Anonymous

My mom is complaining about how dad isn't really paying attention to her (I was the reason she was all mad and dad was mad at her) so they got into a fight. Please help me! I'm scared they will divorce! What can I do?

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Yo Kass Profile
Yo Kass answered

Parents argue. Sometimes they argue a lot.

This has nothing to do with you though. Don't you have arguments with your friends at school from time to time?

Does that mean you never want to see them again?

No. 

Parents argue, they spend some time upset with each other, then once they've cooled off they patch it up. I do it fairly frequently with my partner.

Adults are usually better at hiding the fact that they're upset, but sometimes this isn't possible and they need to let their feelings out.

Although it might seem scary when your parents fight, it's actually a healthy thing. 

Imagine if they never spoke up when one was annoying the other? They'd have to keep it all bubbled up inside until it was too much to handle and their heads would explode! (figuratively speaking)

Anyway, my point is all parents fight at some point. It's pretty normal. And there's very little you can do to stop it happening, so it's really not your fault at all!

And yes, some parents get divorced too, but that usually follows months or even years of fighting and arguments and complex issues like infidelity or alcoholism that you probably don't need to worry about... So I think you're safe here, one little argument isn't going to bring their marriage down.

My advice would be to act upset and make them feel guilty for fighting. 

Not only will it make them think twice about arguing in front of you, but it's a good way to blackmail something out of them (like extra pocket money or a PS4 or whatever kids play with these days...) They'll be feeling too guilty to say no.

Jojo A. Profile
Jojo A. answered

First of all Mom made a mistake by laying fault in her marriage to you in any way, but we can't change her thinking, you CAN change yours though. Divorces happen over a huge number of things, but one argument is NOT enough to throw away a marriage. It isn't like dating, there is a serious investment at stake financially, as well as with the welfare of the children you create together. People don't just risk losing that investment so easily. Knowing that should help you to understand that people say things they don't mean when they are upset. That doesn't make it right, but it happens and should be forgotten. Don't feel guilty, it was her error made when she was upset at fault not YOU!!

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered

Alright, first let's start with some deep breaths, just breathe man!

If your parents fight, try to talk with them separately. If you can be alone with your mom and dad, then try to ask them why they have ill feelings towards the other parent. (My parents can fight sometimes, but they always make up.) Advise them, nicely, to have a conversation about why they are mad at each other.

If you can, you should facilitate a meeting. Just the three of you. Get them to tell each other about why they can't stand each other. They need to let it out because when you keep complaints about the other to yourself, then cracks form in that relationship. (My theory is that this usually leads to divorces.)

Be honest with your opinions about the status of their relationship, and they might reassure you.

Best of luck to you, and I hope that for your sake your parents will stay together. If something unexpected does happen, make sure you have friends by your side.

Payne Butler Profile
Payne Butler answered

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