Well, I am 38 and now am living back in my parents house. I had a dysfunctional childhood but for the purpose of this subject will focus on how my parents would be so verbally negative and feed me with thoughts of failure and paranoia. I am grateful they allowed me to move in (despite their satisfaction) so that I had a place to go to rebuild. The lesson that has taken me 38 years to learn, I am going to sum up to you in a sentence. "YOU, no matter what YOUR circumstance, YOU have the power to create the future YOU want." Use your weakness as your strength and take advantage of your situation, cash your check and give your mother 40% to help her out and save the rest into an account in solely your name. Write yourself a list of what it is you want and focus on that. Listen to positive affirmations to help rebuild your self image and belief in your abilities. You have access on-line and with a little time invested you can find lots of support for free on the internet. I am also going back to school, at my age, because I didn't when I was younger - don't wait. Tell those voices in your head to shut up when they tell you you can't. Repeat to yourself in your head or aloud over and over throughout the day - "I am special, I am Worthy, I am happy, I can do anything" do it until the I can't is drown out from your thoughts, until whatever your mother says to you in inaudible because your "I can" recording is louder than she is. That is the secret to all successful people. Their unwavering belief. Period. The longer you wait to give yourself the credit you deserve, the more pain you have to cut through to get to the "I can". I don't know what caused your PT SD. (I have as well) but, I do know that you have to release that pain. I use deep breathing daily, and EFT techniques to help me out of the worst of it. If you are really ready to change things and not let fear guide you, it will get better. The only way things won't change is if you are writing this to be heard, but not act on anything, that is just feeding your pain and taking away more of your energy. Good luck.
I am in college, working to pay half of my studies at the college 20 hours a week and another 20 hours of class, with no job, no support, no money, am totally reliable on my parents and my boyfriend's parents. I need to move out of the house now! But I can't because I don't have the money to pay any rent on a flat. My boyfriend barely has the money to wipe his ass. I am on 5 pills a day to keep me from committing suicide, I started smoking, have some rare illness that I am too scared of to see the doctor to know what's wrong with me and I vomit all the time. I see all my friends married and and have children which I really also want but can't get. So when you found a real plan for your problem, please also tell me what the hell can I do?
Just movie out. I am 21 and I've not much money. But my mother has hurt e for the last time...she has a terrible temper and nothing I do is good enough. I am the ungrateful child who is nothing but a burden. I still have one more year of school, so I got myself an apartment. You just got to move...it is scary but you just have to do it. You want strategic advice? Find ana apartment that you can afford on your paycheck, stop giving money to your mom, and move out! She may scream or yell or threaten you, but its your paycheck and she would be stealing if she coerced you to give it to her. Just go....it will be the best thing for you, despite how scary it may seem. Take your time and plan step by step. Save up money secretly, find a cheap place, and go. It really really is that simple. Your mind may say "its not that simple" but it is...it is....I am 21 and doing it, so can you
Here's the deal that you could possible do, and believe me, I'm in the same boat as you and I'm 19...I live with my parents who have driven me and my siblings in hell...my sister moved out at 21, and I'm next in line....what you can do is, start continue working at that job, get the paychecks and secretly cash them out, give 50% of them to your mother, while keeping the remainder to yourself..open a new free credit card and start building credit to obtain loans...apply for a school and get a stafford loan (schooling works the best since it not only gives you more skill and knowledge, but that you can get grants, scholarships and loans....then while working at this job, search ACTIVELY for another, and brush up on your resume (if you want more on that, let me know)....continue calling and doing interviews...do you have a car and a liscense? Even better, start going to places and do interviews...contact old friends and ask them for advice, and all in all, I know you'll get irritated at this but studies have proven that those with a positive mindset, end up achieving and gaining more...pessimism makes matters worse
Hi. I am in the very same situation right now. I don't know what to do either but I'm trying my best to stay positive. Right now at least you have a job. I am 26 and I was laid off of my job two months ago and I'm living with my intolerable mother.. And my father is just plain ignorant to everything.. If he does not see anyone fail.. Trust me.. He is not happy. .. I am trying to get a job.. Even if it is fast food.. I don't care.. I know that I have to leave .. And that's what motivates me.. Life is hard.. But .. It can only get better.. Stay Positive.
