Same happened to me! I'm writing this hoping to help anyone hurt and betrayed. My b-f friend is a cameraman, which means he travels a lot! Almost every two months he goes away for 2-3 weeks. I never had any doubts is he cheating on me or not, we were best friends, soul mates, but I was very unhappy, when just after I reorganized all my life (I moved from Poland to Holland) he started to travel more that usually and more than we both expected. I was staying home alone for many days without job and friends. After few months I got sort of depression, from cheerful and happy girl I turned into always complaining and doubting woman. I started to doubt is our relationship strong enough to survive and will I manage with him being so often away. He was patient for a while but soon, he also started to doubt in us when I demanded him to quit his job and move with me to Poland. Just after another fight he went for 2 weeks to Turkey, where he met his friend. They meet every year and like each other, he told me that many years ago (when we were not 2gether) they had a one nite-stad, but since that time nothing happened. Unfortunately this year was different, our relationship was in a crisis, he wasn't sure will I be waiting for him when he comes back, she was hunting him and there was alcohol involved, they kissed! He hadn't told me, I had to start my own investigation after I noticed some kind of fear in his eyes when he came back. He seemed same loving and carrying, but when I looked in his eyes there was sth worrying. I asked him thousand times, he was lying all the time, soon I figured she was there and that sth happened between two of them, but I didn't know what and I didn't have any proof. I became obsessed in my investigation, soon I found his sms to her sent day after he came back. He said that he missed their night talks! Gosh he admitted they kissed once but nothing else, I didn't believe. Decided to leave. That was a nightmare, as an emotional person with big imagination I saw them in my mind kissing and making love. I hated him but soon I realised that maybe I'm wrong, maybe he deserves another chance and that I cannot leave like that. Maybe for the rest of my life I'll regret it. I became computer gig, checked every mail, every conversation, even restored from a disc pictures she sent him. In the end I called that girl and asked for telling me the truth. It's risky girls! You never know is it a nice girl or just a bitch that is determined to get your man by any means. I took my chance, she turned out to be a nice girl, regretting this what she did, admitting that she was hunting him, she confirmed that there was nothing apart form one pretty innocent kiss and although she wanted more, even be with him and also move to Holland, he told her all that time that it's impossible because he loves me. Our relationship has survived, moreover, we are happier that ever before. After almost three months I'm not thinking of that anymore, I stopped doubting, stopped having nightmares. We enjoy every moment spent together like never before and like never before we are sure that we want to be together does not matter whatever it takes. My b-f is even thinking of getting married and moving to Poland. He's traveling again and I'm not afraid because I know it was just about one woman, whom he liked, felt comfortable with and who was chasing him. I try to trust him again, I know he went through hell, sleepless nights and weeks of true regret. The only thing is that in October he'll see her again and I can't help it. I have a choice btw getting crazy at home and fighting with my paranoia or joining him, he says that he'd like me to go with him. I still have few months to decide.
Here are some tips girls:
-think do you still want to keep that relationship, are you ready to fight and trust again. It won't be easy you might decide after few days that it's over and you forgave, but it may come back to you, pain, doubts, tears.
-make sure that you'll sit down and talk about it, why it happened? Try to control your emotions, otherwise it will end up as a fight and that leads to nowhere.
-if you feel like, take some break to get over it, think it over, decide.
-DON'T TAKE A REVANGE! I know it's tempting, but instead of one problem you'll get two! Satisfaction lasts shortly and is followed by bitter regrets.
-try to put yourself in his position, betrayal is usually caused by a crisis, imagine yourself in a mystery time with somebody whom do you trust, like and maybe had sth in the past with, who knows what might happen, then it's easier to forgive.
-do not use it against him while having fights about sth not related to his betrayal, than it will never end, do it also for your sake.
-if you have somebody you can trust talk about it, but don't get everybody involved, it's your problem
-I know it's hard but try not to endlessly check his phone and e-mail box, stay alert but don't spy on him, you'll drive yourself crazy
-try to find your guilt in causing the crisis
-focus on your relationship but don't forget about yourself, make yourself happy
I hope I managed to help you. I know you are hurt and angry like never before. Been there done that, but trust me, the pain will go away and you'll start to smile sooner than you think. BE STRONG GIRLS!
