want, you have to respect on what your man wants as well!  Also, you have to think about if you got pregnant, would he be there?  You think if he's not ready, you think he'll be there for you or the child?  Then, you're putting you're child in a position that doesn't even have a choice to be in...  Honey, I think you need to do some serious thinking.  I love my kids to death and I don't regret one thing..  I love being a mom.  It's fun but also hard at the same time....  I think you should just wait.  Good luck!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Honey all I can say is be careful. Not the way you think but be careful that you know yourself.  I got pregnant at 17. And yes it sounded great! I was excited to have a little baby so cute to hold and to love but then reality sunk in.  Your life with your friends is over.  There is no more going out no more anything.  And to top it off you"ll miss the best years of your life, college.  Your young, babies will come.  Don't miss out on what could have been. Trust me. If he means that much to you then wait.  I have seen high school sweethearts get married.  When your young things change, you change.  I'm 29 now and I changed.  Needless to say I chose an abortion in the end and I live with it ever day.  I have a son now and I had him at 25.  Even then I felt not ready.  There is so much involved that you don't even under stand. You're up all night.  No more meeting a friend when they call you.  Then there is the financial end.  That is the hard part.  Parets will only do so much.  And trying to put them in daycare while you work feels horrible.  Like someone else is raising your kid.  Trust me, wait.  I did.  And I love my son and I can financially support him on top of his father being there.  And a 16 year old guy probably won't. Make it worth it do it right.  Make sure you"re ready to give that little baby everything because your going to want to. And at 16, you can't.
Kelly Hernandez Profile
Kelly Hernandez answered
Hi there. I am 23 years old and I had my first baby at 15 years old. Having a baby is a life changing situation. Maybe your boyfriend is right to not be ready. Maybe you can wait longer. Think about going to school so you can be better prepared for a child. Right now it is hard to raise a child because a child requires a lot. If you are not financially stable then you are going to have some pretty hard times. I tell you from experience. I'm not just some adult saying it because I think it is wrong. I'm saying it because I went through a teen pregnancy. I love my beautiful son. I don't regret him one bit but if I can go back and do it again, I would have waited to have him later. Well, I hope you make the right choice for you and your man. I will keep you in my prayers to ask God to guide you to make the right decision. God Bless You!
Erika Benford Profile
Erika Benford answered
Since you are only 16 and you have such a love for children, before you make the decision to have your own, why don't you try working at a daycare part-time or volunteering at a children's hospital. This way you can really get some insight on what it takes to be a parent, and the time it involves. Also by working at a children's hospital, you will get hands on experience with children with (Special Needs), which is something that you also need to consider. Because we are not all Blessed with healthy children. Also, why don't you make a checklist with the cost of baby food,  pampers, clothes, childcare,  insurance, and other misc items babies need. See if you can really afford these things at your age. You also might want to double the cost on your checklist because in reality you  might have TWINS!! That is possible you know! There are sooooo many things that you can do with your life that you have probably not even thought about yet!! I know you said all of you friends have kids but why don't you give this a thought?  Why not be DIFFERENT!  Don't be like EVERYBODY ELSE!!  Make a STATEMENT! With your LIFE! DO something GREAT! I bet you are Pretty! You could become a MODEL or FLIGHT ATTENDANT! Or even stay in school and go to College! Find your Talent! And WORK IT GIRL!!  You can have kids anytime! But now is your time to SHINE!!!  Then, when you do have kids later on in your life, your kids will be proud to say THAT'S MY MOM!!  As you are picking them up from school in your MERCEDES or LEXUS or BMW or (hey it's your car you pick!) GIRL MAKE YOUR LIFE FABULOUS! YOU CAN DO IT! I KNOW YOU CAN!!
Before you decide to have a baby, ask one of your friends with a baby if you can babysit for a whole weekend. Feed, change, and entertain the baby from Friday evening until Sunday evening. Do this every weekend for the next month, or better yet babysit over the entire Christmas break. If this doesn't sound like fun, maybe you had better wait. For more fun, take a blue ink pen and draw wiggly lines down your breasts and stomach and thighs. Stand in front of the mirror and see how much you like it. Show your boyfriend your stomach and see if he thinks it is cute.