I am 27 and a single parent with 4 kids..you can make it on your own!! You work at fast food so at least you got a job.. Put an ad in paper looking for a roommate or 2 so that you all can split the bills..don't let your mom control you. Once your outta her house maybe she'll calm down and will see you can run your own life. But you have to get outta there or she'll do it forever!! Did you talk to her about this/?
I am in a very similar situation. I am 28 and my mom is making it extremely difficult for me to get out of the house. I owe her my "room and board" with every paycheck, which leaves me a total fo $20 left in my wallet....I will never be able to save up for my own place with that kind of money! I plan to become engaged soon and move out with my future fiancee, and now she's even MORE controlling of me and my money. She is making me feel "guilty" for "abandoning your mother with all this debt" just because I want to save money and move out. Then she tries to control me by taking away all my priveledges, so I have no transportation, phone, or internet. My only escape is through my boyfriend, who is on disability, and he HIMSELF lives with a controlling mom who tries to stop him from living the life he wants. MY PLAN: As soon as I find a job that can support my half of the rent with my boyfriend, I am booking it. I'm just going to pack my things and move out. No notice, no nothing. Just move. If I continue to abide by her "house rules" I will never be able to be on my own. You have a right to your independence. There may be a huge fight before you can get out, but it's worth it. Otherwise, you are stuck at home still. Best wishes.
Look I'm 19 I'm going to a tech school and my mother threatens to disown me if I move in with my boyfriends and another couple at an apartment is that right? I just want to leave and never come back I don't care if she saise she will never talk to me again because if she really loved me she wouldnt say that then again I have medication I'm on and I don't have the money to pay for them what should I do for medication?
It is sad that you are trying to grow up and evolve into an independent adult but discouraged by your own mother. Perhaps her way of motivating you is as such so you would have to stay strong and consider her words as constructive criticism instead of letting them belittle you. There are many affordable storage units around where you can load your things temporarily while scouting for a twin-sharing rental room. Start small and progress gradually as you go along.
Hey, is there anything you can do to make money that wouldnt cost you any? Here is my thought...ask yourself what are you good in?? And what can you do??? Can you type? Can you market products and sell them? Do you write well? What skill(S) do you have that you could do on your own, using your own head, making your own money? You could create and then run free ads for online...do some person to person networking and push to make your sales. You would be your own boss and so you would have control of your schedule and the final results/money produced as a result of your work. I own my own business and I am constantly working to keep money flowing. Not only would beginning to build your own business bring you money now, residual time down the line, it would also allow you to ignore the ignorant mom until you can get out. If possible, get a second job. Work around the clock! I understand, to a degree, of course, what you are going through. I am a real life person going through just like the next person. I'm female, have been through a lot of crap, and have taken the control back by creating and now working on my own businesses. No one helped me. Maybe my words can help you...you seem to really want the strategic help. Keeping busy building yoru own is the best remedy when there is no immediate help/escape.
It's not easy to move out of the place you have called home and leaved for 23 years.Believe you me its the best thing to do.With growth comes responsibility and one of them is to show those around you that you can stand on your two feet. You are working hence budget your cash move out look for a house that you can pay for and with time you will buy a thing or two and the house will be full.Sometimes staying with friends brings rifts you will never understand.With time your mom will forgive you.About your papers they are your property tell her you are going for an interview and the originals are needed then keep them safely.
If your mom is making life impossible, you need to get away from her. If she steals from you, steal from her. If she's screwed your diploma to the wall, get a screw driver and unscrew it. I'm sure if you really wanted to get away, could figure it out. Though, I do understand. PTSD really does suck.
