I Got Married At 20 Years Old And Still Married. We Have Been Having Major Problems' From Calling Names, Getting Very Anrgy And I Feel We Are Going Down Hill Very Fast. Please Don't Say Seek Therapy. He In No Would Do This. I Need Help. I Am Getting Depressed. I Started To Stand Up For Myself Approx 5 Years Ago, Is This Okay?i Just Need Some Advice.


4 Answers

patrick mc mullan Profile
When you talk about standing up for yourself, this indicates that you in some way felt repressed. As a male and married 25 years. I have heard my wife use the same phrase to me. By this she means getting her own way more often. Now, this surprised me because I thought she was happy enough as things were. But not so. I came to realize that our needs change along with our opinions and how we see things. I felt myself getting a bit depressed as did my wife. So we both agreed to try something new. We wrecked our brains thinking about what we could do but we couldn't agree. As a practicing catholic divorce is not an issue, so we tried breaking our routines by doing our own thing . I would go to the pub and she would go for a meal. I would go to bingo and she would stay a night in her sisters. But we both agreed that we had to spend one full day a month doing something together. During the month we would do at least one shop per week as a family and dine out on that day. Things became much better and if we have the money we seem to do things together more often. Good luck
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Anonymous commented
I think 'being right', can be very lonely. I think you both need to decide what's more important; being right, having your way, or putting the relationship first. If the concentration is on what is right, then you both stand a better chance of the relationship being one of respect and trust. Right now, you guys are destroying your foundation and you need to decide if that is what you both want.
I got married at 17 and I'm 54. We divorced for 15 years and it took that long for us to figure this out. Good luck to you both.
Kathy Holschum Profile
Kathy Holschum answered
I've been married for 20 years and I have a good man by my side. Everything isn't perfect and we've had our fair share of differences. We both met in the Navy and I'm retired but my husband is still active duty. I have no idea why you and your husband are having problems but you both need to sit down and figure out what's wrong. If you both love each other and want to stay married you both need to let go of what is bothing you or talk it out. It's very hurtful to call names and put each other down. No wonder your depressed, it's harder to be mad at each other. Just think of all the energy it takes to be fighting and discontent. I hope things work out, don't give up.
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Angye Hawkins
Angye Hawkins commented
If you don't stand up for yourself you will continue to be unhappy. If the name calling and fighting makes you unhappy you have the right to either put up with or put a stop to it. Tell your husband "this is unacceptable" Don't allow yourself to be verbally abused and don't sink to the level of doing it yourself.
When you find yourself in a relationship that is breaking you down, you have the choice to continue in it or leave it.
Love yourself.
Anonymous commented
i agree with katzet and homegirl53. let me start by saying if you really want this to work i suggest you pray to God. pray for your relationship, ask God if this is the relationship for you if this is really where you should be . i hope you all can get pass this everybody have their forms of up and downs. maybe you and your husband can sit down and write down what you like about each others and then what make you mad about each other.read this book called the five love languages by Gary Chapman. it's a good book it helps you figure what kind person you are dealing with . if you really love him then try to make it work. good luck
leona commented
i have been married for 25 years and have had some of the same problems. we sat down and talked ;to figure out what each person expected of the other. communications is the key, and you need to tell the other person the way you want to be treated. I'm glad your standing up for yourself. you need to do that. good luck!!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I also got married at 20 and I was discussing marriage with one of my divorced friends. He told me that studies have shown that there is a point in almost all marriages (usually after around 5-7 years) where there will be a period of lows. This is the period in which most couples will get divorced; however, if they make it passed the period, the relationship goes into a honeymoon phase. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? My friend said that him and his ex-wife have often talked about the fact that their divorce was probably a mistake and that they both gave up too quickly, but now that the ex has moved to another country and has a new husband, their relationship is lost. I think you need to try to work through it. Try doing something nice for your significant other. Cook them a nice dinner. Another huge relationship killer is just plain stress. You might not need a marriage councillor, but just a weekend in a nice hotel or at a cottage. Don't worry, things will get better.
rosa hayes Profile
rosa hayes answered
If you have to stand up to your mate then that is truly a bad marriage.  If he is unwilling to seek help he is truly confused and does not want to fix things.  It is simply not a priority for him.  You on the other hand are unhappy and need to do something.  Get help for yourself.  Talk to a therapist today.  All you can do is fix itself.  When you fix itself I'll find that you can be in control of itself.  Eventually I'll be able to make sound decisions and you can be happy with itself.  Perhaps things between. In the marriage will work put.  A lot of times things don't work out but either way you can be happy with yourself.

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