What will you do if your BF walks out or gets hit by a bus? Welfare is only for a few years anymore. Look in the paper and see what kind of jobs there are for girls w/o a diploma. Want to wait tables all day and then go home and take care of kids until bedtime?

Just wait! Finish school at least. Every time you go to a dance, just remind yourself "if I had a baby, I wouldn't be doing this". Remember that every time some cute guy smiles at you, or when you sleep late in the morning, or when you wear a bikini and feel like hot stuff.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
In nearly 16 and for the last 4 years I have been dying for a baby I want to wait till ive finished college atleast.
I'm writing up my cv this weekend and then I'm going out to get a job and then ill save and save like crazy to get atleast 3 thousand over the next 2 years to buy cots nappies prams car seat clothes and food to start me off then ill be getting money to care for my baby ill stay off uni for 2 years till my child is old enuf to start nursery

at least wait untill you have some money set aside for your baby don't push your boyfriend into anything he will probably leave you if you force him

I know ill be missing out but I wud rather have a baby than go out and get drunk I know I will have to get up in the middle of the night to do night feeds and nappie changes its your choice but don't force your boyfriend wait untill he is ready
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
The answers you are gettting are all right, wait!!! If you want a baby to love you, then you got it backwards, cause you are the caretaker, provider, for at least 18 years. You are responsible for this child...do you want to live and raise a child in substandard housing? Who will pay the bills? Uncle Sam won't, as he cares less and less, baby Daddy won't, cause he never has in any case I know. Having a baby to keep a man never works. Take the advice of the answers already posted.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Don't do it I did the same thing thought I wanted a baby and I ended with two I love them both but I just turned 20 and I see everyone out having fun while I get to take care of my kids and a guy don't change just because you havin his baby trust me
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Don't ruin your life by having a kid at such a young age!!! 
Enjoy your life while you arent responsible for any kids.
Have then when you are mentally and physically  mature ok?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
LOL! You are 16, your friends are pregnant ?! Oh my god
what is the world coming to...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm 18 (turning 19 in 3months) and I want a baby too.. I know am young and I know all the responsibilities a baby requires. I work at a hospital, I'm a maternity care assistant, and I see babies everyday and each time I see a baby I want one even more. My boyfriend doesn't know that I want a baby and the reason that I didn't tell him is because as much as I want a baby, I want to do something for me first. I want to get somewhere in life. I want to get into uni next year and get a degree in midwifery and then maybe work for a year. Hopefully by then my boyfriend and I will be married and I can think about starting a family. But until then I'll just have to take everyone Else's advice and wait..