Can you descripe how living with your mother is? Maybe that'll help people answering your question. For example, not giving her all the money is something you would do, if it would be possible (unless your a m)
To the people answering your question (if she still needs an answer)
Her mother can throw her out anytime or is there a law against throwing your adult daughter out? At best, she's leaving with some of her stuff and the money of only one paycheck. Maybe she'll camp out for a while, but what would she do after that? And hoping the mother is too stupid to notice her trying to get independent can be risky, too. Get it already: She got nothing against her mother while she can only depend on her mothers mercy. And in what way is "growing up" staying at a friends house till you at least have enough money for the next few weeks?
So "staying positive and just trying" would be really stupid if her aim is to live on her own (in a safe environment) or going to college again.
I don't know any sure way to help you either. Just got mad at those "unwavering believe" posts - that may work for many people out there. And I'm happy for them. Really, it's just not working with EVERYONE. Anyway, Here are some tips. I doubt they'll be helpful but maybe you get a better idea while reading them? That be great.
1) Could you ask your boss to hold back the money for a while instead of giving it to you every week? If you would have a month's worth of money instead of your weekly paycheck when things go wrong it would be better. I don't know if there is a believable excuse for this,though, so it's a weak suggestion.
2) Can you ask for another diploma at your school? You can at least inquire if there are cases in which they hand out another original. Same goes for the other documents.
3) Maybe there's an organization that'll help victims of rape and domestic abuse. I don't know if you would go there and tell them your story just to see if they can help you get an apartment or a grant or anything at all but if you'd do everything to get away from your mother. Also you said you have PTSD - maybe you can get something over that corner.
4) Don't know about the US but there are sites where you can get a loan by posting how much money you need and what for and private persons would start loaning you small amounts of money (or the whole sum you'll need) but only if they think that you can pay it back. It actually works here and is serious. But at best you can get enough for covering your living expenses, big sums would be difficult with only your fast food job unless you are convincing or make them pitying you (not really what I'd want -.-)
5) Propably the most useless: Start a blog with a paypal account for donation and start raising money. It could be about your life, you could give advice ecetera. You wrote that you have horses and that you always wanted them, too. There are girls who don't and maybe they'll be interested in reading about it. How it is and so on. I call it useless because I don't even know if you want to talk to strangers about it in details and I don't know if horses are interesting enough to raise lots of money.
That would be all. If I come up with anything better or hear something, I'll write.
WoW! I think with the temper that you have shown here, there is a reason that you don't get along with other people. I am sure that you have real problems, but we all do. The first thing you have to do is grow up and stop pointing the finger at other people. You say you want to move, so move. Stop making excuses as to why you can't. You are a legal adult with no one but yourself to answer to. If things are that bad at "home" then go stay at a friends house until you get your money straight. Before anything can change for you, you have to change yourself. Things do not just happen, they have to be worked for. You are going to fail, just like everyone else does but if you keep the right attitude and outlook, things will turn for the better. But being someone who started life out as a 17 year old leaving home with nothing, and I do mean nothing, I know it can be done. Life is an adventure unless you look at it like a burden. When things go bad, you have to make them better. Go look in the mirror and tell yourself that you can make things better for yourself if you want to.
I am 40 years old and have 3 teenagers. I would love for them to move out. But the fact is they are still children as I suspect you are as well or you would have realized you are an adult capable of making your own decisions. As far as you helping your mom pay bills, that is what you should do. Did you think she would support you for the rest of your life? Do you feel like you are owed something? I know my kids do. After 18 and high school graduation parents have no further responsibility to there children. We wipe your butts for 3 years, let you destroy our homes for the next 10 years. Endure your teenage years and listen to how bad you think you have got it. Think of it this way, would you let someone come in to your house that you pay all the bills for and disrespect you over and over. This is what parents do day in and day out. Just tell your mom "thank you for not ringing my neck when I was a stupid inconsiderate teenager" and move out.....
