Hi guys got the laptop and some free time,love the question,I can truthfully say I have not had any step children but I do love all children, I have reared 2 nieces and a nephew, as a child I was always bringing other kids to our house because I felt there were things they were not getting at home, love and attention I don't feel there are any bad kids, just bad parenting,love them and teach them,they are people and our tomorrow,our future,they did not ask to come in this world just as you nor I did not ask to be born,I feel every human has something to offer they just need that guidance to attain and reach the highest heights,give then no less than you would want for yourself, as little ones they no nothing but love you can take what we might call the worst parent but that kid loves them no matter how bad someone else may think they are...This is my story and I'm sticking to it....
You must remember first that the children do have a father and a mother...and you may have stepped on toes to begin with so now we must first break the ice...become friends...a parent role and a friend together...what are your step-children's interest and make a Sunday night a family night....pizza, movies, roller skating, cards and games and then there will be times when a adult can help like with a hard school assignment...when you show that you care for the step children...it lets them know they can turn to you...and take it from me I always told my step children that the only steps in our house are the ones leading up-stairs to your bedroom...you are like my real child...and we are a family!
In my experience with step children it is not easy. HOWEVER they are children and usually have been through a lot. As children it is our duty as even their step parents to love them as our own and to treat them as our own. Some are trouble so deeply that you think you might pull your hair out. But as the adult and what the bible teaches us we must love. This means love them also. Deal with what the Lord has put in front of you with dignity, love, and respect. The step children just need to know you are there for them and love them beyond their own conception. I could write a book on this as i had two and now that me and their father are divorced we still love and respect each other. THE ONLY WAY to go is what I have suggested in loving and trying to understand them and work with their fears and frustrations. Even their downfalls as we are not perfect either. I did exactly what my step parents did not do as they were both horrible. That helped me a lot in the game of step children. They need our guidance and support and in my opinion get them in church asap no matter what the age. They live under your roof no matter the age and troubles. That is part of the household rules of mine. It turned out wonderful, however, there were days and months I thought I would just not make it with them. I prayed. ALL children are worth the world.
You have gotten many good answers. I have a few thoughts to add. First don't make the mistake of trying to be the "other mother". These children have a mother and a father. You are a special friend and advocate and the spouse of their father. But you are not the disciplinarian and not really the rule maker even though it is your house.The rules have to come from the father so you have to work this out with him. It is important that you have his support and his understanding as to how hard it is to love and tend to his children.I think you need to have an understanding with the mother if you can.My husband’s first wife was so bitter about the divorce and blamed me even though someone else broke up that marriage. She undermined me at every turn and told horrible lies about me.I sensed the anguish in my then four year old step child and I confronted it head on. I told her that she did not have to love me or even like me just because I was her dad’s wife but that she did need to show me some respect and understand that she was coming to my house and she did have to adjust to me and my children while she was there.I promised to always take good care of her and to try to make her time with me as fun as possible.I also told her that is was OK to have fun with me and my children and that she should not feel guiltyor disloyal to her mom.If the mother is sabotaging you then you need to know about it and confront that ASAP.There really is such a thing as P.A.S. Which means parental alienation syndrome.A hateful ex-spouse can really alienate the child toward the other spouse and their new partner.The sooner this is dealt with the better.