I think you should do the same. Finish school get into uni or even get a good paying permanent job and start saving up. You say you and your boyfriend have been on and off for a while now, How do know that will last? It will be harder when your baby grows up and asks you about his/her dad the what are you going to say huh? Babe take some time and think about this because once you have a baby thats it theres no turning back, you can't just give this baby back as its not an item you've borrowed. You are going to be responsible for someone else other than your self..
Hope everything works out for you.
Kassandra Crissinger Profile
I am turning 21 in a week and a half. My husband and I are in the Army. We have a beautiful 6 month old baby girl. We LOVE her so much! Even so, we wish that we had waited to have her so that we could have more time to expand our relationship. We have been together for over 2 years now, but we still feel that we could have used more time for just us. A baby is a strain on a relationship, no matter how good it is. Not to mention she is a financial drain on our salaries, and the military pays very well. She uses one large can of formula in less than one week and that alone is $23. So we spend about $50 on her formula. Then there is the baby food. $4 for a box of rice cereal, $1 per jar of baby food and she eats one of those 3 times a day. Diapers are $20 a box no matter what size but there are less diapers in a box the bigger the baby gets. She is already in a size 4 just because she is a tall baby. She is already wearing 12 month old clothes (which means nothing cause every child grows differently) but 1 outfit at walmart is about $5 and she needs a lot of clothes because babies are messy. Then you need to consider that babies need toys, a crib, car seats (we just bought another to fit her needs and it was $80), bath supplies, etc. The list goes on. It seems that I am always going out cause she needs more diapers or clothers or whatever. I hardly ever see my husband because of our work schedule and the baby. We haven't been out on a date since before she was born. I agree with what every one else has said. Give it a little time, and get your life going before you get pregnant. Make sure that everyone is ready, not just you. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope that you make the right decision for you and your boyfriend.
Melissa Davis Profile
Melissa Davis answered
I was 19 when I had my first child.(also married) That was the biggest culture shock you can ever get!! Just the thought of having to be responsible for someone else, someone that can not do for themselves. The sacrifices that you make as a mother are just tremendous. I had my second child, at 22, culture shock, again!! The same thoughts run through your head, how can you be responsible for 2 human beings other than yourself? I am getting ready to have culture shock number 3. I have my fears, but have been and loving and wonderful mother to my other children, I can give this one the same thing. I just wish, that I had waited to have my first. Just don't have one before you have finished school, completely. College too. That was one mistake that I have made, but my husband takes good care of us!! Think really really hard about this. Babies cost a lot of money!!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
They are right, you need to worry about your education. If you think you want a baby try babysitting. I was 20 when I had my first child, now I'm 27 with 3 children. You're only 16 looking for someone to love you, trust me there will and is someone out there for you. Please don't make a mistake and think that having a child with this boy will make him stay with you. IT WON'T. Then what, you stuck to raise the child on your own. I love my children with all my heart, they are my life. I just wish someone would of really told me how hard it is. The feedings, the diaper changes, the schedules, babysitters, MONEY, health insurance, doctors, bills, clothes, toys. Just think of everything you do know, like going out, hanging with your friends, buying things you want. Just doing what you want to do. That won't happen anymore if you have a child. Everything goes to them. Look I'm not saying not to do it, but please go to a family member you trust, a school councler, a councler you don't know, go to church and talk to the pastor, but please really think about what your going to do before you do it. It won't be just your life, or his, its also the life of a unborn child.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I was 17 when I feel pregnant now I'm 18 and have a 5 month old son the father and I decided we would have unprotected sex and he said he didn't care if I feel pregnant and he would never leave me. Well I feel pregnant pretty quickly took me on 2 months if that and we wernt even trying. When I found out I told him and he freaked and said getting an abortion but that is not an option for me. So in 3 months he told his mum and dumped me and I went through my pregnancy by myself I had my family but the stress that ge caused me was awful I was in an out of hospital due to stress that I was putting on my body it made my blood pressure rise. I was in a serious relationship for a long time and you and you bf are on and off for ages that's a big thing listen to you bf he isn't ready it's not far on him to push him. Being a mother is hard work I can admit that and I do not have the mates I used to I couldn't celebrate new year my 18th. But I wouldn't change my life from having my son I would have just waiting to gave him when I was a bit older really think this through as it is a massive decion to make and it's a lot of hard work
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am 18 and just had my first child. The father is notin the picture at all. Just cause your friends have kids and they are not virgins does not mean you should follow them up. Having a child is not easy to do. Everything from medical bills to everyday needs the baby has is expincive. And I'm telling you now, if your boyfriend is not ready don't push it. If you got pregnet he may really not be ready and it may cause some problems between the two of you. Also your 16 and school will be hard to complete if you have a child this early. I honestly think you should wait till your older, have the money to do so and who ever you decide to have a child with is wanting one as well and you both are serious about each outher. I know how it feels at that age to want a child and want to be sexualy active but hear me out, once you give away your virginity you don't get it back. And about 94.3 % of teenage gurls who gave it up, the guy is not with them now... That alone takes a tole on your emotions....
Missy Saffron Profile
Missy Saffron answered
What do you want in life besides a baby? I think a lot of young girls who are unhappy at home think about having a baby. A baby seems like unconditional love. I used to daydream about having a baby & keeping it in my closet while I went to school!!! Talk about a strange idea. Of course I didn't do that. In fact I was scared into not having children because my mother said she "wasn't paying for any babies." I felt I had absolutely no help. I hate my mother.

