I don't hate my stepmom. However, she despises me and has led my siblings (her children) to believe that I am jealous of them...that is soooo not the case. I'm far more successful than all of them put together. She basically started a smear campaign against me at my birth...she and my dad dated and procreated before and after he was with my mom. All my life, she's been a real b^&*h!! My dad let it happen. As a result, he and I have never had a good relationship. When I was an infant, he admitted to my mom that when he gets too old to care for himself, he's going to need me. Nowadays, he's sad because I want nothing to do with him and truthfully, I'm anxiously awaiting his death so that I don't have to dodge him and entertain questions from a minute group of family members who kiss his a@#!
I am going through some very painful times with my stepson right now. It's taken me a while to realize what goes on between us, but one thing for everyone to remember is that this problem is not psychological. It is biological.
Sure we make logical reasons about why we hate who, but the problem is really rooted in the human instincts that protect us from outsiders. (After all... Isn't a step an outsider who you voluntarily or involuntarily took into the closest circle of your life?) And the only way to survive this "stephood" is to be conscious of what is working against you. (Much like psychological recovery.)
Our ancestors killed each other for lands for their "tribe". Not because they were horrid people, but so that they could survive and have enough for their clan. If someone else horned in on the territory, it was normal to force them out (once again to survive).
We view the outsider as a threat by nature to preserve our lives. (Ironic, since in stephood the instinct actually tears apart our lives.)
And in teenage years it can be particularly difficult. Part of growing to adulthood is taking off on your own and finding your identity with the help of the family. Once again, instinct dictates that we learn from the generations before us when forming our identity as an adult. This requires a very high level of trust.
So keep in mind that a teenager's brain chemistry (due to rapid hormonal change) is being tossed around like a passenger on a boat that is being piloted by a drunken sailor in a 100mph wind. Now add on top of it this attempt to form an identity when a mistrusted outsider is part of the equation. That's really damned tough.
And if the step parent is the more responsible of the two same gendered parents, that creates an awful cacophony in the brain. The instinct says "learn from the parent", but logic says "take some from the step" and think about how good you would feel?
Step parents. Stop taking it personally. You married these kids too and they wouldn't hate you so damned bad if they didn't love you too.
Step children. Your step parents are not dangerous. We love you and want only the best for you. Sure we aren't your blood. We are an outsider in your "tribe" and your natural response is normal. But be conscious of the natural response.
And to both step parents and step children. Your biological parents cannot help in this. They don't face the challenge the two of you do and they don't feel what you feel. This challenge is uniquely yours and the two of you will succeed together or fail together. Good Luck!
First, not all stepdaughters do. Next, I'd feel better if you said, "Why do stepdaughters not GET ALONG with their stepmothers?" Hate is a strong word...and probably not the right one. But you probably didn't mean it quite that way. There's lots of dynamics going on a stepdaughter/stepmother relationship that can be tough....especially if a child is a bit older when a stepmother enters the picture. First, step mom may be a bit jealous. She may have her own children, too, and just can't help feeling a little bit different about her stepdaughter, especially at first. Next, stepdaughter may be a bit jealous. She may resent that her father has remarried. She may think that her father abandoned her mother. She may wish her family was back intact again and resent the evil stepmother that's gotten in the way of that. She may have an attitude like, "You're not the boss of me!!" and resent when a stepmother tries to discipline. FATHERS are very often part of the problem. If this is YOU, you could probably use some counselling, whether you're the step mom or stepdaughter. You might try to find others that are in similar positions and see what they have to "teach" you. I wish you good luck.
All of the anger is rooted down to the up bringing of the adaults. Somewhere deep down in their subconscious realm of the mind they have a deep seeded anger towards something else and in return it effect their relationships with other people. Including their families. It sad and true all at once.
Ok first off my name is asheley I'm am a 12 year old girl who lives in texas and I HATE my step mom...let me tell you why. Bcause shes a total bytch lyke 4reals man if you met her and I'm not jelous shes fat and ugly she has a saggy butt and booobs shes 31 and she has gray hairs my dad dosnt dye his hair and shes OLD....enough about her. There was a roomer at wallmart (wear my dad works) that my dad was gunna dump her and the only reason they stayed together is because yvvone (my stepmom) got pregnat I was the only child so it hurt me for the longest time I wanted to kill that baby then I saw him dylan my baby brother he is the cutest hes a year old yvvone and my dad brian hav been together for about 4 years.....its hell when I lived with him and her I used to go to my gmaws after schwel and cry my eyes out today at school in gym I cryed she told me she was gunna kill my dad she chokes him when I'm around but next time she talks shyt to me imm kick her a** I used to DREAm about killing her and I loved the dream I have a stepsisster SHE GETS AWAY WIT EVERYTHING NOW!! But I still luv her she dosnt like her mom that much when shes mean to me she has seen me cry once and shes only 7 years old...I don't no what to do I feal like I'm lo0ssing my father no I mean my daddyy!! But my step dad oh my god hes kewl he has 3 kids his real kids: Tre dezi milia step children : ME lol :| but milia is my half sisster like dylan they r 3 years apart my mom and john which is step daddy been together for like 6 to 7 years nd I like john he used to be abusive to my mom but after he went to jail for something privite not for abusing my mom but something else he changed for the baby my mom and so I cood like him more I am wondering whatt shood I do about yvvone and my dad I need help sometime I even think about killing my self
I hate both of my stepdaughters but I have good reason. And yes, I do mean hate, if they died today it wouldn't bother me. They steal from us, we kicked the eldest out because she couldn't follow simple rules, the younger one moved out a year later and then we find out both have been talking crap behind our backs. They went and told my MIL and FIL lies about us and ended up causing a lot of issues that took months to work through. They not only steal from us but their mother too. Not that their mother is much better, they have learned all of their bad habits from her. Both kids have been gone for 2-3 years and neither calls my husband for any holiday, ie bday, fathers day, etc. The one time the youngest called on his bday and right off, no hi or anything, started screaming about how nobody loves her. He hung up. Never got a happy bday from either of them. They expect us to drop everything when they want something and the only time they call is when they want something. My husband used to hate that they didn't call but now he loves it when he doesn't hear from them. And both didn't leave home till nearly grown and moved in with their mom. The eldest dropped out of high school and the younger one has yet to graduate, she should've already. Neither can hold a job, their mother lost her house and the girls live on their own but the eldest is about to lose her appt. And the younger lives in the crack trailer park. The younger one got really mad at us because for one Christmas I gave her an Iphone, her $600 class ring, $100 gift certificate to the mall, $100 gas card, and a goody bag with hygine products she uses. She said it wasn't enough. I never said anything to her, but hubby and I talked and I told him she is so much a biatch because I spent more on her then my own two children combined! So the next year we just gave her $150 in gas cards and a Walmart card. She got mad and he told her to go jump off a bridge. Anyway, there is so much more but that should give you a clue. They are alcholics, they are druggies, they can't do anything, their places smell likee pee, they are ungrateful, they are manipulative, they lie, and I can't wait for them to just leave us alone.