Think about what you have to offer a child? At the very least do you have your own place to stay? A job? Childcare for when you go to work? Why not try to give your child the best you can? Why rush to ruin your life and your babies?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Talk him into it and start a family if you guys have been together long enough its part of a relationship having a baby is one of the best things in a world I got preg at 13 years old I have a five year old in school and I'm in college my life has changed so much and its so much better me and her dad are still together and he is 24 years old and working.. Talk him into it =)
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Then wait until you are BOTH ready. Atleast finish high school so you can both work at decent places. I wanted a baby but I told myself that I was being wayy to selfish b/c I had no income and no support to give the baby when it is born.. So I talked myself into waiting longer until I was somewhat more stable. If you want a baby, think about its needs, not your own.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Look I had a kid at 15 I thought I was ready I was so wrong her dad has not been in the picture not even when she was born now I'm 16 a single parent nd I droped out of school trust me go to school get a job nd do something w yur life nd giving birth hurts lyke hell
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Hi am 16 years old aswell but I'm 17 in a couple of months
I'm in the same situatuion aswell but I'm from england so I have already finished school and I'm currently and collage studying a BTEC National Diploma Corse in Beauty Therapy. Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and we both have been descussing having one, the only problem is that I'm not finacially ready and I don't want him paying for all the baby's needs and wants. I would say if your ready financially,physically and mentally ready if you have finished school or what ever and if you have been with your boyfriend long enough and you know hes going to stick around then I have no dissagreement on that

Mark Tautoa Profile
Mark Tautoa answered
Your man is doing you a favor. And maybe he knows it not time yet.
Think it over before it's to late. There's a whole world out there that needs to be explored. Take it. And enjoy life while you still can.....
Ashleyy Unknowwnn Profile
imin the same situation
I'm your age aswell. I rele want one aswell..
But the best thing to do for now is finish highschool../
thats what I'm dooing.. And we made plans to have one next year try talking to him
Jennifer Parker Profile
Jennifer Parker answered
I am sixteen as well and I want a baby, and I think that if you want a child at the age you are now then try talking to your man. If he doesn't want a kid right now then maybe you should wait to see what he wants to do. I'm being very serious set a side a night for you two to just talk things over and come to a reasonable agreement. Hun at least you have a boy friend you can go to with this kind of stuff. Right now I'm totally scared with what I've been thinking about I've been wanting to have a baby since I was 13 and I always dream of the one day I'll Have my baby boy (Wyatt Tyler) or my baby girl (Deanna-Raye). Just think about all the answers you have received from this site and then take a quiet moment to just think about every thing that was answered. Why do you want a baby so young, How will you support your baby at the young age you are, can you deal with the stress that comes along with having a baby, and are you ready to change the early 18 years of your life. And at least you were brave enough to ask the question. I could have done it because of what I had in mind of peoples answers.To have the question is scary but asking the question and getting the answers is whats scary for me!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I am also 16 and want a baby reaaaallllllllyyyy bad.
I know I should wait..
I kno I don't have the money
I know I should wait till after highschool.
And college.
I know I should wait till after I get married and have a
stable household..
So I can have enough money to raise my baby.
I want the best for him..
I know a baby will take away my social life.
I know my parents will be dissapinted and mad.
I know babys are expensise and it will change my life forever.
I know its hard...

BUTTTTT, even then.. I still want a baby.
And I can't get that idea out of my head "/
I just love babys so much...

Help me please

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